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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 12, 2008, at 18:48:42
I guess I'm not suicidal anymore, although those feelings pop up from time to time regardless.
But I have been spending way too much time in bed
vegetative llurpsie.
like l5 hours a day in bed. sometimes with the computer, sometimes without. mostly just because my feet are cold, literally.
I guess I'm facing an existential crisis. I don't know what I want to do to earn money this summer. I keep applying for jobs to find out that I am over qualified for entry level, but don't have the right qualifications for anything else. so frustrating.
T (yes, I will manage to bring this back to the psychological) says that he is confident. But I don't feel so confident like I did 6 weeks ago embarking on this little experiment of quitting a job that sounds awesome on paper and ended up being the "job from hell". I wonder if hell gets a little *star*. we'll see. I'll shake my p*m p*ms if it doesn't.
but I digress. I have been invited to join a private venture with a couple colleagues from the job from hell, but it won't start for another month. I need something more substantial and reliable I think. this "freelancing" type stuff is not so hot I guess.
I wonder if T senses my vulnerability and that is why he is saying nice things to me lately, trying to bolster my confidence. He said 3 sessions in a row that he looks forward to our sessions. He even said that he was happy that I was the last patient he saw before spring break. I wish I could see it in myself though. I feel like a wreck. A depressed, alcoholic (yes, been having cravings), wreck in existential crisis. acute.
-Ll
Posted by Phillipa on April 12, 2008, at 23:12:02
In reply to still depressed **suic. ideation itty bitty trig*, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 12, 2008, at 18:48:42
Li drinking too? H must be away. l5 hours in bed is too long. Need to try that jogging again. Did it make you feel better when you were? In the beginning you have to force yourself but then comes the high just as long as over a half hour. Slow is fine. A venture sounds exciting to me. Do you have to disclose all your credentials? I wouldn't think so. Certainly you were over qualified for a coffee shop. Maybe write a book? Bet it would be great. Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on April 12, 2008, at 23:56:40
In reply to still depressed **suic. ideation itty bitty trig*, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 12, 2008, at 18:48:42
Think you got it pegged ll.
You been barging thru life/school with your head down, 'accomplishing'.Carefully not looking at your 'stuff'. Now you dunno who you are.
Confusing eh?
wtf???? eh?
Who is llurpy? The babble llurpy? the ll who goes to T? the working LL? LL the wife? LL the friend and hostess? The ll who want s to achieve? The ll who want s to die? The ll who looks ahead. The ll who wants to stay in bed? LL the sick, LL the well, LL the amazing.
Who Llurpy?
Yup.
WTF?
I'm with ya all the way on this.
I think you will find your way.
I am big into good old fashioned CBT type stuff. back to basics. Figger all the dum sh*t I got going on in my head. I have alot of screwed up cognitions.
Boring as hell going thru it, but useful methinks.
I am muffled....
etc.
Nice to meet you :-)
M
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on April 13, 2008, at 8:56:14
In reply to Re: still depressed **suic. ideation itty bitty trig* » llurpsienoodle, posted by Phillipa on April 12, 2008, at 23:12:02
> Li drinking too?
Yeah, I had 2 nights when I was entertaining friends and had 2 drinks each night. Felt like sh*t the next day, but I still crave the escape. hmmm
>H must be away.
nope
>l5 hours in bed is too long. Need to try that jogging again. Did it make you feel better when you were? In the beginning you have to force yourself but then comes the high just as long as over a half hour. Slow is fine.
That's what T is saying. I want it to be warmer in the am though. maybe I'll start by walking...
>A venture sounds exciting to me. Do you have to disclose all your credentials? I wouldn't think so. Certainly you were over qualified for a coffee shop. Maybe write a book? Bet it would be great. Love Phillipa
Book sounds nice... I wonder what it would be about? The venture will be good, but it will start slowly. SLOwwwwly. so I still need money for paying for furniture and mortgage. Even minimum wage would be better than nothing. I'm only looking for pt. time for now, though, because I'm worried I don't have the physical/mental stamina for full-time
thanks for your input,
ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on April 13, 2008, at 9:02:16
In reply to Hello » llurpsienoodle, posted by muffled on April 12, 2008, at 23:56:40
> Think you got it pegged ll.
reallllyyy?
> You been barging thru life/school with your head down, 'accomplishing'.Carefully not looking at your 'stuff'. Now you dunno who you are.
> Confusing eh?
> wtf???? eh?yeah, it IS confusing. I kind of followed the path of least resistance, but sometimes it gets me in trouble.
> Who is llurpy? The babble llurpy? the ll who goes to T? the working LL? LL the wife? LL the friend and hostess? The ll who want s to achieve? The ll who want s to die? The ll who looks ahead. The ll who wants to stay in bed? LL the sick, LL the well, LL the amazing.
> Who Llurpy?
> Yup.
> WTF?you forgot unemployed llurpy. lol I would like to integrate all of these parts of my being. T and I talk about this from time to time. It's so scary though. Not to have these alternate realities/aspects of my self to slip into at a moment's notice. Like when the sh*t his the fan I can be "sick, weak llurpy" and when all is calm I can be "achievement llurpy" etc. Reacting to situations by dramatically changing my goals in life. yep. that's me.
> I'm with ya all the way on this.
