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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by invioletlight on December 8, 2008, at 17:37:49
Hi all,
Me again. Just wanted to post again about my girlfriend, who is currently receiving treatment for PTSD and intense flashbacks. We've just gotten her in to see a psychiatrist at a free clinic (not sure who funds it but they're able to see her for a very, very low one-time cost) and they're in the process of prescribing her meds.
A little back story: My girlfriend is a survivor of about the worst possible amount of childhood sexual and other physical abuse one can imagine. She was beaten, tortured, etc. It's truly harrowing and I don't dare repeat some of the things she has told me because they are truly too awful to put on paper.
She often has flashbacks where she won't see or hear me. She'll literally go right into her head and 'see' the past happen all over again. Sometimes she will shake or whimper or both.
It'll be a long time until the meds work, so again, I'm seeking any and all advice again. What can I do to best ease her pain? She currently cannot work, cannot leave the house, clings to me, is terrified and can barely sleep. I'm trying my best to do right by her, to comfort her and make it as safe as possible or her.
Sometimes she'll go back in age, almost, curl up and hide her head and whimper. She'll sound younger and bury her head in my arms. I worry intensely about her and want to help as best I can. So, yet again, at this new stage, I'm turning once more to you Babblers. Any sage words?
Thanks,
IV
Posted by lucie lu on December 8, 2008, at 19:17:24
In reply to PTSD/Flashbacks *child abuse trigger*, posted by invioletlight on December 8, 2008, at 17:37:49
IV,
That is horrible, clearly for her but also for you having to watch how it affects her. Did something recently trigger the PTSD? And do you think there will be affordable opportunity for therapy in addition to meds?
I'm so sorry for you both. But I love that you care as much as you obviously do. Perhaps some other people here who have more experience with states like hers can offer some suggestions.
All the best,
Lucie
Posted by invioletlight on December 8, 2008, at 19:41:16
In reply to Re: PTSD/Flashbacks *child abuse trigger* » invioletlight, posted by lucie lu on December 8, 2008, at 19:17:24
hi lucie,
thanks for your note. Hopefully down the line we'll be able to get better (or at least more thorough) med care for her. The lack of insurance makes it hard. The next step is to set up therapy sessions at the place she's going to. Sigh. A long, hard road is ahead.
Thanks!
IV
Posted by DAisym on December 8, 2008, at 23:08:21
In reply to Re: PTSD/Flashbacks ))lucie lu, posted by invioletlight on December 8, 2008, at 19:41:16
It may help you to read "Helping the Adult Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse: For Friends, Family and Lovers" or "The Courage To Heal." Both are full of good information.
I know you want to help your girlfriend, but it will be important to remember that it is her journey and you can't protect her from the pain that she will encounter. It is an old 12-step saying, "who am I to protect you from your pain?" - feels selfish or harsh perhaps, but supporting someone is very different than doing the work for them. I think we all know how hard it is to watch someone we love suffer.
Good luck with this.
Posted by muffled on December 8, 2008, at 23:56:51
In reply to Re: PTSD/Flashbacks ))lucie lu » invioletlight, posted by DAisym on December 8, 2008, at 23:08:21
my T always explained it as 'comming ALONGSIDE' someone in their pain. So being there is good. But ya, you can't take away her pain, just be there for her. Hold her if she wants to be held. Leave her alone if she is hiding and doesn't want touch.
If you can find a T that is experienced in trauma, that would be good. Not all T's are created equal, you may have to sort thru some.
Best wishes, you got some challenges ahead. You take care of yourself as well.
M
Posted by invioletlight on December 9, 2008, at 2:59:37
In reply to Re: PTSD/Flashbacks ))lucie lu » invioletlight, posted by DAisym on December 8, 2008, at 23:08:21
Thanks for your book suggestions! I'll go out and try and find those. And I understand what you're saying that it's her journey. I'm just trying to figure out how to help both HER cope and ME cope. Sigh.
