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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on June 1, 2010, at 14:12:35
My therapist had forgotten to return my call. He didn't write it down, and he forgot. Moreover, he was red eyed, obviously sleepy, and inattentive to the point that he asked me several questions I had answered not twenty minutes earlier.
I pointed this out, and he admitted that he had done some extra work this weekend and was very tired. I thought about this a while, then asked him if I could say something I didn't think he'd like very much. I told him that his clients *deserved* for him to take care of himself so that he could be awake and attentive in session.
Then I asked if he was angry with me. He said no, that I was right, and that I had told him gently and with love. He said there was no defense for his lack of attentiveness or for forgetting to return my call.
I asked if it would help if I brought a water pistol for the next time he felt sleepy. (An idea I got here, thank you very much.) He laughed and said that I had every right to do that.
He was appropriately apologetic, and took full responsibility. I'm less certain that he'll manage repair in the form of making sure it doesn't happen again.
I felt like a schoolmarm today instead of a client.
But at times, he can be extraordinary...
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 1, 2010, at 15:32:32
In reply to From the sublime to the..., posted by Dinah on June 1, 2010, at 14:12:35
I hate when that happens. Especially because I can imagine it was important for you to feel connected today. It sounds like you handled it really, really well, though and my hat's off to you.
How's your pup? How are you?
Posted by Dinah on June 1, 2010, at 17:12:30
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on June 1, 2010, at 15:32:32
As a last ditch effort, they gave her an additional drug this weekend, and it seems to have helped the blood levels. She still won't eat.
I'm feeling a bit anxious about it. If she comes home, she'll be coming home with tons of medications, plus subcutaneous fluids. And if she won't eat, I don't know what I'll do.
I've also been feeling a bit ill for days. Whether it's anxiety or all the salty fatty foods I've eaten lately I'm not sure. I hate feeling sick.
I can't concentrate at all. Work is falling behind. I can barely finish a sentence.
I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep and wake up when I feel better and she feels better and all my work is done.
Posted by annierose on June 1, 2010, at 18:57:24
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on June 1, 2010, at 17:12:30
I hate that your therapist wasn't "there" for you today in the way that you needed and should expect. I hate seeing the human side of my therapist ... when they are distracted, tired, or ill.
You are probably feeling ill because you are worried for your puppy. Anxiety gets the tummy juices flowing ... and that never feels good.
I do remember a time when I thought my therapist was distracted (years ago). The following session she apologized and told me she canceled the rest of her appointments that day after seeing me. My internal reaction was interesting --- on the one hand, I am glad she took care of herself and went home. on the other hand, i was glad i got to see her even though she wasn't herself ... so I felt "lucky" to see her (if that makes sense).
I guess what I'm trying to say, sometimes our therapists at their worse is sometimes better than no therapist at all.
Take care of youself. Eat better foods, try to rest. Your puppy will need you when she returns home.
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 1, 2010, at 18:59:58
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on June 1, 2010, at 17:12:30
Well, the new medicine = better blood levels part I really like.
The meds/subcutaneous fluids thing is a lot to handle, but I bet it would be not as overwhelming after the first couple of days. I remember some days with my foster, I thought if I have to figure out how to get him to take one more pill, I'm just going to run away from home. But it all worked out and he's pretty healthy now. The eating thing isn't such a big deal as long as you keep her hydrated, right? I mean, I know she'll need to maintain her weight, but if you've got the sub-q fluids and then can get her to drink something higher calorie than water, would that work?
I'm sorry this is so hard. It would be for me, too. And I completely get your repsonse to all the anxiety. I also know you will get through this.
((((((((((Dinah)))))))))))))
Posted by allisonfly on June 1, 2010, at 20:52:15
In reply to From the sublime to the..., posted by Dinah on June 1, 2010, at 14:12:35
Hi Dinah,
I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well lately. Also, I apologize, being new to the bd, I have missed the postings about your puppy. I hope that the medical issues with her get resolved soon.I think that what you did with your therapist was just great...assertive and yet caring and spot on (I love that water pistol idea too). You really told him what you needed. I'm glad that he at least seemed to hear what you were saying...now it's time for follow through! I am guessing that given the fact that he can many times be extraordinary, he will come thru for you soon.
Hang in there!! I am thinking of you.
Allison
Posted by Dinah on June 2, 2010, at 7:46:17
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the..., posted by annierose on June 1, 2010, at 18:57:24
I probably would have been more upset if he had canceled. I hope he really listens to what I said though. He has a tendency to stretch himself too thin, and while he may think it only hurts him that's not really true.
I think you're right about my anxiety. I added Risperdal to my nightly medication pillbox for the next couple of weeks. That should help. Sometimes I think I should just keep taking it permanently. Last night I just ate pasta, and felt better after. So maybe I'll stick to toast, pasta and other easy to digest foods for a while.
Thanks, Annierose.
Posted by Dinah on June 2, 2010, at 7:52:23
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on June 1, 2010, at 18:59:58
It's definitely a good sign. Yesterday she was perkier than she's been since she was in the hospital and looked good enough to come home. I'm not sure if their criteria for releasing her includes eating as well as bloodwork.
I feel a bit less overwhelmed by the amount of work she'll need when she gets home. I spoke to a friend last night, and that helped me think about it differently. I am so afraid of messing up and killing her. But no matter what happens when she gets home, if I don't try she will die. So I need to think in terms of this being nothing but added time for her, and as long as it's a reasonably good quality of life for her, I shouldn't feel guilty.
I'm glad it worked out with your foster pup. It's a wonderful thing you do with them.
Posted by Dinah on June 2, 2010, at 7:56:53
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... » Dinah, posted by allisonfly on June 1, 2010, at 20:52:15
I suppose he's also pretty good about taking negative feedback without defensiveness (usually) and at owning his own part of any problems.
