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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 16, 2008, at 18:43:03
Well the day doesn't start out so great. Panic attack at 4:30am. I get up, read a bit of the paper and then let NPR lull me back to sleep for a bit.
I'm at my best mid morning. If you can call it that.
By afternoon, I'm exhausted.
Suppertime is tear inducing. Thank good I've put a bunch of stuff in the freezer, but lately had needed help getting that stuff to the microwave.
Then I cry.
Then I grimace while the DH flip flip flips through the channels because the DVR player won't be getting fixed and NO there's no Tivo in this house and he can't handle the faintest whiff of a commercial.
I hang on until it's time to go to bed. I do manage to brush my teeth and sometimes wash my face.
That would be the day.
Today was therapy.
Tomorrow is a women's support group.
Thursday is a private yoga class because I think I need it.
Friday I'm back at the chiropractor.I try to keep the days filled - one thing on each day as I can handle it.
Christmas is unthinkable right now, but it looms. No cards this year, aren't going to happen. Managed to finish (almost) the shopping, but with no joy whatever. Every single day is a supreme effort.
That's the report for today.
Posted by Kath on December 16, 2008, at 21:52:21
In reply to Evenings are the worst, posted by Partlycloudy on December 16, 2008, at 18:43:03
So sorry.
I applaud you for what you ARE doing. It must be really hard when you're feeling so awful.
I am so sorry about the click, click, click.
I think the only way I could handle that would be earplugs & a good book. It really gets on my nerves when my DH drinks his coffee in the evening....a quick, loud sip then an audible swallow. Over & over. Sometimes I hum, or clear my throat so I can't hear it. How petty is that of me? So I cringed at the click, click, click PC.
I send you loving thoughts. xoxox Kath
Posted by Daisym on December 16, 2008, at 23:39:30
In reply to Evenings are the worst, posted by Partlycloudy on December 16, 2008, at 18:43:03
Sometimes we are forced to go through that which we avoided previously. Having been molested, there should have been this same kind of numbness and pain - both psychologically and physically. You are feeling the shock all over again. Perhaps you did some of this back then, but more likely you stuffed it away, you conquered your fear by focusing on keeping the secret. Now that the secret is taking less energy - your psyche can open up to all these feelings.
You will get through this - you have to keep reminding yourself that you lived through the worst of it - when it happened before. But you also have to be gentle and take care of yourself - it sounds like you are doing that. It is like recovering from a long illness - you can only do so much each day. Evening is always worse when we are scared and tired and not feeling well. Especially after therapy. My son calls it therapy-hangover.
Remember to drink lots of hot tea, take your vitamins and sleep as much as possible. I hope Santa brings you something special.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 6:53:54
In reply to Re: Evenings are the worst » Partlycloudy, posted by Daisym on December 16, 2008, at 23:39:30
> Sometimes we are forced to go through that which we avoided previously. Having been molested, there should have been this same kind of numbness and pain - both psychologically and physically. You are feeling the shock all over again. Perhaps you did some of this back then, but more likely you stuffed it away, you conquered your fear by focusing on keeping the secret. Now that the secret is taking less energy - your psyche can open up to all these feelings.
>When it happened, I immediately minimized that anything had happened at all - it was all my fault, I hid in my room, and sang at the top of my lungs. It never happened, but I changed overnight.
Now the pain is front and center. The panic and anxiety is as full and strong as the depression is. I am still having to check in with my T every day. (What will I have to tell her today?)
> You will get through this - you have to keep reminding yourself that you lived through the worst of it - when it happened before. But you also have to be gentle and take care of yourself - it sounds like you are doing that. It is like recovering from a long illness - you can only do so much each day. Evening is always worse when we are scared and tired and not feeling well. Especially after therapy. My son calls it therapy-hangover.
>
> Remember to drink lots of hot tea, take your vitamins and sleep as much as possible. I hope Santa brings you something special.
My T says I'm doing a remarkable job of taking care of myself (with listening to my body, taking supplements, trying the yoga stuff). It has finally, FINALLY sunk in that I am the only person who is going to be doing the tending here. No one else can do this but me.It's awfully lonely in here, even with a spouse.
thanks Daisy.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 7:04:10
In reply to (((((((((((((you)))))))))))) » Partlycloudy, posted by Kath on December 16, 2008, at 21:52:21
Yeah, I tried something similar, and my DH looked like I'd spit in his face - supremely insulted. Same deal if I try to leave the room in order to read a book. The best I've been able to do is beg that he put the TV on mute and use the "guide" feature - imagine, you can see what's on each channel without having to switch to the actual channel!
But I think he misses that sensory flash of seeing the image and sound jump into his visual field and assault his hearing.
It's definitely adding to my anxiety and depression. When he goes out of town, the TV stays OFF. <<shudder>> It's like detox.
pc
Posted by Phillipa on December 17, 2008, at 13:19:26
In reply to Re: (((((((((((((you)))))))))))) » Kath, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 7:04:10
I'm truly sorry no Christmas here either no presents either tension is so bad gonna hide can't drive took too many meds last night to try and escape. What's plan for today or are you already home. So much for you to deal with. Phillipa
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 13:33:27
In reply to Re: (((((((((((((you)))))))))))) » Partlycloudy, posted by Phillipa on December 17, 2008, at 13:19:26
> I'm truly sorry no Christmas here either no presents either tension is so bad gonna hide can't drive took too many meds last night to try and escape. What's plan for today or are you already home. So much for you to deal with. Phillipa
See my post "oh crap" below. VERY bad day today. Oh, and step daughter has been arrested, DUI, drug possession. Trying to convince her mother NOT to bail her out but let her stay in jail until Jan 15th court date. We won't help pay bail, no way. What a mess. Oh and she terminated another pregnancy in the meantime. Glad she doesn't live with us any more.
Posted by Phillipa on December 17, 2008, at 20:37:36
In reply to Re: (((((((((((((you)))))))))))) trigger » Phillipa, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 13:33:27
Oh how lovely!!!! Sounds like own family situation. They say can only get better and then it gets worse. Sorry. Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on December 17, 2008, at 22:00:21
In reply to Re: Evenings are the worst » Daisym, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 6:53:54
>It's awfully lonely in here, even with a spouse.>>
yep it sure is. I watched certain tv programs all day, every day for such a long time. Two different series. No make that three. One over and over since they show re-runs on TNT I think.
I did nothing but watch those programs because they kept me from thinking and flashing back.
take care pc.
rsk
Posted by antigua3 on December 19, 2008, at 22:16:24
In reply to Re: (((((((((((((you)))))))))))) trigger » Phillipa, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 13:33:27
Oh wow, I'm so sorry that your step-daughter is adding to all the stress you're already dealing with. I didn't like it when pdoc said it, but now I find it kind of useful. He said to "keep moving" and although I find that difficult in some ways because there is no time to reflect really, I do find that if I just think of one thing to do at a time, and try to do it, it helps. Otherwise, things can seem overwhelming, and you are already so overwhelmed as it is.
I admire that you have things in the freezer! My DH looks at me and says, "What's for dinner?" and I kind of mumble, "Whatever you're making." Makes for some unpleasant evenings, too.
Please take care, and be as kind to yourself as you can be.
antigua
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