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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on November 25, 2008, at 15:46:28
The medication thing hasn't really worked out very well. Zoloft has not suited me at all, and I've gone into a depressive, and suicidal spiral. But, wait. I'm also on Remeron. So we (pdoc and I today at an emergency appointment) figure that somewhere along the recent line, that med pooped out. I knew I was in trouble these last few days as I increasingly became less able to function, and spent more time wrapped up in a blanket. Not able to tolerate noises, music, TV, any kind of sensory input at all. Just wanting a stopping of life's input. No plans to execute, I haven't that kind of imagination or energy. More of a big black hole, where I would welcome not waking up. Husband made an ill-timed remark about not wanting to come back from his next business trip to find me (very graphic image deleted - it was thoughtless of him and horrible, but it jolted me that he was afraid that something might actually happen to me while he was out of town). So I called my pdoc, told him what was up, and he gave me an appointment within hours.
My T is out of town.
This totally felt chemical, rather than part of my CSA processing. I DO think that the depression is PART of that, but I think pretty much that the medication changes my doctor initiated to help with the PTSD just plain didn't work out.
The good news is that tomorrow I'm starting back on Prozac, which had been helping my depression handily. I'll quickly taper off the Remeron (seems to be a moot point) which seems to have pooped out. I'm staying on the Xanax and the Ambien CR which have been a big help lately.
So, basically, I still feel totally sucky. Well, more so than before, really. But now I have to get through Turkey Day then my husband goes out of town, so I will probably be leaning on the boards kind of heavily.
Posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 17:47:25
In reply to Nasty week (suicide ideation TRIGGER), posted by Partlycloudy on November 25, 2008, at 15:46:28
PC,
Sorry you are having such a rough time. It sounds helpful that you've identified your downward mood spiral as possibly chemical. I've found a few meds that definitely exacerbate my depressive symptoms, somtimes very strongly and quickly. I discovered I'm sensitive to diazepams, e.g. valium and lorazepam. They are fine in small doses but if I take them regularly, within the week I am depressed with suicidal ideation. The other thing that did something similar recently was neurontin (gabapentin), which I was trying out for my fibromyalgia symptoms. Again, within about a week or two, I started going downhill at a really alarming rate. Fortunately, by now I'm aware enough to look for reactions like that. Within 24 hrs of stopping it, it was reversed and I was pretty much back to normal (or what passes for it). Lots of things can cause these exacerbations, depression plus suicidal ideation, and the good news is that if you can figure it out and discontinue it, you can bounce back really quickly. Scary!
Hope you feel better soon,
Lucie
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 25, 2008, at 17:59:40
In reply to Nasty week (suicide ideation TRIGGER), posted by Partlycloudy on November 25, 2008, at 15:46:28
(((Partlycloudy))) Do you think you changed chemically since you have been doing some emotional processing? I know EMDR does have actual physical effect on the brain, so does trauma processing.
I hope your T or your pdoc can figure out something for you, because it is so hard to even get out of bed at least for me when I feel this.Would taking some time for yourself help, some good acupuncture and relaxing massage, long bath and healthy water to drink??? Stay in your pj's all day and just veg out while husband is away. By the way did you find a new massage person?
Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 25, 2008, at 18:47:17
In reply to Re: Nasty week (suicide ideation TRIGGER) » Partlycloudy, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 25, 2008, at 17:59:40
Partlycloudy,
I'm sorry that your husband is going out of town. That's no fun :(You are a smart cookie to get yourself help so quickly and efficiently. No need to suffer through a bad med change-- there's enough suffering in this world already.
I'll be thinking of you on turkey day and beyond. I hope that you get a slice of pecan pie with real whipped cream. none of that cool-whip fluff.
How long do you think it will take for the prozac to kick in?
((((((pcloudy))))))
-Ll
Posted by Partlycloudy on November 25, 2008, at 19:08:13
In reply to Re: Nasty week (suicide ideation TRIGGER) » Partlycloudy, posted by lucie lu on November 25, 2008, at 17:47:25
I think that I was able to pinpoint this spiral as a medication-induced one, rather than one as part of the trauma. I feel that when the long half-life of Prozac was finally washed out of my system was when I quickly went downhill. At the same time, I purposefully have NOT been working on the trauma, because I have recognized that it's going to work itself out during its own good time; there's no need for me to push it along in one way or another. I might at some point get some EMDR treatment, thought at this immediate moment I think I'm still in crisis mode, and a little more time-distance is needed. Interesting, too, that I have NOT heard from my mother since she dropped her bombshell. I wonder if she knows what she has done?
I'm a bit afraid of massage, having had nothing but poor experiences so far. I have been taking more baths than usual, and just curling up into a ball once I'm in there. (Sounds and is awkward, yet I find it really soothing. I light a candle and play soft music. It helps for a little while.) The acupuncture has proved to be too expensive for right now, but I've picked back up my yoga practice yet again, and indeed, the absolutely wonderful and resourceful women at the studio never cease to amaze me with their intuitive strength and comfort for me. And, I'm going back to the chiropractor. It would seem that I'm having to consciously remind myself to attend to myself when I need this the most (and am most likely to advise others to do the same).
