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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kiddo on November 2, 2001, at 4:36:40
I just wanted to say hi, and although I've basically disappeared, I'm still around-just losing my mind by trying to improve it!!!
Posted by susan C on November 2, 2001, at 18:01:19
In reply to Hello, posted by kiddo on November 2, 2001, at 4:36:40
> I just wanted to say hi, and although I've basically disappeared, I'm still around-just losing my mind by trying to improve it!!!
Hi, Hi,
so break is coming up...have anything planned. Glad to hear you are hanging in there
mouse cruisingk
susan C
Posted by Kristi on November 4, 2001, at 0:37:58
In reply to Hello, posted by kiddo on November 2, 2001, at 4:36:40
> I just wanted to say hi, and although I've basically disappeared, I'm still around-just losing my mind by trying to improve it!!!
En route to improvement???? Glad you checked in... hope your doing ok.
Posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 0:58:54
In reply to Re: Hello, posted by susan C on November 2, 2001, at 18:01:19
> Hi, Hi,
>
> so break is coming up...have anything planned. Glad to hear you are hanging in there
>
> mouse cruisingk
> susan C
Well, actually I'm not hanging in there. It happened really fast, crashing, it's been awhile too. I thought my meds had finally stabilized the cycles, but I guess not. My plans are to just get through the holidays that I hate anymore-
Posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 1:00:41
In reply to Re: Hello, posted by Kristi on November 4, 2001, at 0:37:58
> > I just wanted to say hi, and although I've basically disappeared, I'm still around-just losing my mind by trying to improve it!!!
>
> En route to improvement???? Glad you checked in... hope your doing ok.I'm trying but it's getting so hard again-It hit me yesterday-to make a long story short I feel like it's never gonna end.
Posted by Kristi on November 4, 2001, at 1:38:36
In reply to Re: Hello, posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 1:00:41
> > > I just wanted to say hi, and although I've basically disappeared, I'm still around-just losing my mind by trying to improve it!!!
> >
> > En route to improvement???? Glad you checked in... hope your doing ok.
>
> I'm trying but it's getting so hard again-It hit me yesterday-to make a long story short I feel like it's never gonna end.It WILL end.... at least some of the intensity will go away if you hang in their. Your married right? Is your husband in any way supportive? I wish I had the perfect words in situations like this.... but I hope you can maybe take comfort in knowing I know how you feel. I wish I had a little magic wand..... to help you with.
I also can relate when you brought up the holidays. Am totally dreading it. We'll all have to try and get thru them together.Pleeeeeeeeeease hang in there. P.s. When is your next pdoc appt?
Posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 1:42:03
In reply to Re: Hello » kiddo, posted by Kristi on November 4, 2001, at 1:38:36
It WILL end.... at least some of the intensity will go away if you hang in their. Your married right? Is your husband in any way supportive? I wish I had the perfect words in situations like this.... but I hope you can maybe take comfort in knowing I know how you feel. I wish I had a little magic wand..... to help you with.
> I also can relate when you brought up the holidays. Am totally dreading it. We'll all have to try and get thru them together.
>
> Pleeeeeeeeeease hang in there. P.s. When is your next pdoc appt?My husband is a lot more supportive than he used to be, however, it doesn't seem to be working much. My next appt is next Wednesday, but, I'm not sure I'm even going to go. I'm not really sure I see a reason to at this point. I feel like he's abandoned me too.
Posted by Kristi on November 4, 2001, at 11:57:42
In reply to Re: Hello » Kristi, posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 1:42:03
> It WILL end.... at least some of the intensity will go away if you hang in their. Your married right? Is your husband in any way supportive? I wish I had the perfect words in situations like this.... but I hope you can maybe take comfort in knowing I know how you feel. I wish I had a little magic wand..... to help you with.
> > I also can relate when you brought up the holidays. Am totally dreading it. We'll all have to try and get thru them together.
> >
> > Pleeeeeeeeeease hang in there. P.s. When is your next pdoc appt?
>
> My husband is a lot more supportive than he used to be, however, it doesn't seem to be working much. My next appt is next Wednesday, but, I'm not sure I'm even going to go. I'm not really sure I see a reason to at this point. I feel like he's abandoned me too.
I totally understand why you feel that way... but you really have to go!! You know that! It's a step you need to take right now to get your life back. Please............?
Posted by Willow on November 4, 2001, at 12:01:40
In reply to Re: Hello » Kristi, posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 1:42:03
Kiddo
Were you taking some courses? Just wondering, I've been doing alot of this lately.
You go to the appointment on Wednesday even if it is just to sit there. If you can manage, discuss your feelings of abandonment.
