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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on November 29, 2008, at 11:23:18
Or at least a curve of some kind. I resemble more of an EKG readout. Mornings are by far my best times - I actually wake up feeling OK. Have been trying to take advantage of that and get as much done around the house as I can - and also to not anticipate any kind of downward slide in the afternoon or evening. Mostly I get filled with a kind of dread, not knowing what kind of PartlyCloudy I will devolve into as the day progresses.
Can't get past feeling extraordinarily guilty over "needing" medication for anxiety. (You'd think I'd have come to grips with that by now.) And being back on Prozac, which I can only tolerate every other day because of how jittery it makes me, yet it keeps me from the brink of suicidal depression, is such a fine edge.
I SO look forward to therapy next week. Can all but picture me falling to my knees in gratitude that we'll be able to resume our regular schedule. I am such a creature of habit, I really derive a lot of comfort from having a weekly (or, if I'm doing "well", every other week) appointments.
Posted by rskontos on November 29, 2008, at 11:36:46
In reply to I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing, posted by Partlycloudy on November 29, 2008, at 11:23:18
Yeah. For me evenings are better.
It is hard to accept the need for that anxiety meds. But I have at last just take them and feel the relief and don't think about anything else but that relief. Coming to grips is a hard thing dont' sweat it PC.
I hope you see sunny skies soon.
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on November 29, 2008, at 12:25:22
In reply to Re: I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing » Partlycloudy, posted by rskontos on November 29, 2008, at 11:36:46
Seriously do not feel bad about taking them and if they work you are so lucky and to be honest I'm envious as after so many years none work for me so have to live with it and it's so painful. Think about how you feel before you take that med and picture it never going away as that is how it is for me now. And there is no answer. Actually I'm envious as never abused them, followed docs orders and look where I ended up? Love Phillipa ps evenings and nights are best for me now it a bad time. Lots of negativity.
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 29, 2008, at 17:32:16
In reply to I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing, posted by Partlycloudy on November 29, 2008, at 11:23:18
I am glad you have therapy next week. ;-)
I know you know this, but maybe when you feel good in the morning, do something nice for yourself. Maybe you are doing TOO much when you feel good, that it is actually part of you not feeling so good in the afternoon. (because you are over doing it) Taking care of you is more important than any dusting or housework. You need to add two new words to your vocabulary, "f*ck it!" When you feel guilty for not doing something like housework or something that can wait say those magic words..... f*ck it! (pardon my Polish)
Good luck in your therapy!
Posted by Partlycloudy on November 29, 2008, at 17:49:24
In reply to Re: I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing » Partlycloudy, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 29, 2008, at 17:32:16
I have only recently started swearing in therapy. I have also started wearing my hair pinned back in what I imagine to be a European-ethnic root style, as in, "I look like a Latvian!" (Trust me, you see one, you recognize one.) but was is really me trying to grow my bangs out.
Posted by rskontos on November 29, 2008, at 18:57:33
In reply to Re: I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing » SlugSlimersSoSlided, posted by Partlycloudy on November 29, 2008, at 17:49:24
PC,
I swear all the time. I often wonder what my t thinks of my swearing but he nevers comments on it. My husband thinks it shows a lack of intelligence. You know what I say to that, f*ck it.
LOL. I never claimed to be intelligent. It is my t that thinks so.Good luck in therapy.
rsk
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 29, 2008, at 19:49:35
In reply to Re: I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing » Partlycloudy, posted by rskontos on November 29, 2008, at 18:57:33
LOL, I would have told my DH F*CK YOU *SSH*L*! lol
but then again your husband isn't like mine!
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 29, 2008, at 19:51:45
In reply to Re: I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing » SlugSlimersSoSlided, posted by Partlycloudy on November 29, 2008, at 17:49:24
Okay, you need more practice then....
Come on..... Just say it.......
f*ck it!
Do it just for us, pretty please. BUt I am sure you will be just too cute when you do it.
Posted by Partlycloudy on November 30, 2008, at 7:11:25
In reply to Come on, just say it.................. » Partlycloudy, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 29, 2008, at 19:51:45
> Okay, you need more practice then....
>
> Come on..... Just say it.......
