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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by psychmom on September 10, 2009, at 13:17:34
Has anyone had an extremely rocky relationship with their t, and then made things worse? My t gets very defensive and i know has counter-transference but he should have fired me a long time ago, but remains supportive. Supportive,as much as he can, the more he gives, the more I want. I want to say sorry but not sure how this time.....
Posted by Nadezda on September 10, 2009, at 15:16:42
In reply to how to say sorry to t, posted by psychmom on September 10, 2009, at 13:17:34
Yes, I have.
The best thing to do is to apologize--or that is, to say what you're feeling about the situation. It's also useful to talk about what really happened--insofar as you both can figure it out-- and what was going on in you (or what you imagined was going on in him).
These conversations have helped my T and me work together more productively. Of course, it takes time and working these issues (whatever they are) through.
Nadezda
Posted by Dinah on September 10, 2009, at 17:56:56
In reply to how to say sorry to t, posted by psychmom on September 10, 2009, at 13:17:34
Well, ordinarily, I think an apology has three parts. Taking responsibility (For example, It seems that I often find myself in a rocky place with you, and maybe don't express how much you've helped me.) Expressing regret (like, I know you're my therapist, and this is about me, not you. But I would very much regret causing you pain.). And making amends.
And that's where the problems lie. Because this *is* your therapy, and it *is* about you. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to worry about what you say to your therapist. You can't really promise never to do it again. The boundary in therapy is supposed to protect your therapist and you.
But I'm of the general opinion that apologizing is a good thing for the soul. I've certainly apologized on more than one occasion. Sometimes they were grovelling apologies more about my shame than his feelings. Sometimes they were apologies because I thought I'd gone over the line and possibly hurt him. Sometimes they were apologies that were based in thoughtful reflection on the entire tenor of our relationship, and the contribution I made to that.
An apology can be part of an overall thoughtful discussion about where your relationship is, where you'd like it to be, etc.
Posted by elizabeth31 on September 20, 2009, at 15:34:46
In reply to how to say sorry to t, posted by psychmom on September 10, 2009, at 13:17:34
I've definitely apologized many times to my therapist over the course of my therapy with him--I think its a good and normal approach to confronting these real feelings despite the limits of the therapeutic relationship. I wouldn't worry at all about this as they don't take it personally and remember all the emotions you're dealing with in therapy...they are all about you and not about the therapist :) Your therapist's job is simply providing you with a person to talk to and he/she really isn't responding or causing the anger/pain/sadness you might experience during the process. I think apologizing is a great tool in therapy because its a way for you to put words onto an emotion and deal with the feelings directly in therapy.
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