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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on February 21, 2009, at 18:10:16
Hi all -
I've been gone for quite a while, so some of you probably don't know me, but I've been reading sporadically. My life suddenly got a lot busier and, actually, a lot more purposeful and happy when I started grad school. I think having more of a purpose in life has definitely helped me.Right now, though, my T is gone for three weeks. He had to go with a family member who's having a medical procedure out of state (I don't think it's life-threatening or anything). I miss him a lot. I've also been more stressed this week than I have been in a very long time. Much more anxious - similar to when I started therapy in intensity at times. Also, I'm under a lot of pressure with grad school and the profession I am in.
I think that some part of me feels kind of abandoned. I expected to be more fine while he was gone than I am - I didn't expect all of the stress all of a sudden or the intense anxiety. When he told me two weeks ago that he was going to be gone, I burst into tears and cried the rest of the session. He even apologized for not telling me sooner after seeing my reaction (although justified by saying he had weighed it carefully as to how beneficial it would be to tell me earlier, so he really wasn't sorry). We had one more session after that which was really nice. I gave him a present of this little metal turtle good luck charm I had seen and the same part of me that feels abandoned saw and just loved and had to get for him. It's the first present I've given him, and he put it on top of some rocks he has on the side table in the 'therapy area'. It's got a little heart engraved on the underside and that's part of why I loved it. He was so excited when I said I got him something. We talked about it a little, and mostly it was just my wanting to feel connected to him before he left and that it feels nice to have a person to give a gift to. I'm borrowing something from his office to hold onto while he's away.
But I miss him a lot and am very stressed right now. And he said he'd be able to check his email and I sent him two emails so far, but I haven't heard anything. I don't really expect he'll remember/have time to check his email, but it would be nice.
sunnydays
Posted by Kath on February 21, 2009, at 19:29:52
In reply to stressed and missing T, posted by sunnydays on February 21, 2009, at 18:10:16
Hi Sunnydays,
Sorry you're feeling so stressed. I'm really glad you were able to give him the cute little turtle & that you have something from the office.
It's good you posted here about how you're feeling.
((((you))))
Let us know how you're doing. :-) Kath
Posted by TherapyGirl on February 21, 2009, at 19:44:01
In reply to stressed and missing T, posted by sunnydays on February 21, 2009, at 18:10:16
I know how hard this is, SD, and I'm thinking about you.
((((((((SunnyDays)))))))))))
Posted by DAisym on February 22, 2009, at 11:11:15
In reply to Re: stressed and missing T » sunnydays, posted by TherapyGirl on February 21, 2009, at 19:44:01
Hi Sunny,
Nice to see you and to hear that things have been going so well. Grad school is challenging but I think you are totally right when you talk about having a purpose. It fills us up in an important way.
I just went through something similiar. My therapist went away to help an ill friend, although not nearly as long. I think it set off for me a layered response that took me awhile to figure out. There were multiple factors but while this is hard to admit, I think I was partially upset that he was helping someone else, more or less 24/7, someone he was close to and "really" cared about. I, like you, felt abandoned. And jealous. And I was mortified that I felt this way, especially knowing how worried he was about his friend. I struggled with not wanting to be insensitive and a PITA (pain in the...) but also to be honest. It caused a great deal of shut down and it has taken a long time to work back through it.
What I know about long term therapies, like yours, is that the different things that life throws at us become part of our therapy. This relationship is so complicated and it teaches us to weather storms we can't predict but are inevitable. We would not probably be dealing so deeply with my need to be special and why I don't think I'm worthy of that, if he had not needed to leave to go help his friend. Or at least, we wouldn't be dealing with it at this time.
I love that you left part of yourself in his office while he is gone. I think that is another stage of therapy. We want to take our therapist with us but then, eventually, we want them to keep part of us with them too. It is all very symbolic but I think really important. It solidifies things in some way.
I think one of the ways you can help yourself is to send those emails as a way to keep connected but without expecting a reply on any kind of a time line. I know this is easier said than done. But for me, it helps to sort of get it out on paper and it also means we don't spend so much time just "catching up" when he gets back.
And be super kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for missing him and try not to be disappointed in yourself for all these feelings. It shows how tight your relationship is and as much as it hurts to miss him, in some ways, it is great that you miss him this much.
Take care,
Daisy
Posted by backseatdriver on February 22, 2009, at 15:22:21
In reply to Re: stressed and missing T, posted by DAisym on February 22, 2009, at 11:11:15
Hey SD - Just wanted to chime in, and mostly echo the previous posters. Your T sounds wonderful. No wonder you miss him! Work can be a balm, and email, and those fantastic symbolic exchanges. What I love most about your turtle story is how fast it presented (!) itself to you. Isn't it funny how life throws up the perfect gift sometimes, right on time?
BSD
Posted by sunnydays on February 24, 2009, at 15:03:22
In reply to Re: stressed and missing T, posted by DAisym on February 22, 2009, at 11:11:15
Hi Daisy,
Thanks so much for posting this. I haven't been sleeping well at all and I actually left him a voicemail message yesterday just so he wouldn't forget about me. I was missing him so much. I've been crying the past two nights because I miss him. But so it goes... I'm trying to hang in there.
sunnydays
Posted by DAisym on February 27, 2009, at 23:35:42
In reply to Re: stressed and missing T » DAisym, posted by sunnydays on February 24, 2009, at 15:03:22
Just checking in...sleeping any better?
Sometimes a substitute works for times like this. I know AnnieRose and I adopted "In Session" the HBO special to help us get through a vacation spurt. I know there are other movies, etc.
I hope you find time to have fun this weekend.
Posted by sunnydays on February 28, 2009, at 13:19:01
In reply to Re: stressed and missing T » sunnydays, posted by DAisym on February 27, 2009, at 23:35:42
This is the end of the thread.
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