>
>
>
> f*ck it!
>
>
> Do it just for us, pretty please. BUt I am sure you will be just too cute when you do it.I swear, I'm working up to being angry. For now I'm still feeling wounded, fearful, bewildered. I think all the anger still goes inwards and it expresses as my back pain and headaches. That's kind of why I have retreated from the book I was working through; it really made the physical symptoms MUCH worse.
But I steadfastly believe that in its own good time, these things will come out as they should. I'm not familiar with, nor am I good at, expressing my anger. It's explosive, quite destructive, and has brought me lots of sorrow so far. I think that when I'm better able to get it out (without creating so much collateral damage, to myself literally and also to others), then you'll see me letting it all out more easily).
Thanks for the encouragement!
Posted by seldomseen on November 30, 2008, at 8:12:31
In reply to Re: Come on, just say it.................. » SlugSlimersSoSlided, posted by Partlycloudy on November 30, 2008, at 7:11:25
I think a lot of us have a significant experience with the destructive power of anger - particularly the uncontrolled burst of anger directed outwards. It can definately leave a mark.
What is also true us that anger can be very very productive. It definately induces *action*. You get to chose what action it induces.
My therapist used the example of scarlett o'hara standing in her turnip field yelling at the sky, mad as hell "As god as my witness, I will never go hungry again."
It spurred her to action to make her life better.
It can also fuel our desire to be free from our past, to take chances that force us to grow. It can get us off the couch and out into life. It can be empowering. It can free us from the control our past still exerts on us.
It doesn't have to be destructive at all, but can in fact, save us.
When you are ready, i say let your anger propel you to wholeness. I think you will find that the challenge of living well will readily consume most of the anger.
Just my two cents.
Seldom.
Posted by Partlycloudy on November 30, 2008, at 9:52:35
In reply to Re: Come on, just say it.................. » Partlycloudy, posted by seldomseen on November 30, 2008, at 8:12:31
OK, let me be very clear here:
I am not ready.
Got it?
thanks
Posted by seldomseen on November 30, 2008, at 10:06:09
In reply to Re: Come on, just say it.................. » Partlycloudy, posted by seldomseen on November 30, 2008, at 8:12:31
Actually, I was agreeing with you. That's why I wrote
"When you are ready, i say let your anger propel you to wholeness. I think you will find that the challenge of living well will readily consume most of the anger."
These emotions come out when and if we are ready for them too. There was no intent to pressure or push on my part. Just simply proposing an alternate theory to the destructive capacity of anger.
I'm with you on your journey and know that only *you* know what's best - what feels right.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on November 30, 2008, at 10:09:08
In reply to Re: Come on, just say it.................. » seldomseen, posted by seldomseen on November 30, 2008, at 10:06:09
Posted by Partlycloudy on November 30, 2008, at 10:57:04
In reply to Re: Come on, just say it.................. » seldomseen, posted by seldomseen on November 30, 2008, at 10:06:09
Posted by antigua3 on November 30, 2008, at 12:01:36
In reply to I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing, posted by Partlycloudy on November 29, 2008, at 11:23:18
Hi,
I'm sorry you're feeling so badly, and I hope the medication will eventually help. You seem to have a good perspective on how far to (not) push yourself, but to let your mind and body guide you.I'm better in the morning too. Raring to go, but by late afternoon, I can't stand any more stimulation and I'll try to retreat to silence, which is hard to do, and unfair I feel, because that's when my kids get home from school. I don't want them remembering me as being in bed all the time, as my mother was.
I've recently changed/eliminated one of my meds and what has scared me most is the rage that I feel at times. I've been good about not lashing out (well, almost good), but I'm so very, very afraid of anger because of the damage I'm afraid will ensue. I recognize that I've been looking for ways to release my anger, but this isn't what I expected. Just pure, explosive anger. I've always been the good girl, and not let it out, but maybe under a controlled circumstance (therapy), it could be a good thing.
I'm annoyed with my pdoc for lowering the dosage at this time--with the holidays here, I mean. (Granted, i agreed because of the anxiety I was experiencing and I thought it would help, but he's the psychopharmacologist and is supposed to know everything!)I see him this week so we'll see what he suggests.
