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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cindylou on August 29, 2001, at 13:48:29
Hi,
This is my first post to Psycho-Social Babble -- I'm usually in the medication section.And this might be too weighty of a topic, I'm not sure. But I am having a difficult time deciding whether to have another baby or not ... I thought it might help to ask some people who may have been in my position before.
I'm 37 years old, and have a 21-month old daughter. I really want her to have a brother or sister, and can't wait too long to decide what to do (since I'm getting up there in years.)
I've had chronic depression for several years and have been treated with medication for about 12 years. When I was pregnant, I got off the medications and did fine, until shortly after I delivered my baby. Then I suffered horrible postpartum depression and anxiety. I had a terrible time getting back on medications -- I was extra sensitive to everything. Just now, I'm starting to feel human again.
SO ... I am trying to decide ... should I go through it all again? Would it be fair to the new baby and my toddler if I go through the postpartum mess again? (I most likely will, according to research. Plus, it's supposed to get worse after each pregnancy.) I don't feel comfortable staying on meds while I'm pregnant -- I had a miscarriage when I was on Zoloft and Wellbutrin, even though I got off the meds as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I'm currently on Prozac and Wellbutrin.
My other option is adoption -- but would it be difficult on the kids if one is adopted and one isn't?
Thanks for letting me pour this out to you. I appreciate opinions, experiences, advice, whatever.
-cindy
Posted by Diane J. on August 29, 2001, at 17:46:40
In reply to looking for opinions, advice on having a baby..., posted by Cindylou on August 29, 2001, at 13:48:29
Hmmm... this is a difficult question, but I will give you my thoughts for what they're worth. I have two daughters who are now 14 and 10 years old. After I had the first one I was absolutely petrified at the thought of having another. I was not on medication then, but I was extremely anxious and did end up suffering from postpartum depression.
When I got pregnant with my second child, I was very upset because I was so afraid that I would experience that depression again and the horrible anxiety. Well, I put that fear aside, eventually, and I gave birth to a beautiful, sweet little girl. This time I did not suffer the horrendous depression as I had after my first child.
I think the reason for this is that the situation was different. I had been through a pregnancy and infancy and toddlerhood before and I was better prepared for all the challenging situations. Also, Baby #2 was an "easy" baby, always smiling and good about taking naps! My older daughter was 4 years old and she was big enough to help out. My husband was also a big source of support, and he was more confident of his parenting abilities this time.
I think if you decide to have another baby it would probably be a good idea to know there is someone who can help you out. I mean, maybe there is someone who can babysit once in a while so you get some time to yourself, or maybe there is someone who also has young children who you could get together with on a regular basis. It helps to know you are not alone, that you are not the only one having those feelings.
I cannot claim to have been anxiety and depression-free, but it was not debilitating the second time around. I wish you the best in making your decision.
Diane J.
> Hi,
> This is my first post to Psycho-Social Babble -- I'm usually in the medication section.
>
> And this might be too weighty of a topic, I'm not sure. But I am having a difficult time deciding whether to have another baby or not ... I thought it might help to ask some people who may have been in my position before.
>
> I'm 37 years old, and have a 21-month old daughter. I really want her to have a brother or sister, and can't wait too long to decide what to do (since I'm getting up there in years.)
>
> I've had chronic depression for several years and have been treated with medication for about 12 years. When I was pregnant, I got off the medications and did fine, until shortly after I delivered my baby. Then I suffered horrible postpartum depression and anxiety. I had a terrible time getting back on medications -- I was extra sensitive to everything. Just now, I'm starting to feel human again.
>
> SO ... I am trying to decide ... should I go through it all again? Would it be fair to the new baby and my toddler if I go through the postpartum mess again? (I most likely will, according to research. Plus, it's supposed to get worse after each pregnancy.) I don't feel comfortable staying on meds while I'm pregnant -- I had a miscarriage when I was on Zoloft and Wellbutrin, even though I got off the meds as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I'm currently on Prozac and Wellbutrin.
>
> My other option is adoption -- but would it be difficult on the kids if one is adopted and one isn't?
>
> Thanks for letting me pour this out to you. I appreciate opinions, experiences, advice, whatever.
>
> -cindy
Posted by Krazy Kat on August 30, 2001, at 14:09:15
In reply to Re: looking for opinions, advice on having a baby. » Cindylou, posted by Diane J. on August 29, 2001, at 17:46:40
Posted by Cindylou on August 30, 2001, at 17:56:07
In reply to Re: looking for opinions, advice on having a baby. » Cindylou, posted by Diane J. on August 29, 2001, at 17:46:40
Hi Diane,
Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. You gave me a lot of encouragement and hope.... it is true that a lot of my postpartum anxiety was due to the fact that I had NO IDEA what I was doing!!! I was so afraid I was going to do something wrong; I had never really cared for an infant before. Now that I know I'm capable of taking care of a baby (i.e., she made it to 21 months at least!) I think it would alleviate a lot of the anguish.You also helped me realize that I don't really have to rush into a decision; I could possibly wait another year. Now that things are smoothing out and the medication seems to be working, at least I could get a good year under my belt before diving into the scary "hormonal unknown" again. I kept thinking that my daughter needed a brother or sister soon -- but a four year difference in age sounds appealing. She would probably be able to be more welcoming of a new baby then, and able to help out, as you mentioned your oldest daughter did. And I'd be 38 or 39 ... not TOO old to have a baby these days!
