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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by obsidian on April 30, 2008, at 21:40:32
I am quite tired of being angry and resentful
How does one get rid of it?
I'd rather enjoy my life more
any experiences anyone can share??
why can't I just say "whatever" and just be peaceful. perhaps it's a matter of distraction
-sid the perturbed
Posted by jammerlich on April 30, 2008, at 21:54:47
In reply to I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by obsidian on April 30, 2008, at 21:40:32
Sid, I'm not sure anger is something that can just, "poof," go away. At least not for me. I find that some days I feel it and other days I'm good at making a conscious decision to let things go. And I guess maybe it's one of those 'practice makes perfect' things becuase, over time, the 'not angry' days come in greater numbers. Will I ever reach a point where I never feel anger again over certain things? I honestly don't know.
Here's hoping for fewer angry days in your future.
Jammer
Posted by Daisym on April 30, 2008, at 23:15:27
In reply to I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by obsidian on April 30, 2008, at 21:40:32
I think perhaps instead of working on not being angry, the trick might be to add more things in your life that make you happy. I've never found that I can just decide to not be resentful. It isn't honest and eventually it all comes up again. So filling up your life with good things is a way to leave less space for the angry stuff.
It isn't easy though...
Posted by Phillipa on April 30, 2008, at 23:26:28
In reply to Re: I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by Daisym on April 30, 2008, at 23:15:27
On the plus side better to be angry than to stuff it and become depressed as long as it hurts no one you included. Phillipa
Posted by raisinb on May 1, 2008, at 8:25:13
In reply to I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by obsidian on April 30, 2008, at 21:40:32
I was continually angry for several years, and I never succeeded in getting rid of it. It's a difficult emotion to suppress.
This might sound strange, but anger can be a wonderful thing if you capitalize on it. It can give you all kinds of energy (have you ever tried cleaning while angry? running on the treadmill?).
More importantly, it can motivate you to address situations that no one else will. In my career, I've often said things, confronted people, etc., that everyone else is too tired, busy, afraid, or passive to deal with. It's often the angriest people who sniff out injustice in any context and try to do something about it. Don't get me wrong, there are times when my anger has also been very, very destructive. But I know I have changed the place I teach for the better, even though I may have angered a lot of other people in the process.
Posted by Dinah on May 1, 2008, at 9:24:02
In reply to Re: I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by Daisym on April 30, 2008, at 23:15:27
My experience with anger is similar to Daisy's.
Also, I have a trick of choosing to find something amusing that helps when dealing with longstanding sources of anger. But I can't do it all that consistently.
Therapy helps, in thinking about things in different ways. I resisted that at first, when I started therapy. Resisted believing that changing your thoughts can change your emotions. But over time in this area as in so many others, my therapist's views have sort of seeped in. I still don't believe it in the short term. When I'm in that moment angry, changing my thoughts just makes me angrier. I see it more as a long term strategy.
And sometimes it's a purely medical issue. Medication causes it sometimes, and sometimes medication can help it.
For some reason, exercise is counterproductive for me. I just add the rhythm of my movements to the angry thoughts. "how DARE she think THAT I am..." And they become even further entrenched. But that may be a "me" thing.
Posted by Angela2 on May 1, 2008, at 10:28:59
In reply to I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by obsidian on April 30, 2008, at 21:40:32
ok here are my ideas:
journaling
listen to a relaxation tape if you have one
I hope you feel better sid
Posted by raisinb on May 1, 2008, at 10:34:51
In reply to I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by obsidian on April 30, 2008, at 21:40:32
Much of my anger stemmed from a deep feeling of helplessness. Once I started to gain realistic control of some things in my life, it lessened. So if there are ways in which you can take small actions to gain more power, it might help.
Posted by rskontos on May 1, 2008, at 11:12:01
In reply to I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by obsidian on April 30, 2008, at 21:40:32
Sid,
I can't help you other than say, I understand your predicament.