This autumn seems to have been a rough one, especially for my American cyber friends. If I were the Surgeon General I would prescibe for the next two days that everyone do as little as possible.
Willow
Posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 14:56:17
In reply to Re: Hello, posted by Kristi on November 4, 2001, at 11:57:42
Pleeeeeeeeeease hang in there. P.s. When is your next pdoc appt?My husband is a lot more supportive than he used to be, however, it doesn't seem to be working much. My next appt is next Wednesday, but, I'm not sure I'm even going to go. I'm not really sure I see a reason to at this point. I feel like he's abandoned me too.
I totally understand why you feel that way... but you really have to go!! You know that! It's a step you need to take right now to get your life back. Please............?
You know, I usually have a pretty good answer for everything, but I don't know how to answer this one. Except for the fact that it hasn't made much of a difference since March when all of this junk started.I seem to have lost all trust in the health/medical system, I have no one to help me with the ex-partner problem, and not strong enough to do it on my own. I can't even get anyone to advise me on what to do...
I truly feel like giving up-not paying their bogus charges, just forgetting about it and let them take whatever action they want-I don't care anymore. Sad isn't it?
Posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 15:02:37
In reply to Ouch ..., posted by Willow on November 4, 2001, at 12:01:40
> Kiddo
>
> Were you taking some courses? Just wondering, I've been doing alot of this lately.
>
Yes, I was taking two courses-but can't deal with them due to all of the stress. It really bothers me too, but it's better than failing it altogether.> You go to the appointment on Wednesday even if it is just to sit there. If you can manage, discuss your feelings of abandonment.
>I'm not sure what the point would be in going to an appointment to just sit there, when I can do that at home, I'd rather be lying in bed. If I talk about my feelings of abandonment-he'd just tell me that I'm projecting, that it isn't true, yada, yada, yada. Besides, I really don't WANT to talk about it-I'm basically all talked out. I don't want to talk to anyone-can't figure out why I'm doing it here.....
> This autumn seems to have been a rough one, especially for my American cyber friends. If I were the Surgeon General I would prescibe for the next two days that everyone do as little as possible.
>I wish I were a bear so I could just hibernate-except for a couple of years....
> Willow
Posted by Mair on November 4, 2001, at 17:05:56
In reply to Re: Ouch ..., posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 15:02:37
Kiddo - when I least want to talk is usually when I most need to. If this guy is worth anything, he'll be fine with your inability or lack of desire to communicate - but it's important that he know what's up with you even if that's demonstrated in the most silent way.
Mair
Posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 22:07:46
In reply to Re: Ouch ... » kiddo, posted by Mair on November 4, 2001, at 17:05:56
> Kiddo - when I least want to talk is usually when I most need to. If this guy is worth anything, he'll be fine with your inability or lack of desire to communicate - but it's important that he know what's up with you even if that's demonstrated in the most silent way.
>
> MairYou are probably right, however, wouldn't it be just as effective to send him an email, saying I don't feel like going and don't want to talk? He will pick up on it, that's the problem because he'll GET me talking, and I don't want to talk to him about it. I need you guys because you are impartial, and most likely have been there at one point.
Posted by galtin on November 5, 2001, at 8:07:06
In reply to Re: Hello » kiddo, posted by Kristi on November 4, 2001, at 1:38:36
> > > > I just wanted to say hi, and although I've basically disappeared, I'm still around-just losing my mind by trying to improve it!!!
> > >
> > > En route to improvement???? Glad you checked in... hope your doing ok.
> >
> > I'm trying but it's getting so hard again-It hit me yesterday-to make a long story short I feel like it's never gonna end.
>
>
>
> It WILL end.... at least some of the intensity will go away if you hang in their. Your married right? Is your husband in any way supportive? I wish I had the perfect words in situations like this.... but I hope you can maybe take comfort in knowing I know how you feel. I wish I had a little magic wand..... to help you with.
> I also can relate when you brought up the holidays. Am totally dreading it. We'll all have to try and get thru them together.
>
> Pleeeeeeeeeease hang in there. P.s. When is your next pdoc appt?
Adding my two cents to Kristi's two cents. Don't give up, Kiddo. I have felt what you describe several times and for lengths of time that felt forever--six months, eight months, ten months. Somebody I knew during the eight month siege, somebody who seemed never to have been depressed for even a day in his life, asked, "So depession makes you pretty depressed, huh?" I was trying to figure the question out but he reformulated, "So, depression makes you feel negative."I had not response at the time. Later I thought about it and realized that for me, anyway, depression never made me feel anything. Depression did not lead me to despair. It WAS despair and hopelessness and of such an intensity that there was no external perspective from which to examine it.
