![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mark H. on August 18, 2000, at 21:31:02
Greetings, old-timers!
Although my work is intensively email based, I resisted getting on-line at home until about 3 years ago, warning my Internet-eager wife that I would likely become obsessive about such an incredible source of information and interaction.
Almost immediately after getting access, I signed on to five photography forums and a bamboo list. Within a few weeks, I was reading 50-60 emails a day, all dealing with topics of interest to me, and thoughtfully responding to a fair percentage of them. Within about nine months, my on-line usage at home started to exceed 100 hours a month, and I realized I had a problem and needed to quit for awhile.
At the same time, I noticed that although the topics of the boards I participated in were often narrowly defined (twin-lens Rolleiflex cameras, for instance), eventually the same type of dynamics caused each and every forum to cycle through periods of overwhelming activity involving highly personal tangents into politics, religion, economics, "fairness," what was appropriate to post, illnesses, family events, pet peeves, freedom of speech issues and personality clashes. One fellow on a camera forum had a nervous breakdown. Several others stormed away. It didn't matter whether the ostensible topic was bicycle commuting, purebred cats, or gardening, eventually the discussions began to sound a lot like family interactions and group therapy.
I sometimes wonder if part of it is our (my) deep hunger to re-connect in a society in which we are largely separated from one another by our individual offices, cars, and dwellings. Once something has become a part of my "family," everything that happens becomes highly personal. I tend to over-react, lose my sense of humor, fear changes, become righteous or judgmental and protective of my own interests and of those who support me and share my values. I take sides. I appeal to parents (Dr. Bob or Cam W., for instance). If it weren't so emotionally engaging and exhausting, it would be funny.
One thing I've learned about myself is that in order to keep a balance, I need to take breaks. When I find myself lying awake at night pondering the fine points of my response to a fellow Babbler, for instance, that's a clue that I'm in too deep and need to put a little distance and perspective back into my participation.
But the point of this posting is that what we experience here is not at all unique to PsychoBabble. I've remained with one small photo list that has had up to 100 messages a day earlier this year, and then no postings at all -- ZERO -- for the past three weeks. Yesterday, an old-time member asked if the list still existed, and two dozen messages almost immediately followed. It is as though we are comfortable just being with one another now -- glad the others are there, but not needing to interact several times a day. Perhaps PsychoBabble will evolve similarly, although on a grander scale.
I post six reminders on the bottom of my monitor at work to help me keep my perceptions in balance. They are: What's best for (the organization I work for)? What's the right thing to do? Does this benefit everyone? How can I help? Speculate less; ask more. And, it's not about me. Now I just need to remember to look at them more often.
Thanks to everyone who reads this for being here.
Mark H.
Posted by shar on August 18, 2000, at 23:22:35
In reply to All Boards Tend to Breathe, posted by Mark H. on August 18, 2000, at 21:31:02
A voice of reason in the cyber-wilderness. Very interesting and observant analysis.
I discovered the same type of dynamic in MTV's show where kids live together and supposedly have a joint goal, and everything is filmed. There was a marathon of all the shows one weekend, and the pattern really showed up (tentative friends, politeness, someone gets mad, talking behind backs, eventually taking sides, someone on the outs, everyone tense, then an event or occurrence that brought them together, close friends by the end of the show, usually). It was so predictable by the end of the marathon; very surprising!
Thanks for the insight,
Shar
Posted by Cam W. on August 19, 2000, at 10:02:56
In reply to All Boards Tend to Breathe, posted by Mark H. on August 18, 2000, at 21:31:02
Mark - I agree with Shar, that was really well thought out. I really don't feel like a parent here, though. Not even a voice of reason. If it looks like that, it is probably my wife shining through. More and more I get her (have to get her?) to read my posts before posting. Many times she says, "You can't say that!" or "That person is just suffering, don't take it personal." She is a very incredible lady, but I think that I am driving her crazy with my knowledge quest.