My biggest fear is that this is me, how I really am without meds, and that scares me. Scares me back to my cave, and feeling depressed, but my pdoc has promised that he will help me not to go there. When he took me off the med and I had such violent feelings of rage, I wondered if this is me. Very scary thought for ME, not you, partly cloudy.
In any case, please try not to feel guilty needing the meds. It's such a complicated issue, at least it is for me.
Sorry to make this about me. Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you, and thinking you're coping as well as you can through an extremely difficult time.
antigua
Posted by Partlycloudy on November 30, 2008, at 12:35:54
In reply to Re: I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing, posted by antigua3 on November 30, 2008, at 12:01:36
> Hi,
> I'm sorry you're feeling so badly, and I hope the medication will eventually help. You seem to have a good perspective on how far to (not) push yourself, but to let your mind and body guide you.
>
> I'm better in the morning too. Raring to go, but by late afternoon, I can't stand any more stimulation and I'll try to retreat to silence, which is hard to do, and unfair I feel, because that's when my kids get home from school. I don't want them remembering me as being in bed all the time, as my mother was.
>
> I've recently changed/eliminated one of my meds and what has scared me most is the rage that I feel at times. I've been good about not lashing out (well, almost good), but I'm so very, very afraid of anger because of the damage I'm afraid will ensue. I recognize that I've been looking for ways to release my anger, but this isn't what I expected. Just pure, explosive anger. I've always been the good girl, and not let it out, but maybe under a controlled circumstance (therapy), it could be a good thing.
>My medication changes seem to have "put me in touch" with my anger unexpectedly. I was ill tempered and an all-out bitch on Thanksgiving Day. I mostly gave Thanks that I didn't have a house full of people to unleash it all on - and I regret having put through my husband what I did. (I gave him hell for not carving a boneless breast of turkey "properly" and for serving me "too many" vegetables. Just how he was supposed to magically read my Martha Stewart-possessed mind is beyond me, but right now I'm putting it down to my depression and medication change. Poor guy.)
> I'm annoyed with my pdoc for lowering the dosage at this time--with the holidays here, I mean. (Granted, i agreed because of the anxiety I was experiencing and I thought it would help, but he's the psychopharmacologist and is supposed to know everything!)I see him this week so we'll see what he suggests.
>
> My biggest fear is that this is me, how I really am without meds, and that scares me. Scares me back to my cave, and feeling depressed, but my pdoc has promised that he will help me not to go there. When he took me off the med and I had such violent feelings of rage, I wondered if this is me. Very scary thought for ME, not you, partly cloudy.
>
> In any case, please try not to feel guilty needing the meds. It's such a complicated issue, at least it is for me.
>
> Sorry to make this about me. Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you, and thinking you're coping as well as you can through an extremely difficult time.
>Not at all - if anything, this reminds me that this is such a shared experience for so many of us. Thanks for that.
> antigua
Posted by Recently on December 1, 2008, at 0:19:53
In reply to I'm wishing recuperation was a linear thing, posted by Partlycloudy on November 29, 2008, at 11:23:18
> Or at least a curve of some kind. I resemble more of an EKG readout. Mornings are by far my best times - I actually wake up feeling OK. Have been trying to take advantage of that and get as much done around the house as I can - and also to not anticipate any kind of downward slide in the afternoon or evening. Mostly I get filled with a kind of dread, not knowing what kind of PartlyCloudy I will devolve into as the day progresses.
>
> Can't get past feeling extraordinarily guilty over "needing" medication for anxiety. (You'd think I'd have come to grips with that by now.) And being back on Prozac, which I can only tolerate every other day because of how jittery it makes me, yet it keeps me from the brink of suicidal depression, is such a fine edge.
>
> I SO look forward to therapy next week. Can all but picture me falling to my knees in gratitude that we'll be able to resume our regular schedule. I am such a creature of habit, I really derive a lot of comfort from having a weekly (or, if I'm doing "well", every other week) appointments.This is an excellent topic - never really thought about it before. Mornings and nights are the worst for me - since they leave me more free time to 'stew' about my situation. I'm glad to hear you will be getting back to your therapy schedule. There can definitely be a lot of comfort in a consistent schedule.
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