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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by myrtledog on April 29, 2008, at 15:01:25
My T called me last week - a day before our next session, to tell me that something bad had happened, "an event", she said "a serious event". She said that she was in a state of shock. I have kind of pieced together that this is something like a death. Obviously I feel enormously in shock myself. But has anyone got any experience with this? My child inner is panicking that mommy will no longer be there for me
Posted by Happyflower on April 29, 2008, at 15:09:34
In reply to Event for T herself, posted by myrtledog on April 29, 2008, at 15:01:25
Did she cancel her session with you? I think sometimes it is just better to tell clients what is going on then to have them worry about 100 others things 5x worse than what may have happened. Do you have a session this week?
Posted by myrtledog on April 29, 2008, at 16:01:47
In reply to Re: Event for T herself, posted by Happyflower on April 29, 2008, at 15:09:34
She cancelled it for thursday last, and said she would ring me on tuesday to rearrange for 2 sessions this week. sunday she called and said that she was going to have to "go and sort something out with her eldest daughter". I will see her on thursday. It would be better to know what it is, than not to know. I'm just worried that whatever it is, it will make her emotionally unavailable for me.
Posted by Annierose on April 29, 2008, at 16:04:42
In reply to Event for T herself, posted by myrtledog on April 29, 2008, at 15:01:25
I think you are probably guessing that something happened to her or someone close to her --- could be a serious diagnosis, death, etc.
This has not happened to me in my therapy, but I am pretty sure my therapist would let me know (in a general sense) why she was canceling. She has let me know reasons for changing our current schedule (doctor appointment, surgery, etc) so if a "serious event" came up, I think she would let me know --- sparing more details than absolutely necessary.
I think the next time you meet, you can express how scared this made you feel.
Posted by myrtledog on April 29, 2008, at 16:09:41
In reply to Re: Event for T herself, posted by Annierose on April 29, 2008, at 16:04:42
Yeah, she has let me know that it's not her, but someone close to her. And that she will be ok, and that she will be ok with me. I'm sure she will tell me. I'm just scared - it's scary to see this other dimension.
Posted by Dinah on April 29, 2008, at 16:44:19
In reply to Re: Event for T herself, posted by myrtledog on April 29, 2008, at 16:09:41
My therapist's mother was ill and then died during our time together. He was gone for about three weeks by my recollection. But when he came back he came back because he felt able to put aside his own concerns and be a therapist to me. He did not in any way want me to change how I was with him in order to protect him.
I can't deny that there have been times (over a very long term therapy) when for various reasons my therapist has not been as capable as usual. And it felt weird to need to make allowances for someone whose time I was paying for. But he was human, and he isn't always on top of his game.
I think the only thing you can do, or I could do, is to trust them to know their limitations, to be aware that they might not be totally themselves, and to be honest with them if their stuff is getting in the way of your therapy.
Someone said to me at the time, and I do believe it is true, that my therapist was probably glad of a chance to think about something other than his own loss. So that letting him be my therapist and letting him do his job was probably the best thing I could do for him as well.
Posted by Phillipa on April 29, 2008, at 16:47:32
In reply to Re: Event for T herself » myrtledog, posted by Dinah on April 29, 2008, at 16:44:19
Didn't you say straighten something out with Daughter maybe it's only a bad disagreement? Phillipa
Posted by myrtledog on April 30, 2008, at 1:57:59
In reply to Re: Event for T herself, posted by Phillipa on April 29, 2008, at 16:47:32
No, I kind of got the impression it was more serious than that - she's too capable to stop my therapy for an issue of her own of that sort.
Thank you so much for all your messages - they have really helped. I'm new here and it's strange but amazing to read posts on the therapy experience. Makes me feel much less alone.
Posted by seldomseen on April 30, 2008, at 12:43:00
In reply to Re: Event for T herself, posted by myrtledog on April 30, 2008, at 1:57:59
My therapist's father died recently and I really struggled with it. It was only in the last session that we talked about it at all. Of course, I ended up apologizing for being such a burden.
Here's a link to that thread
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080321/msgs/819370.htmlAs Dinah indicated, I think he was just happy to be back to being my therapist.
That is not to say that I don't think he was somewhat compromised in his ability. I think he was. But he's coming around.
I would be prepared for a lull in therapy and perhaps even a distracted therapist for a brief time. It happens. They're human.
Good luck.
Seldom
Posted by Happyflower on May 2, 2008, at 10:19:18
In reply to Event for T herself, posted by myrtledog on April 29, 2008, at 15:01:25
Hi,
Have you found out yet what happened to your T?
Posted by myrtledog on May 5, 2008, at 9:59:53
In reply to Re: Event for T herself, posted by Happyflower on May 2, 2008, at 10:19:18
She said she was "not prepared to tell me", that it was "fine to ask" but that she wasn't going to say. It was scary to hear her say that.
This is making it hard - she said there was nothing i couldn't talk about, but it feels like an obstacle I cannot surmount.
Obviously i will tell her this next time.
This is the end of the thread.
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