![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 27, 2011, at 20:00:55
Haven't emailed her yet. Still a little torn about whether or not to have a final session, but mostly leaning towards not wasting the money. I'm willing to discuss it with her but I'm not willing to pay her for the discussion.
In the meantime, I'm adopting my wonderful senior foster dog. He is a perfect addition to my family of puppies and we are very attached to each other. It has occurred to me in the last week or so that I feel much safer and more comfortable with him than I do with new new T.
Wish it were different, but it's not. Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving break.
Posted by annierose on November 27, 2011, at 21:30:09
In reply to I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog, posted by TherapyGirl on November 27, 2011, at 20:00:55
I think you have to trust your gut. Your foster dog can definitely give you something no therapist ever could ... unconditional love, hugs, being there 24/7 and wet sloppy kisses [not that i would ever want the latter from my t].
I know I would struggle seeing another therapist - because I have seen others in my inbetween years. On the other hand, my grief will be so deep when we part ways, I feel I will need help processing that hole in my heart, knowing time will be my best friend.
Happy Thanksgiving to you too. Mine was quiet - therefore enjoyable.
Posted by Dinah on November 28, 2011, at 8:12:21
In reply to I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog, posted by TherapyGirl on November 27, 2011, at 20:00:55
Congratulations on the new addition! I know my velcro dog did wonders for my mental health. And she never hurt me, except by dying. Even I have to admit she couldn't really help that. Your senior guy sounds like a sweetie.
You've decided not to ask about her thought processes? Or have you had a session?
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 28, 2011, at 13:02:39
In reply to Re: I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on November 28, 2011, at 8:12:21
I haven't had another session and that's the one thing I'm ambivalent about -- I would like to know what the heck she was thinking. But not sure it's worth a $40 copay to find out. You know?
Posted by jane d on November 28, 2011, at 19:25:42
In reply to Re: I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on November 28, 2011, at 13:02:39
It sounds like a good trade to me right now. Even when I like my therapist, which is most of the time, the right dog could still make it a very close call.
Seriously, congratulations on your newly permanent dog. That's something to celebrate.
I'd have trouble paying for another session under those circumstances too. It's one of those weird quirks of the profession that if they screw up enough to make you decide they are useless to you that you are still expected to pay them one more time for the privilege of hearing from them why they feel they aren't.
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 28, 2011, at 19:53:52
In reply to Re: I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog, posted by annierose on November 27, 2011, at 21:30:09
It's harder than it sounds to process the loss of real T with another therapist. It's just so freakin' awkward. I hope it's a long time (or never) before you have to go through it, Annie.
Glad you had a quiet T'giving.
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 28, 2011, at 19:55:08
In reply to Re: I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog » TherapyGirl, posted by jane d on November 28, 2011, at 19:25:42
Exactly! And I'm going to email her tonight and ask her the question, but what do you wanna bet that she emails back and says it would be way better to discuss that during a (paid) session?
I just feel pretty done.
Posted by Dinah on November 28, 2011, at 20:59:57
In reply to Re: I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog » TherapyGirl, posted by jane d on November 28, 2011, at 19:25:42
The last time I quit my therapist, he didn't charge me for the last session. It was a bit of a struggle, as I wanted to pay, but he refused the check. I guess he's figured it out after all the discussions we have had. That it isn't really fair to charge when he screws up that badly.
It does seem unfair to have to pay her. But her response was so bizarre, I think I'd be curious enough to do it. That's me though. I'd want to hear why (and probably lash her verbally). But then again, they are so defensive that rarely works. They're just so sure they're wonderfully professional and we are "clients", who clearly have issues.
I wonder if therapists who go to therapy themselves ever consider the oddness of that position?
Dogs are definitely superior to therapists in my mind. Well, maybe not all dogs, and just perhaps not *all* therapists.
Nahhhh.... Many dogs. All therapists.
In my mind of course.
Posted by Solstice on November 28, 2011, at 21:28:02
In reply to Re: I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog » jane d, posted by TherapyGirl on November 28, 2011, at 19:55:08
> Exactly! And I'm going to email her tonight and ask her the question, but what do you wanna bet that she emails back and says it would be way better to discuss that during a (paid) session?
If she does, I'd tell her that you'd be happy to come in for an 'exit interview' to give her feedback on what made you decide to leave, but that you'd have to charge her a $40 copay ;-)
Solstice
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 28, 2011, at 21:46:09
In reply to Re: I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog, posted by Dinah on November 28, 2011, at 20:59:57
I love you, Dinah! Seriously. You put into words so many things I think, but not as eloquently as you write it.
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 28, 2011, at 21:46:43
In reply to Re: I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog, posted by Solstice on November 28, 2011, at 21:28:02
Oh, too funny. Thanks for the chuckle, Solstice!
