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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Looney Tunes on June 22, 2008, at 1:21:24
Lately, my therapist can not seem to control his emotions. He is constantly telling me he is angry at me, he is yelling at me, he is critizing me and basically fights back when I fight him.
I am feeling so horrible about myself. I have not been with him that long (~6 months) and it just keeps getting worse and worse. He is only the 2nd therapist I have ever seen, so I do not know if this is normal or not????
The last session I walked out. Now I don't know what to do??
Help?
Posted by seldomseen on June 22, 2008, at 9:15:30
In reply to Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by Looney Tunes on June 22, 2008, at 1:21:24
Welcome to babble!
I have to admit, on the surface your therapist's behaviour seems very odd.
I can't think of a single instance where it would be appropriate for a therapist to yell at a client, but then again it's hard to say.
Do you think he is trying to challenge you, or mirror your behaviour?
Could you elaborate a bit on the circumstances in which you walked out of the session?
Again, welcome to babble. I've received a lot of help and support here, and I'm sure you will too.
Seldom.
Posted by Fallsfall on June 22, 2008, at 17:50:06
In reply to Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by Looney Tunes on June 22, 2008, at 1:21:24
This does sound quite distressing.
I know, though, that when I started seeing my current therapist that I felt that he was extremely critical. I was miserable because I wanted very badly to please him. We also had a very difficult period when I felt that he had one agenda, and I had another, which led to some significant fights between us.
This was all 5 years ago and he has helped me completely turn my life around. So sometimes things go on in therapy that don't "sound" good, but really are.
So the real question for you is how can you tell if this friction between the two of you will be ultimately helpful or not? I think the best thing to do is to be very open and honest with your therapist. Tell him exactly how you interpret what he is saying, and ask him if that is what he intends to say. You may find, as I did, that your interpretation doesn't match his intention.
If you find that you are both viewing the interaction the same way, and you find the interaction hurtful, then ask him how this is supposed to help you.
I believed that my therapist did want what was best for me, and I stuck out the hard times. I'm really glad that I did. Do you have a feeling about whether your therapist is talented and skilled? About whether he cares about his patients in general, and about you in particular?
Sometimes we need to go through difficult times in therapy in order to make the progress we need.
If your therapist can not give you answers that are satisfactory to you, however, he may not be a skilled therapist, or he may just not be the right therapist for you. You can talk to him about this, too. If he is not helping you, then he has an ethical obligation to acknowledge this and to help you find someone who can help you.
I hope that you can go back and talk this out with him. It can be really hard to do that, but it is often very valuable.
I wish you both wisdom.
Falls
Posted by Phillipa on June 22, 2008, at 20:45:55
In reply to Re: Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by Fallsfall on June 22, 2008, at 17:50:06
Anyone I'm paying yells at me I'm out of there and the payment check is cancelled by me. Not going back to mine either as she is doing me more harm. The month haven't seen her accomplished more than I have in ten years and no she didn't help me Like Nike I Just Did it myself. Thant's just me though as of course your circumstances may be entirely different. Phillipa
Posted by Cecilia on June 23, 2008, at 1:42:30
In reply to Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by Looney Tunes on June 22, 2008, at 1:21:24
This therapist, not you, is the one that is Looney Tunes. Walk away and don't go back. No professional should yell at a patient. Cecilia
Posted by meme3842 on June 23, 2008, at 11:08:35
In reply to Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by Looney Tunes on June 22, 2008, at 1:21:24
It doesn't make sense for a therapist to yell and say that they are angry at you for no reason. I don't think I've ever had that happen. I had a therapist mad at me before, but I caused it, so it gave us a chance to talk about it. But to just make you feel bad just because is not helpful, and I would think about finding out someone who's more supportive.
meme
Posted by backseatdriver on June 23, 2008, at 12:09:59
In reply to Re: Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by meme3842 on June 23, 2008, at 11:08:35
A therapist, or anyone, who is yelling at you is triggering your stress-response system and creating a cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters that may well *cause* depression (not to mention exacerbate any problems with stress that you may already have).
I would think seriously about leaving this person before you become so depressed you *cannot* leave him or her.
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2008, at 12:15:06
In reply to Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by Looney Tunes on June 22, 2008, at 1:21:24
I can't imagine it would be helpful for any therapist to lose control that badly.
Let me ask you this, though. A lot of times I say my therapist or my husband is yelling at me. And they answer that they aren't yelling at all. They're right. I hear an angry tone and interpret it as yelling, when in reality they're just angry.
Should they get angry? Ideally perhaps not. And certainly they shouldn't always be angry. You say he fights back when you fight him. Does this mean that it starts with you and he responds in the same tone?
It certainly seems on the face of it to be unreasonable of him. And your experiences with his anger may not in any way be similar to my own experiences with anger from others. So this might be totally unhelpful to you. But I thought I'd offer it in case it was useful.
Posted by Looney Tunes on June 23, 2008, at 21:14:12
In reply to Re: Therapist can't control his emotions » Looney Tunes, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2008, at 12:15:06
Thank you everyone for your responses to my question/problem. You were all very kind to give me your opinions.
I know I am a "difficult" client...
I don't know. Every week I feel terrible because everything is a constant battle, ending in anger, criticism, and sometimes yelling. I don't even know what we are battling about half the time (I space out alot).
He said he worked with clients like me, but then recently he told me he has not in several years.
Most of me knows not to go back, but part of me misses him terribly. My old therapist never once raised his voice to me (and I was difficult then too!)
