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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by obsidian on October 22, 2009, at 22:15:30
a bit overwhelmed by things
one of my estranged family members is dying...it's sort of confusing
it feels like an end to something that ended a long time ago
in truth she went on living without me (and vice versa) a long time agoand other things, big things
from all sides
there's just too many things to deal with to have have any feelings about any of itI guess I'm doing fairly well considering, but I don't know exactly why I feel so sad.
Posted by Sigismund on October 23, 2009, at 1:14:02
In reply to I feel sad...., posted by obsidian on October 22, 2009, at 22:15:30
Hi Sid
Only an individualistic culture would seek to locate the reason for sadness within the individual.
Yet, while there are reasons to feel sad, it is helpful to know what some of them are.
From the case you mention, wasted time and feeling might be one.(I'm indulging my melancholy by doing some overlapping reading...."Stalin's Hangmen" and "The Devils" by Dostoyevsky, as a sort of enquiry into the alternate realities we humans dream up and act out.)
I was talking to someone this morning and The Fire Sermon came up, we took the dog to be blessed on St Francis's Feast Day and prayed for all the animals in the factory farms, and then the reading was from the Book of Job ["Curse God and Die"] (I hadn't thought the Anglican Church had it in them).
It's all colour and movement round here.
Posted by obsidian on October 23, 2009, at 20:32:09
In reply to Re: I feel sad.... » obsidian, posted by Sigismund on October 23, 2009, at 1:14:02
> Hi Sid
>
> Only an individualistic culture would seek to locate the reason for sadness within the individual.Please tell me more about what you mean. :-)
> Yet, while there are reasons to feel sad, it is helpful to know what some of them are.
> From the case you mention, wasted time and feeling might be one.sort of an empty feeling in part
> (I'm indulging my melancholy by doing some overlapping reading...."Stalin's Hangmen" and "The Devils" by Dostoyevsky, as a sort of enquiry into the alternate realities we humans dream up and act out.)
>
> I was talking to someone this morning and The Fire Sermon came up, we took the dog to be blessed on St Francis's Feast Day and prayed for all the animals in the factory farms, and then the reading was from the Book of Job ["Curse God and Die"] (I hadn't thought the Anglican Church had it in them).
> It's all colour and movement round here.wow, interesting stuff sig :-)
strangely enough, at my last visit to the dentist, as he drilled my tooth and I sat there with my mouth gaping open, the subject of Jesus came up. "Yes, well..." I said mumbling, "he's the ultimate symbol of suffering." Then I had to say, after he told his assistant that she was going to hell, and then the subject of heaven came up, "uhh...I don't really believe in heaven." "Oh", he said, "you're one of those".
I said something about believing we were "borrowing carbon", but of course I think it's more than that.
This family member of mine is 97. I hope I make it to 97.
Posted by Sigismund on October 24, 2009, at 0:53:39
In reply to Re: I feel sad.... » Sigismund, posted by obsidian on October 23, 2009, at 20:32:09
How do you make us carbon neutral? Not, at any rate, with the Lake of Fire.
>I hope I make it to 97.
Be careful what you wish for.
I had a friend, now dead, who said quite seriously 'Don't get old. Just don't get old', which makes one immediately think 'But I'm not old and I'm not enjoying it either'.What I meant about the individualistic culture thing is that we are able to look at other cultures and see (more clearly than we can in our own case) that the patterns of distress and mental illness are culturally mediated to a degree, and that the expression of them will differ. There used to be something called hysteria. Now we don't have it. Why not? Because of the demise of duty? Neurasthenia? Well, we all have that. I certainly do. Neurosis? Yep. Catatonia? Disappeared, along with waxy immobility. Why?
If you are fighting a war for no reason other than to see who can win (WWI) and the penalty for desertion is death, maybe the only way out is hysteria?
But what about really different cultures? Nomadic ones?
I wouldn't want your dentist to be drilling my teeth when I told him I didn't believe in heaven. Do you think his knowledge of who is going to heaven and hell makes him a more reliable dentist?
Posted by Poet on October 24, 2009, at 15:32:39
In reply to Re: I feel sad.... » Sigismund, posted by obsidian on October 23, 2009, at 20:32:09
Hi Sid,
Sorry you're feeling sad, maybe a distraction would help like watching a favorite movie or reading a book that you've always wanted to read? That usually helps me get out of a minor funky mood.
I don't believe in heaven or hell. I'm glad I go to a dentist that talks about vacations in warm places that don't involve a one way journey to hell. Consider your dentist cyber slapped on the head.
Poet
Posted by obsidian on October 24, 2009, at 19:42:19
In reply to Re: I feel sad.... » obsidian, posted by Poet on October 24, 2009, at 15:32:39
thanks Poet :-)
Posted by obsidian on October 24, 2009, at 19:50:27
In reply to I feel sad...., posted by obsidian on October 22, 2009, at 22:15:30
it seems she died Tuesday....it's just that they didn't get around to telling us
I think I was meant to have stronger bonds than this, but so it goes.
