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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by winsome on February 7, 2013, at 18:28:55
I have seen the same therapist for almost 8 years. I went through a time when I told him I loved him and he said it was transference. I waged a battle with him to convince him. I let it go. But, my feelings are still with me. I feel very reluctant to ever mention this to him. It seems to disturb him. I guess having a secret from him is all right. I know what he will say. Do I just need to accept that this is the way it is and live with it? thanks!
Posted by baseball55 on February 7, 2013, at 19:08:59
In reply to still have strong feelings for therapist, posted by winsome on February 7, 2013, at 18:28:55
It's probably not helpful that he told you it was "just transference." I mean, transference is not a minor, just, kind of thing. It's huge and powerful and painful. I told my therapist over and over how much I loved him and he was understanding and kind, but reminded me over and over that our relationship was limited and always would be. Eventually, I came to accept that. But you shouldn't be scared to raise this with your T. If you are, maybe s/he is not a good T and you should find someone else.
PS - It's taken me almost 8 years to get through to the end of this.
Posted by Anemone on February 8, 2013, at 7:29:44
In reply to still have strong feelings for therapist, posted by winsome on February 7, 2013, at 18:28:55
Winsome, your therapist should encourage you to talk about anything that is on your mind, including these feelings! Perhaps you could tell him exactly what you told us here, that you feel reluctant to talk about this because he seems disturbed? It would feel good to be honest and open, and not have to hide this part of yourself from him.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on March 13, 2013, at 15:40:58
In reply to Re: still have strong feelings for therapist » winsome, posted by Anemone on February 8, 2013, at 7:29:44
Been in love (I don't call it transference, that is just a fancy word for.....feelings...for 9 years with my t and told him years ago; I am still with him; ;my feelings haven't changed a bit.. Somehow have found a way to live with the knowledge I love someone who is unavailable (because he is married)
Posted by winsome on March 21, 2013, at 0:59:53
In reply to Re: still have strong feelings for therapist » winsome, posted by Anemone on February 8, 2013, at 7:29:44
thanks, anoneme,for the advice with which I agree. I even found some interesting psychiatric reference to eroticized transference being a defense against fear of anihilation which is true of me. I was ready to confide this but then my psychiatrist's mother died suddenly. He is grief-stricken as I would expect. I just can't bring this up now.
I felt we had come to an acceptable peace on the subject. That is, I said it was love not transference, he said it was transference and nothing was being returned from him so he puzzled over why it continued. The final treaty was that he accepted that you can say you love lots of things, like I love chocolate, I love that movie. I let it pass as the discussion had been going on for so long. I could see he didn't understand (he thought he did) and rather gave up. Unfortunately, I think it just pushed the feelings underground for me. I feel I have a precious secret. Realistically,I know nothing concrete will come from this even if he totally shared my feelings for him with feelings for me. it doesn't matter! It is one of those things where being rational just doesn't matter! I just keep on going because he keeps on being so kind, affirming, and unconditional accepting of me. This is new and mind-boggling. It's all I ever wanted and never could find. Anyway, that's where I am stuck. What do I think would happen if I brought this up again? He would know I am sincere in my feelings. Or, he could throw up his hands and say I am impossible and he is too stressed-out for all this.He seems fragile and I don't want him to go away by me placing this burden on him now.
I think that sums it up. Winsome, thanks for listening!
This is the end of the thread.
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