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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by floatingbridge on September 30, 2010, at 14:56:11
Hi,
I haven't been to this forum in ages....
Next week I meet with a therapist about *my* depression and it's effects on my son. He's 6. I worry constantly about him--neuroticly so, heightened, I imagine by childhood induced ptsd.
So far I don't see any glaring symptoms, but I realize I'm not in the best position to evaluate. This is a positive step, yet I am scared.
The therapist uses play therapy among other approaches (like, I suppose, direct conversation). She has figurines and sand trays, paints, and other drawing materials.
The sessions proceed like this:
I see her alone.
He sees her about 3x alone (if possible.
He does exhibit seperation anxiety--guess that is a symptom).We regroup and take it from there.
Has anyone done this with their child?
What should I look for positively or conversely avoid?
Any therapies besides play therapy effective with kids? (He's still pretty dreamy-- you know, like magical realism.)
Advice and opinion, along with experience most welcome!
(Thanks)
Posted by sigismund on September 30, 2010, at 18:57:13
In reply to son starts therapy.... nervous :-/, posted by floatingbridge on September 30, 2010, at 14:56:11
It must be a worry.
I like DH Lawrence's ideas on how to bring up kids.
Three rules
Leave them alone
Leave them alone
Leave them aloneYears ago I read and liked 'Dibs, in search of self', which was about play therapy.
I think kids are more adversely affected by suffering when it is overlaid by mystification and confusion.
Posted by floatingbridge on October 1, 2010, at 4:14:01
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » floatingbridge, posted by sigismund on September 30, 2010, at 18:57:13
I might understand the essence of Lawrence's advice, but have trouble with the timing. Just as I think, oh, I'm gonna gives this guy some space, (here in the states, leave alone = space. The U.S. is very size conscious), I realize he's actually contemplating on whether three oat straws could carry his weight on the zipline if he held them when they were wrapped around the handle bar. Ay.
Figures that I can be both depressive distant and also depressive invasive.
Like Charlotte of Charlotte's Web's, I'm
'Versatile? Oh yes I'm versatile. I turn with ease from one thing to another.'I'm less anxious now (check back when the wind shif).
I hope, of course, he is really fine and resilient, and not oh you know, somehow ruined the way I have. (O.K. so now I'm crying.) Guess I can't joke. Maybe therapy can restore my sense of humor along with a sense of perspective.
Obviously, therapy is a good idea.
Posted by Dinah on October 1, 2010, at 5:28:24
In reply to son starts therapy.... nervous :-/, posted by floatingbridge on September 30, 2010, at 14:56:11
I've done it with my child. At the very least you may learn that he really is ok, and that's got to be good for him too. :)
If he is anxious, he'll find ways to cope and new ways to look at things.
Parenting is a scary thing. But it sounds as if you're one step on my parents, in that you're willing to be self reflective about your parenting.
I'd think that what to look for would be someone who seems to get your son, and who is positive about his abilities to help himself. And of course, someone your son can have a therapeutic bond with.
Posted by Phillipa on October 1, 2010, at 10:48:31
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » floatingbridge, posted by Dinah on October 1, 2010, at 5:28:24
FB hope it goes well. Phillipa
Posted by annierose on October 1, 2010, at 16:13:49
In reply to son starts therapy.... nervous :-/, posted by floatingbridge on September 30, 2010, at 14:56:11
Both of my children's experiences with therapy has been more than positive. I am so glad they went.
Posted by floatingbridge on October 1, 2010, at 16:57:16
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/, posted by annierose on October 1, 2010, at 16:13:49
annierose, thank you-- and good for your family :)
Was a particular type of therapy used?
I felt play therapy was the place to start, but frankly, I know little about child therapy.
Posted by floatingbridge on October 1, 2010, at 17:10:01
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » floatingbridge, posted by Dinah on October 1, 2010, at 5:28:24
Dinah, I love your idea of a therapeutic relationship for my son. Somehow, I had overlooked that outcome. That would truly be wonderful in light of my own positive ongoing therapy.
I would say I am less anxious now and more excited. I overly identify with my boy and need help with that. A kind positive person who experiences him
more objectively will be so beneficial.Despite my pro-therapy stance, I admit that besides just plain worry, some shame/self-blame is clouding my thinking.
