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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 9, 2008, at 17:39:23
It's kind of rare that I talk about the content of a session, but this one was so remarkable, I just have to get it out there.
I started off by telling him about how I had been accepted to a post-doc position. They accepted me the day after the interview, so I guess it was an easy decision? I was kind of nervous during the interview, feeling that the guy was seeing right into my crazy core. Well whatever. They want me, I want them. Easy decision. But it's hard for llurpsie to feel good about herself. I feel I'm getting better at that, but still many deep issues I'm ashamed of.
I still for the LIFE of me cannot recall how the subject turned to sex. you see, I have some sexual dysfunction right now. to put it politely. I have been declining any/all opportunities to display my inadequacies. hence no sex. except! well, T said "It sounds like you had a breakthrough". And then we discussed the relative merits of "faking it". Um how AWkWaRd. I started to get fidgety and look out the window.
on to the next topic
Why do I get scared to come to therapy? Do you all get scared too? I am often petrified to see T. I worry about it all day long. We speculated why...
Here's what *I* came up with
1) fear of being late. always that. really really mortifying to be late ANYWHERE. particularly for therapy. go figger.
2) fear of saying something in session that I cannot tolerate
3) fear of hearing something in session that I cannot tolerate
4) fear of therapist himselfHere's what *he* came up with
1) performance anxiety- people who are doing hard work in therapy are focused on themselves, and feel that they need to have an agenda or a plan. Often llurpsie comes in with no plan and finds herself up a creek with no topic.
2) fear of men. Fear of sex. Here I started to get awfully uncomfortable. I said something like "but I don't feel safe in a room with a man, I don't know what you're going to do to me" he said "llurpsie you're safe" in a very kind, reassuring way (((((((T))))))) that was the highlight of the session. knowing that T is not going to abuse me sexually.
3) fear of my response to men. Okay. it gets ReaLLy awkWaRd now. T explains that part of it is fear about what T will do TO me, but that the other part is that I'm afraid I might actually respond to it. This gets back to the idea that my sexual self is immature and I need to get more comfortable having sexual drives. Even in therapy. ugh. SEX again. SEX SEX SEX. will the session ever end?????!!!!???? at one point it was so awkward that I was giggling and T was starting to chuckle at the whole situation. It was ridiculous, farcical.I figured I needed to regain control at that point, so I resurrected my gaze and decided that I needed to talk about something without sexual content.
Hey T- I've been systematically mutilating my cuticles since hearing that I got my postdoc. Oh? "Well knock it off" I told him how much that statement pisses me off. "hey T, you shouldn't just say 'knock it off' because I need help here and you make it sound easy" T:"just because I say 'knock it off' doesn't mean that I think it's easy" Oh? well it sure sounds flippant to me! then we brainstormed. bandaids? ointments? cotton gloves? manicure. dear GOD am I really having this discussion with my male T? Manicures? wtf????!!!??? Llurpsie is WAY out of her comfort zone.
Oh what the hell, let's just put it all out there. "I've been binge eating too" then we discuss that I have had an awfully tough month-- especially the past week. i need to cut myself some slack.
We were running out of time. I was running out of shame. shameless. utterly!
His parting words to me "On Tuesday I want to hear how you've been able to avoid binge-eating"
I laughed in his face and quickly walked away (well, as quickly as I could, wearing my new Guess high heeled sandals)
what a bizarre session. sorry so long, I just thought I'd share.
ll
Posted by Dinah on May 9, 2008, at 18:18:07
In reply to Talking about Shame **triggers** sex too, posted by llurpsienoodle on May 9, 2008, at 17:39:23
Congratulations!!!
I'm not at all surprised, of course. You *are* deserving.
I can see ways in which your lists aren't totally incompatible. Fear not being able to tolerate something and fear of your therapist could include sexual fears, but also extend beyond them. Could he be focusing on sexual elements because of your conversation? My therapist isn't averse to jumping around in session, but I hear many therapists operate on the assumption that topic switches aren't as random as they might seem.
Is your therapist someone who could conceivably arouse sexual thoughts? (I tried like heck to come up with an alternate verb choice, but my brain froze.)
