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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2011, at 9:45:18
Nothing is guaranteed to make me feel more irritable than exhortations to be positive.
Not that I mind having more positive aspects of any given situation pointed out to me. Or that I mind making an effort to listen to more cheerful music.
But being told to keep a gratitude journal, or start the day with affirmations, or to think positively in a general way - as opposed to correcting some distorted thinking in a current situation - gives me the overwhelming impulse to tell the encourager to f--- off.
I think I'm ok with being encouraged towards realistic thinking, or balanced thinking. But the nationwide worship of positive thinking is truly revolting.
Maybe it goes back to people telling me to smile when I wasn't feeling particularly unhappy. Or maybe it's just contrariness.
I just hate, hate, hate it.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on July 6, 2011, at 12:21:55
In reply to Pressure to be positive really annoys me, posted by Dinah on July 6, 2011, at 9:45:18
Yeah, there is something about that, maybe a way to tell you how to feel justified by being in "your own best interest".
It's too simplistic maybe? Invalidating, condescending?So, who's brought up the great idea of gratitude, positive affirmations, etc??
Posted by sigismund on July 6, 2011, at 14:56:44
In reply to Pressure to be positive really annoys me, posted by Dinah on July 6, 2011, at 9:45:18
Too bloody right.
And it is especially irritating when there is a fair swag of negativity floating around somewhere.
I went to a meeting the other night in which was said that the carrying capacity of the world would be 300 or if you looked at it really positively, 600 million in 30 years.
A bit of bad stuff about the ridges.
Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2011, at 18:19:48
In reply to Re: Pressure to be positive really annoys me » Dinah, posted by sleepygirl2 on July 6, 2011, at 12:21:55
It was just something I read in an article, or maybe a blog. Not sure. My upsurge of rage was so strong it alarmed me.
I hate feeling rage. It makes my head hurt.
Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2011, at 18:21:34
In reply to Re: Pressure to be positive really annoys me » Dinah, posted by sigismund on July 6, 2011, at 14:56:44
Quite a cheerful meeting.
I try to avoid anything approaching news or current events. It's too depressing to feel impotent.
Posted by manduh on July 6, 2011, at 19:36:55
In reply to Pressure to be positive really annoys me, posted by Dinah on July 6, 2011, at 9:45:18
In the first part of my "treatment" we were told daily to make a plan for "journaling" "spirtuality" and "affirmations" among other things. I never did well on any of those. I'm not a religious person, and planning on telling myself a certain affirmation seems cheesy and forced.
But the thing that gets me is when someone asks me "why're you depressed?" ARRGGG...makes me want to snap.
Posted by emmanuel98 on July 7, 2011, at 20:59:49
In reply to Re: Pressure to be positive really annoys me, posted by manduh on July 6, 2011, at 19:36:55
I get what you're saying, but I have a DBT therapist, a DBT group and go to AA meetings and all are about finding peace and solace and gratitude in the moment. I've been working hard at it and it has helped me to pull myself out of really severe depressions that were wrecking my life and leaving me without hope or interest in living.
Posted by Dinah on July 8, 2011, at 8:44:06
In reply to Re: Pressure to be positive really annoys me, posted by manduh on July 6, 2011, at 19:36:55
The funny thing is that spirituality does play a large part in my life, and I am religious - if not particularly denominational. I have no real problem with having gratitude, or with saying grace.
Yet my reaction to forced cheeriness and optimism is very very negative.
And I can't do affirmations without thinking of Stuart Smalley. "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." I then do have a tendency to giggle, but not with any real positivity.
I think there have been studies saying that the forced self esteem stuff can backfire. But try as I might, I can't find any that say that the forced smiley face stuff can backfire. Oh, I wish I were in the field. I know I can't be the only one whose response to a cheery "Be happy" is an urge to punch someone. Hard.
(My husband finds my reaction to a cheery "Good morning" amusing. So now he gives a disclaimer. Something along the lines of "This is just a statement of temporal reality and hopeful wishes, not a judgement on the actual value of morning or of this morning in particular." Or he'll say "Morning" without the "good" and with an exaggeratedly careful expression. Which does make me smile and puts me in a better mood, actually.)
Posted by Dinah on July 8, 2011, at 8:54:38
In reply to Re: Pressure to be positive really annoys me, posted by emmanuel98 on July 7, 2011, at 20:59:49
All the literature seems to indicate that it is helpful. So surely it must be helpful to many people. If they had talked about it in that way, I'd have had no problem with the original article.
It's the blanket characterization of it as helpful to *everyone* that I find infuriating. And the lack of studies validating the viewpoint of people like me.
But I'm very very glad it's helpful to you. Except for the emphasis on positivity and the assignment part of it, gratitude and enjoying the small things in the moment has been helpful to me as well. It's just seeing some cheerful person trying to get me to be cheery too that annoys me no end.
This is the end of the thread.
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