And yes, I agree. Discovering that maybe he is o.k., anxiety included, will be very good for him. A great relief for me.You might have heard this before. You'd make an excellent therapist. Maybe you are.
Posted by floatingbridge on October 1, 2010, at 17:11:37
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/, posted by Phillipa on October 1, 2010, at 10:48:31
> FB hope it goes well. Phillipa
Thanks, PJ. You know I'll keep you posted :)
Posted by Phillipa on October 1, 2010, at 19:59:11
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » Phillipa, posted by floatingbridge on October 1, 2010, at 17:11:37
Of course. Love Phillipa
Posted by sigismund on October 2, 2010, at 1:54:31
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » sigismund, posted by floatingbridge on October 1, 2010, at 4:14:01
There've been times I've seen myself reflected in my kids in a way that has worried me....when I've seen twistedness perhaps, certainly too much irony and bitterness.
I remember my son saying in some school context that he mentioned that his father was depressed. Which I thought was good, that he understood clearly that *this* depression was in me.
Posted by lucielu2 on October 2, 2010, at 14:39:57
In reply to son starts therapy.... nervous :-/, posted by floatingbridge on September 30, 2010, at 14:56:11
FB, my kids were a few years older when they started therapy. But one ended up in the hospital with depression. That would have been hard enough for any parent to take, but what really pushed me over the edge was my over-identification with her pain. It was so hard to cope with that, that's what got me back into my own therapy. My daughter, thankfully, recovered and has not had a recurrence. So from my own experience, that might be a very fruitful area for you to work on. Getting myself disentangled from my child in terms of our emotional lives was one of the most important things I've done for myself and my family. I had to learn which were my feelings and which were hers instead of throwing them all together in one big bonfire. It also helped me sort out guilt issues. Having a handle on my own feelings has helped me to help my kids.
Lucie
Posted by floatingbridge on October 2, 2010, at 17:07:00
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » floatingbridge, posted by sigismund on October 2, 2010, at 1:54:31
> There've been times I've seen myself reflected in my kids in a way that has worried me....when I've seen twistedness perhaps, certainly too much irony and bitterness.
>
> I remember my son saying in some school context that he mentioned that his father was depressed. Which I thought was good, that he understood
clearly that *this* depression was in me.Hi Sigi,
I didn't know you suffered from depression. You seem so lucid and eccentric. I wondered why you were *here*. (Not to over simplify....)
The past few weeks, off and on, he'll say something like, wow, I have a headache! Or stomach ache or.... At first it was all I could do not to whip out a paper bag to breath into because my depression is
increasingly physical rather than cognitive. Chronic pain episodes, needing to cancel plans. I'm not crying my eyes out or screaming my head off. I actually feel more in touch with my son then ever (oh the d*mn irony). Still, it's like, what's the matter with mommy?So, yes. *My stuff* separate from his would be grand. That would be good, yet poignant to hear from one's son. Thanks.
Posted by floatingbridge on October 2, 2010, at 17:16:44
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » floatingbridge, posted by lucielu2 on October 2, 2010, at 14:39:57
Lucie,
Enmeshed is what I call it (perhaps improperly). I know I'm tangling my feelings with his. Or perhaps more like that I can't see him through all that tangle. Your post puts into words lots: the guilt, anxiety, sense that something needs to work better, but how.
At this point, how would I even handle a child hospitilized for depression? That's quite an experience to have gone through. I'm glad you and your family came through it for the better.
I do over-identify with my son. Doesn't feel good at all. I don't know how to stop! I want to, though. Thanks for the support.
Posted by Dinah on October 2, 2010, at 18:18:13
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/, posted by floatingbridge on October 2, 2010, at 17:07:00
That's often the way kids express anxiety, so while it's good that you are looking into it, it's not all that unusual.
Is there anything going on at school? Bullying or anything else that might be bothering him?
Posted by floatingbridge on October 2, 2010, at 23:59:09
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » floatingbridge, posted by Dinah on October 2, 2010, at 18:18:13
Dinah, there very well might be school issues. He is closed mouthed usually, however we just changed schools ....
We went from a Waldorf school that wasn't working to a classroom supported homeschool. 2 half days per week with other homeschooled kids.
