![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jena Lyn on August 24, 2000, at 10:43:28
I start my second year of college in 2 weeks...my freshman year was a horrible experience for me, because I was battling with annorexia and severe depression. I slept most of the time, never went to class, made no friends because I never left my room...and I start school again in 2 weeks and am so scared that Im going to fall back into that. I don't know what to do...Im on a new med (Remeron)that is working for me although I am tired ALL the time...and Im living at home now going to community college so things are going to be a little different, but do any of you have any advice on how I can keep myself from slipping back into that hell?? I can feel myself faling back into my old patterns even now...what am I gonna do when school starts?? Any advice...HELP GUYS...
Jena Lyn
Posted by Nibor on August 24, 2000, at 15:54:33
In reply to Afraid to drop into old habits..., posted by Jena Lyn on August 24, 2000, at 10:43:28
Jena, It is good to be prepared, but try not to anticipate problems just because you had them before. You are on a new med that you say has been working. And you did a wonderful thing by telling PB what you were worried about.
So, how about this for your first assignment? A check-in here EVERY day. Of course you will be busy, but you can always write..."Doing well. No time to say more. Jena" Then if we don't hear from you, we have your permission to email (You will have to give us your email address).
There are lots of other things you can do, but this will ensure that we will be available to you to help you deal with things as they come up--rather than anticipate the whole range of "might happens."
What do you think?
Nibor
> I start my second year of college in 2 weeks...my freshman year was a horrible experience for me, because I was battling with annorexia and severe depression. I slept most of the time, never went to class, made no friends because I never left my room...and I start school again in 2 weeks and am so scared that Im going to fall back into that. I don't know what to do...Im on a new med (Remeron)that is working for me although I am tired ALL the time...and Im living at home now going to community college so things are going to be a little different, but do any of you have any advice on how I can keep myself from slipping back into that hell?? I can feel myself faling back into my old patterns even now...what am I gonna do when school starts?? Any advice...HELP GUYS...
>
> Jena Lyn
Posted by stjames on August 24, 2000, at 16:14:58
In reply to Re: Afraid to drop into old habits... » Jena Lyn, posted by Nibor on August 24, 2000, at 15:54:33
> > I start my second year of college in 2 weeks...my freshman year was a horrible experience for me, because I was battling with annorexia and severe depression. I slept most of the time, never went to class, made no friends because I never left my room...and I start school again in 2 weeks and am so scared that Im going to fall back into that. I don't know what to do...Im on a new med (Remeron)that is working for me although I am tired ALL the time...and Im living at home now going to community college so things are going to be a little different, but do any of you have any advice on how I can keep myself from slipping back into that hellJames here....
Check out what your college has to offer in the way of support groups or formal group thearpy. Work on building a support system so you don't have to do this by yourself.
james
Posted by Greg on August 24, 2000, at 17:11:34
In reply to Re: Afraid to drop into old habits..., posted by stjames on August 24, 2000, at 16:14:58
Jena,
Keep talking. The best time to talk is when you really don't feel like it. Build a support structure. James idea of checking to see if your college has a support group is an excellent idea. You are not alone, you might be surprised how many people that you have right there at your college that are in the same boat as you. Keep sharing with us too. There's some wonderful people here that can help you. There are some ADs that have an activating effect that might assist with your fatigue, Wellbutrin comes immediately to mind but there are others. You might talk to your doc about it. My e-mail is at the top of this page if you ever need to talk.
Please let us know how things are going for you. We're pullin' for ya!
Hugs,
Greg> > > I start my second year of college in 2 weeks...my freshman year was a horrible experience for me, because I was battling with annorexia and severe depression. I slept most of the time, never went to class, made no friends because I never left my room...and I start school again in 2 weeks and am so scared that Im going to fall back into that. I don't know what to do...Im on a new med (Remeron)that is working for me although I am tired ALL the time...and Im living at home now going to community college so things are going to be a little different, but do any of you have any advice on how I can keep myself from slipping back into that hell
>
> James here....
