![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2009, at 13:55:24
One of the things that is to be on my list is that I wish I were better at socializing.
Today I was wondering aloud if I looked as socially anxious as I felt, because I know I've gotten feedback that I appear to be standoffish rather than anxious. My husband told me that I'm really not bad in social situations, except maybe parties. That I can talk a little bit about a lot of topics without being at all confrontational, and that I can draw people out pretty well.
He says I look more comfortable than he does.
That totally floored me. I knew I was able to put up a shield that probably kept me from appearing too anxious. But I didn't realize that I could look *comfortable* on the outside! That's some shield.
At least he exempted parties and large social events. I *know* I'm a social liability at those, and I'd have discounted everything he said if he thought otherwise.
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2009, at 13:56:34
In reply to A nice compliment from husband, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2009, at 13:55:24
I wonder how that affects my list? I should probably tell my therapist at least. Still, it doesn't affect how I feel on the inside.
Posted by Little Soul on January 3, 2009, at 21:32:07
In reply to A nice compliment from husband, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2009, at 13:55:24
Dinah I'm so glad your husband gave you that great feedback. I think sometimes we don't realize how we come across on the outside when we are all tied up in knots on the inside. I know that, often to my surprise, I've gotten feedback that I appear calm and interested in people especially when I'm in difficult situations. That seems so outside of my reality because I think I'm just making things worse. It's helpful to calibrate our experiences so that we don't beat up on ourselves.
Good for you!
LS
Posted by DAisym on January 3, 2009, at 23:39:37
In reply to Re: A nice compliment from husband, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2009, at 13:56:34
I have to do lots of this kind of thing for my job. I'm actually a pretty shy person so when I don't have a job to do, I feel lost. I figured out a long time ago to either volunteer to do the food - or give the key-note. I can control these things and I know what to do with myself.
The big question is how to practice. Are you up for entertaining at your house?
Posted by Phillipa on January 4, 2009, at 13:12:27
In reply to Re: A nice compliment from husband, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2009, at 13:56:34
Looking in the mirror all appears normal but inside is a mess. At least for me. Now that paper came in mail that thyroid is now hypo and eight weeks ago almost hyper. Phillipa ps but who can tell by looking?
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2009, at 21:45:19
In reply to Re: A nice compliment from husband » Dinah, posted by Little Soul on January 3, 2009, at 21:32:07
He gave examples and everything, and when he said it aloud, I could see what he was talking about. Yet when I picture it in my mind, I see this frozen scared me being awkward. It's weird to have that disconnect.
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2009, at 21:49:53
In reply to Re: A nice compliment from husband » Dinah, posted by DAisym on January 3, 2009, at 23:39:37
Practice. :(
Well, actually, we went out to lunch with friends both days this weekend. Which is more socializing than I've done in six months. :)
This is just so weird though. It shakes up the very foundations of reality both for me as a person and for us as a couple. I first fell for him at least in part because he was popular with all the various social groups in high school, while I felt like the outsider looking in in all of them - even the ones I belonged to. So the whole story of our relationship is that he's the friendly extrovert loved by all. And I'm the awkward introvert who grabs hold of him and hangs on for dear life. It shocks me that he's changing the script.
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2009, at 21:51:17
In reply to Re: A nice compliment from husband, posted by Phillipa on January 4, 2009, at 13:12:27
Goodness! Do they have any explanation for the wildly varying results? Is it a change in meds? Not that I know much about those things, admittedly.
Posted by Kath on January 5, 2009, at 14:44:17
In reply to A nice compliment from husband, posted by Dinah on January 3, 2009, at 13:55:24
That is a nice compliment for sure.
I think it would help me, if I were in your situation, to know that at least I LOOK okay!!!
That hubby changing the script thing - do you know how you feel about it?
luv, Kath
Posted by Kath on January 5, 2009, at 14:45:10
In reply to Re: A nice compliment from husband, posted by Phillipa on January 4, 2009, at 13:12:27
Dear Phillipa,
that sounds awful. I also wonder what's gone on the the meantime to make that swing happen? Meds?
luv, Kath
Posted by Phillipa on January 5, 2009, at 20:33:11
In reply to Re: A nice compliment from husband » Phillipa, posted by Kath on January 5, 2009, at 14:45:10
No nature of autoimmune hasimotos switches. Pain. Love Phillipa thanks both of you guys for caring!!!!!!
Posted by Dinah on January 7, 2009, at 12:55:42
In reply to Re: A nice compliment from husband » Dinah, posted by Kath on January 5, 2009, at 14:44:17
I think probably I don't like it. I am never crazy about change. And I'm relatively invested in our story.
But it's hard to tell. I'm having some troublesome mood swings that make it hard for me to feel any continuity at all. Maybe hormonal. I know I can't get enough to eat today, and yesterday I could hardly eat anything. I veer between feeling fine, feeling tearful, and feeling enormously anxious.
Posted by Kath on January 7, 2009, at 19:53:36
In reply to Re: A nice compliment from husband » Kath, posted by Dinah on January 7, 2009, at 12:55:42
Hi Dinah - sounds like a lot of swings to deal with! I'm sending you loving thoughts, please know.
xoxo Kath
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.