I think that at some point in the near future, I'll ask my T about bringing my husband in for a session so she can bring him in to my treatment plan somewhat. I am sh*t scared to try to talk to him about it all myself, but with how I've been feeling this past week, I realize that he needs to be more in tune with just how low I can go.
Thank you all for your loving and kind words this evening.
Posted by rskontos on November 26, 2008, at 9:05:25
In reply to Re: Nasty week (reply to all), posted by Partlycloudy on November 25, 2008, at 19:08:13
PC
I hope your skies turn clear again real soon. I know it is tough. I wish there was something I could do to help, really help.
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on November 26, 2008, at 12:35:01
In reply to Re: Nasty week (reply to all) » Partlycloudy, posted by rskontos on November 26, 2008, at 9:05:25
PC just saw this I'm truly sorry. I really thought you had worked out a great med combo for you it saddens me to think it didn't work out. And if I may ask why is your husband leaving on Thanksgiving? Personally I hope it's pretty important reason. Are you out and about on your own. Seriously concerned about you. Love Phillipa
Posted by Kath on December 1, 2008, at 22:10:27
In reply to Re: Nasty week (reply to all), posted by Partlycloudy on November 25, 2008, at 19:08:13
> I think that at some point in the near future, I'll ask my T about bringing my husband in for a session so she can bring him in to my treatment plan somewhat. I am sh*t scared to try to talk to him about it all myself, but with how I've been feeling this past week, I realize that he needs to be more in tune with just how low I can go.
*****good idea. So sorry you're having such a hard time hun. I'll keep you in my loving thoughts PC. ((((((((you))))))))
xoxoxox Kath
Posted by antigua3 on December 2, 2008, at 7:40:32
In reply to Re: Nasty week (reply to all), posted by Partlycloudy on November 25, 2008, at 19:08:13
Bringing your husband in can be a real eye-opener for him. At least it was for my husband. He wanted to go in w/me once when I was having a very bad time. He had a list of all the things that were "wrong" w/me and my T blew him away and made him think about his role in what was going on. Needless to say, he never got through his list! My T was very good about protecting me while helping him see things he hadn't considered before.
Taking my husband into see my pdoc was a very different, but same type of experience. My pdoc protected me, but hit my husband hard for things he was doing and not recognizing that I had an illness. My DH didn't like to be told I was sick, and the things my pdoc said made him very angry so he hates him now and would never go back.
For me, it was helpful for my DH to see two different sides of the same coin. He loves my T and knows her well, so he listens to what she has to say.
But as I've said before, my DH has no desire, interest, whatever, to know about what happened to me. He just wants me to get over it and be better. Which I mostly am, BTW.
So trust your T. Take your husband so he can understand better what you're going through. She will protect you, and only let out what you want.
Both my pdoc and T have said that my husband could use therapy, but there's no chance of that. It just helped me understand how much of a role he actually does play in all of this.
Good luck,
antigua
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 2, 2008, at 8:58:39
In reply to Re: Nasty week (reply to all), posted by antigua3 on December 2, 2008, at 7:40:32
Thanks. I see my therapist this afternoon and have so much to talk about. She doesn't even know about what went wrong with the medications and how low I had sunk, because she was out of town at the time.
Hunh. I put on mascara this morning - I wonder if it will stay put?
Yesterday I went to see my chiropractor, who also does Applied Kinesiology (which I think of as my witch doctor, because it seems all intuitive and not much hard science). He prescribed a supplement and asked me to come back in a week - and then - he hugged me! (Sometimes he does that, and it always brings tears to my eyes, because it's always when I need one the most.)
I surely do feel - even in the midst of the psych medication changes that went awry - that I have a very good team looking out for me, as long as I have the good sense to let them know when I need their help.
I am very nervous about bringing my DH to my therapist, but there again, he's had the knack of knowing what's going on but not saying as much, in the past. This, however, is a different therapist, with a different approach. I guess I'm afraid of the unknown. At the moment, nothing is about to happen as my DH is out of town.
thanks Antigua.
Posted by Kath on December 2, 2008, at 15:46:52
In reply to Re: Nasty week (reply to all) » antigua3, posted by Partlycloudy on December 2, 2008, at 8:58:39
> Hunh. I put on mascara this morning - I wonder if it will stay put?
HEY - that is great news PC!!! Some days I'm lucky if I remember to wear a winter hat to cover up my 'not touched today' hair, let alone putting mascara on!!! (& believe me, with my naturally very curly hair, it definitely needs to be either tended to or covered up daily!)
I hope your appointment was reassuring & that as a result you're feeling somewhat better.
much love, Kath
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