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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2010, at 19:21:00
I think he's been bored too.
I seem to be just recounting the weekly events, and not working on anything at all.
Yet I also know I've been very disconnected from myself as well as from him (and everything else), and that if I go less often, that will just get worse.
I have an impulse to call and cancel my next session. Then I'm aware that there is more than a bit of anger behind that impulse, even though I'm at a total loss as to why I'd be angry with him. We've been in perfect accord.
Posted by TherapyGirl on January 22, 2010, at 20:05:59
In reply to I've been bored, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2010, at 19:21:00
Maybe the anger is a way to connect? Accord has rarely resulted in those magic moments of perfect connection for me and my T.
Just a thought.
Posted by workinprogress on January 23, 2010, at 2:46:51
In reply to I've been bored, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2010, at 19:21:00
Hi there Dinah.
Interesting you said that- that you've been bored. And feeling disconnected, because I was just noticing that you didn't seem to be as engaged around here lately. Do you feel disconnected from just him, or does disconnected resonate elsewhere?
And I totally can't remember, but the post you had a while back, where you acted out the fantasy... I totally can't remember and don't have the patience to figure out how to find it... but was that something you decided in the end was about connection? I don't know why I think that, but for some reason I feel like that's popped up a bit lately.
Maybe it's me- today my T and I discovered that I really really want/yearn for connection, but that I'm also so afraid of rejection, that I don't really show the real me, so I miss out on real connection. So- anyway, connection is on my mind.
If I'm not totally transferring onto you- could it be that something's getting in the way of connecting to your T and that's why you're bored?
Ok- maybe that's all random... regardless, I'm sorry you're feeling that way, it doesn't sound like it feels very good. Hang in there...
(((((((((Dinah))))))))))))))
WIP
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2010, at 22:11:25
In reply to Re: I've been bored » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on January 22, 2010, at 20:05:59
I think you may be right. There might be a bit too much accord right now. I've been doing everything from dropping hints to asking outright about things I need to work on, and he hasn't really been responsive. He likes to let me lead, but I guess sometimes I'm unsure of what it is I'm supposed to lead to. And after all this time, I'm not sure he's any more sure than I am.
You faced the ups and downs of long term therapy as well. How did you shake things up from the complacency that sometimes comes with it?
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2010, at 22:20:51
In reply to Re: I've been bored, posted by workinprogress on January 23, 2010, at 2:46:51
I think you've put your finger on the main problem. In fact, my therapist has been tying in my lack of involvement in therapy with my overall disconnectedness. It's not only him, or Babble. It's feeling of disconnect with myself as well. Each moment of my life seems to stand on its own right now, disconnected with any moment when I'm not doing the same things or feeling the same feelings. Every moment seems like that's what it is, has always been, and will always be.
My therapist has gone further than seeing my not posting as a result of the disconnect to saying that he thinks it's added to the disconnect. He thinks that posting at Babble gave me a way to connect my life experiences, and maintain a stable sense of identity. (I also rely on therapy for that.) He didn't really follow up on the thought, but I do think I know what he means. Journaling might serve the function as well, but I've never ever been good at keeping journals.
Maintaining a stable sense of identity has always been a challenge for me.
I wish my therapist would be a bit more challenging sometimes. I've heard tell of therapists who tell their clients that they aren't really present. Heck, I tell him when he's not really present. But that's who he is as a therapist and I guess I have to take the bitter with the better.
Posted by rnny on January 29, 2010, at 0:34:02
In reply to I've been bored, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2010, at 19:21:00
I used to get bored with my old T. It was like a married couple who knew what was going to happen. I knew what was going to happen when I got there and sometimes nothing "therapeutic" was accomplished. We were just in each other's presence and it was a continuation of conversing with one another but not about any specific mental health issue. I would sometimes leave feeling those sessions were a waste. However having a relationship with someone who didn't abuse me was valuable, so I guess in hindsight, those times weren't a waste.
Posted by Dinah on January 29, 2010, at 8:42:42
In reply to Re: I've been bored, posted by rnny on January 29, 2010, at 0:34:02
I was just thinking of this this morning.
Yes, you describe it perfectly. That comfy old pair of shoes feeling is wonderful at times, and helps me at times. But there are other times when it's a sign that we're off track. And I suppose overall it's a sign that I'm hitting some developmental milestones, however late. Drat it.
I think this time it's a sign that we're not working on the thing I most need to work on right now - avoidance. (Ironic, isn't it?) Unfortunately, I don't know how much my therapist can help me with that.
I wish you still had that old therapist to feel safe and even bored with.
This is the end of the thread.
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