>
> Check out what your college has to offer in the way of support groups or formal group thearpy. Work on building a support system so you don't have to do this by yourself.
>
> james
Posted by Jena Lyn on August 25, 2000, at 9:18:30
In reply to Re: Afraid to drop into old habits..., posted by Greg on August 24, 2000, at 17:11:34
> Jena,
>
> Keep talking. The best time to talk is when you really don't feel like it. Build a support structure. James idea of checking to see if your college has a support group is an excellent idea. You are not alone, you might be surprised how many people that you have right there at your college that are in the same boat as you. Keep sharing with us too. There's some wonderful people here that can help you. There are some ADs that have an activating effect that might assist with your fatigue, Wellbutrin comes immediately to mind but there are others. You might talk to your doc about it. My e-mail is at the top of this page if you ever need to talk.
>
> Please let us know how things are going for you. We're pullin' for ya!
>
> Hugs,
> Greg
>
> > > > I start my second year of college in 2 weeks...my freshman year was a horrible experience for me, because I was battling with annorexia and severe depression. I slept most of the time, never went to class, made no friends because I never left my room...and I start school again in 2 weeks and am so scared that Im going to fall back into that. I don't know what to do...Im on a new med (Remeron)that is working for me although I am tired ALL the time...and Im living at home now going to community college so things are going to be a little different, but do any of you have any advice on how I can keep myself from slipping back into that hell
> >
> > James here....
> >
> > Check out what your college has to offer in the way of support groups or formal group thearpy. Work on building a support system so you don't have to do this by yourself.
> >
> > jamesThanks guys...I really think talking to all of you could help me a lot. I think that a lot of the problem is that I can't talk to my friends and family about how Im really doing because they all freak out if I start to do "bad" again. And I don't need them to freak out and start watching me again, so I keep it to myself which is sooo not good for me to do. I haven't been going to therapy since may ... I don't know if I should find a group or just go back to my one on one. And advice on that? Ive never really done group therapy, if you guys could help me out ... let me know what group therapy is all about and the benefits of it over one on one I would appreciate it so much! Thank you for your support!
*hugs and sunshine *
Jena
Posted by Greg on August 25, 2000, at 10:17:47
In reply to Re: Afraid to drop into old habits..., posted by Jena Lyn on August 25, 2000, at 9:18:30
Hi Jena,
I asked the very same question about one-on-one/group therapy recently and got some real good answers. The thread is the ninth one down from the top of this page. It might help to check it out.
Hugs,
Greg> > Jena,
> >
> > Keep talking. The best time to talk is when you really don't feel like it. Build a support structure. James idea of checking to see if your college has a support group is an excellent idea. You are not alone, you might be surprised how many people that you have right there at your college that are in the same boat as you. Keep sharing with us too. There's some wonderful people here that can help you. There are some ADs that have an activating effect that might assist with your fatigue, Wellbutrin comes immediately to mind but there are others. You might talk to your doc about it. My e-mail is at the top of this page if you ever need to talk.
> >
> > Please let us know how things are going for you. We're pullin' for ya!
> >
> > Hugs,
> > Greg
> >
> > > > > I start my second year of college in 2 weeks...my freshman year was a horrible experience for me, because I was battling with annorexia and severe depression. I slept most of the time, never went to class, made no friends because I never left my room...and I start school again in 2 weeks and am so scared that Im going to fall back into that. I don't know what to do...Im on a new med (Remeron)that is working for me although I am tired ALL the time...and Im living at home now going to community college so things are going to be a little different, but do any of you have any advice on how I can keep myself from slipping back into that hell
> > >
> > > James here....
> > >
> > > Check out what your college has to offer in the way of support groups or formal group thearpy. Work on building a support system so you don't have to do this by yourself.
