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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dubya on March 22, 2001, at 23:44:33
I think I am figuring myself out... whenever I feel left out from a group or those around me, I resort to hurting myself, blaming myself, trying to 'please' others in order to be accepted. Yet, social drinking/smoking is not done by me. Basically, I drinking once in a while for the sake of getting 1 or 2 bottles of beer into my system.
Posted by dreamer on March 23, 2001, at 22:45:25
In reply to Are Humans pack animals?, posted by Dubya on March 22, 2001, at 23:44:33
> I think I am figuring myself out... whenever I feel left out from a group or those around me, I resort to hurting myself, blaming myself, trying to 'please' others in order to be accepted. Yet, social drinking/smoking is not done by me. Basically, I drinking once in a while for the sake of getting 1 or 2 bottles of beer into my system.
I'm human most of the time and wasted alot of time suffering the anxiety of conforming,of being liked i didn't suffer with loneliness alone just with other people. Have you seen 'The Prisoner' it's on sci-fi at the moment .
Posted by Dubya on March 24, 2001, at 23:42:26
In reply to Re: Are Humans pack animals?, posted by dreamer on March 23, 2001, at 22:45:25
Please elaborate your experience.
>
> I'm human most of the time and wasted alot of time suffering the anxiety of conforming,of being liked i didn't suffer with loneliness alone just with other people. Have you seen 'The Prisoner' it's on sci-fi at the moment .
Posted by dreamer on March 25, 2001, at 9:51:54
In reply to Re: Are Humans pack animals? Plz elaborate DREAMER, posted by Dubya on March 24, 2001, at 23:42:26
> Please elaborate your experience.
> >
> > I'm human most of the time and wasted alot of time suffering the anxiety of conforming,of being liked i didn't suffer with loneliness alone just with other people. Have you seen 'The Prisoner' it's on sci-fi at the moment .Well,firstly i find difficulty when writing-go off on different tangents but here goes,
Socially I have been afraid to be myself for fear of others thinking Im mad it's that puzzled expression on their face that makes me self -conscous and give up conversing although i have alot of interesting things to say something scrabbles the thoughts in my head on the way to my mouth.
Found petty talk tiring[not that I'm an intellect far from it]and those social games,false smiles time wasting.I don't dislike people it's just that I find I have nothing in common with them.I've never followed trends dress wise or musically not that I wear grey cardigans and elasticated flares and jig to the carpenters.
I'm eccentric,too lively and the rest of the time too miserable-I am an ultra rapid cycler with no breaks on my bike.
There's also the manic sex thing that gets in the way of friendships but this is somewhat tamed by effexor.
Drinking ALOT became my crutch and remains the only cure for my social phobia it actually motivated me to go out but for two years Ive been sober and luckily alive but now I have no social interests.Going outside usually brings on a manic attack.I paint,design on pc and play violent pc games when I'm having a bad day and have a flatmate to confuse so I'm not unhappy.
Rarely i feel connected to people it used to frustrate me and the self hatred and abuse nearly killed me.Instead of following the sheep I stay behind and wait for the grass to grow and have the whole field to myself.I often veiw the world as a tacky logo driven trivial junkyard with no real heroes and no inspiration, maybe Im too sensitive have a heightened awareness who knows Iv'e spent years self analizing chasing my own tail now i'm beginning to accept me and also to eccept others for who they are maybe I'll reach that nirvana or whatever when I'm 104 and die with a big grin on my face.
Hoping this elaborates'feel free to write.
Posted by Dubya on March 25, 2001, at 19:45:09
In reply to Re: Are Humans pack animals? elaborated » Dubya, posted by dreamer on March 25, 2001, at 9:51:54
Wow! I am so glad to hear you get your life together! Yes, don't mind my saying, but I live in a similar way. I always feel too different, not in the sense of cardigans but, whenever I do some activity such as eating out, 99% of people are happy but I am not. Even going out or whatever, people have this puzzled look on their face, I don't know what it is that I do but, they glare at me often and well, being intimidated as it is, I'd rather not be 'alive'. I only realize that I am living because, I can't picture how many parents or for that matter, the dog I will be getting next week will take that.
