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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by raisinb on July 3, 2008, at 22:44:39
I moved on Monday. I am excited to have a new, bigger house with a garage, but moving makes me sad, anxious, and lost. I don't know why that is. I feel like if I lose a place, I lose myself. That shouldn't be, right?
I feel like I have all these intense experiences in a place, then when I lose the place, I lose that part of myself. My therapist said it seemed like I felt like I had to be different if I were in a different place. I disagreed at the time, but maybe it is true.
I don't like feeling like this, and I don't understand why moving triggers so many difficult feelings. Arg.
Posted by sunnydays on July 3, 2008, at 23:03:56
In reply to moving is really difficult for me, posted by raisinb on July 3, 2008, at 22:44:39
I moved recently, and I have the same experience. And I expect I will have the same experience next week in T because my T has had to move offices and it'll be my first week in the new one. Try to acknowledge it is difficult and let yourself adjust slowly. I'm still not adjusted and I moved two months ago. Be gentle with yourself.
sunnydays
Posted by lucie lu on July 3, 2008, at 23:06:50
In reply to moving is really difficult for me, posted by raisinb on July 3, 2008, at 22:44:39
Raisin, did you move around a lot when you were young or have any traumatic moves? Or is it more general than that, having to do with your feelings about your life?
And congrats on the new garage. Try not to fill it up with junk, like mine. :)
-Lucie
Posted by Dinah on July 3, 2008, at 23:46:42
In reply to moving is really difficult for me, posted by raisinb on July 3, 2008, at 22:44:39
With me it's the loss. As I often say, climbing a ladder means giving up the step you're on. And even if it wasn't the best step in the world, and even if you're moving to a much better step, you're still losing that step. You are giving it up, forever.
And for a brief time, you feel suspended between steps with no firm planting anywhere.
I'm not so good at loss.
On the other hand, once I'm on the new step, the old step seems long ago and foreign, and I generally miss it much less than I did when I was in the process of taking my foot off it.
But that's me.
Posted by Happyflower on July 4, 2008, at 9:58:48
In reply to Re: moving is really difficult for me » raisinb, posted by Dinah on July 3, 2008, at 23:46:42
I think we get attached to what is home. Leaving living places, especially due to life changes are scary. Home is our safe place, where we can be ourselves. If we change our place of home, we feel vulnerable because we might not get our safety back.
Foster children go through this a lot when moving from home to home, it just intensifies their need for belonging and safety.
Posted by raisinb on July 4, 2008, at 10:01:12
In reply to Re: moving is really difficult for me » raisinb, posted by sunnydays on July 3, 2008, at 23:03:56
That is good advice. I get impatient and want it to feel like home NOW, so I put a lot of pressure on myself to work on it, which isn't helpful.
My therapist moved offices a few months ago, too. I was very upset about it. Eventually, I realized our relationship didn't change that much (still a roller coaster, but the same one :))
Posted by raisinb on July 4, 2008, at 10:03:04
In reply to Re: moving is really difficult for me » raisinb, posted by lucie lu on July 3, 2008, at 23:06:50
I think it is more general--I feel like I am being forced to lose an era of my life. Maybe part of it is, I feel insecure in relationships, and about myself, so places are the only stable thing I can get attached to.
I'll keep junk out of there. Not scraping my car at six in the morning in subzero weather is worth *anything*:)
Posted by raisinb on July 4, 2008, at 10:03:58
In reply to Re: moving is really difficult for me » raisinb, posted by Dinah on July 3, 2008, at 23:46:42
That's it exactly--or a big part of it. Somehow I lose an era of my life--without intending to.
This is the end of the thread.
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