I have been less and less able to muscle
through pain and fatigue, so there is that, too. I can't hide it as well.I really do need some help. I suspect he does as well.
Right now, my anxiety has diminished--and I'm looking forward with hope for a good fit. I interview one therapist about a year ago. Jeez, it was demoralizing--I felt she could use a good round of
therapy herself :)He doesn't need to therapist shop. Fortunately, I consult with her first with some time to process.
I appreciate your questions. He does have a bit on his plate.
Posted by annierose on October 3, 2010, at 11:01:58
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » Dinah, posted by floatingbridge on October 2, 2010, at 23:59:09
My one child was 9 when she started and she saw a traditional child psychologist ... by "traditional" I mean talk therapy. The therapist had games and such, but my daughter prefered to sit at the therapist desk (which I thought was my daughter all the way) and color while she talked. It changed her life - - - amazing. My daughter is now in high school and my husband and I often remark how her life turned around while seeing that therapist. She is happy, great student and makes wonderful choices for herself.
My son sees a social worker. He suffers from anxiety. He still sees the social worker. I think my husband learned how to connect with my son . . . and for that, I am so thankful. Their relationship really took hold over the past few years.
I suffered from depression as a child and my doctor told my mom that I needed professional help (I was 13). My mom ignored the advice. So I guess you can say, I was pro-active in deciding to get help sooner rather than later in life for my own kids. Why wait until things get super difficult for your kids if they could use help now. I didn't have much of a mother - so I lack a frame of reference in parenting matters. I found these professionals helpful to me as well as my kids.
Posted by sigismund on October 4, 2010, at 18:12:08
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » Dinah, posted by floatingbridge on October 2, 2010, at 23:59:09
>We went from a Waldorf school that wasn't working to a classroom supported homeschool.
My kids were so pleased to leave the Steiner school.
They eventually demanded it.
It wasn't all bad...the kids treated each other well. That was the best you could say for it.
Posted by floatingbridge on October 5, 2010, at 1:41:32
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/, posted by annierose on October 3, 2010, at 11:01:58
Thanks Annierose :)
I went untreated for depression as a child myself, so double my wariness and (((hyper) vigalence. I'm glad your proactive stance was successful, esp with your daughter. I hope your son is doing well, too.
Today my son, who seems to have something like separation anxiety (but I can't diagnosis) said sometimes he imagines I'm a lion who's ready to eat him up. He just can say something like that. I don't know how I'll find a wau through this. I probably should have gotten in gear last year....
Are relatively normal children afriad of their moms? I mean, I saw that silly Pink Floyd movie The Wall, and they all seem to be tormented by their mums. I just froze when I heard that, then very, very sad. (No crying though--.) I feel in over my head....
Posted by floatingbridge on October 5, 2010, at 2:01:49
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/ » floatingbridge, posted by sigismund on October 4, 2010, at 18:12:08
>My kids were so pleased to leave the Steiner school.
>
> They eventually demanded it.
>
> It wasn't all bad...the kids treated each other well. That was the best you could say for it.So, I'm curious how long they attended.
Our school is small w/o many resources. My sense is the upper grades 5-7 education is abysmal. Try as the faculty may to be agnostic, there is lots of talk about each child's angel. These seems nonsensical unless taken metaphorically, but I remember that I'm existentially depressed (d*mm it, and now physiologically too) and really wish I could believe in angels....Stopped in traffic one day, my son tells
me that he will let his kids wear camouflage, (dear god, it's so popular here), and buy them guns and alot of
plastic toys, and that he'll say son, do you want to sit and watch TV with me? all the time.Last week he is lamenting all the beautiful toys at the Waldorf school. (You know mom, the ones made of wood and the silk dream houses we make....)
Posted by sigismund on October 5, 2010, at 15:54:44
In reply to Re: son starts therapy.... nervous :-/, posted by floatingbridge on October 5, 2010, at 2:01:49
>So, I'm curious how long they attended.
Something like 5 and 7 years respectively.
Oddly enough, my favourite was Catholic Education, because there was a coherent moral thing which manifested as kindness.
My problem with the Steiner people locally was that they thought they were better than other people (at least I thought so when I wasn't too busy avoiding them).
There was one state school that was great too.
I don't suppose they wear camouflage or have guns at Waldorf.
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