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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2012, at 2:08:39
Folks, I think I'm finally going to do it. After 18 years I'm done. Unfortunately my therapist doesn't agree with me. She said some things trying to talk me out of it that really hurt. Look I know I'm not the picture of mental health and smooth functioning. I'm getting by. I feel bad a lot of the time, but that's always been me. 18 years of therapy hasn't made much of a dent in that. I value the listening and the emotional support, just not enough to budget the $800-1000 a month for it.
I don't know why I haven't developed the magical therapist bond I'm supposed to develop, but I haven't. Maybe that's lucky-- at least I didn't develop the painful in love with the therapist syndrome that happens to so many.
Stuff she said really hurt. Wow, it's like someone in your family or your partner that knows your weak spots and your innermost fears and can just puncture you with words. Well for me anyway. I'm not so sure of myself to brush off such remarks.
You guys will probably tell me I just didn't have the right therapist.
Posted by Twinleaf on June 7, 2012, at 9:08:29
In reply to Trying to terminate, posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2012, at 2:08:39
Can you share examples of the kind of things she said? She should definitely not be hurting you.
Posted by Phillipa on June 7, 2012, at 10:45:05
In reply to Re: Trying to terminate, posted by Twinleaf on June 7, 2012, at 9:08:29
that has been my experiences also with multiple therapists. It's always been hurry up pay and leave. Short term theraphy is what insurance not dictates.
Posted by ron1953 on June 7, 2012, at 13:19:43
In reply to Trying to terminate, posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2012, at 2:08:39
I think that in many cases where one is considering a big change like terminating therapy, it's often a case of "the devil you know". After 18 years, that's a BIG change, and I'd guess the unknown of what's next is frightening.
My advice: trust your own instincts and don't assume others know better.
Posted by Raisinb on June 7, 2012, at 20:19:42
In reply to Trying to terminate, posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2012, at 2:08:39
It sounds like your therapist wants to hang onto you. However, she should not be confusing her wants and desires with what you need in the moment, which is exploring in a non judgmental way what the decision means to you, and you should tell her so.
Posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2012, at 20:38:51
In reply to Re: Trying to terminate, posted by Raisinb on June 7, 2012, at 20:19:42
Thanks for the replies
Twinleaf, she said a lot of things, the one that jumped out was she said I was becoming more and more like my mother. Whereas in the past that's one of my own fears and we've spent time with her having me talk myself out of that fear. It's such an issue because, well pretty much nobody wants to be like their mother! but my own mother suicided during my therapy so being told I'm becoming more like her is extra awful.
Phillipa I am not sure I understand your comment but I do appreciate the reply.
Ron, that's true, after so long it's hard to know which "devil" is worse! I was scared to quit for a long time, specifically afraid I'd backslide in functioning, but I'm just not afraid of that any more for some reason.
Raisinb, yes that is how I see it too, she wants to hang onto me. I choose to believe a lot of that is from genuine concern for my well-being. But she also seems to need to have her work validated, and I can't really fault her for having that need, but that session wasn't her finest moment!
Posted by Twinleaf on June 8, 2012, at 22:31:50
In reply to Re: Trying to terminate, posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2012, at 20:38:51
A comment like that is going to increase feelings of fear and self-doubt in anyone. Maybe your feelings of wanting to terminate are healthy. It would be very hard after so many years, though, even if you have sound reasons to do it. Would you try to see someone else?
Posted by sigismund on June 9, 2012, at 1:56:54
In reply to Re: Trying to terminate, posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2012, at 20:38:51
>It's such an issue because, well pretty much nobody wants to be like their mother!
I never did but it wasn't so bad for me at all to realise how much like her I am, and how I am happy with that.
Of all my dead relatives she is the only one really that I would like to see again.
It just depends on how you look at it. I suppose it depends on your mother too :)
Posted by SLS on June 9, 2012, at 6:44:24
In reply to Re: Trying to terminate, posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2012, at 20:38:51
> Thanks for the replies
>
> Twinleaf, she said a lot of things, the one that jumped out was she said I was becoming more and more like my mother. Whereas in the past that's one of my own fears and we've spent time with her having me talk myself out of that fear. It's such an issue because, well pretty much nobody wants to be like their mother!Perhaps you can decide which of your mother's traits are worth emulating and which are to remain with her only. I don't think it is an either-or thing.
I am VERY sorry for your having to experience the death of your mother by her committing suicide. I feel my gut wrenching at the thought. Of course, you know that suicide is not the inevitable destination of your journey through life.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on June 9, 2012, at 20:36:02
In reply to Re: Trying to terminate, posted by Phillipa on June 7, 2012, at 10:45:05
Not surprised you didn't understand as wrote much too soon. I'm so sorry you experienced this. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on June 9, 2012, at 20:42:12
In reply to Trying to terminate, posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2012, at 2:08:39
Ouch. That was below the belt.
In my experience, it's a delicate subject for a long term therapist. But yours is definitely not handling it overly well. I daresay they get attached to us as well, and may feel some anxiety about losing us. But undermining you in that particular way is never acceptable.
Can you call it a break from therapy, and then just extend it indefinitely? It was always terrifying to me to consider the T word, and far easier to think of myself as simply having no appointments scheduled in the near future.
I think you have a distinct point. There are things that therapy isn't going to change. It's that "wisdom to know the difference" that tends to be elusive.
Posted by Tabitha on June 14, 2012, at 1:21:27
In reply to Re: Trying to terminate » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on June 9, 2012, at 20:42:12
Thanks for the support. Your replies mean a lot to me.
This is the end of the thread.
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