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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Verloren on January 11, 2010, at 16:54:23
My T has been coaxing me to go into an intensive outpatient program. I had been very hesitant. I listed out the potential pros and cons of this.
Cons:
1. I would not be able/allowed to meet with my T for the 4 weeks I am there. (I would miss her terribly)
2. The program has a group structure, which would mean face-to-face interactions with people within this group. I'm worried I might know someone. Or that someone in the group would ridicule me. Above all, I do not feel comfortable sharing in a group setting because I just don't trust people.Pros:
1. It may accelerate my recovery.
2. I might have longer sessions for more days out of the week than my T can give.Last week I caved in and told her I would go. I wonder if she knows the bulk of my decision was made because I want to make her happy and have her be pleased. I know the decision should be about me getting better but I'm not so sure if I would do well in that environment.
My T said to me on Friday that certain people needed to go into the intensive program because they are not able to be helped in a private practice setting alone. I asked her if I was one of those persons and she said yes.
Then, I asked if while I was in the program, would she take that opportunity to get rid of me as her patient. She had previously stated that after the program I would resume seeing her. She told me that she had no intention of terminating with me. However, I worry if she's saying that just to get me into his program. And then shell turn on me.
My judgment about this is so clouded. In reality I can see the extra ways she has helped me and how I should be grateful. She has scheduled me so that the hour after my session is open so that we have more time to talk if needed. She called me once on a Saturday to follow-up even though her office was closed. She moved our sessions into an office with a couch because I said I prefer a couch to the chair in her office. When we first started, I would ask her a series of questions and tell her she could only answer in certain ways, ie. answer using only 2 words, rate this using a scale of 1-5,etc. She has been very accommodating, but, I fear it is because she feels she has to make those accommodations for me, that she would be better off terminating me as a patient and not have to go through the hassle.
But my insecurity overrules rational thinking every time. What are some of your thoughts? I feel so miserable and hopeless. I just have been trying to do everything to keep my mind away from thinking about it.
I also have been feeling despair because I have been hiding something quite important from her. Ive been doing an activity she told me not to do because it would stress me out and I needed to concentrate on myself. I need to confess to my T, that I have been doing it for a couple of months now and it has indeed stressed me out, but I think will negatively alter things between us. There are more issues surrounding this that I can't go into the details of. But I feel like the worst case scenario is that I won't be able to see her anymore and it will be all my fault.
Im probably over-thinking it but I can't help doing that.
-Verloren
Posted by rnny on January 11, 2010, at 18:53:02
In reply to Intensive outpatient program + despair (Long Post), posted by Verloren on January 11, 2010, at 16:54:23
You say she has been very accomodating hence I would believe her when she says she is not going to drop you as a patient.
Posted by Verloren on January 13, 2010, at 23:06:11
In reply to Re: Intensive outpatient program + despair (Long Post), posted by rnny on January 11, 2010, at 18:53:02
Thanks rnny,
My mind got caught up in its tangles of destructive thoughts.
take care,
-Verloren
Posted by evenintherain on January 14, 2010, at 11:52:15
In reply to Intensive outpatient program + despair (Long Post), posted by Verloren on January 11, 2010, at 16:54:23
i agree, it doesn't sound like she's trying to get rid of you, just trying to help.
my pdoc suggested an intensive outpatient program to me as well, and i had a similar thought. i don't think that is the rational part of the brain thinking, though! he has no real reason to want to get rid of me, i just got slightly worried because i seem to be a bit too much for him, and i guess that doesn't make me feel too good. but i am confident that he is just trying to find the best way to help me.
does anyone here have any experience with an IOP? the one he is suggested is 3 half-days a week. i am interested in getting some help but don't know if i can afford this and also group therapy has never appealed to me and i assume that will be a big part of the program.
i figure i may as well get an evaluation. it does sound like a good alternative to an inpatient program, which i would like to avoid (even though the idea of surrendering control sounds pretty nice right now).
Posted by evenintherain on January 14, 2010, at 12:03:10
In reply to Re: Intensive outpatient program, posted by evenintherain on January 14, 2010, at 11:52:15
ps i didn't mean to turn that post into something about me. i just wanted to let you know that i understand why you would be worried but i don't think that is rational and i also wanted to show you that those questions occur to other people too (the insecurity thing).
it is nice that you seem to have a good relationship with your T and she does seem very committed to helping you.
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 14, 2010, at 19:58:11
In reply to Intensive outpatient program + despair (Long Post), posted by Verloren on January 11, 2010, at 16:54:23
I think you have a problem with trusting people. Your T would be unethical if she felt you needed more help than she could provide alone and didn't try to arrange for you to get it. It doesn't mean she wants to dump you at all. It's surprising that you would think that.
Also, working in groups might help you feel less distrustful of other people. It's very unlikely you'll meet someone you know and very unlikely anybody will ridicule you. I have done 3 IOP programs and they've been incredibly helpful. They structure your days when you're depressed and alone too much and usually do a lot of very helpful CBT and DBT exercises.
You may be surprised and find you really get a lot out of the program and think how much you will have to talk to your T about when you return.
This is the end of the thread.
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