I have been making some friends who have young children, and it does help having other moms to bounce things off of... however, I am not close enough to any of them to tell them of my mood disorder issue. It would help so much if I had a friend to confide in, who would still accept me for me. That's why this board is such a blessing.
Thanks again for your time and support!
fondly,
cindy
> Hmmm... this is a difficult question, but I will give you my thoughts for what they're worth. I have two daughters who are now 14 and 10 years old. After I had the first one I was absolutely petrified at the thought of having another. I was not on medication then, but I was extremely anxious and did end up suffering from postpartum depression.
>
> When I got pregnant with my second child, I was very upset because I was so afraid that I would experience that depression again and the horrible anxiety. Well, I put that fear aside, eventually, and I gave birth to a beautiful, sweet little girl. This time I did not suffer the horrendous depression as I had after my first child.
>
> I think the reason for this is that the situation was different. I had been through a pregnancy and infancy and toddlerhood before and I was better prepared for all the challenging situations. Also, Baby #2 was an "easy" baby, always smiling and good about taking naps! My older daughter was 4 years old and she was big enough to help out. My husband was also a big source of support, and he was more confident of his parenting abilities this time.
>
> I think if you decide to have another baby it would probably be a good idea to know there is someone who can help you out. I mean, maybe there is someone who can babysit once in a while so you get some time to yourself, or maybe there is someone who also has young children who you could get together with on a regular basis. It helps to know you are not alone, that you are not the only one having those feelings.
>
> I cannot claim to have been anxiety and depression-free, but it was not debilitating the second time around. I wish you the best in making your decision.
>
> Diane J.
>
>
> > Hi,
> > This is my first post to Psycho-Social Babble -- I'm usually in the medication section.
> >
> > And this might be too weighty of a topic, I'm not sure. But I am having a difficult time deciding whether to have another baby or not ... I thought it might help to ask some people who may have been in my position before.
> >
> > I'm 37 years old, and have a 21-month old daughter. I really want her to have a brother or sister, and can't wait too long to decide what to do (since I'm getting up there in years.)
> >
> > I've had chronic depression for several years and have been treated with medication for about 12 years. When I was pregnant, I got off the medications and did fine, until shortly after I delivered my baby. Then I suffered horrible postpartum depression and anxiety. I had a terrible time getting back on medications -- I was extra sensitive to everything. Just now, I'm starting to feel human again.
> >
> > SO ... I am trying to decide ... should I go through it all again? Would it be fair to the new baby and my toddler if I go through the postpartum mess again? (I most likely will, according to research. Plus, it's supposed to get worse after each pregnancy.) I don't feel comfortable staying on meds while I'm pregnant -- I had a miscarriage when I was on Zoloft and Wellbutrin, even though I got off the meds as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I'm currently on Prozac and Wellbutrin.
> >
> > My other option is adoption -- but would it be difficult on the kids if one is adopted and one isn't?
> >
> > Thanks for letting me pour this out to you. I appreciate opinions, experiences, advice, whatever.
> >
> > -cindy
Posted by Cindylou on August 30, 2001, at 17:57:20
In reply to See some comments in susan's post below (nm), posted by Krazy Kat on August 30, 2001, at 14:09:15
Thanks Kat for this post ... I would probably have missed Susan's message, and yours, otherwise :)
-cindy
Posted by NikkiT2 on August 31, 2001, at 16:37:05
In reply to looking for opinions, advice on having a baby..., posted by Cindylou on August 29, 2001, at 13:48:29
I may only be 26, but this is also on my mind heavily. My husband and I, ever since we met, have known when we want tos tat trying, and that time gets closer and closer. Now I am not sure whetther I am in a good pposition to be a parent, and I ever will be... If i say no to children I would also most likely lose my husband.
Only you know how you feel at the moment, and whether you think that between you and the babies father you can raise another child in a good way. You are already raising one, and probabl,y do a totally fab job of it.
If you are worried about the post partum dperession, how about starting treament as soon as you have given birth to help prevent the onset of pp.
Only an idea, but I think a child would be worth this no?
