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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on February 23, 2012, at 0:32:58
You know that "issues and episodes in therapy" book we are writing as a group - I have another episode to add.
I've written before that I see my therapist in two offices. One is my favorite, the other is fine but offers a couple of challenges. It is in an old beautiful building but sometimes the therapist on one side is noisy and the therapist on the other side is my therapist's wife. I hate running into her - especially when I'm in one of those states of feeling clingy and needy about my therapist. I see him there 1x a week, usually in the morning.
Things have been kind of rough in therapy - my therapist has been pushing me, and as I resist he has expressed frustration. So last week, I had to reschedule my usual session to a time later in the day. The session was going in the same tense direction and there were about 15 minutes left. I've retreated into silence and he is once again frustrated. Imagine both of our surprise when we hear a key in the door. He snaps to attention and I can tell we are both thinking, "wait...what? No - what is that?" The door starts to open and my therapist leaps up, saying, "no, no, no" and puts his hand on the door and pushes it closed again.
What would you do here?
Me - being me - pretend like nothing has happened. Because I simply can't take it in. Inside, I'm freaking out - but somehow it seems necessary to look unflustered and to keep going. So I start talking.
My therapist has returned to his chair - he looks completely flustered. But I'm talking. So he tries to listen to me - tries to find his place again - and he doesn't say anything about the door either. But his frustration, which was already high, sort of boils over and he says something about being mad at someone in my family, in response to something I've offered up. I snap at him, start to cry and leave upset.
When I open his door, his wife's "out" door is wide open (they are across the hall from each other) and her "in" door is also wide open to the waiting room. Hard to sneak away under those circumstances. I have no idea how I got down the hall and down the stairs to my car. It was so overwhelming that I just couldn't breathe.
He started the next session (in the other office) with, "we should talk about what happened yesterday." My response was, "which thing? Several things happened." He then explains that his wife did not know he was in his office, the thermostat is in his office and she was boiling in hers and wanted to turn the heat down. He apologizes and tells me how bad he feels about the breach and how glad he is that he caught the door before it opened all the way. (You could not see me from the door when it opened a little bit.)
I accept his explanation, tell him it wasn't his fault and I'm not really sure how I feel about it all yet. And we talked about what happened at the end of the session - clearly he was upset over the space being invaded.
I'm not sure I wanted to know who it was at the door. Part of me wanted to pretend it was the cleaning service. But I think I already knew so I wouldn't have wanted to have been lied to either.
So what do you think? What would you have done?
Posted by Twinleaf on February 23, 2012, at 8:57:32
In reply to A story for the book, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2012, at 0:32:58
I think everyone in that situation would have felt very anxious. It really is a violation of the extreme privacy you have and need during your therapy hours. Even though it was an innocent mistake by his wife, it raises all sorts of painful issues.
The predominant ones for me would have been anger and jealousy. My t would have insisted on a thorough exploration of my reactions, and kept at it until we both felt that it was sufficiently resolved. Would yours do that? It sounded as if he got thrown for a loop himself, which reinforces how important the privacy of the therapy hours are to both people involved. I think we would have needed a little time to pass before we tackled such a fraught issue.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2012, at 10:51:51
In reply to A story for the book, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2012, at 0:32:58
I think I'm still in awe of how your therapist handled it.
At least two distressing things happened. There was a disruption in your therapeutic space. When the fire drill happened at my office, I didn't take it at all well even though it wasn't my therapist's fault. He now suggests alternate days when a fire drill is scheduled.
And then your therapist's other life was mentioned. And more literally than usual, the awareness of that life intruded into your therapy space. I think maybe he shouldn't have said the word "wife" in his explanation for exactly that reason. Talk about a Freudian situation!
As to what I would do. I suppose I'd be upset, express my feelings for a while, and then it would become part of my therapy story or narrative. That the fact that he has an outside life, where he's not *your* therapist but someone's husband or someone's father, occasionally does intrude in the sacred therapeutic space. Sometimes more literally than others. My therapy story is always transforming. Sometimes in better ways, more often in bad or mundane ways. I generally incorporate it into my world view and perhaps even sometimes find it amusing.
My therapist was talking about the five languages of love yesterday. And used his wife and him as an example. Barf!!! At least he didn't say either of them had the "physical touch" as one of their two primary languages. I'd have had to say "EEWWWW!!!! IIIIICCCCCKKKK! Therapist mommy, don't say those things!!" I'm afraid. But do I really need to know that his two are words of affirmation and gift receiving and that hers are quality time and acts of service? A metaphorical unwanted intrusion. :)
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