You are right that the dynamics of a place like this are incredible. I have been online for only 9 months, but what a 9 months! I think my values have change, my knowledge base has soared, and I have met some really wonderful people. Recently, after the roller coaster ride we have been on, I began to think that I may need some extensive counseling (deprogramming?; centering?). But then I step back, take a look, and really have to laugh (or cry?). Man, this is a sandbox for grown-ups (but what a sandbox!). I have learned more here since finding this place in February (both medical and personal) than I have in my 16 years as a pharmacist.
"Whoa, what I want to know is, "Are you kind?" - from Uncle John's Band (Greatful Dead).
Thanks for listening - Cam
(maybe this room will be good; kinda like the red room).
Posted by Steeler Tookahn on August 19, 2000, at 16:51:15
In reply to All Boards Tend to Breathe, posted by Mark H. on August 18, 2000, at 21:31:02
I think Mark's example of the life cycle of news groups is very informative. I too have been using email and news groups for many years and I have noticed a definite change as the internet has become more popular. I think one of the problems with the various disruptions on these boards is the sheer volume of people accessing them. It used be that people stayed pretty much on topic but now there are millions of people with various agendas (some of them not terribly supportive). The problem is that you can't get away from these people very easily if you want to continue to interact with those you find supportive. It's a unique form of communication. At the office you can always step over to someone's office to speak to a group of people you enjoy. Here, whenever you post it is like announcing over the PA system: you'll hear from people who understand you and from those who don't (or won't, or worse). Ignoring the posts of the inflammatory is quite difficult to do.
Even though we may disagree with Dr. Bob's censorship policies sometimes, with out them this board could become as useless as the many bickering "MTV real world" (as Shar noted) depression "support" groups out there.But as Mark points out, boards are akin to an organic being. The flames will rise and fall and the board will be more supportive at times and more combative at others. It can be useful to hang on for the ride, or take a break and come back. Either way, I hope people can find what they need here.
Posted by Rhainy on August 20, 2000, at 8:35:10
In reply to All Boards Tend to Breathe, posted by Mark H. on August 18, 2000, at 21:31:02
Mark H.,
I can agree with your comments about how there seems to be a strong ebb and flow on the boards/lists.
I actually wanted to point out that *sometimes* the best boards/lists do not Stay focused on the *Topics*. I am on a list which with now over 380 members has become more like and extended family of friends. This ebb and flow allows people to truly become more in tune with the other members and become more than just *Cyber-Aquaintances* as I have come to term the basic email relationship.
While boards which have this dynamic are not the *Norm* as far as I have seen, they do exist. We all have agreed to *Self Police* to keep the negatives to a minimum, but this board often has Hugely Off Topic discussions and sometimes heated but controlled debates. Yet on this list we have a Very strong and supportive group of people who always reach out when people are in need of...well whatever. Many times the needs are minimal, but very often are desperate...yet always the support is given..from someone.
The plus with finding such a board also is that along with all the wonderful *On Topic* things that help you to expand your knowledge is you also find friends.
I have been both active and not on the list I speak so highly of, and I gladly will remain on it because of the feeling that it is a big extended family, more than simply a place ot gain knowledge. When I ned a break, I still watch the postings sometimes, but will most often use my delete key with Gusto...but there are always those who will reach out to make sure I am ok if I am not posting at least an update on occassion.
People who expect rigid adherance < sp > to the topics have come and gone, seeking the on topic only aspect which is so prevelant on many boards/lists. They IMHO are missing the ever growing and ever changing lifeform that these kinds of boards/lists evolve into...instead of staying with the list and becoming more involved, they run away. For me I am Sad to see this happen.
By allowing this growth and fluidity, we allow for the Flow to happen as it seems to enrich all of us who are there. I hope that more lists will allow this as it brings with it the closer interaction and this allows for deeper knowledge of the poeple who you are posting to.
I hope to see that kind of support and exchange grow more here in PSB..which is one of the reasons I have been trying to help, and asking for help here...to help it grow.
BLessings,
Rhainy
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.