Sometimes I did give up. I gave up trying to function, I gave us trying to fight the depression, and would just give myself to it. I am not sure just what the hell this means, but it helped me survive. Plus there were people who reminded me that I was ill, after all, and that
my present perceptions were distorted by disease.
A friend told me that I had to promise not to harm myself while my judgement was marred by depression. He said I had an obligation to make this weighty decision on the basis of sound mental health. That was too complicated for me to understand at the time.I hope you go to the doctor on Wednesday. I felt just as you do numerous times;even when my doctor could not do much for me, it was some desperate act of hopefulness to get myself there.
Where I live in the Northeast we are enjoying the third gorgeous day in a row. The colors are slightly past peak, but there are still beautiful trees all over. When I was depressed I struggled to maintain some connection with the external world and this has since become one guard against future relapses. I hope that there is something pretty and reviving for you to look at.
And don't surrender to your present state of mind. Your feelings are not facts. Your despair, if it is like mine, is opportunistic and will sieze on any negative thoughts in order to secure its position.
Good luck with your doctor. At least he apparently listens.
galtin
Posted by Mair on November 5, 2001, at 10:18:19
In reply to Re: Ouch ... » Mair, posted by kiddo on November 4, 2001, at 22:07:46
>
> "You are probably right, however, wouldn't it be just as effective to send him an email, saying I don't feel like going and don't want to talk?"Kiddo - most of the time I'd end up going because i couldn't figure out what to say on the phone and, even in my worst state, couldn't resort to just not showing up. I'd show up because that took the least amount of action on my part. I can't remember a time when i was really sorry i went even if I ended up talking about something that I really didn't want to talk about, or for that matter, ended up talking very little. It seems to me that you really don't have anything to lose by going - you may end up talking in a way that's helpful, or you just sit there mute. If you don't go at all, you've foreclosed a potentially valuable option.
Please go.Mair
Posted by kiddo on November 5, 2001, at 19:21:23
In reply to Re: Hello Kiddo Kristi, posted by galtin on November 5, 2001, at 8:07:06
Snipped mine for space...
> > It WILL end.... at least some of the intensity will go away if you hang in their. Your married right? Is your husband in any way supportive? I wish I had the perfect words in situations like this.... but I hope you can maybe take comfort in knowing I know how you feel. I wish I had a little magic wand..... to help you with.
> > I also can relate when you brought up the holidays. Am totally dreading it. We'll all have to try and get thru them together.
> >
> > Pleeeeeeeeeease hang in there. P.s. When is your next pdoc appt?
>
>
>
>
> Adding my two cents to Kristi's two cents. Don't give up, Kiddo. I have felt what you describe several times and for lengths of time that felt forever--six months, eight months, ten months. Somebody I knew during the eight month siege, somebody who seemed never to have been depressed for even a day in his life, asked, "So depession makes you pretty depressed, huh?" I was trying to figure the question out but he reformulated, "So, depression makes you feel negative."
>
yes, it does make a difference when you are surrounded by people that have never 'been there'. It also makes a difference when you have to keep up with your responsibilities (is that right? there seem to be an awful lot of i's in there). I do all of the office part of my husband's business, and must say that I'm getting behind at this point.
> I had not response at the time. Later I thought about it and realized that for me, anyway, depression never made me feel anything. Depression did not lead me to despair. It WAS despair and hopelessness and of such an intensity that there was no external perspective from which to examine it.
>
I also feel that way-but my feelings change so much while I'm depressed. Sometimes I'm so down and 'sad' for lack of a better word, that I can't function. Other times, I can't feel anything because of it. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm also able to mask it pretty well. People don't realize how intense it is, because I've dealt with it so long.
> Sometimes I did give up. I gave up trying to function, I gave us trying to fight the depression, and would just give myself to it. I am not sure just what the hell this means, but it helped me survive. Plus there were people who reminded me that I was ill, after all, and that
> my present perceptions were distorted by disease.
> A friend told me that I had to promise not to harm myself while my judgement was marred by depression. He said I had an obligation to make this weighty decision on the basis of sound mental health. That was too complicated for me to understand at the time.
I do know what you are talking about, and agree with you, except that last part....How can you make a decision on the basis of sound mental health if you are not 'sound' in mental health?Another problem is that I have no friends here, except when they want something. When I need something, or just want to talk-not necessarily about anything-just 'chat', no one has time, or wants to be bothered-they don't need anything. I wish I had one friend that would chat about a funny movie, how the Chiefs are lousy this year, the fact that it's still awesome here considering it's October, that will listen when I need to vent about no one picking up after themselves, or why the washer decided to stop working in the middle of the wash cycle. As well as the times, I need to hear it will be ok, even though it looks as if there's no hope....I'll stop there, I'm sure you get the drift.... Sometimes it would be nice to hear a person's voice on the phone, not reading text, if you know what I mean....I don't know, maybe I'm being trivial....
