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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JoniS on November 18, 2008, at 21:21:55
Well I hope to hear from some of you who've been through it, or contemplated quitting therapy. I have been going for about 5 1/2 years. I believe it has helped me - especially through some really dark days. I'm still going through a rough time in my life, but I'm feeling more and more like I'm receiving more pain from "wanting more" and feeling rejected, than I am receiving benefit. I totally understand the professional and ethical standards of therapists, and I support that 100% so I'm not suggesting that my T should compromise any of that. I do have this private fantasy of him giving a relationship with me a try after a 2 yr waitng period. He is having great struggles right now with his own marriage, but I dont know the details, and I realize that boundaries need to be kept there too.
When I went to therapy last Friday he listened, mostly attentively, but maybe a little distracted. but the bottom line is, I didn't feel the connection that I sometimes have, and I didn't feel that I got anything out of the session. (This is becoming more of the norm - as far as our sessions go) I know that my t is not supposed to perform some magic and make it all better - but I dont get any new enlightenments. Mostly what I get from going is a slight sense of support - that I'm going through a rough time, its ok to be "emotional" that stuff has to come out... And really, I know that therapy is a lot of work - on my part.
But -when reality sets in - like today - it is soooo painful. I had to see him regarding a pt job I do for the Assoc. for MFTs. He was kind of flightly - only had 5-10 minutes to spend with me and he mentioned that he was feeling very badly again (he recently has been diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension) and he was, understandably upset. He was telling me that he was on the phone trying to get in with the doc.
But my reaction was this - I expressed great concern for him as he was walking to his car and me to mine. Inside I turn into a complete nervous wreck worrying about him. And, at the same time I have to face the reality - I'm just a patient on his list. I'm not his family, I'm not someone he can or wants to turn to to talk about this and let some of his stuff out. Reality stares me in the face. I want a real relationship. I love him and I am hurting and it hurts more that I cant be the one to be supporting him and comforting him and listenting to him. And see, each time something like this happens, I get to feel that deep pain of rejection. I dont think I can take it any more.I'm really in a rotten place in life. sorry to be so negative.
Joni
Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2008, at 22:13:18
In reply to Need some input on decision to quit, posted by JoniS on November 18, 2008, at 21:21:55
Is it possible to separate all the issues?
It's entirely possible that after all these years your therapist has run out of ways to challenge you, and therapy might be running out of steam. I sort of feel that way at times.
I also know that when a therapist has personal impairments, he may not be at his best. He might be less than helpful. He may even be the opposite of helpful.
Both totally sensible reasons to cut back or terminate, but maybe with a planned termination phase?
Even for me it hurts that my therapist has never and will never turn to me as part of his support system. That as much as I love him dearly, I can't really be there for him. That I'll never mean as much to him as he means to me. And I don't even really want more from him than therapy. I can only imagine how hard it would be if I did want more.
But for the record, I don't think you're just a client on his list. You're Joni. You've seen him for five and a half years. He cares about you, and you almost certainly mean something to him on a personal level.
I guess there's a point in relationships where the pain outweighs the benefits. You think you've reached that point?
Posted by JoniS on November 18, 2008, at 22:23:01
In reply to Re: Need some input on decision to quit, posted by Dinah on November 18, 2008, at 22:13:18
Dinah
Thanks for your insights.I may have reached that point. I guess that's what I need to figure out.
Joni
This is the end of the thread.
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