Faking it... Hmmm... I don't know what the relative merits may be, but I know what a lousy actor I am. :(
Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 9, 2008, at 18:48:52
In reply to Re: Talking about Shame **triggers** sex too » llurpsienoodle, posted by Dinah on May 9, 2008, at 18:18:07
> Congratulations!!!
>
> I'm not at all surprised, of course. You *are* deserving.(shrugs) thank you (smile)
>
> I can see ways in which your lists aren't totally incompatible. Fear not being able to tolerate something and fear of your therapist could include sexual fears, but also extend beyond them. Could he be focusing on sexual elements because of your conversation? My therapist isn't averse to jumping around in session, but I hear many therapists operate on the assumption that topic switches aren't as random as they might seem.
>yes, probably got his mind on the sex topic. it's one of my issues, so it's hard to avoid it every SINGLE week for months on end. yet i managed to do that, until recently. (sh*t)
> Is your therapist someone who could conceivably arouse sexual thoughts? (I tried like heck to come up with an alternate verb choice, but my brain froze.)
I will not allow myself to conceive of him as a sexual person. I'm terrified of what would happen. What if I become attracted to him. That would be awful. In conversation today he used both the word "arouse" and the word "intimate" to describe our discussion. It went something like this "having me in the room arouses some fears..." and "it's difficult because it is an intimate topic"
He's using his therapist tricks on me. for sure. I am trying hard to be immune, but it's a tough front
okay, lemme describe him. 68 years old going on 50. on his 2nd marriage to another therapist. yes, the first wife was a therapist too. lol. hilarious wit. tall and athletic. slim, but not skinny. mostly has a winning smile and twinkly blue eyes. salt and pepper beard, reminds me of the prof we all agreed was "hot" in college. so um yeah. the answer is yes. of course. And things that turn me off. like old man legs (he pulls up his sox at least 2x per session). when he wears his Mr. Rogers cardigan he looks his age. He doesn't know crap about classical music.
>
> Faking it... Hmmm... I don't know what the relative merits may be, but I know what a lousy actor I am. :((ssshhhh! don't tell anyone, but I was faking it with kk)
-Ll
p.s. I know I'm gonna regret this post later. I might have to change my posting name
Posted by ClearSkies on May 9, 2008, at 20:15:21
In reply to Re: Talking about Shame **triggers** sex too » Dinah, posted by llurpsienoodle on May 9, 2008, at 18:48:52
I have enormous shame in talking about sexual issues with my T (who is a woman). Even though there is so much that I feel I could say to her, I totally freeze up at the thought of discussing my Issues.
You're terribly brave. And I'm a big wimp!
CS
Posted by Phillipa on May 9, 2008, at 23:46:45
In reply to Re: Talking about Shame **triggers** sex too » llurpsienoodle, posted by ClearSkies on May 9, 2008, at 20:15:21
I told mine it's off topic I gave up sex at age 40 so what can she say nothing. I closed the issue for her. Phillipa
Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 10, 2008, at 6:56:02
In reply to Re: Talking about Shame **triggers** sex too » llurpsienoodle, posted by ClearSkies on May 9, 2008, at 20:15:21
Thank you for gving me some validation. It is hard. T said that the hardest things to talk about are sex and money. The sex thing is so tricky. Opportunities for transference abound. I mean, the conversations get pretty intimate, pretty quickly. and what is poor llurpsie to do.
deny deny deny!!!!
That's the only way I can preserve my dignity.
Posted by Dinah on May 10, 2008, at 14:42:40
In reply to Re: Talking about Shame **triggers** sex too » ClearSkies, posted by llurpsienoodle on May 10, 2008, at 6:56:02
I think I'm lucky in that respect. When I was in my crucial teen years, I had a tight group of friends both male and female. While we were trying to figure out the whole concept of sex, and before any of us had any real working knowledge of anyone other than ourselves, I had some pretty frank, and yes intimate, discussions with both my female friends and my male friends.
There was a mild sexual charge to the conversations with my male friends, but it wasn't overwhelming. (I wasn't that unattractive in those days, either.) So in that respect sex is pretty low on my list of difficult topics. Both money and body image come way higher.
I know not everyone had that easy comfortable experience of talking sex in a nonsexual way with the opposite sex, and I realize how lucky I am in that.
This is the end of the thread.
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