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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on November 7, 2008, at 22:03:52
I dont really feel like I should be posting because I know I'm not active here and I rarely offer support like I should... I'm sorry. I just have to share this with someone who will get it.
I did it. I'm switching Ts. I canceled my appt with my regular T for next week and have scheduled an appt with old T instead. Old T is the one 2 hours away who I've seen in the past who I really love. She has been amazing for me but it's a 2 hour drive and a MUCH higher fee (more than double what I pay current T). But I did it. Current T is like a friend.. we have a good time but I dont get anywhere. Recently when I was discussing how I feel stressed to the point of self destruction her only suggestion was to google stress relief. Isnt that what therapy is for, helping me with those things? I can google without paying someone! Anyway... old T, who I'll be seeing now, will NOT let me get off track for long and holds good boundaries. I'll be entering "real" therapy for the first time in awhile. It's scary.
Reading the thread above about object permanence made me think a lot of this situation. One of my biggest issues with the idea of seeing old T instead is that she's 2 hours away. The drive, in part, but also just the fact that she's not "here". It really doesnt matter, because I'd never see her outside sessions anyway and the phone works just as well from wherever, but it's scary. Harder to feel safe and "held" and "with her" I guess. Logistically, it may be difficult because I live in a small town and work in a rural county (social work), whereas she lives/works in a fairly affluent city just outside of Washington DC... incredibly different lifestyles and I've changed a lot since I lived in her area. All that can be worked out though. It's just the emotional disconnect that will be the hardest.
When I left current T the message that I wouldnt be back for awhile, she left me a message in response saying that she thought that was a good idea. That stung a bit, but I knew she thought that. It did reinforce how much she doesnt get it with me.
I'll only be seeing the T I'm switching to biweekly now because I cant afford her fee or to drive 2hrs each way every week. But as she said last time we spoke, good therapy 2x/month is better than bad therapy 4x/month. True.
I'm proud of myself. I just had to share. No responses necessary really.
Posted by twinleaf on November 8, 2008, at 2:18:11
In reply to well, I did it, posted by wishingstar on November 7, 2008, at 22:03:52
I'm so glad to hear this! She has always been the only one with whom you seem to have always felt that emotionally meaningful work happens. Is there a chance you could eventually do the same professional work you're presently doing in a place closer to where she is?
Posted by wishingstar on November 8, 2008, at 9:20:24
In reply to Re: well, I did it » wishingstar, posted by twinleaf on November 8, 2008, at 2:18:11
Thanks :) I work in child welfare/investigations so I could do essentially the same job in her town or anywhere in the country really. There are some differences that would make me hesitant, as child welfare investigations are quite different in a rural area to an urban area, but I could adjust. The bigger issue would be the cost of living. In my area now, you can rent an decent apartment for 550-600. In her area, you couldnt rent anything for that. A bare bones 1 bedroom apartment would run 1000 easy. That's just the beginning of course. I dont know if I could afford to live up there. There are also many towns between my town and hers, so maybe there's somewhere inbetween that'd be a good fit. Either way, I promised 2 years to my current job, and I have a lease where I'm currently living. Both of which end next summer, so I have until then to consider it.
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2008, at 9:28:05
In reply to well, I did it, posted by wishingstar on November 7, 2008, at 22:03:52
As you probably remember, I always had a good feeling about the fit between you and this therapist.
I really have a very good feeling that she'll be able to help you enough to make the drive worthwhile.
Plus I've always felt like she's been a tug on your emotions, and a yardstick to measure other therapists by. I know other therapists would have a darn hard time living up to *my* therapist.
Personally, I'd be happy to move to be closer to my therapist. Although a friend of my therapist's did that before I started therapy and I thought it was strange. And my therapist, when I told him about it, thought it was terrible of the therapist to allow it. Now both he and I think it sounds more than reasonable.
(I drove three hours each way for a while to see my therapist. It wasn't easy, but it was more helpful than seeing a different therapist in town.)
Posted by wishingstar on November 9, 2008, at 9:37:55
In reply to I'm delighted :) » wishingstar, posted by Dinah on November 8, 2008, at 9:28:05
Thank you Dinah :)
It is hard not to feel crazy driving so far just to see a therapist sometimes. It helps to hear that I'm not the only one who has done it! What you said about this therapist being a good fit for me etc is exactly right. There is a special connection that would be hard to create anywhere else because this T was actually my therapist at the time many of the most difficult and most traumatic things happened to me in my childhood/teen years (16-17yo). Our relationship does feel somewhat maternal - transference I'm sure, but at the same time, she has been my therapist on and off since I was 17yo, so it's a neat thing. I'm about to turn 26 now. She obviously knows that I'm driving a good distance and doesnt seem to have a problem with it. I think she understands.
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