((((muffeldypoo))))
> I think you will find your way.
I *know* what I want to do in life, but it is several years away. I don't have the requisite experience yet. I'm trying hard to accrue it, but it is slow going and it doesn't always pay the bills. Then I get into a situation where I'm torn- earn money vs. follow my dreams. sux.
> I am big into good old fashioned CBT type stuff. back to basics. Figger all the dum sh*t I got going on in my head. I have alot of screwed up cognitions.
> Boring as hell going thru it, but useful methinks.I need to get back to my DBT book and focus on "distress tolerance"
> I am muffled....
> etc.
> Nice to meet you :-)
> MIt's lovely to meet you too, and I hope you have a wonderful sunday. be in touch-- we miss you on this board
-Ll
Posted by Kath on April 13, 2008, at 20:08:48
In reply to still depressed **suic. ideation itty bitty trig*, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 12, 2008, at 18:48:42
Sorry you're feeling crappy LLurps.
This might sound like a silly thing to say, but if you have a hot water bottle or heating pad, you could get them & take them with you to sit somewhere else in your house. Just putting myself in 'bed' & I'd get SO depressed! Maybe take a foot warmer with you.
Or maybe you meant cold feet about taking the initiavite to 'get out of bed' . :-)
My thoughts are with you ll.
And I send my love, Kath
Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 13, 2008, at 20:59:33
In reply to Re: still depressed **suic. ideation itty bitty trig* » llurpsienoodle, posted by Kath on April 13, 2008, at 20:08:48
actually kath, not a silly thing to say at all. I had forgotten that I have a hot water bottle and a heat pad. I do have these things. it's only a matter of finding them. (you wanna help?)
Today's events forced me to leave the house, so at least that. I ended up vegetating on a couch, just, not my own couch.
I don't like puppies.
-Ll
Posted by Kath on April 13, 2008, at 21:02:13
In reply to Re: still depressed **suic. ideation itty bitty t » Kath, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 13, 2008, at 20:59:33
I could never have a puppie! so cute, but I am WAY too selfish to have a dog. I don't want to have to take care of ANYbody/ANYthing, etc.
ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've done enough! whew!!!
Hey - an empty glass bottle is a very good recepticle (sp?) for hot water & to put one's feet upon!
I send my lazy love! hugs, Kath
PS - am tired; gonna go to bed.
Posted by muffled on April 13, 2008, at 22:05:32
In reply to Re: still depressed **suic. ideation itty bitty t » Kath, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 13, 2008, at 20:59:33
Hang in there and be safe.
Wassup w/puppies ?
What happened today?
Take care OK?
M
Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 14, 2008, at 7:13:55
In reply to LLurpy, you OK? » llurpsienoodle, posted by muffled on April 13, 2008, at 22:05:32
> Hang in there and be safe.
i had a dream last night about starting smoking and liking it. is that safe? i woke up with cigarette cravings, me who has nevver smoked a cig in my life!
> Wassup w/puppies ?
fried has puppy that was trying to nip me. i got grumpy about it and so friend had to keep puppy away from me
> What happened today?
> Take care OK?
> Myesterday was okay. some highs, some lows. a return to this sick feeling of depressive panic, when i fear that i will say or do something untoward \ something that will reveal my insantiy. i felt myself dissociating and floating at some points. kind of cool. kind of terrifying. so that was today.
how are YOU?
-Ll
Posted by llurpsieNoodlE on April 14, 2008, at 14:29:31
In reply to Re: LLurpy, you OK? » muffled, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 14, 2008, at 7:13:55
> > Hang in there and be safe.
>
> i had a dream last night about starting smoking and liking it. is that safe? i woke up with cigarette cravings, me who has nevver smoked a cig in my life!BUT wait! it gets better!!! after drinking my tea this am, I threw up. I think it's because I had taken the wellbutrinSR an hour earlier on an empty stomach. Several hours and a bowl of chickyNoodle (llurpsienoodle?) soup later I am still nauseous.
At least I was able to do some moderately productive stuff though. Like digging in my garden, and cleaning out my home office.
>
> > Wassup w/puppies ?
>
> fried has puppy that was trying to nip me. i got grumpy about it and so friend had to keep puppy away from me
>
>
> > What happened today?
> > Take care OK?
> > M
>
> yesterday was okay. some highs, some lows. a return to this sick feeling of depressive panic, when i fear that i will say or do something untoward \ something that will reveal my insantiy. i felt myself dissociating and floating at some points. kind of cool. kind of terrifying. so that was today.
>
> how are YOU?
>
> -LlI *still* have cravings for cigarettes!!! oh no!
-LlII
Posted by muffled on April 14, 2008, at 15:27:35
In reply to Re: LLurpy, you OK?, posted by llurpsieNoodlE on April 14, 2008, at 14:29:31
ugh I have taken meds on empty stomach and ya sick as a dog... :-(
I have a part that likes to smoke. It does sometimes. Pretty stupid since I have asthma....
If I am in wrong state and smoke, it makes me nausaeous.
Sometimes it makes me dizzy.
Sometimes does nothing.
Weird.LOL, if you ever get up my way, we will smoke LOL!
Hope the nausea passes soon. Xanax can help w/any anxiety associated w/the nausea.TC
M
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