![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 26, 2012, at 17:06:02
She's not doing well in her health.
The other day she had a disappointment and was rather upset about it. She spoke about her disappointment openly. I felt awful for her, almost maternal myself. I was talking to my family about how upset I was for her, how I hated seeing her hurt, but ended up by saying that eventually it would shift in her mind until it was a blazing success instead of a disappointment.
It took little over 24 hours. I asked her about it today and she told me how happy she was and how well everything turned out. I'm sure she was telling the truth.
It's the sort of thing that annoys me, when it affects me. But this time I am pleased for her. It must be nice.
When I read "Harold and the Purple Crayon" for the first time I yelled "THAT'S MY MOTHER!!!" She draws her reality around her as she goes. The world and it's actual events are just a blank canvas for her.
Posted by Twinleaf on October 27, 2012, at 3:49:29
In reply to My mother, posted by Dinah on October 26, 2012, at 17:06:02
It sounds like she deals with pain and disappointment by disassociating. Everyone probably does that at least a little, but this sounds like she does it a lot. Has she had a lot of pain and disappointment in her life?
Posted by Twinleaf on October 27, 2012, at 6:40:33
In reply to Re: My mother, posted by Twinleaf on October 27, 2012, at 3:49:29
I guess the word is "dissociating"...
Posted by Dinah on October 27, 2012, at 8:49:10
In reply to Re: My mother » Twinleaf, posted by Twinleaf on October 27, 2012, at 6:40:33
I never thought of it that way. I'll have to consider it.
I think I've always considered it a manifestation of her will. My mother has a stronger will than anyone I've ever come in close contact with. I daresay there are people who have moved history with as much will as my mother.
That can be a good thing. If you want something done, my mother is the best possible person to rely on. Her will can move mountains. But on a day to day basis, the negative side of it is more apparent.
When she was so sick and frail a few months ago, I told my therapist that my mother's will is the kind of thing that moves the sun. And that it was as inconceivable that her will would fail as that the sun would stop coming up in the morning.
I guess I always see her passing acquaintance with reality as part of that. If she can't manage to bend the real world to her will, she'll simply "change" what really happened.
In certain circumstances, I daresay this characteristic is invaluable. It would definitely serve the pioneer woman setting off to face an uncertain future and tame the untamed. My husband used to gape at the heavy weights she could move. It never occurred to her that she couldn't move anything she wished to move.
Posted by Twinleaf on October 27, 2012, at 9:41:38
In reply to Re: My mother » Twinleaf, posted by Dinah on October 27, 2012, at 8:49:10
She sounds so powerful in your description of her. In reality, is anyone that powerful?
Posted by Phillipa on October 27, 2012, at 9:55:09
In reply to Re: My mother, posted by Twinleaf on October 27, 2012, at 9:41:38
In reality no but if she was so sick and is now well her strong will sounds like a positive for you. She's a fighter it sounds like. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on October 28, 2012, at 11:13:12
In reply to Re: My mother, posted by Twinleaf on October 27, 2012, at 9:41:38
It's hard to explain.
It's not that I think she's especially powerful. In her dealings with her family, she wins the battles and loses the war. I think she's indescribably foolish in her choices. My father, in his later days, would yell at her that he wished she was dead. My brother and I tend to duck and run. We don't do as she wishes, by any means. I actually confront her on a semiregular basis, and avoid her more often.
I remember feeling scorn when she'd flounced out of the house angry for a few hours or days, and come back and scream about the state of the house or whatever. I'd think she was an idiot for making us wish she'd stayed away. I remember watching her scream and yell one day. She was yelling that I was no longer her daughter. She was all wild eyed and red faced. And I felt... nothing.
I've seen a service man make fun of her and her ridiculous beliefs, while she didn't recognize that he was making her a figure of fun.
Powerful? No. Not really.
But of immense will? Absolutely. She'll go after what she thinks she wants and let nothing stand in her way. She'll get it or die trying. And if it's beyond her scope, she'll simply reimagine the world to fit her viewpoint. She'll wear us down one way or another, or scare us from our purpose. She has the will to move mountains.
What she doesn't have is the wisdom to move them to better her life.
Posted by Dinah on October 28, 2012, at 11:17:25
In reply to Re: My mother, posted by Phillipa on October 27, 2012, at 9:55:09
She's not well. It scares me to see her so frail.
I don't really know what to do. I'm torn between fearing the future for her and my responsibility for it, and wondering if I shouldn't be trying to put our relationship on the best foot possible.
I generally only call her on the way to my therapist because every single time I call her I come away shaking with anger for her foolish choices, and fear for the future. And just maybe fear for her.
Family members who don't live here tell me to just go ahead and do what's best for her. They don't know her well enough.
Posted by Twinleaf on October 28, 2012, at 14:11:42
In reply to Re: My mother, posted by Twinleaf on October 27, 2012, at 9:41:38
I guess that I meant that she has more power to upset others than anyone should have...
Posted by Dinah on October 28, 2012, at 14:32:24
In reply to Re: My mother, posted by Twinleaf on October 28, 2012, at 14:11:42
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.