Good luck
Nikki xx
Posted by Wendy B. on August 31, 2001, at 23:46:45
In reply to Re: looking for opinions, advice on having a baby..., posted by NikkiT2 on August 31, 2001, at 16:37:05
> I may only be 26, but this is also on my mind heavily. My husband and I, ever since we met, have known when we want tos tat trying, and that time gets closer and closer. Now I am not sure whetther I am in a good pposition to be a parent, and I ever will be... If i say no to children I would also most likely lose my husband.
>
> Only you know how you feel at the moment, and whether you think that between you and the babies father you can raise another child in a good way. You are already raising one, and probabl,y do a totally fab job of it.
>
> If you are worried about the post partum dperession, how about starting treament as soon as you have given birth to help prevent the onset of pp.
>
> Only an idea, but I think a child would be worth this no?
>
> Good luck
>
> Nikki xx
Cindy,
I agree with the things Nikki says - you don't have to nurse the baby, so could go on the meds right after the baby is born. Also, monitoring your moods during the pregnancy, via therapy, would probably be a good idea.If you've found baby #1 so rewarding, and you talk about it as though you have, surely your #2 will be wonderful too. Different, because all children are, but equally wonderful. If you think your child should have a sibling, then you're probably right. You'll never regret having another child, but if you don't do it because of your worries, you could regret it for a lifetime...
There are no guarantees in life, for anyone. So you may pass a *susceptibility* to your illness to your children, but you may not. Even if you do, isn't life still worth living, and wouldn't it be for them as well, even though they might become ill? Look at all of us, struggling every day, but keepin' on keepin' on, looking for beauty where/when we can, through it all. Does this make any sense?
Another thing: you'd know what to look for if your child did become ill, and you'd be better able to help them get any treatment they might need.
Hope some of this helps...
Wendy
Posted by Cindylou on September 1, 2001, at 7:01:01
In reply to Re:..advice on having a baby, Cindy » NikkiT2, posted by Wendy B. on August 31, 2001, at 23:46:45
Dear Wendy,
Your post brought tears to my eyes -- good tears! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Everything you said makes sense to me.
cindy>
> Cindy,
> I agree with the things Nikki says - you don't have to nurse the baby, so could go on the meds right after the baby is born. Also, monitoring your moods during the pregnancy, via therapy, would probably be a good idea.
>
> If you've found baby #1 so rewarding, and you talk about it as though you have, surely your #2 will be wonderful too. Different, because all children are, but equally wonderful. If you think your child should have a sibling, then you're probably right. You'll never regret having another child, but if you don't do it because of your worries, you could regret it for a lifetime...
>
> There are no guarantees in life, for anyone. So you may pass a *susceptibility* to your illness to your children, but you may not. Even if you do, isn't life still worth living, and wouldn't it be for them as well, even though they might become ill? Look at all of us, struggling every day, but keepin' on keepin' on, looking for beauty where/when we can, through it all. Does this make any sense?
>
> Another thing: you'd know what to look for if your child did become ill, and you'd be better able to help them get any treatment they might need.
>
> Hope some of this helps...
>
> Wendy
Posted by Cindylou on September 1, 2001, at 7:03:40
In reply to Re: looking for opinions, advice on having a baby..., posted by NikkiT2 on August 31, 2001, at 16:37:05
Dear Nikki,
You're so right. Yes, a child is worth it all. Thank you for your kind words, and I wish the best to you. I can tell that you would make a wonderful parent.
-cindy
> I may only be 26, but this is also on my mind heavily. My husband and I, ever since we met, have known when we want tos tat trying, and that time gets closer and closer. Now I am not sure whetther I am in a good pposition to be a parent, and I ever will be... If i say no to children I would also most likely lose my husband.
>
> Only you know how you feel at the moment, and whether you think that between you and the babies father you can raise another child in a good way. You are already raising one, and probabl,y do a totally fab job of it.
>
> If you are worried about the post partum dperession, how about starting treament as soon as you have given birth to help prevent the onset of pp.
>
> Only an idea, but I think a child would be worth this no?
>
> Good luck
>
> Nikki xx
Posted by susan C on September 1, 2001, at 12:54:15
In reply to Re:..advice on having a baby » Wendy B., posted by Cindylou on September 1, 2001, at 7:01:01
> Only an idea, but I think a child would be worth this no?
Yes.
>sc
>
> >
> > Cindy,
> > I agree with the things Nikki says - you don't have to nurse the baby, so could go on the meds right after the baby is born. Also, monitoring your moods during the pregnancy, via therapy, would probably be a good idea.
> >
> > If you've found baby #1 so rewarding, and you talk about it as though you have, surely your #2 will be wonderful too. Different, because all children are, but equally wonderful. If you think your child should have a sibling, then you're probably right. You'll never regret having another child, but if you don't do it because of your worries, you could regret it for a lifetime...