> > >
> > > james
>
>
>
> Thanks guys...I really think talking to all of you could help me a lot. I think that a lot of the problem is that I can't talk to my friends and family about how Im really doing because they all freak out if I start to do "bad" again. And I don't need them to freak out and start watching me again, so I keep it to myself which is sooo not good for me to do. I haven't been going to therapy since may ... I don't know if I should find a group or just go back to my one on one. And advice on that? Ive never really done group therapy, if you guys could help me out ... let me know what group therapy is all about and the benefits of it over one on one I would appreciate it so much! Thank you for your support!
> *hugs and sunshine *
> Jena
Posted by Archangel_Michael on August 25, 2000, at 13:21:08
In reply to Re: Afraid to drop into old habits..., posted by Jena Lyn on August 25, 2000, at 9:18:30
Jena,
It helps a lot if you have someone you can talk with, someone you can rely on to listen to you.
Last summer ('99) I met a girl online. You and she must be about the same age, because last year was her Freshman year in college, too. Things were going great for her prior to the start of college. But like you, she was terribly lonely and depressed after she entered the university. At one point I was so frightened for her (never mind the details) that I phoned her university health service to find out what sort of resources were available to help. I couldn't convince her to seek their help, so I did what I could. I stuck with her and spoke online with her every day, several times a day. Occasionally I phoned her. I did whatever I could to help her work out her issues. She successfully completed her first year. I was really happy about that.
I didn't hear from her much this summer. She was home with her family and friends, and life was good.
School started again, and thankfully, she returned to continue her education (one of the "Big 10" universities). She is starting to feel down, and last week she turned once again to me for advice and comfort. I hope she doesn't get as depressed this year. But if she does, I would feel better if my friend got some professional help. She has one year under hear belt, so I'm hoping things will be better this year. I'll do everything I can to help her through this, and the next two years. I've sort of "adopted" her.
Why am I telling you all of this? Jena, others are feeling the same anxiety that you're dealing with. I'm sorry you don't feel like you can confide in your family and friends, but you need someone. Please find someone you can trust, and talk with them. Don't try to keep it to yourself. You can not only survive, but thrive! Don't try to do it alone. Like many have suggested, let someone help.
I've never participated in group therapy so I can't provide you with any information there. But I did benefit greatly from individual therapy. You don't have to do it alone, Jena. Give someone a chance to help. And please let us know how you are doing.
Best wishes,
Michael--------------------------------------------------
> > Jena,
> >
> > Keep talking. The best time to talk is when you really don't feel like it. Build a support structure. James idea of checking to see if your college has a support group is an excellent idea. You are not alone, you might be surprised how many people that you have right there at your college that are in the same boat as you. Keep sharing with us too. There's some wonderful people here that can help you. There are some ADs that have an activating effect that might assist with your fatigue, Wellbutrin comes immediately to mind but there are others. You might talk to your doc about it. My e-mail is at the top of this page if you ever need to talk.
> >
> > Please let us know how things are going for you. We're pullin' for ya!
> >
> > Hugs,
> > Greg
> >
> > > > > I start my second year of college in 2 weeks...my freshman year was a horrible experience for me, because I was battling with annorexia and severe depression. I slept most of the time, never went to class, made no friends because I never left my room...and I start school again in 2 weeks and am so scared that Im going to fall back into that. I don't know what to do...Im on a new med (Remeron)that is working for me although I am tired ALL the time...and Im living at home now going to community college so things are going to be a little different, but do any of you have any advice on how I can keep myself from slipping back into that hell
> > >
> > > James here....
> > >
> > > Check out what your college has to offer in the way of support groups or formal group thearpy. Work on building a support system so you don't have to do this by yourself.
> > >
> > > james
>
>
>
> Thanks guys...I really think talking to all of you could help me a lot. I think that a lot of the problem is that I can't talk to my friends and family about how Im really doing because they all freak out if I start to do "bad" again. And I don't need them to freak out and start watching me again, so I keep it to myself which is sooo not good for me to do. I haven't been going to therapy since may ... I don't know if I should find a group or just go back to my one on one. And advice on that? Ive never really done group therapy, if you guys could help me out ... let me know what group therapy is all about and the benefits of it over one on one I would appreciate it so much! Thank you for your support!