My emotions usually run flat other than anger so I only say that I think anger seems more easily accessed than the rest. But then wtf do I know these days.
sorry you feel like you do, and if I find the magic bullet I will let you know.
rsk
Posted by B2chica on May 1, 2008, at 11:46:30
In reply to Re: I can't seem to stop being angry.... » obsidian, posted by rskontos on May 1, 2008, at 11:12:01
did you say magic bullet?? (me wanting one) lol, not sure why this is so funny to me.
does anyone else think it's strange that i am laughing at my suicidal thinking?
it's weird, it's almost like i'm getting hypomanic energy and humor WITH the lovely depressive thinking.??confused
b2c.
Posted by B2chica on May 1, 2008, at 11:47:04
In reply to Re: I can't seem to stop being angry.... » rskontos, posted by B2chica on May 1, 2008, at 11:46:30
Posted by Nadezda on May 1, 2008, at 13:41:43
In reply to Re: I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by Angela2 on May 1, 2008, at 10:28:59
I've been in a DBT group for a few weeks, and they have a lot of ideas that I find helpful.
This idea is more in the crisis management section(which is where they are), rather than the overall parts, but it seems crucial, which is, radical acceptance. It involves acknowledging the reality of a situation, without denying or fighting it, although without condoning it, but while resolving to do the best (the most effective) thing within the situation.
Of course, they have lots of immediate suggestion that I can put in later, if you're interested, but a lot of them are devoted to changing physiology-- like cold water, exercise, a warm bath, focusing on breathing, especially if you're also anxious-- but as a way of reorienting your mind.
They do have countless things-- in the categories of distracting, improving the moment. One of the key things is that different techniques work for different people-- so they say you should experiment with the things that appeal to you-- and see which ones take the edge off your anger, or help you to see the situation in a different, more accepting ( in their sense of the radical acceptance, not just going along with anything) way.
It's a combination of using small techniques to somewhat calm and relieve your anger, and then working on accepting and reframing, and acting within the situation in the most useful, realistic, and full way.
Nadezda
Posted by Sigismund on May 1, 2008, at 14:57:49
In reply to Re: I can't seem to stop being angry.... » rskontos, posted by B2chica on May 1, 2008, at 11:46:30
If you weren't angry and resentful you might be playing.
You could be angry and resentful that you are angry and resentful and therefore unable to play.
If you are trapped in a strange baffling place and need a language of conciousness, maybe it's about 'not doing', and acquiring some proficiency, like you do with languages?Maybe you could see your anger as an unusual form of spirit? A kind of fountain.
Of course I can't stop either.
Posted by Nadezda on May 1, 2008, at 15:32:41
In reply to I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by obsidian on April 30, 2008, at 21:40:32
And then it does matter what you're angry about.
Is it something specific, or is it, just, angry at the world? at yourself? at how things have been?
at someone in general? someone specific for what he/she did today? lots of people for something specific they did, lots of days?
All those are really different types of thing.
Nadezda
Posted by rskontos on May 1, 2008, at 18:31:06
In reply to Re: I can't seem to stop being angry.... » rskontos, posted by B2chica on May 1, 2008, at 11:46:30
No B2c, I did not mean it literally **see below definition too **but figuratively. As in a magic solution. However if it got you laughing in a good way, then I am glad. Maybe laughing when you are down is good I hope. As I said a wise Babbler told me when I planned mine out in the not so distant past, that what I actually want was to be free of pain and for my soul to soar free I thought then he was right. So maybe that is too what you want to be free of pain and to soar free?
If I get the magic beans so to speak or bullet. The dictionary defines a magic bullet as a medicine or other remedy, indiscovered or hypothetical, with wonderful or highly specific properties. This is what I meant.
Again, I hope I made you feel better too as well as sid.
rsk
Posted by Happyflower on May 2, 2008, at 9:32:21
In reply to I can't seem to stop being angry...., posted by obsidian on April 30, 2008, at 21:40:32
Have you tried writing about it, some of my best poems are about anger. Or you could by a Wii and try boxing, that is fun!
For me exercising helps a lot.and chocolate, well that is good for anything
helping others, that helps
This is the end of the thread.
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