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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2012, at 9:45:45
I've been feeling a bit like Tabitha's post about termination lately. Not that my therapist is trying to keep me in therapy or comparing me to my mother (what a below the belt shot!!). But the transference seems to be shifting sometimes to an older slightly goofy brother one. His interventions lately have been a bit ill considered lately. Just in a thoughtless goofy guy way.
I pointed this out to my therapist yesterday, and reminded him of things he used to do that he doesn't do so much anymore. After talking about it and thinking about it he said one of those truly insightful things that he sometimes says, that I've found so helpful when applied to me. He said "I suppose if I'm to be a good therapist/mommy, I can't forget the therapist part of it." And his attitude shifted for the rest of the session to a more.... hmmmm.... authoritative? one. I'm not sure of the word. It was a subtle shift, but an important one.
I was reminded again, not only of his sudden moments of insight and incisive way of communicating them, but also of his willingness to consider his own role in our interactions and to make course corrections as needed - if he decides I'm correct. He wasn't at all defensive, just thoughtful.
He really is good at ah-hah moments, and I'm glad he also applies them to himself.
Posted by annierose on June 27, 2012, at 20:04:48
In reply to I do so like my therapist sometimes, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2012, at 9:45:45
It is such a good feeling when people we love and admire, listen to what we are saying, and adjust accordingly. Makes our hearts smile and say "Ahhhhh ....".
I miss chatting with you. I am doing good - could be better, could be worse.
Posted by Daisym on June 28, 2012, at 21:25:19
In reply to Re: I do so like my therapist sometimes, posted by annierose on June 27, 2012, at 20:04:48
I miss chatting with you both...
I love that we've all been in therapy with the same therapists long enough (so long?) that we can say what we need and most of the time, our therapists adjust so that we get it. Not always, of course, but even when I say, "I don't know what I need!" he manages to find it with me.
Dinah - the best thing about your therapist has always been his willingness to look at himself and his part in the interactions. I love that he himself uses the "mommy/therapist" term now. :) With so much crap around about creating dependency in clients, it takes a very secure therapist to allow this.
I had one of those smile moments this week. I was relating an interaction with an intern in which I said, "what do you need from me today?" and my therapist said, "you sound like me." Yup - channeling him totally in that moment. He was fine with that.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2012, at 0:09:23
In reply to Re: I do so like my therapist sometimes, posted by Daisym on June 28, 2012, at 21:25:19
> I miss chatting with you both...
Me too.
> Dinah - the best thing about your therapist has always been his willingness to look at himself and his part in the interactions. I love that he himself uses the "mommy/therapist" term now. :) With so much crap around about creating dependency in clients, it takes a very secure therapist to allow this.
I agree! One of my favorite moments, in retrospect, was the time he was really tired and really frustrated with me and said angrily that he had trouble dealing with dependent women. He was horrified. I was somewhat taken aback. But the next time I saw him, he was a much better therapist than he'd ever been. He'd seen his countertransference and conquered it. And oddly enough it was a very therapeutic moment for me too. My feelings about him were real and he validated my impressions. I confronted him, and he was willing to change. I think that was the first time that ever happened to me in any relationship. It was, in retrospect of course, a pivotal moment for me.
> I had one of those smile moments this week. I was relating an interaction with an intern in which I said, "what do you need from me today?" and my therapist said, "you sound like me." Yup - channeling him totally in that moment. He was fine with that.
:)
I don't know about you, but the fact that I can identify and ask for what I need, with only minor distress, is such a huge step forward from where I used to be. I don't even think I could have imagined such a thing before therapy.
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2012, at 0:13:22
In reply to Re: I do so like my therapist sometimes, posted by annierose on June 27, 2012, at 20:04:48
It is a great feeling! I suppose in this stage of therapy it's easy enough to be complacent or to be too comfortable. Vigilance is needed.
It's certainly not that I don't need therapy any longer. I may not be as screwed up as I used to be, but I can still slide downwards pretty quickly.
Posted by emmanuel98 on June 29, 2012, at 18:28:05
In reply to Re: I do so like my therapist sometimes » annierose, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2012, at 0:13:22
When I tried to terminate therapy with my p-doc after 6 years, I found a quote from Glen Gabbord's text on psychodynamic therapy that the therapist must join in the patient's dance. I bought him an African stone sculpture of two figures dancing and a card with that quote in it, saying "thank you for dancing with me." He was very touched. Unfortunately, I was back six months later with severe depression. But I still remember that card and quote. A good therapist enters the patient's "dance," is flexible and moves with the patient. Your therapist sounds like a great dancer.
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2012, at 22:54:57
In reply to Re: I do so like my therapist sometimes, posted by emmanuel98 on June 29, 2012, at 18:28:05
I like that. :)
I gave my therapist a little shona stone statue of mother and child a long time ago. Is that the sort you gave your therapist? They're very evocative.
It's interesting to note how the transference shifts over time.
How is your pdoc?
Posted by emmanuel98 on June 30, 2012, at 18:56:59
In reply to Re: I do so like my therapist sometimes » emmanuel98, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2012, at 22:54:57
> I like that. :)
>
> I gave my therapist a little shona stone statue of mother and child a long time ago. Is that the sort you gave your therapist? They're very evocative.
>
> It's interesting to note how the transference shifts over time.
>
> How is your pdoc?
Yes, one of those stone abstracts that they sell at a lot of craft stores for $20 or so. He is good. I am down to seeing him once every two weeks for a half-an-hour. My primary therapy is now with a DBT therapist but I can't quite let him go. I've been doing surprisingly well and mentioned to my DBT therapist that I was thinking about cutting back my visits with my pdoc to once a month. She said, why is it that just when you're sailing smoothly for a while, you want to rock the boat? So I guess I'll continue with this schedule at least til September. Summers are always hardest for me, since I'm not working every day in the summer.
Posted by Dinah on July 3, 2012, at 13:10:59
In reply to Re: I do so like my therapist sometimes, posted by emmanuel98 on June 30, 2012, at 18:56:59
I think that's sensible.
My therapist tells me that when things are going smoothly I have a tendency to quit doing the things that are making it go smoothly. For example, I recently cut back on Lamictal and my sleep got really disrupted even after what could be assumed to be the withdrawal phase.
It seems wise to make change slowly once equilibrium is reached.
This is the end of the thread.
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