> *hugs and sunshine *
> Jena
Posted by Jena Lyn on August 25, 2000, at 14:08:51
In reply to Re: Afraid to drop into old habits... » Jena Lyn, posted by Archangel_Michael on August 25, 2000, at 13:21:08
Michael and Greg,
I know that I need to find someone I can really talk to but I CAN'T talk to my friends or my family. They just don't understand. My best friend is great and I do talk to her about most things, but she just doesn't understand any of this. She keeps telling me its not cute anymore. Im not trying to be cute damn it, why don't they get that??!?! I just get so frustrated, then mad at myself for doing this to them...its a mess. Thats why Im here, so I can talk to you guys. We don't all have the same experience but at least you all can respect what Im going through and are willing to listen without getting mad at me for what I feel, which is what my fam and friends do. I can't handle getting yelled at for things I can't control ...* Jena *
~~~ Im lonely ... I'll make me a world ~~~
> Jena,
>
> It helps a lot if you have someone you can talk with, someone you can rely on to listen to you.
>
> Last summer ('99) I met a girl online. You and she must be about the same age, because last year was her Freshman year in college, too. Things were going great for her prior to the start of college. But like you, she was terribly lonely and depressed after she entered the university. At one point I was so frightened for her (never mind the details) that I phoned her university health service to find out what sort of resources were available to help. I couldn't convince her to seek their help, so I did what I could. I stuck with her and spoke online with her every day, several times a day. Occasionally I phoned her. I did whatever I could to help her work out her issues. She successfully completed her first year. I was really happy about that.
>
> I didn't hear from her much this summer. She was home with her family and friends, and life was good.
>
> School started again, and thankfully, she returned to continue her education (one of the "Big 10" universities). She is starting to feel down, and last week she turned once again to me for advice and comfort. I hope she doesn't get as depressed this year. But if she does, I would feel better if my friend got some professional help. She has one year under hear belt, so I'm hoping things will be better this year. I'll do everything I can to help her through this, and the next two years. I've sort of "adopted" her.
>
> Why am I telling you all of this? Jena, others are feeling the same anxiety that you're dealing with. I'm sorry you don't feel like you can confide in your family and friends, but you need someone. Please find someone you can trust, and talk with them. Don't try to keep it to yourself. You can not only survive, but thrive! Don't try to do it alone. Like many have suggested, let someone help.
>
> I've never participated in group therapy so I can't provide you with any information there. But I did benefit greatly from individual therapy. You don't have to do it alone, Jena. Give someone a chance to help. And please let us know how you are doing.
>
> Best wishes,
> Michael
>
> --------------------------------------------------
>
>
> > > Jena,
> > >
> > > Keep talking. The best time to talk is when you really don't feel like it. Build a support structure. James idea of checking to see if your college has a support group is an excellent idea. You are not alone, you might be surprised how many people that you have right there at your college that are in the same boat as you. Keep sharing with us too. There's some wonderful people here that can help you. There are some ADs that have an activating effect that might assist with your fatigue, Wellbutrin comes immediately to mind but there are others. You might talk to your doc about it. My e-mail is at the top of this page if you ever need to talk.
> > >
> > > Please let us know how things are going for you. We're pullin' for ya!
> > >
> > > Hugs,
> > > Greg
> > >
> > > > > > I start my second year of college in 2 weeks...my freshman year was a horrible experience for me, because I was battling with annorexia and severe depression. I slept most of the time, never went to class, made no friends because I never left my room...and I start school again in 2 weeks and am so scared that Im going to fall back into that. I don't know what to do...Im on a new med (Remeron)that is working for me although I am tired ALL the time...and Im living at home now going to community college so things are going to be a little different, but do any of you have any advice on how I can keep myself from slipping back into that hell
> > > >
> > > > James here....