IV
Posted by invioletlight on December 9, 2008, at 3:01:10
In reply to Re: PTSD/Flashbacks ))lucie lu, posted by muffled on December 8, 2008, at 23:56:51
I hope the T's at the place she's going to are good... I've been through several in my life thus far and only 1 or 2 of them have been any good. Can't be too choosy at this juncture, though; no health insurance, etc doesn't make for many options. Sigh.
Thanks for your words of wisdom!
IV
Posted by B2chica on December 9, 2008, at 9:07:16
In reply to PTSD/Flashbacks *child abuse trigger*, posted by invioletlight on December 8, 2008, at 17:37:49
i heard a couple things in there that i would like to comment on.
one is that her having flashbacks is this a recent onset or has she been suffering for a while. i ask because finding 'triggers' to the flash backs can be important work, both by her and therapist, but also something you maybe can help with.
if they are fairly new onslaught, it might not be a trigger so much as the memories are being released and are coming forth in bits so she can handle them better than if they all came at once.
during them all i can say is what i need sometimes and that's someone to 'ground' me. to remind me that i'm in the present NOT the past. that what i'm seeing or feeling is NOT happening right now. and that i am safe (with T, or DH, SO whomever).
Sometimes i can stand to be touched when i'm like that but i yearn to be 'next' to someone. so just being there even if you feel you are doing nothing can be helpful. to know she is not abandoned, for memories she already feels ashamed and to blame for.
She's also probably scared and unsure of what's happening to her. let her know that all the abuse she suffered was stored so that she could survive and that her mind knows she is now strong enough to deal (bit by bit) with what happened.
BUT at her OWN PACE.
as she feels these flashbacks its helpful to talk about them, describe them to they aren't secret anymore.
i'm not necessarily saying it should be you, most likely a T. but if she needs to talk about them do you think you could hear it?
for some people the answer is no...DO NOT feel bad for that.
you should NOT be in the role of a T. you need to be a SO, its hard at this stage to not fall into the roll of a caretaker.
but i do work with people with disabilities and one thing i hear over and over is the nondisabled spouse sometimes feels they've lost their marriage because they've become "the caretaker", and lost that connection.So though you may want to take on a large roll with her recovery. i say First and Foremost, be honest with yourself of what you can handle and whats best left for the therapist (or a different friend or support group). Just remember if you need to be there for the long haul, try not to let the 'drama' or childlike actions make you want to become something you are not meant to be.
(and PLEASE dont take those words as ANY sort of negative to your GF)
i just mean that there is a lot of drama...maybe emotions is better word, that can be overwhelming for both of you. and i know even my T sometimes struggles when i am littleone because she wants to just let me sit on her lap and hold me. so our instincts are to parent, to protect. and sometimes that's good but sometimes that can be bad, for both parties.i j ust want to say that you are doing the right thing with looking for outside help. it's the best thing for BOTH you and her.
**********************
Daisy mentioned two great books.
a courage to heal is a MUST read for all survivors, it may not all apply, but it truly does help make a first step. i had to read my copy in small bits and not in order.
BEST WISHES TO YOU
b2c.
Posted by rskontos on December 9, 2008, at 23:45:49
In reply to PTSD/Flashbacks *child abuse trigger*, posted by invioletlight on December 8, 2008, at 17:37:49
This is one that is hard for me to post to but I will add that everyone else gave great advice.
I have had bad flashbacks. I finally got meds to help slow them down. And I don't share them with my husband. Only therapist and not all with him. It is just too hard to tell all about them.
Some of them I don't understand. The faces of people I don't know, I only know they hurt. Sometimes I just can't move. And I have always had them around my children and husband but they don't know and I hide it from them.
I tell my therapist most of them. It is so hard.
I think being as supportive in a calm way is best. Read all you can and just be there. I don't know the best way you can help. Just letting her know you care and love her no matter what has happened is good.
Again I don't know what else to say and it is a hard topic.
take care of yourself too.
rsk
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