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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by workinprogress on August 29, 2009, at 13:44:05
Surely I'm not the only one checking and seeing that there are no new posts. I think about posting, but then don't think I have anything big enough to start a thread on.
So how about we just share what's on our minds. Recent happenings, struggles, victories, successes, questions, thoughts, feelings, whatever... then maybe some discussion will come from it.
I miss babble discussion!
Maybe there isn't any to be had right now, but I thought I'd try.
I'll put my "on my mind" in as a response.
So, Babble... whatcha thinking/feeling?
Posted by workinprogress on August 29, 2009, at 13:50:12
In reply to So, Babble.... whatcha thinking/feeling?, posted by workinprogress on August 29, 2009, at 13:44:05
Ok... on my mind. (and I'm thinking if someone want to respond to someone's "on my mind" then they should copy it into a new thread... that way we can get a few new ones started... just a thought)
I am working really hard these days to catch the negative self-talk in my head. It often revolves around telling myself that my feelings are bad or wrong. It's a big part of my self-hatred.. which my T and I are working on these days.
It's a struggle, but I've had some recent victories of catching myself. It's hard to admit those things and I got really defensive (to the point that she asked about my defensiveness and I smirked because when she asked I noticed my arms were crossed and my body language was defensive in some other ways).
Anyway, I'm working on seeing shades of gray instead of black and white. Seeing decisions, choices and feelings as just being- not good or bad or right or wrong.. they just are.
That's my latest. Anybody have tips on catching that negative reel in your head?
WIP
Posted by Daisym on August 29, 2009, at 17:59:37
In reply to Re: So, Babble.... whatcha thinking/feeling?, posted by workinprogress on August 29, 2009, at 13:50:12
One of the ways I catch myself is to ask some of the following questions:
Is there evidence to prove or disprove this belief I'm holding about myself?
Is it current or old?
Is it an excuse or a plea for someone to disagree? (This is super hard to be honest about!)
Am I secretly proud of this flaw? (another thing that is hard to admit)
And then I try to see myself the way others might - with more kindness and a less intense focus. So even if the negative thoughts are true, they probably aren't all true or as harshly true.
Just a few thoughts I had.
Posted by Daisym on August 29, 2009, at 18:11:31
In reply to So, Babble.... whatcha thinking/feeling?, posted by workinprogress on August 29, 2009, at 13:44:05
I return to group therapy Monday after two weeks off. The last group meeting left me in a puddle, which turned my individual session on Tuesday into a rain storm. I hid under my sweatshirt and cried most of the session. My therapist said I'm beginning to see how very bad my situation was and why it is so intensely hard to allow myself the awareness of what really happened.
Essentially we were were talking about knowing what you know. Believing your own truth. Standing up for yourself. Some members of my group are trying to do this in personal relationships - not letting others tell them how they think or feel or what is true. Another has cut herself off from her family for the most part because they live in a different reality than she does.
And then there is me. I still have a relationship with my family, including the person who abused me. Nobody talks about the past much. My mom has developed a new saying, "that was the past, this is now" - which isn't necessarily about the abuse in our house as we grew up but it feels like a directive to not say anything. Not that I ever have.
So my contribution in the last group was to ask, "how do you know what you aren't suppose to know?" There are no answers for that.
So this is on my mind as group gets closer and closer. I feel different, even in a group of survivors.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 29, 2009, at 18:34:11
In reply to Re: So, Babble.... whatcha thinking/feeling?, posted by workinprogress on August 29, 2009, at 13:50:12
I think I am coming around from an awful patch, where I couldn't be sure that how I was feeling was attributable to medication changes or psychological issues. It's hard to believe that I still have a hard time listening to the messages my body is giving me, and sorting out what is really real for me, and what is induced, if you like, either by situations or medications. So I've been laying low, feeling quite tired, letting myself take naps, and even watching myself when my appetite has started to flag again, and acted upon it (asked my husband to help out with the shopping, and he's even cooked, which is huge). It feels like me asking him for help, which I've been loathe to do in the past (thinking, "he ought to notice how badly I'm doing and offer to help me!" has now turned to "he must lack the same crystal ball that I do."). He's going through his own stuff, which I am trying to keep my head out of.
> That's my latest. Anybody have tips on catching that negative reel in your head?
>Only to recognize the reel for what it is, and say, "Hello, reel. I see you!" Eventually I hope to laugh at its antics instead of suffer because of it.
> WIPPartlyCloudy
Posted by workinprogress on August 30, 2009, at 12:40:32
In reply to Re: So, Babble.... whatcha thinking/feeling? » workinprogress, posted by Daisym on August 29, 2009, at 17:59:37
Thanks Daisy-
Those are really helpful and interesting (I resonated with your feelings of "hard to admit")- thank you for sharing.
One of the things that is still hard for me is to even make conscious the formerly unconscious "chatter". I think I catch it more and more, but not always. What I am noticing is that when I catch it and either disprove or mellow it... life is a lot lot easier!
Feels like therapy 501 though- working through the self-hate stuff...
Thanks again!
WIP
Posted by workinprogress on August 30, 2009, at 12:50:39
In reply to What's on my mind..., posted by Daisym on August 29, 2009, at 18:11:31
Daisy- what do you mean when you say you feel different? Do you attach a quality to being different? Do you feel like you aren't understood?
Sounds like it was a hard session- both of them. And I can certainly understand the trepidation about going back. Did you therapist and you talk about going next time and how it would be? Did your therapist have any advice to make it easier?
What do you think would make it easier for you?
I don't know much about your group and therefore can't say, I'm sure it will be fine or anything like that. But I do know that often things aren't nearly as hard as what I've worried they would be...
Regardless, hang in there and try to do what you can to take care of yourself...
WIP
Posted by workinprogress on August 30, 2009, at 12:54:38
In reply to Re: So, Babble.... whatcha thinking/feeling? » workinprogress, posted by Partlycloudy on August 29, 2009, at 18:34:11
PC-
I love the idea of recognizing that nobody has a crystal ball. Why is it that we believe so strongly that people should know and that knowing means they love us and care and not knowing means they don't. I think you've got a great perspective on this!
And thank you so much for the "hey reel, I see you" that's great.
It sounds like you're having a hard time, but dealing with it pretty darn well- which probably makes a hard time easier. Hang in there and keep taking care of yourself so well!
WIP
Posted by Dinah on August 30, 2009, at 13:51:50
In reply to What's on my mind..., posted by Daisym on August 29, 2009, at 18:11:31
It's a shame that your group makes you feel different. But being different isn't all bad. There is more than one path to the goal of being healthy. You have made different choices than your fellow group members, but I don't see them as less healthy. In fact, accepting that your family is who they are and not trying to change the reality is a different, and in my opinion not lesser, form of good mental health.
If you choose to maintain a relationship with them, because maintaining that relationship has some form of value to you, not trying to force them to see things the way you do could be seen as a reasonably healthy attitude, couldn't it?
I think it would depend on your feelings and attitudes about the connection. I hope your group is respectful of other people's choices.
This is the end of the thread.
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