> > > >
> > > > Check out what your college has to offer in the way of support groups or formal group thearpy. Work on building a support system so you don't have to do this by yourself.
> > > >
> > > > james
> >
> >
> >
> > Thanks guys...I really think talking to all of you could help me a lot. I think that a lot of the problem is that I can't talk to my friends and family about how Im really doing because they all freak out if I start to do "bad" again. And I don't need them to freak out and start watching me again, so I keep it to myself which is sooo not good for me to do. I haven't been going to therapy since may ... I don't know if I should find a group or just go back to my one on one. And advice on that? Ive never really done group therapy, if you guys could help me out ... let me know what group therapy is all about and the benefits of it over one on one I would appreciate it so much! Thank you for your support!
> > *hugs and sunshine *
> > Jena
Posted by Greg on August 25, 2000, at 18:02:31
In reply to Re: Afraid to drop into old habits..., posted by Jena Lyn on August 25, 2000, at 14:08:51
Jena,
I know what you're going thru only too well, that's why I spend so much time here and on my website. It's important to know that you are understood and I know my friends here understand me even in those times when I don't understand myself. They don't think I'm trying to be cute or get attention, they just accept me for who I am. It can feel really lonely sometimes, so I turn here. I am lucky that my family does try to understand me, but they only understand just so much. Sometimes they treat me like a crystaline figure, like they think I'll break if they say the wrong thing. Sometimes they're right.
I hope you can find some solace in knowing that you're not alone here. WE know what you're going thru. Even if you don't think you can trust anyone else with your feelings, I hope you'll keep talking to us. Anytime you need to talk, I'm here.
I wish you peace and contentment in your life,
Hugs,
Greg> Michael and Greg,
> I know that I need to find someone I can really talk to but I CAN'T talk to my friends or my family. They just don't understand. My best friend is great and I do talk to her about most things, but she just doesn't understand any of this. She keeps telling me its not cute anymore. Im not trying to be cute damn it, why don't they get that??!?! I just get so frustrated, then mad at myself for doing this to them...its a mess. Thats why Im here, so I can talk to you guys. We don't all have the same experience but at least you all can respect what Im going through and are willing to listen without getting mad at me for what I feel, which is what my fam and friends do. I can't handle getting yelled at for things I can't control ...
>
> * Jena *
>
> ~~~ Im lonely ... I'll make me a world ~~~
Posted by chdurie2 on August 25, 2000, at 23:17:59
In reply to Re: Hey Jena, posted by Greg on August 25, 2000, at 18:02:31
> jena- hi, i'm new here - my first posting, but i hope you pay attention to what nibor, i think, is basically saying. you haven't fallen into your old habits and yet you're so terrified of it you're acting as if you have. that's a great way to make the old habits come back. i may sound preachy, but it's cuz i'm also preaching to myself. i redo my self-destructiveness every day, even tho i say i won't. i just read nibor's website at living well.com and he makes a lot of sense. i've been where you are, dozens of times, at major crossroads, and looking back, i think the fear played a big part in re-playing really bad scenarios over and over. the times that sort of worked out were the times i told myself over and over to try differently. or, as i think someone on this board said about low motivation, "try anyway." and once, just to put the icing on the cake, i was sure, about nine years ago, that i would sink into a deep abyss, cuz my dad became suddenly critically ill (literally on death's door) and i lost my job in the same week (one i thought i loved,) but you know what? the abyss didn't happen. i decided that with my dad's death, i couldn't handle a job hunt, and i ended up turning a hobby, antiques, into a new career - one that eventually became very successful. it didn't happen cuz i wanted to become an antiques dealer; it happened cuz i felt i had no other choice and i decided to see if i could become good at it. because i could not bear the idea of looking for another job, which would have meant relocation. what i'm trying to say to you is i didn't fall into the deep abyss cuz i looked the other way. i need to do that more myself now. i hope it helps to suggest that you look away from the abyss - not stare at it - look the other way. hope this helps. and my name is caroline.
