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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on October 21, 2009, at 10:54:55
Such a catchy phrase. I can't find the prior discussion and didn't want to hijack your dog thread with a question. What's the egg of shame?
I'm not sure my shame is nicely contained like an egg.
Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2009, at 11:16:42
In reply to The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this?, posted by Tabitha on October 21, 2009, at 10:54:55
lol.
A few months ago I asked my therapist to give me some homework. I can't really recall the context now.
He gave me an exercise. Part of it I was ok with. I was supposed to come up with five words to describe my mother, my father, my role in teh family, things like that.
But one part I hated and have still been balking at completing. He says I have to do all of it or none of it. It's become a bit of a standing joke between us. I was supposed to draw a large egg on a piece of poster paper or presentation paper, and fill the egg with pictures of things from my past that were traumatic, or humiliating, etc.
I objected on many levels. I was uncomfortable with so much drawing, since I do not draw at all well. And I was very uncomfortable with putting down all these traumatic, and especially shameful, memories in one place, like a list. I didn't think it was at all a good way to deal with them, since it would come rattling off like a grocery list, without any accompanying affect.
He says we can spend as long as I like on each, and that bringing it in shows a willingness and readiness to deal with those things. I pointed out that it did no such thing, since I would only be doing it to please him. I think the idea is to bring these things up and release the shame of them.
I might be subconsciously trying to please him by bringing things up one at a time. But that doesn't address the stubborn impasse between us. He things I ought to do this one thing that *he* wants to do, and I'm unwilling to do the egg part of it. At least I'm unwilling to do it in the spirit it was intended, or with good grace. I offered to put in a few things or make up things...
Have I mentioned I can be very very stubborn myself?
Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2009, at 11:17:30
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this? » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on October 21, 2009, at 11:16:42
Oh, and I also thought it was the sort of thing you do with a new client, and that he ought to know all my traumas by now.
Posted by obsidian on October 21, 2009, at 22:12:05
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this?, posted by Dinah on October 21, 2009, at 11:17:30
alright...what is with the egg?
and why all the traumas at once?is there a common theme? aside from shame? that ties it all together?
-sid
Posted by Tabitha on October 22, 2009, at 0:16:49
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this?, posted by Dinah on October 21, 2009, at 11:17:30
Wow. It just strikes me so funny that it's an egg. Why not just a circle?
I'd be more comfortable writing a list than drawing a picture. I'm not sure why exactly. I guess words are more distancing. A picture is too childlike, would make me feel more vulnerable. But yeah, why put it all in one place? It has more power, all bunched together.
I did once make a list of shameful events of a certain category. I think it did release some of their power, to see them all listed. It just is what it is. Not some amorphous blob of memory. A simple list. Goodbye, shameful events of a certain category.
I think I totally get how it sounds like a newbie assignment, but maybe he just doesn't have that many original ideas for exercises. Perhaps he only has five or six therapy exercises in his entire repertoire.
Posted by BayLeaf on October 22, 2009, at 6:19:21
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this? » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on October 22, 2009, at 0:16:49
sounds like he went to a seminar and he really liked the egg. he musta filled up his own egg in class. ask what he put in HIS egg... :-)
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2009, at 9:06:50
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this?, posted by BayLeaf on October 22, 2009, at 6:19:21
I love that!!!
And it sounds very much like him. He tends to be enthusiastic about things.
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2009, at 9:10:52
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this? » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on October 22, 2009, at 0:16:49
That's what he says. About the shame. Why an egg I'm not sure. Symbolism that you are reborn after?
I think at this point it's a contest of wills on his part. He has gotten very good about being willing to stretch outside his comfort zone, and I think that he thinks this is one thing *he* suggested and I ought to be willing to stretch.
I remember now why I asked. He was going on vacation and I was asking for homework to keep the continuity going. I suppose I asked for something and now he feels like I'm rejecting what he offered?
I suspect he has lots of exercises, but probably all for newer clients than me, since I'm the only client like me he has. He rarely does therapy longer than a year or two.
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2009, at 9:35:41
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this? » Dinah, posted by obsidian on October 21, 2009, at 22:12:05
Theoretically it's all traumatic memories. I got a bit fixated on shame.
But I don't know that it would be any more acceptable to me no matter what it was. If I had a childhood full of trauma, for example, I don't think I'd want to remember every trauma and make a list or draw little pictures or symbols. It seems rather demeaning of my experiences. Maybe that's just me.
Tabitha described listing everything related to one topic, and I might take that better since it would be more related to what was going on with me at the time. Dredging up memories seems so artificial to me, and I don't see how I could express them in a way that was meaningful to me, in a way where my mind and emotions were connected.
Posted by Poet on October 24, 2009, at 15:18:59
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this?, posted by Dinah on October 21, 2009, at 11:17:30
Hi Dinah,
Being the sarcastic smart a** I am I would draw a cracked egg and tell him all the shame leaked out.
One cyberslap to your T's egghead.
Poet
Posted by jane d on October 24, 2009, at 16:57:37
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this? » Dinah, posted by Poet on October 24, 2009, at 15:18:59
> Hi Dinah,
>
> Being the sarcastic smart a** I am I would draw a cracked egg and tell him all the shame leaked out.
>Lovely!
Jane
Posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2009, at 7:43:41
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this? » Dinah, posted by Poet on October 24, 2009, at 15:18:59
Yay! A cyberslap by Poet! I've been thinking the same thing, but nobody cyberslaps like you!
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on October 25, 2009, at 10:38:39
In reply to Re: The Egg of Shame? Dinah, what is this? » Dinah, posted by Poet on October 24, 2009, at 15:18:59
Poet! It's wonderful to see you!
He redeemed himself a bit Friday. We actually talked about it on a level other than mutual stubbornness.
I took Bayleaf's advice, and asked him about his own experience with the egg. It was indeed a workshop thing. And while he didn't share with me the specifics of what he put in his egg (which is just as well I think), he did talk a bit about the mechanics of filling it out (ie how many shameful pictures were typical), and about his feelings in doing the egg.
He actually listened to me, and understood that I found it disrespectful to my experiences to lump them all together with little pictures. He said he wished I didn't feel that way, because he knows I'll never do it as long as I do. And that he hopes I know he would never ask me to do it if he found it disrespectful, and shared how he has found it very respectful both as the one drawing the egg and as a therapist.
He says at this point, as helpful as he finds the egg, he's more interested in how strongly I am opposed to doing it.
It was the first *real* conversation we'd had about it on a level other than head butting. So perhaps he has received his cyberslap indirectly. Talking about it on babble gave me the determination to talk about it on a deeper level in session.
I gotta say, my therapist usually responds very well.
I still am not going to do the egg, but I don't feel nearly as irritable now.
This is the end of the thread.
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