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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 8:11:18
I've known it was coming, but did not have a firm date until yesterday. And, big surprise, it's way sooner than I was imagining.
I have no idea how to deal with this.
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2008, at 8:22:40
In reply to My T is retiring, posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 8:11:18
I'm so sorry, Therapygirl.
I know how long you've been with her, and I can only imagine how you're feeling.
It is a real loss, like any other large loss in life. She's been a stable force in your life for a long time. And while, if I'm remembering correctly, she hasn't been quite herself lately, she was still *there*.
I hope you allow yourself to grieve this.
(((Therapygirl)))
Posted by muffled on April 25, 2008, at 9:51:02
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2008, at 8:22:40
Awwww TG, thats gonna be hard :-(
Is she helping you to find a new one that you might get along with?
Will she allow you to keep in touch a wee bit like email once in awhile?
Its gonna be tough, but you'll get thru it.
Sucks all right.
I'm sorry.
M
Posted by raisinb on April 25, 2008, at 10:16:04
In reply to Re: My T is retiring, posted by muffled on April 25, 2008, at 9:51:02
I'm so sorry, TG, I can't imagine how that must feel.
Can you work with her in the near future on a way to commemorate all the memories, keep all the progress you've made? Just so you can make sure to keep those things with you.
((TG))
Posted by Annierose on April 25, 2008, at 15:20:13
In reply to My T is retiring, posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 8:11:18
***I have no idea how to deal with this.**
Is your current therapist helping you make a plan? Did she give you referrals?
I can only imagine how hard a seperation that must be. I don't wish that upon anyone (including myself!!). I would hope that she undertands how hard this will be and will help you transition to a new therapist ... even while you are still seeing her.
How soon before she retires?
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 17:20:18
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2008, at 8:22:40
Thanks, Dinah. I knew you would get it.
She hasn't been as on the ball in recent years as she used to be, but she really came through for me around the surgery. I pretty much talked to her every day in the week leading up to it and she called to check on me every day for the week after.
I don't think I'm going to have a choice about grieving it -- I started crying as soon as she told me. I know she'll do the best she can to get me prepared, but good Lord. She raised me.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 17:22:16
In reply to Re: My T is retiring, posted by muffled on April 25, 2008, at 9:51:02
Thanks, Muffly. It's good to "see" you again.
She would help me find someone new, but I refused. I think what has worked about this for me is the relationship with and connection to HER. I just don't think I can replace that, so I think it's better to not try.
She has said she will keep in touch with phone calls and occasional lunches. I'm just not sure what happens when I fall apart and can't call her. I guess I'll figure it out, but I don't like thinking about it.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 17:23:41
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » muffled, posted by raisinb on April 25, 2008, at 10:16:04
That's a great idea, Raisinb. We'll start talking about it next week and I'll definitely suggest that. I do have gobs of journals from our early years together and a few more from more recent years, but not regular ones like they used to be. But I can probably incorporate some of that into some kind of commemoration.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 17:25:11
In reply to Re: My T is retiring, posted by Annierose on April 25, 2008, at 15:20:13
Thanks, Annie.
She would help me transition to someone else, but I refused. We have a little less than 2 years, which probably seems like a long time to other people, but not to me. And in terms of our 23 years together, it's a drop in the bucket.
Thanks for the support.
Posted by MissK on April 25, 2008, at 17:30:53
In reply to My T is retiring, posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 8:11:18
How to deal with it. Maybe think of what concerns you the most about it and write down any questions and thoughts and strong feelings you have, and use of your sessions to discuss those with your T.
If it were me, I think I would want, or at least ask, my T if she would meet and talk to the new T about me and the understandings that she has of me in the professional sense and the work we've done. I think then when I did see the new T that she would, in some sense, still be a part of my therapy.
Posted by MissK on April 25, 2008, at 17:32:06
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » TherapyGirl, posted by MissK on April 25, 2008, at 17:30:53
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 19:12:25
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » TherapyGirl, posted by MissK on April 25, 2008, at 17:30:53
That's a good idea to write things down -- it's always easier for me to deal with strong feelings when I write them down.
As far as a new T goes, I'm sure she would do that, but I don't want a new T. I'll be okay, I just have to get adjusted to the idea.
Thanks for your support.
Posted by Dinah on April 25, 2008, at 19:32:38
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » muffled, posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 17:22:16
I can understand not wanting to transition to a new therapist. Like I always tell my therapist, he's not a washing machine, and I can't put a quarter in the next one down if he's out of order.
If, at some point down the line, you feel the need for therapy, you can always look for what you need at that point. Lining up a "replacement" could leave the new therapist with the unenviable position of being the not-oldtherapist.
I always hated that last therapy scene in The Bob Newhart Show where Dr. Hartley eases out of the room as the group settles into familiar interactions with the new therapist, and no one even notices that he left.
Mind you, I immediately lined up a few someones when my therapist deserted me after Katrina. And I'm not sorry I did. But... I can see your point in not wanting to have her transition you. I definitely can. That's a very long term relationship, and not one that can be easily replicated.
Posted by MissK on April 25, 2008, at 20:58:40
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » MissK, posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 19:12:25
Silly me :). I automatically assumed you would continue therapy with a new therapist. Yes, it will be an adjustment to not do therapy anymore. Hopefully your T will give you some advice about that, the absence that may create.
I think that is good if you think you are ready to not do therapy anymore. It's one of my goals to not need to do it anymore. I am thinking within a year's time, I just may be ready for that. It's been 2 1/2 years that I've been doing it.
Posted by MissK on April 25, 2008, at 21:56:16
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » TherapyGirl, posted by MissK on April 25, 2008, at 20:58:40
Posted by raisinb on April 26, 2008, at 9:02:58
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » raisinb, posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 17:23:41
My therapist just moved to a new office (obviously not the same thing, by a long shot) but she suggested making a list of memories that we wanted to take with us. She also did small, tangible things--like making sure I'd sit in the same chair in the new office, and giving me a paperweight from her desk--that really helped.
The main thing that helped was doing those things *with* her, so that it felt like we were both memorializing something.
Take care of yourself in dealing with this.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 26, 2008, at 9:46:02
In reply to Re: My T is retiring » TherapyGirl, posted by raisinb on April 26, 2008, at 9:02:58
Thanks, Raisin. Those are good ideas. My T changed offices a few years ago when she went part-time and it was a difficult transition. I have to say that's been one of the things she was not entirely on top of, I assume because she was dealing with the whole semi-retired thing herself.
But I like what your T did and I'll suggest we do the same this time through.
Thanks again for the great ideas.
Posted by Daisym on April 26, 2008, at 17:01:04
In reply to My T is retiring, posted by TherapyGirl on April 25, 2008, at 8:11:18
I'm sure you will use the time left to develop a plan for the future and to consolate all the things you've learned over the years. It must feel like a death of sorts - it would to me.
I think you deal with it a little at a time, working through the grief and loss and figuring out what you still need as far as a sounding board and support go. I would be asking myself if it was time for me to retire from therapy as well.
I'm very glad it isn't abrupt and you have time to say the long-good-bye. You are in my thoughts.
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 26, 2008, at 17:53:05
In reply to Re: My T is retiring, posted by Daisym on April 26, 2008, at 17:01:04
Thanks, Daisy. You are right in thinking of it as grieving a death. You are also right about the long goodbye. I'm just hoping I can use the time wisely.
This is the end of the thread.
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