Posted by shar on August 25, 2000, at 23:26:09
In reply to Re: Afraid to drop into old habits..., posted by Jena Lyn on August 25, 2000, at 14:08:51
I can really join you all in feeling like there are some people who just don't understand what "it's" like--whatever it is. I am in group therapy, and that is a safe place for me to talk; even if I don't talk about depression per se, I do talk about what's on my mind. Somehow, just the freedom of letting the thoughts out on the airwaves seems to help.
If I try to talk to my family, my sister tries to come up with solutions (I'm always saying "you don't have to fix it, it really helps if you just listen"). And my mom says "what do you have to be depressed about? You have a college education etc., etc." So, even as I try to educate them (think of it like diabetes or something, mom) it is not safe to be too open with them.
My niece and I, and my son and I, can talk about it because we all know how it feels.
So, Jena, find you somebody or some group at Univ. and stay in contact here, and you won't have to rely on people who do not understand. Or, worse yet, who will hassle you for talking about it.
About receiving e-mail, if you don't want to give your "real" e-mail address, you can go to someplace like yahoo.com and set up an anonymous account. Also, you might try Safe Haven at eGroups as a good source of support.
Let us know how we can help! And, if you don't need help, just let us know how you are!
Shar
Posted by shar on August 25, 2000, at 23:46:51
In reply to Somebody to talk to...Jena and everybody..., posted by shar on August 25, 2000, at 23:26:09
I agree with other posters that sometimes the worst part of old habits is fearing them.
My philosophy is that in everything we do, we are not perfect. Sometimes we are great, sometimes not so great--but rarely is it a permanent condition. And, when we fear old habits, we are selling ourselves short because a lot of learning and coping skills have grown since we were "back there."
So, if being in a good place is square 100, and you slip back some, you don't go to square 1 again. You'd probably find it very alien, because you don't live at square 1 anymore. Maybe you'll slip back to square 95, because you're having a lot going on in your life, moving, starting school, feeling anxious, etc.
You know that you can move from square 95 to square 100 again. You've probably already done it a few times; feeling down or anxious and taking steps to bring yourself along to feeling better (talking to friends, therapy, whatever it takes). So, I encourage you to loosen up on the fear of jumping back to old habits (at square one) and accept the fact that you may slide a square here and there, but the road is more even, it's not a steep hill where you'll just go right down, and you have new tools to help yourself.
I say this to me, to you, and to everyone. All those old familiar behaviors are not likely to fit you anymore, but we know those behaviors really well, and we may slip back a bit from time to time.
Not to worry. I think we all do it. I can tell when I do it because it feels weird to me. I may have to do a little work to get back to square 100, but I know I can do it. And so can we all.
Shar
Posted by Jena Lyn on August 26, 2000, at 23:05:22
In reply to PS. About old habits--, posted by shar on August 25, 2000, at 23:46:51
Everyone,
I know that a BIG part of my problem is fear ... fearing the past, fearing the future ... I can't make myself look away from what Im afraid of. I know that I would be doing so much better right now if I could stop thinking so much about not doing good ya know? It is so damn frustrating because I am doing so much better than I was a year ago today, when I was in a hospital being treated for my "disorder"...but I am still holding myself back from getting even better and I don't know why. I want to get better, I want to be happy but I can't ... I don't know how to and that hurts me so much. Why can't I just let things go? I hold on to EVERYTHING, well not everything, all the bad things ... its easy to forget the good things that have happened to me. Do any of you do this? I hope Im not the only one that is totally isolating themselves because of this crap. I just get so mad at myself for doing this, but at the same time, its not ME doing this, its IT, the depression, whatever is controlling me ... I don't think its me ... then again, I don't really know anymore. GREAT, now I get to try to sleep ... I hope you all are doing well, I'll check in with ya tomorrow.
HUGS
Jena
> I agree with other posters that sometimes the worst part of old habits is fearing them.