Posted by raisinb on November 29, 2011, at 18:21:32
In reply to I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog, posted by TherapyGirl on November 27, 2011, at 20:00:55
I probably would leave without talking to her. Forty bucks is a high copay, but even if it were fifteen it is galling to pay to have a discussion that does more for her than it does for you.
I recommend the dog. I adopted a puppy in February and the slobber does wonders for mental health!
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 29, 2011, at 18:54:09
In reply to Re: I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog, posted by raisinb on November 29, 2011, at 18:21:32
Thanks, Raisin, on all counts!
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 29, 2011, at 18:57:20
In reply to I've decided to dump new T and adopt my foster dog, posted by TherapyGirl on November 27, 2011, at 20:00:55
And expressed her extreme preference for an in-person meeting, but I held my ground so we had a 10-ish minute phone conversation. She said her plan was to ask me for a name if we weren't going to report the situation (see earlier thread on this if you missed it). I think that's total bs -- that's not a plan and it makes what she did a very empty, manipulative threat. I explained how:
a) I was offended that she thought I wouldn't report it (she said she wasn't worried about ME, but about my organization -- yeah, right and still offensive).
b) She double triggered me when she knew how very triggered I already was by the Penn State thing.
c) I don't feel safe with her now and I doubt I ever will again
and
d) I decided to adopt my foster dog rather than continue with therapy.She didn't apologize and she didn't really explain herself.
I feel good about my decision.
Posted by Solstice on November 29, 2011, at 21:54:49
In reply to Re: She Called, posted by TherapyGirl on November 29, 2011, at 18:57:20
> I feel good about my decision.And *that* is the important thing.
Solstice
Posted by Daisym on November 29, 2011, at 22:39:18
In reply to Re: She Called, posted by TherapyGirl on November 29, 2011, at 18:57:20
I'm glad you had the opportunity to tell her all of that and I really hope she thinks on her reactions. This is the part I really hate about so much of the mental health world - to be able to dismiss a client's very valid upset because "they" have issues. I hope she isn't doing therapy for anyone else in the profession...this kind of stuff happens a lot. She doesn't seem to trust you - a loud message to me that you've done the right thing.
I have kitties, not dogs. But still, warm purring is often way more theraputic than words.
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 30, 2011, at 18:26:26
In reply to Re: She Called, posted by Daisym on November 29, 2011, at 22:39:18
Yes that's exactly it -- she doesn't trust me. And in the overall scheme of things, we probably weren't that far into our relationship. But how she could listen to me talk about child abuse for the past few months and think I *wouldn't* report this is beyond me.
Thanks for the support, Daisy. I am completely content with my 2 dog daughters and 1 dog son!
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 30, 2011, at 18:26:48
In reply to Re: She Called » TherapyGirl, posted by Solstice on November 29, 2011, at 21:54:49
Definitely! Thanks, Solstice.
Posted by Dinah on December 4, 2011, at 14:27:15
In reply to Re: She Called, posted by TherapyGirl on November 29, 2011, at 18:57:20
Her plan was to ask you for a name?
Because she knew she couldn't really report it without one?
Really?
She doesn't think things out very well before speaking, does she?
A dog sounds like a much better choice. :)
Of course, there are therapists who are at least almost as good as dogs, and who serve different needs. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you need a therapist, I hope you don't let this experience dissuade you. My therapist said he couldn't quite understand her position, although he hinted that it might be better suited to supervision than therapy.
How's your new therapist, little Sigmund?
:)
I'm looking into filling the vacant spot in our pack, if not my heart. Because dogs aren't washing machines either.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 4, 2011, at 19:41:32
In reply to Re: She Called, posted by Dinah on December 4, 2011, at 14:27:15
Yes, exactly what I thought, Dinah!
My new little man is doing quite well and has gotten even more lovable since I told him he'd be staying forever. Now he thinks he gets to sit in the front seat of the car!
Dogs definitely aren't washing machines (and I haven't lost one yet, so remember that when I say this), but I've noticed that I have 3 very different relationships with and love for my 3 dogs. They each teach me something completely different. I don't have a favorite, but they really all are pieces of my heart and soul. So just keep that in mind when thinking about adding a new dog. Okay?
Posted by Dinah on December 6, 2011, at 13:04:13
In reply to Re: She Called » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on December 4, 2011, at 19:41:32
Sigh. I do have favorites.
Of the many dogs I've owned over nearly a half century, I liked almost all of them, I loved a good many of them, but I was in love with only a few.
I don't think it's something that can be searched for. It's grace when it happens in one's life.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 6, 2011, at 18:22:03
In reply to Re: She Called, posted by Dinah on December 6, 2011, at 13:04:13
Yes, I definitely agree that you can't search for it. And I should have added that I've had a couple of fosters I didn't even like very much. It's just the 3 I kept are the ones with the magical, though different, connections.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.