> I hope you go to the doctor on Wednesday. I felt just as you do numerous times;even when my doctor could not do much for me, it was some desperate act of hopefulness to get myself there.
>Well, I think I will, unless he cancels, he had a patient die, so I'm not really sure. I do need to go, and I know that, because he does listen, even when I don't say a word, he knows me that well. He can look at me, and pretty much tell if something is bothering me...and pretty much nail down what it is...I really appreciate that with him.
> Where I live in the Northeast we are enjoying the third gorgeous day in a row. The colors are slightly past peak, but there are still beautiful trees all over. When I was depressed I struggled to maintain some connection with the external world and this has since become one guard against future relapses. I hope that there is something pretty and reviving for you to look at.
>
> And don't surrender to your present state of mind. Your feelings are not facts. Your despair, if it is like mine, is opportunistic and will sieze on any negative thoughts in order to secure its position.
>
> Good luck with your doctor. At least he apparently listens.
>I really appreciate the kind words, they do mean a lot...I won't say much here because I've said so much already, but I am greatful for your comments and concern.
> galtin
Kiddo
Posted by kiddo on November 5, 2001, at 19:23:22
In reply to Re: Ouch ... » kiddo, posted by Mair on November 5, 2001, at 10:18:19
> >
> > "You are probably right, however, wouldn't it be just as effective to send him an email, saying I don't feel like going and don't want to talk?"
>
> Kiddo - most of the time I'd end up going because i couldn't figure out what to say on the phone and, even in my worst state, couldn't resort to just not showing up. I'd show up because that took the least amount of action on my part. I can't remember a time when i was really sorry i went even if I ended up talking about something that I really didn't want to talk about, or for that matter, ended up talking very little. It seems to me that you really don't have anything to lose by going - you may end up talking in a way that's helpful, or you just sit there mute. If you don't go at all, you've foreclosed a potentially valuable option.
>
>
> Please go.
>
> MairYou are so correct, I feel like we could be related. I think I'll go if circumstances allow. See my previous post, replying to galtin
Posted by Mair on November 5, 2001, at 20:07:39
In reply to Re: Ouch ... » Mair, posted by kiddo on November 5, 2001, at 19:23:22
Kiddo
What's with the friends piece of this? Are you in a new place? Do you have kids? I'm sorry I can't remember. I have friends with whom i can share the kind of stuff you're talking about - it's just that if I want to do that, it's usually up to me to initiate that call. What i don't have are friends who know what I go through the rest of the time, and I wish it wasn't usually up to me to call first. Maybe you and i just don't know how to let people know what we need.
Thanks for hanging in there and let us know how things go on Wed.
Mair
Posted by kiddo on November 5, 2001, at 20:13:23
In reply to Re: Ouch - Kiddo ..., posted by Mair on November 5, 2001, at 20:07:39
Actually, I've lived here since 1987. I have a daughter and two sons, going to be a grandma (I'm only 32-33 this month) stepsons, before you ask. I'm also agoraphobic, so it's really hard to go DO things, if you know what I mean. I'll let you know how it goes if I get there-he may have to cancel. No one around here wants to just 'chat'-when I do tell them, they don't have time, etc...
Kiddo
> Kiddo
>
> What's with the friends piece of this? Are you in a new place? Do you have kids? I'm sorry I can't remember. I have friends with whom i can share the kind of stuff you're talking about - it's just that if I want to do that, it's usually up to me to initiate that call. What i don't have are friends who know what I go through the rest of the time, and I wish it wasn't usually up to me to call first. Maybe you and i just don't know how to let people know what we need.
>
> Thanks for hanging in there and let us know how things go on Wed.
>
> Mair
Posted by Mair on November 6, 2001, at 21:00:21
In reply to Re: Ouch - Kiddo ... » Mair, posted by kiddo on November 5, 2001, at 20:13:23
> Kiddo - I'm sorry I didn't know about the agoraphobia. That's got to make things especially difficult. The casual "shoot the shit" kind of conversation that you're missing so much comes for me in the grocery store or most likely on the sidelines or in the bleachers watching some kid's game. While I sometimes feel I lack the kind of friend I can have deeper conversations with, these other conversations are very important also and it's unfortunate that you don't get much of that. Are there other couples that you could invite in? I know that brings with it a level of stress also, but it can be good for casual conversation.
Mair
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