> >
> > There are no guarantees in life, for anyone. So you may pass a *susceptibility* to your illness to your children, but you may not. Even if you do, isn't life still worth living, and wouldn't it be for them as well, even though they might become ill? Look at all of us, struggling every day, but keepin' on keepin' on, looking for beauty where/when we can, through it all. Does this make any sense?
> >
> > Another thing: you'd know what to look for if your child did become ill, and you'd be better able to help them get any treatment they might need.
> >
> > Hope some of this helps...
> >
> > Wendy
Posted by Mair on September 1, 2001, at 22:33:57
In reply to Only an idea, posted by susan C on September 1, 2001, at 12:54:15
> >Cindylou - I think Wendy is right, we do all sort of muddle along pretty well at times. When I have raised the issue of my children's "susceptability" with my therapist she has pointed out 1) that this is somethiing that I will not necessarily pass along, and 2) they are continually developing new and better treatments. Children can be so enriching that if this is something that you and your husband otherwise want, you should not allow depression to stand in your way.
Mair
Posted by Wendy B. on September 2, 2001, at 11:07:14
In reply to Re:..advice on having a baby » Wendy B., posted by Cindylou on September 1, 2001, at 7:01:01
Hey Cindy!
Glad to help you think about these things, I'm just a baby kinda person, when it comes right down to it. My child is the most beautiful addition to the world I could have ever hoped for. Would have loved to have another, but... I'm 41, and don't see it on the horizon right now. Those eggs and estrogen have their own little timetable, and we are just their pawns...
So, give us the update when you come to your final decision...
Would love to have an on-line baby shower, maybe the first of its kind? hee-hee.
Giddily,
W.
> Dear Wendy,
> Your post brought tears to my eyes -- good tears! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Everything you said makes sense to me.
> cindy
>
>
>
> >
> > Cindy,
> > I agree with the things Nikki says - you don't have to nurse the baby, so could go on the meds right after the baby is born. Also, monitoring your moods during the pregnancy, via therapy, would probably be a good idea.
> >
> > If you've found baby #1 so rewarding, and you talk about it as though you have, surely your #2 will be wonderful too. Different, because all children are, but equally wonderful. If you think your child should have a sibling, then you're probably right. You'll never regret having another child, but if you don't do it because of your worries, you could regret it for a lifetime...
> >
> > There are no guarantees in life, for anyone. So you may pass a *susceptibility* to your illness to your children, but you may not. Even if you do, isn't life still worth living, and wouldn't it be for them as well, even though they might become ill? Look at all of us, struggling every day, but keepin' on keepin' on, looking for beauty where/when we can, through it all. Does this make any sense?
> >
> > Another thing: you'd know what to look for if your child did become ill, and you'd be better able to help them get any treatment they might need.
> >
> > Hope some of this helps...
> >
> > Wendy
Posted by judy1 on September 6, 2001, at 20:10:38
In reply to looking for opinions, advice on having a baby..., posted by Cindylou on August 29, 2001, at 13:48:29
Hi,
I was going to stay out of this because I am going through so many fears right now (which my ob/gyn informs me all Moms do whatever their dx or non-dx) I had multiple m/c after the birth of my son and now am the furthest along I've been since his birth. The only med I stayed on in the 1st trimester was klonopin because I couldn't make it without it, and have taken depakote and zyprexa when necessary. The positive is a normal amnio and the negative is fighting my episodes of mania and depression. But I wouldn't trade any of this for the first sight of that much loved baby when she! is born. I will deal with the problems when/if they occur. I had a psychotic depressive episode with my first child and my treating physicians are ready for any signs with this one. Please don't let your fears prevent you from bringing more love into your family's life- judy
Posted by Cindylou on September 6, 2001, at 20:40:23
In reply to Re: looking for opinions, advice on having a baby... » Cindylou, posted by judy1 on September 6, 2001, at 20:10:38
Dear Judy,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It means a lot -- I never looked at having a baby as "bringing more love into our family" -- but you are so right! Thanks again.And ... I'm so happy for you, that your amnio turned out normal and that you're having a little girl! I'll never forget what a relief it after my amnio, to find out everything was okay.
I admire your courage and honesty. Best wishes to you! Keep us posted...
-cindy
> Hi,
> I was going to stay out of this because I am going through so many fears right now (which my ob/gyn informs me all Moms do whatever their dx or non-dx) I had multiple m/c after the birth of my son and now am the furthest along I've been since his birth. The only med I stayed on in the 1st trimester was klonopin because I couldn't make it without it, and have taken depakote and zyprexa when necessary. The positive is a normal amnio and the negative is fighting my episodes of mania and depression. But I wouldn't trade any of this for the first sight of that much loved baby when she! is born. I will deal with the problems when/if they occur. I had a psychotic depressive episode with my first child and my treating physicians are ready for any signs with this one. Please don't let your fears prevent you from bringing more love into your family's life- judy
This is the end of the thread.
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