It wasn't really an easy thing to do. I told him I didn't want to leave therapy feeling angry with him, and we tried to restore some good feeling to the session before I left. It probably did work.
Although when I left he said (as usual) "You can call if you need to." and I said "Sure, I can *call*." So it might take a little while to forget.
Thanks, Allison.
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 2, 2010, at 18:04:59
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on June 2, 2010, at 7:52:23
I *love* the sound of perkier. Really, really love it.
(((((((((Dinah and her Pup)))))))))))))
Posted by Dinah on June 2, 2010, at 21:59:41
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on June 2, 2010, at 18:04:59
She came home today. But the attitude seemed to be that barring a miracle, she's just home for a few reasonably good days before she dies. She's still not eating. Not a good sign at all.
She is herself for short periods of time. But she tires easily. She doesn't seem to be in pain.
I'm feeling at peace about this. I'm glad I did all my wailing and gnashing of teeth before she came home. She doesn't need that from me. If she's really dying, she needs me to make what time she has as "good" normal as possible.
The thought of calling my therapist to talk about how overwhelmed I felt about the responsibility occurred to me. But instead I asked the vet for reassurance. Which probably helped more. This is her only shot, and even if I mess up in some way, I can't do worse than not doing anything at all.
I have a horrible feeling that asking the vet rather than calling my therapist is a sign of growth or something. :(
Posted by Annierose on June 7, 2010, at 6:51:18
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on June 2, 2010, at 21:59:41
You sound more at peace. This is horribly sad and my thoughts are with you. I just read this post. How is she today? Are you able to leave her and go to work?
Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2010, at 9:39:49
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the..., posted by Annierose on June 7, 2010, at 6:51:18
I *am* at peace. It's almost strange to me how at peace I am.
It all started with receiving absolution from my therapist for thinking the angry thoughts about not being able to go through this again, when she was first diagnosed. I can't tell you how powerful that was, and how it changed my experience with this situation. Whenever I think that maybe my therapist is an idiot, I remember times like that. I still am in awe.
It's not that I believe in the "Fates" with my rational mind, but... Well, I suppose everyone who knocks on wood pays some lip service to the idea.
I'm not saying I'm happy that I'm going through this again. I'm not. And maybe someday I'll be angry again. Right now... Oh, it's hard to describe. My focus is totally on how lucky I've been to share her few years with her. And what a gift each extra day is, to be loved and to make her days as happy as a dog can be.
She does seem pretty happy. Her blood levels have gotten way worse since she came home. Yet she's doing great to the naked eye. Dogs are amazing. A human would be miserable and sick. She's on tons of anti-nausea pills because the poisons her kidney can't filter out can make her feel bad. But she's eating again. She's playing her usual doggie games that she hasn't played in a couple of weeks. Attack the slipper (while I'm in them of course - that's when they're alive). And she and my Maltese work together when I'm in the bathroom. The Maltese opens the door (which doesn't latch unless I remember to close tight) just enough to get through, and this one pushes the door wide open and watches me in the mirror attached to the bathroom door. She did that yesterday for the first time in three weeks or so.
She makes me laugh with her zest for living (even now). She makes me feel different inside. It's not the bubble of happiness that used to tickle my insides when I saw my beloved tiny pup who died twenty years ago. But her enjoyment of life is contagious. I wish I could hold onto it, after she's gone. But it doesn't seem to work that way.
Still, to be infected with joy for a couple of years ain't half bad.
My therapist, and that session, are at the core of this quantum leap. When I get annoyed when he's half asleep, or when he doesn't return my calls, I try to keep in mind that he can't be beat at the "big event" sessions. And that even in the smaller, less life changing sessions, he's had *such* a positive influence on my life. And through therapy with him, I see life differently than I did before.
We were talking the other day about therapy ads. You know, like the ones that say "I like to work with clients who are motivated to change. I'll work over the phone. I think most problems can be resolved with hard work in a limited amount of time. I've had twenty three years of experience." and I'll *hear* "I've put in my time. I'm tired. Don't give me any problems." I laughed and said he probably had similar thoughts at the beginning of our therapy. He probably got angry and frustrated at my unwillingness to change. He admitted that that had happened at times. I reminisced that I only started to change when he quit trying to make me change. He laughed and said yes, he had learned that - among many other things. I didn't have the nerve to ask what those other things are.
I'm so lucky to have had a therapist who was willing to be flexible and to do therapy with me in a way that I could benefit from it, and who didn't tell me to go away when he was frustrated, or take out his anger on me.
I think maybe right now I'm feeling grateful for a lot of people that are in my life, or have passed through my life.
Who'd have guessed that absolution could be so life changing?
(Though I'd guess the results aren't permanent.)
Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2010, at 12:19:37
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... (Very long) » Annierose, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2010, at 9:39:49
Hmmm... That sounds kind of creepy.
To clarify, what she's watching is my face and eyes. She's one of those dogs who follow me everywhere, and forces eye contact. (Sheepdog behavior). She comes and stares at me in the mirror until I notice and make eye contact and smile. You're never alone when she's around. But in a good way.
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 7, 2010, at 19:51:58
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the..., posted by Dinah on June 7, 2010, at 12:19:37
Dinah, thanks so much for the update. I don't have much time to respond tonight, but I want you to know that I read it, I teared up, I laughed and I, too, am grateful for every day you have with your beloved pup.
((((((((Dinah)))))))))))
Posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2010, at 7:26:03
In reply to Re: From the sublime to the... (Very long) » Annierose, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2010, at 9:39:49
Still, to be infected with joy for a couple of years ain't half bad.
Yes, it is wonderful to find joy. And so worth it. Enjoy her every day and save those memories.
This is the end of the thread.
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