![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 5:36:15
Hey all,
I haven't been doing too well and need some friends to talk to. Firstly...some happy new. My T gave me a little present for my birthday. It made me so happy.K now the other stuff. I am having bad times with my mum. Those who remember will know I'm a Munchausen by proxy victim. I have never confronted my mum bout this. Anyways, the other day i was on the phone to her. She started saying how her mother was in a psych ward. I then proceeded to say it must run in the family of which my mum then said she has had no mental illness ever or been to a shrink. I then said in my human services records it says she has. she then said that once a shrink showed her pics and it reported she had been repeatedly abused by many men. this convo then turned into me questioning my foster care. of which she said that they accused her of hurting me and she didn't. she told me i pulled out my own surgically inserted tubes and did it all to myself. then said how hard it was for her. I know this is all lies, I have my detailed records. She is a compulsive liar, it's like it's all she knows. And i have spent my whole life sticking up for her, believing in her. Not until this call have i heard her bluntly lie to me about so much stuff, and not seem phased by it. I feel so sick now. It's been 4 days and my nausea is constant, I feel no one can understand. I don't know what I'm asking for here. Maybe just someone to share this with. Someone to care. I just can't get my head around all this. My childhood seems so surreal, how can I make sense of it? I'm just so confused.
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 30, 2010, at 8:37:16
In reply to constant nausea, posted by blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 5:36:15
Ohh Blah how awful for you. I wish I could think of something meaningful to say.
No wonder you feel sick. That push me pull you cr*p with your mum and reality would make anybody seasick.
If I were you I would go back to sitting with present from T. She knows you, values you and she tells the truth.
Take care
Posted by Verloren on January 30, 2010, at 11:18:53
In reply to constant nausea, posted by blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 5:36:15
(((((((((((((((((((((((Blah)))))))))))))))))))))))
I wish I could offer more inspiring and poetic words to get your through this.
I pains me that your mum is in denial about her illness. Maybe, one day she will get help and maybe she will leave her lies behind.
For you, now is a struggle and I know there is no magical way to work past the terror our moms left us holding. Moms can really miss the point can't they? Don't we wish they would see the pain caused and just help us for once through it instead of denying our hurt?
I've been thinking of writing my "angry/letting go letter" to my mom. It still hurts, but I'm hoping even if I don't send it, I will feel relief.
Maybe it's time for your own "letter". Even if you never send it. Talk to your T about this and see what she says. It's important for you to express you feelings even if they are not being heard right now.You know your truth. Even with her denial, YOU know your truth. And I really hope you know what a beautiful, caring, warm young woman you are. That's the truth I see. I hope you see it too.
I think of you being there for me and I know, without doubt, you are such a kind person. I wish you would not have to spend one day in pain.
One day you will no longer feel the nausea. I wish it would go away right now and give you the peace you deserve.
Your T sounds wonderful. If you need to, text her and reach out to her as well. If I can offer any advice, think about your present and the care she felt for you to give it to you. Soothe yourself in some way: hot herbal tea, warm bath, good book, movie, warm hugs.
Thinking of you and wishing you happier thoughts
Love,
V
Posted by blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 17:01:52
In reply to Re: constant nausea » blahblahblah, posted by Verloren on January 30, 2010, at 11:18:53
Mystic - Thank you for the support. I have been holding my present from my T and smiling when I look at it.
V- Your message made me feel so loved. It really did. Thank you so much. The support in here is so special. What I get from my babblers is understanding, rather than just telling me to forget about it and move on. Of which many would know is not that simple. Also can you babble me and tell me how things are going with you.
I haven't spoken to my mum since the call. She wouldn't have a clue that she even said something to upset me. I had 15 major operations from her abuse and all she says is "the doctors butchered me" and that I should "get the scars fixed in case the the scars split open one day". My dad says she lies to everyone. Which is fine, but lying about the abuse. My T says ppl lie about abuse because they can't face up to what they have done. She said in extreme cases like my mother it would have to take a very very very strong person totally at peace with themselves.
Even if my mum did admit to it, I still don't know that would make things better. I guess I'm just looking for anything to put me at peace with it. I really can only find it within myself.
Posted by Sigismund on January 30, 2010, at 18:58:44
In reply to Re: constant nausea, posted by blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 17:01:52
>I guess I'm just looking for anything to put me at peace with it. I really can only find it within myself.
Goodness me. I don't know how.
How do you make peace with that?
The damage is passed down the generations, and I guess you would not want to be part of passing it down again.
It would take me a lifetime.
Posted by Blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 19:15:41
In reply to Re: constant nausea, posted by blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 17:01:52
Oh I also forgot to say that my mum is sickly nice and sweet to everyone including me. She became this nice after she moved far away from us after my parents split up. I was 17 then. Thus way of being nice is her way if being a victim and manipulating everyone says. Yet I find it so difficult to see her as being that coniving. Just like my t says I'm so stuck in the egocentric stage and I am so loyal to my mother.
Posted by Blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 20:21:55
In reply to Re: constant nausea, posted by Blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 19:15:41
The victim thing also is from her having munchausen and doing things to herself. She has spent half my life in hospital and wheelchairs and things from self harm. Now it's hard for me not to see her as a poor sick woman. I will stop purging all my angst onto all of you now.
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 30, 2010, at 22:08:30
In reply to Re: constant nausea, posted by Blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 20:21:55
Ohhh Blah
I get the sense you feel guilty for loving your mum along the lines of Like how could you????because she was your mother. We are programmed to bond with them. That's what makes the abuse of the relationship all the more hideous. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. I say again THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
My take on your T referring you your egocentric stage would be that kids always think they cause bad things to happen. Especially if they are "sick" I put that in inverted commas cos I know YOU were not sick but made sick but you didn't know that then. or worse you did...
This is not your fault.
I would not have a clue how to make sense of your mother's behaviour. It is unthinkable that somebody we love could do something so bad. But they did. Yes your mum had a hard time growing up. That is her stuff.It may explain it but that in no way diminishes what you suffered. It doesn't matter how she presents to the rest of the world. you know what happened to you. As do the people who picked up the pieces at the time and your T now.
This is not your fault.You are doing a great job getting your self back. Keep on going.
Posted by blahblahblah on January 31, 2010, at 0:05:07
In reply to Re: constant nausea, posted by MysticKangaroo on January 30, 2010, at 22:08:30
Thank you Mystic. You seem to understand exactly where I'm at. It's so hard to find ppl in my 'non babble' world other than my T who can do that. It means so much to me and your words really helped. All of your words have.
Posted by MysticKangaroo on January 31, 2010, at 0:08:50
In reply to Re: constant nausea )) Mystic Kangaroo, posted by blahblahblah on January 31, 2010, at 0:05:07
Awwh Blah I am blushing. Glad and honoured to know my words connect.
Posted by rnny on January 31, 2010, at 1:45:42
In reply to constant nausea, posted by blahblahblah on January 30, 2010, at 5:36:15
If she won't respond to the you while talking to her in a way that helps you resolve your turmoil, have you considered putting everything down in writing, whenever you need to...so that she will have to share in the pain you feel since she is responsible for it.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.