>
> My philosophy is that in everything we do, we are not perfect. Sometimes we are great, sometimes not so great--but rarely is it a permanent condition. And, when we fear old habits, we are selling ourselves short because a lot of learning and coping skills have grown since we were "back there."
>
> So, if being in a good place is square 100, and you slip back some, you don't go to square 1 again. You'd probably find it very alien, because you don't live at square 1 anymore. Maybe you'll slip back to square 95, because you're having a lot going on in your life, moving, starting school, feeling anxious, etc.
>
> You know that you can move from square 95 to square 100 again. You've probably already done it a few times; feeling down or anxious and taking steps to bring yourself along to feeling better (talking to friends, therapy, whatever it takes). So, I encourage you to loosen up on the fear of jumping back to old habits (at square one) and accept the fact that you may slide a square here and there, but the road is more even, it's not a steep hill where you'll just go right down, and you have new tools to help yourself.
>
> I say this to me, to you, and to everyone. All those old familiar behaviors are not likely to fit you anymore, but we know those behaviors really well, and we may slip back a bit from time to time.
>
> Not to worry. I think we all do it. I can tell when I do it because it feels weird to me. I may have to do a little work to get back to square 100, but I know I can do it. And so can we all.
>
> Shar
Posted by Archangel_Michael on August 28, 2000, at 17:51:41
In reply to Re: PS. About old habits--, posted by Jena Lyn on August 26, 2000, at 23:05:22
Jena,
I do hope you find a group or find a way to get some individual support. One of the things my therapist helped me learn about myself was that I never let the "good things" stick to me. I only hold on to the "bad things". It doesn't have to be this way. Find someone who will help you understand why...
Best regards,
Michael
_________________________________________________> I hold on to EVERYTHING, well not everything, all the bad things ... its easy to forget the good things that have happened to me. Do any of you do this? I hope Im not the only one that is totally isolating themselves because of this crap. I just get so mad at myself for doing this, but at the same time, its not ME doing this, its IT, the depression, whatever is controlling me ...
Posted by chdurie2 on August 29, 2000, at 19:25:32
In reply to Re: PS. About old habits--, posted by Jena Lyn on August 26, 2000, at 23:05:22
Jena - listening to you, reading your words, i feel like i'm staring in the mirror.
depressed people hold onto the bad, but quickly forget the good. that's real basic.
you have to re-train yourself to paint a more positive picture (if you're gonna hold onto everything, at least hold onto it all.) easier said than done. easy for me to say now that i've had a good day, rather than one of my many bad ones. but sad to say, somehow you gotta force yourself to include some good stuff.
second, appreciate the fact that you are further ahead than a year ago - if it were me, i'd be saying big deal, but i was in a hospital a year ago and i have so much further to go before i'm "normal." if you don't appreciate your progress, that's just another excuse I (and maybe you)give ourselves to beat ourselves up - we might as well just get out the whips and chains. also, for me, not acknowledging my baby-step progress and bemoaning the fact that i have so much further to go is an iron-clad justification for staying exactly where i am - stuck in the same place - cuz if i appreciate my baby step, it opens the door for the possibility that i may have to take another - and that's frightening. but no self-praise, no forward movement, equals safety.
which brings me to your question of why do you keep doing this to yourself over and over again. well, i knew the bad news for me when i read nibor's website (and it's really good) is it finally clicked that on some level i don't want to change. maybe the same is true for you. do you really want to let go of that self-loathing, my fears are all powerful, stuff? for me, it's a racket - as much as i hate the misery, it may be easier than changing.
another thing that might help - my shrink and i have a deal that it's okay to do my self-destructive number (not great, but okay) but it is NOT okay to beat myself up for it. I can fuck up, but then i just say I fucked up. I'll try to do better next time. what i'm not allowed to do is agonize endlessly over my fuckup.
what that does is it frees up energy to be used more positively and also fucking up loses some of its neurotic allure.