Posted by Fallsfall on June 24, 2008, at 6:53:46
In reply to Thank you everyone...., posted by Looney Tunes on June 23, 2008, at 21:14:12
Ask him for a referral to someone who specializes in "clients like you".
What is it that you do that makes you think you are "difficult"? I bet there are others on this board who are not so different from you.
Schedule one more session with him and tell him that you think that therapy with him is not working well. Ask him to help you transition to a therapy that will suit you better and be able to help you more. He knows you, and he knows other therapists in the area. You may need to change the type of therapy (i.e. cognitive behavioral vs. psychodynamic).
My old therapist (who was not helping me) referred me to my current wonderful therapist.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 24, 2008, at 8:50:40
In reply to Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by Looney Tunes on June 22, 2008, at 1:21:24
No, this is not ethical or proper behavior for a therapist he/she obviously has issues.
They shouldn't be YOURS.
Find another therapist immediately. you can go on-line and look and read at a client's rights, etc.....to see 3what is appropriate.
Love, Sassy
Posted by seldomseen on June 24, 2008, at 9:08:15
In reply to Thank you everyone...., posted by Looney Tunes on June 23, 2008, at 21:14:12
What do you think would happen if you went to him with your concerns and told him that this is not the way you want your therapy to go?
Everything definately should not be a fight with your therapist. Personally, I had enough to handle with just fighting myself.
If you approach him (not confront, but approach) him and he is dismissive or becomes angry at your wishes - then yeah, I would be outta there. If he wants to discuss it and exchange strategies for a smoother course of therapy, then it might be worth staying.
Seldom.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on June 24, 2008, at 9:31:39
In reply to Thank you everyone...., posted by Looney Tunes on June 23, 2008, at 21:14:12
Whether you are a "difficult" client or not, is IRRELEVANT. He is supposed to be trained to handle all kinds of people and problems.
What he is doing is called ABUSE.
It isn't that he can't control himelf, he CHOOSES to be out of control.
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by Abby Cunningham on June 24, 2008, at 9:45:10
In reply to Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by Looney Tunes on June 22, 2008, at 1:21:24
> Lately, my therapist can not seem to control his emotions. He is constantly telling me he is angry at me, he is yelling at me, he is critizing me and basically fights back when I fight him.
>
> I am feeling so horrible about myself. I have not been with him that long (~6 months) and it just keeps getting worse and worse. He is only the 2nd therapist I have ever seen, so I do not know if this is normal or not????
>
> The last session I walked out. Now I don't know what to do??
>
> Help?I had a therapist who also got angry with me after I had been going to her for a year; she started yelling at me one session; no good reason. She had always been caring and kind to me before so it was a shock and I sat and cried through the entire hour! I thought she might have stopped after she had made her point but kept on going and I am not one to cry (almost never).
Later I found out that she knew I had googled her and a member of her family was disgraced in the psychiatric community big time and she was extremely angry that I found out and thought it was an invasion of privacy even though it was readily available to anyone.
Needless to say I was terminated but for the best. I am finally ready (after 5 months) to see a new therapist (and I already googled her and found no skeletons in the closet!)
I would say, go find a new therapist - you don't need this "treatment"! Best of luck to you!
Posted by Looney Tunes on June 24, 2008, at 19:09:23
In reply to Re: Thank you everyone...., posted by Fallsfall on June 24, 2008, at 6:53:46
> Ask him for a referral to someone who specializes in "clients like you".
>
> What is it that you do that makes you think you are "difficult"? I bet there are others on this board who are not so different from you.
Well, basically, diagnosis-wise, they say I have PTSD with BPD and some other things.
I grew up in the foster care system, so I have no idea how to trust anyone and most time I project my horrible beliefs all over the place. I space out and act out. I have a horrible eating disorder and I self-harm. I do ok with boundaries, but I hate change.
Other then that, I am really funny. :(
Posted by star008 on June 24, 2008, at 21:55:28
In reply to Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by Looney Tunes on June 22, 2008, at 1:21:24
no, his behavior is not normal and not acceptable either but i am sure everyone else told you that already. it sounds as though he has his own issues. It is definately not good for you to feel worse about yourself because of him. They have so much influence of how we feel about ourselves. I think you need to find another T.
Posted by rskontos on June 25, 2008, at 17:11:53
In reply to Re: Therapist can't control his emotions, posted by star008 on June 24, 2008, at 21:55:28
LooneyTunes,
To my way of thinking, and I would classify myself as a hard case but then that is my way of thinking of myself, my T never says this. I often wonder why he doesn't tell me to hit the road, is that the therapists opinion of you as a difficult, easy or middle of the road client is for his mind only and NEVER to be shared with you in thought, word or deed. He should, if having issues dealing with your situation as a client, discuss this with a supervisory therapist or a therapist that he values their opinion to help him with how to best handle the situation. I mean, for crying out loud, what did he think he would accomplish by sharing this. I am not sure if he said this directly or if you picked up on this, but in either case, highly unprofessional if you ask me. I think he is the one that is looney. And he needs to refund your $$.
I am so sorry this happened.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on June 25, 2008, at 18:55:41
In reply to Re: Therapist can't control his emotions » star008, posted by rskontos on June 25, 2008, at 17:11:53
Posted by obsidian on June 26, 2008, at 22:36:39
In reply to Re: WHAT MAKES ME DIFFICULT, posted by Looney Tunes on June 24, 2008, at 19:09:23
did you ever read....
This is the end of the thread.
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