Posted by Dubya on March 25, 2001, at 19:48:48
In reply to Re: Are Humans pack animals? elaborated » Dubya, posted by dreamer on March 25, 2001, at 9:51:54
I KNOW I AM RAMBLING but plz read further:
All I can say is, not to complain or anything but, I am not good enough at ANY single thing. Besides, people think that I am such a genius or a great friend when I can give advice but, I can never take my own advice. I can only help others and, when no one else is around to be helped, I feel helpless and not needed. I always wonder if any one person I've ever met is a real friend or even just a friend. Something about ME causes ME to SUCK because, people take advantage of ME, I get USED probably because I am STUPID. When nobody is around me, I AUTOMATICALLY assume that I am HATED or CRAZY or NON EXISTENT. I think I BROUGHT THIS ALL onto MYSELF and I DESERVE THIS, SO I HOPE. I am religious and love to be a 'GOOD' person but, the PROBLEM is ME. I've come to the point where I can almost visualize, perhaps through OCD, completely unintentional and UNCONSCIOUS/SUBCONSCIOUS thoughts of not being alive.
Posted by dreamer on March 25, 2001, at 22:31:56
In reply to Re: Are Humans pack animals? elaborated 2/2, posted by Dubya on March 25, 2001, at 19:48:48
> I KNOW I AM RAMBLING but plz read further:
>
> All I can say is, not to complain or anything but, I am not good enough at ANY single thing. Besides, people think that I am such a genius or a great friend when I can give advice but, I can never take my own advice. I can only help others and, when no one else is around to be helped, I feel helpless and not needed. I always wonder if any one person I've ever met is a real friend or even just a friend. Something about ME causes ME to SUCK because, people take advantage of ME, I get USED probably because I am STUPID. When nobody is around me, I AUTOMATICALLY assume that I am HATED or CRAZY or NON EXISTENT. I think I BROUGHT THIS ALL onto MYSELF and I DESERVE THIS, SO I HOPE. I am religious and love to be a 'GOOD' person but, the PROBLEM is ME. I've come to the point where I can almost visualize, perhaps through OCD, completely unintentional and UNCONSCIOUS/SUBCONSCIOUS thoughts of not being alive.When I was not eating and painfully thin,no energy suffering a mentlal illness I didn't know I had I somehow attended art college and must of been seen by others as okay suppose I had that sort of face that everyone trusted with their problems.Most of the time I felt used a substitute for a wall.Inside I was screaming and my suspiscion of people got worse.I actually saw my reflection in the mirror as someone with downs-syndrome and thought people were just being nice because they felt sorry for me I carried this vision around for a long time and hated myself for being stupid.Later after my illness was diagnosed I learnt that the opposite was true I was very pretty and had an inner strength that must of shone through.I know feel Ive missed out on alot because I never expressed how I felt,I still have a few hurdles.
If your asking for this kind of feedback now[I read one of your posts that said that your 20,appologies if Ive got this wrong]youre young ,I am now 34 and only the past 2 years Ive kind of worked myself out so don't feel stupid for asking for advice or questioning yourself others live life sleeping never questioning.
The visualisation of being dead is just a symptom like a runny nose with the flu,I still get this but dont dismiss it if it becomes so intrusive that it feeds on most of your time.Im no good at meds or diagnosis are you able to talk with your parents and doctor? never feel that you are not worth the attention.
Hope this helps,take care.
Posted by Dubya on March 27, 2001, at 11:45:43
In reply to Re: Are Humans pack animals? elaborated 2/2 » Dubya, posted by dreamer on March 25, 2001, at 22:31:56
true!
This is the end of the thread.
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