finally, as one who was sure i could never let go of anything bad and still has a hard time doing so, let me assure you that you can. it's a skill that takes practice. basically, the process, or some variation, thereof, goes like this: Imagine this horrible thing you've done in all its horror. don't leave anything out. dwell on it. then imagine this thing as an object (a piece of paper, a rock, whatever)then tell yourself that you no longer have any use for this thing, and you're throwing it away, and imagine yourself doing that - repeat this exercise as often as necessary, if need be, for life. my last words are not original: they are paraphrased from a book called A Little Book of Forgiveness by L.(?) Patrick Miller, which you can have ordered at a bookstore.
hope this helps.caroline
Posted by Jena Lyn on August 30, 2000, at 10:22:56
In reply to Re: PS. About old habits--, posted by chdurie2 on August 29, 2000, at 19:25:32
Caroline,
Thank you so much ... we do seem to be going through the same sort of ordeal ... and your right, all the things you mentioned are much easier said than done. Ive taken HUGE strides in some parts of my life, in getting past a lot of things, but I never let them go ... thats my biggest problem. I can't let things go, I can stop thinking about them for a long time, but I never let it go completely and it comes back to haunt me. My big brother told me that he thinks the reason I can't let go of things is because I can't forgive MYSELF for things that have happened, even if they weren't my fault. Like my parents seperation and my dad's affair-I can't forgive myself for not being able to stop it. And for the cruel things people said and did to me as I child-I can't forgive myself for not being strong enough to rise above it. I haven't been going to a therapist since april, I need to go back. I know I do, Im just having a hard time taking the step. In the mean time ... it is helping me to talk to you and everyone on here, we are kindered spirits all on this journey ... we have to help each other ...
luv and sunshine
Jena
Posted by Jena Lyn on August 30, 2000, at 10:26:00
In reply to Re: Afraid to drop into old habits... » Jena Lyn, posted by Nibor on August 24, 2000, at 15:54:33
Nibor ... sorry I never responded to your post, thank you ... I have been trying to not think about what MIGHT happen, it has helped a bit. And I think I should check in with you guys every day, I posted my email address here so feel free to email me, I, like most of you Im sure, need all the support I can get. Thank you again .. Jena
> Jena, It is good to be prepared, but try not to anticipate problems just because you had them before. You are on a new med that you say has been working. And you did a wonderful thing by telling PB what you were worried about.
> So, how about this for your first assignment? A check-in here EVERY day. Of course you will be busy, but you can always write..."Doing well. No time to say more. Jena" Then if we don't hear from you, we have your permission to email (You will have to give us your email address).
> There are lots of other things you can do, but this will ensure that we will be available to you to help you deal with things as they come up--rather than anticipate the whole range of "might happens."
> What do you think?
> Nibor
>
>
> > I start my second year of college in 2 weeks...my freshman year was a horrible experience for me, because I was battling with annorexia and severe depression. I slept most of the time, never went to class, made no friends because I never left my room...and I start school again in 2 weeks and am so scared that Im going to fall back into that. I don't know what to do...Im on a new med (Remeron)that is working for me although I am tired ALL the time...and Im living at home now going to community college so things are going to be a little different, but do any of you have any advice on how I can keep myself from slipping back into that hell?? I can feel myself faling back into my old patterns even now...what am I gonna do when school starts?? Any advice...HELP GUYS...
> >
> > Jena Lyn
Posted by Rach on August 31, 2000, at 3:52:13
In reply to Re: PS. About old habits--, posted by Jena Lyn on August 26, 2000, at 23:05:22
I tried to post this msg few days ago, but as it has not appeared, I guess something went wrong!
Dear Jena,
I am in my second year of University, but I have recently taken a leave of absence due to the depression I have. (I live in Australia). I told everyone I was not going to post again, but you seem very desperate for support, and it seems as though you really need to talk to someone who is experiencing similar things to you right now. So if you need to chat, or if you want to ask questions or just blow off steam, feel free to email me.
I hope everything is looking brighter for you.
HUG! Rachael
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.