![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 12:35:24
I'm in long term therapy, so I have a lot of experience with the vacation, illness, family emergency etc... therapy interruption. I just kind of continue on, taking it day by day, and know that he'll be home. Sometimes, we even pick up right where we left off with out any down beat at all.
Well,this vacation is bothering me, more than a little bit. Perhaps it is because he said "you know I'm going out of town and won't be here next weeK" I indicated that yes he had told me that and I understood. He kind of sat back in his chair and sighed. I didn't really know what to say. Then he brought up the list of 5 words that I used to describe him and just let it linger in the air for awile.
I had no comment, except to say, that I had learned to tolerate these absences quite well,and that, in reality, I only "had" him for 45 minutes once a week.
I think I'm bothered because that may have come across as harsh - albeit true, but there is this undercurrent of something bugging him and I think it is related to the 5 words. He keeps bringing up the fact that I chose to place "empathetic" as the final word. The first was provencial (he doesn't use computers, still handwrites bills, doesn't email and won't take debit cards etc, wears pocketwatches etc..).
I'm worried that there is something unresolved here, and I'm left to wait until his return to address it.
Did he want me to express upset at his vacation? Why? Doesn't he not realize that even in his absence my life *has* to go on. It's his decision to go, I have no say so in it at all.
Is he worried about the words I used to describe him and how that might reflect our relationship in my mind? Did I not pick the right words? How can I pick the wrong ones?
Is he trying to pick up on how I feel about him? Well, now THAT'S a fundamental shift in all that I understand about therapy.
Really, I'm just perplexed, worried and anxious over him being gone, but then I'm anxious about his return as this is going to have to be addressed.
Does anybody have any *idea* about what is going on with my therapist, cause I gotta admit. I'm fairly clueless.
Thanks
Seldom.
Posted by blahblahblah on October 25, 2009, at 15:31:21
In reply to Well, therapist is on vacation., posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 12:35:24
Well, the only way you can find out is by asking him when he returns. Questioning it constantly will only make you anxious and worried. It's funny when we do questions our T's on something how much often our perception of something is so different from what they are suggesting. Once my T said it would be great for me to work overseas and live in another country for a while. I thought that was her saying she was trying to get rid of me. Funny how we bring our own insecurities into it.
Posted by Dinah on October 25, 2009, at 17:30:08
In reply to Well, therapist is on vacation., posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 12:35:24
That is an interesting juxtaposition, mentioning the vacation and the five words at the same time.
Did any of the five words have something to do with abandonment?
How I see my therapist has always been a topic for therapy. And the subtle shifts in it have been very telling, when I think about it.
My therapist liked how I described him. What I said wasn't all that flattering, and most of it didn't surprise him. But I think he was really... struck? with things I said that he may not have thought were visible.
When your therapist brings it up, does he mention one more than the others? If you close your eyes and remember his tone of voice, and body posture, etc. when he talks about them, can you feel something that feels off to you about any one of them?
Of course you can't really follow up until he returns. And it may be something else entirely that he's dwelling on. They work in mysterious ways.
Posted by tetrix on October 25, 2009, at 17:50:47
In reply to Re: Well, therapist is on vacation. » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on October 25, 2009, at 17:30:08
my therapist never asked me to describe her.. she never does any of the techniques you guys mention your T's do.. just thinking out loud..
Posted by onceupon on October 25, 2009, at 18:22:18
In reply to Well, therapist is on vacation., posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 12:35:24
I'm curious about the quality of your therapist's sigh after you told him you understood about his being gone. Seems like you're picking up on some frustration from him, and you're worried about it. If that's the case, I get that - I can read the weirdest things into my therapist's every action - my worries sprout like freaking mushrooms in the rain.
I'm curious too about this:
"Is he trying to pick up on how I feel about him? Well, now THAT'S a fundamental shift in all that I understand about therapy."
What would be different about him trying to pick up on how you feel about him? What would it mean for you if he were trying to do this?
Posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 18:36:33
In reply to Re: Well, therapist is on vacation., posted by blahblahblah on October 25, 2009, at 15:31:21
I know. THe only way to get resolution to this is to suck it up and wait for his return.
I think it is also all tangled up in the fact that I *do* miss him. I missed our time together this week.
I don't have to wait long, as he will be back tomorrow and our appointment is on wednesday.
But I still, nonetheless, feel like I'm twisting on the end of a rope here and it's an odd feeling after all these years.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 18:53:38
In reply to Re: Well, therapist is on vacation. » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on October 25, 2009, at 17:30:08
The five words were:
Provencial (as described)
Paternal (to sons, not daughters)
Subtly Libidinous (okay, well, he is)
Professional (a consummate professional, a master at his craft.)
Empathetic (he gets it)To me, none of those relate to abandonment, except for maybe the father, but even that is a stretch.
When he speaks of this list, and he does often, it is always in terms of empathetic being the last thing I mentioned (as though these were rank ordered - they aren't). But I presuming that the fact I mentioned empathetic last, means I must have just "tacked" it on, to an otherwise unremarkable list. Perhaps after all these years, he expected words like trustworthy, kind, and benevolent - and all of these are true, just not on the list.
I don't know what to think until we talk about this some.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 19:00:49
In reply to Re: Well, therapist is on vacation., posted by onceupon on October 25, 2009, at 18:22:18
This sigh to me was one of disappointment, as was his general countenance during our discussion of his vacation. How was I suspposed to react? Was I supposed to beg him to stay? We've been through all of that.
Several years of my therapy were spent with me trying to discern what he thought about me. It's odd, but I've moved on from that. He hasn't run out of the room, or terminated me yet, so he must find me tolerable. I suspect that sometimes he enjoys our sessions as I almost invariably make him laugh, which must be a nice break. Although, again, that is just conjecture.
Now, if *he* were concerned about what I thought of him, that would indeed be something I hadn't even thought of. Most likely, if he is concerned, it wouldn't be regarding what I thought of him personally, but rather would be a reflection of how my therapy was progressing, or how I had mastered the dynamics of our relationship. I don't know for sure though.
Something is up. Something is bothering him about my list and about my tolerance of him leaving.
We'll know wednesday I guess.
Seldom.
Posted by psych chat on October 25, 2009, at 21:28:47
In reply to Re: Well, therapist is on vacation. » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 18:53:38
Well how about adding 5 more to the list...making it 10 ways to describe him?
Did you ever ask him what 5 traits he would use to describe you? That might be interesting..I might even ask my T. thanks for the idea! :P
Posted by psych chat on October 25, 2009, at 21:34:22
In reply to Re: Well, therapist is on vacation., posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 19:00:49
Maybe he was having a bad day?
My T seems not himself once in a while..he will look tired, and I can tell the difference although I've only known him but a couple of months now.
Sometimes we interpret Ts verbals and non-verbals differently because of transference....other times, obviously we don't. Sometimes they blend together, I believe.
Then again, often our intuition is correct.
Sorry I am not being too helpful here...
Distracting yourself by changing your routine, starting a new hobby, etc., may be helpful to prevent the reoccurrence of these thoughts.
Maybe you could arrange for a movie marathon at your house with some girlfriends next weekend or something. Make appointments for manicure, pedicure, facial, wax, etc. - one for each day of the week while he is away?
Posted by onceupon on October 25, 2009, at 21:41:29
In reply to Re: Well, therapist is on vacation., posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 19:00:49
Or maybe it's countertransference on his part? Or a gap between how you see him and how he would like to be seen by you or expects to be seen by you? Or between how you see him and how he sees himself?
I'll be interested to hear how it goes on Wednesday. I know that most of the time when I read disappointment/anger/frustration or the like into my therapist's reactions, she usually let's me know I'm off. The extent to which I believe her though, that's another subject!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.