I was so irritable all day, and so sad, and so angry.
not necessarily about this.....but I guess it fits with things feeling meaningless
Posted by floatingbridge on October 24, 2009, at 22:17:27
In reply to I feel sad...., posted by obsidian on October 22, 2009, at 22:15:30
Obsidian,As one who rarely post though lurks, I feel sad is a legitimate, bearable, healthy, human emotion and a true response. There is so much going on for you. I suppose, I want to give you kudos for feeling sad and being able to feel it--and not call it depressed or something else. I'm not saying it's pleasant or desired.
peaceful wishes for you during this time,
fb
Posted by obsidian on October 25, 2009, at 8:59:53
In reply to Re: I feel sad.... » obsidian, posted by floatingbridge on October 24, 2009, at 22:17:27
thanks floatingbridge, love that name by the way
thanks for posting, I appreciate what you said.
-sid
Posted by Dinah on October 25, 2009, at 10:40:34
In reply to Re: I feel sad...., posted by obsidian on October 24, 2009, at 19:50:27
I think mourning can be just as real when our feelings weren't particularly positive. Mourning what might have been and never will be now has more of the bitter and less of the sweet.
I'm sorry for your loss, even if the biggest part of your loss didn't happen at the death.
Posted by obsidian on October 25, 2009, at 10:28:17
In reply to Re: I feel sad.... » obsidian, posted by Dinah on October 25, 2009, at 9:40:34
thanks Dinah, for helping me make sense of this
it seems I'm sadder than I expected, feels oddmy brother wrote me and said he'd hold on to the good memories and bury the rest...I actually felt something more tangible then, with just a little of his perspective
I told him that I remember little, with most of it tragic
Posted by floatingbridge on October 25, 2009, at 11:00:22
In reply to Re: I feel sad.... » obsidian, posted by Dinah on October 25, 2009, at 9:40:34
> I think mourning can be just as real when our feelings weren't particularly positive. Mourning what might have been and never will be now has more of the bitter and less of the sweet.
>
> I'm sorry for your loss, even if the biggest part of your loss didn't happen at the death.Dinah
You say this so eloquently. Yes, I agree--and it's so good for me to read your post.
And again, best wishes Sid.
fb
Posted by Sigismund on October 25, 2009, at 14:28:19
In reply to Re: I feel sad.... » Dinah, posted by floatingbridge on October 25, 2009, at 11:00:22
>I think mourning can be just as real when our feelings weren't particularly positive.
Yes
The more our emotions are conflicted, the harder it can be.
It is liable to be much simpler if the feelings toward the dead person were positive.
Posted by floatingbridge on October 25, 2009, at 15:04:57
In reply to Re: I feel sad...., posted by Sigismund on October 25, 2009, at 14:28:19
> >I think mourning can be just as real when our feelings weren't particularly positive.
>
> Yes
>
> The more our emotions are conflicted, the harder it can be.
> It is liable to be much simpler if the feelings toward the dead person were positive.Sigi & Dinah, Yes to both--when my dad died, the feelings of grief were really grief--for what could have been and also for what was. The feelings were very different than when my mom died. I was unable to really grieve--and I still carry it today--I work on this in therapy. Really mourning feels painful, but to me, oodles better than not being able to let go of what could have been (which, for some reason I was able to do with my dad).
To let go of what could have been, I call the end of the dream. I think it's healthy to wake up, though maybe painful. I'm a work in progress.
Best thoughts to you all, and to you Sid. Sounds like you have an ally in your brother.
fb
Posted by onceupon on October 25, 2009, at 18:26:00
In reply to I feel sad...., posted by obsidian on October 22, 2009, at 22:15:30
Sorry to hear you're struggling, Sid. This:
"there's just too many things to deal with to have have any feelings about any of it"
can feel so overwhelming when the feelings catch up. Hope you're able to be gentle with yourself.
Posted by obsidian on October 26, 2009, at 0:22:20
In reply to Re: I feel sad...., posted by onceupon on October 25, 2009, at 19:26:00
I did some serious sobbing today. It seemed to have a life of its own, deep sadness, that just came like waves.
go figure :-?
Posted by Sigismund on October 26, 2009, at 0:43:22
In reply to Re: I feel sad.... » Sigismund, posted by floatingbridge on October 25, 2009, at 16:04:57
>(which, for some reason I was able to do with my dad).
What you are left with is a nice feeling, albeit sad.
Rather than a knot of feeling without resolution.
I'm in the same position, but once my father said to me 'When will it end?' and I have to say I have never been so complimented in all my life, that he would share his despair with me, and act as if I had something useful to say.
Posted by Leo Brazil on October 27, 2009, at 5:12:30
In reply to Re: I feel sad...., posted by Sigismund on October 26, 2009, at 0:43:22
Do you mind saying what is your sign? Like virgo, libra, etc. I recently got interested in astrology. Maybe I have an answer for you.
Leo
Posted by Sigismund on October 28, 2009, at 2:09:36
In reply to Re: I feel sad...., posted by Leo Brazil on October 27, 2009, at 5:12:30
>Do you mind saying what is your sign? Like virgo, libra, etc. I recently got interested in astrology. Maybe I have an answer for you.
Me? I'm a scorpio.
(Scorpios who turn their energy against themselves are supposed to be in serious trouble.)What I'd like is to get hold of the I Ching and learn to do it.
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