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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 19:04:48
Our thirteenth anniversary is April 3, although I think I'll be seeing him on the 1st and 4th rather than the third.
I wasn't planning to give him anything really. But a couple of things have come up lately that lend themselves well to gifts.
I told him that if he were a dog, I thought he'd be a Newfoundland. So I found a blank card with a Newfie on front, and I thought I'd just write "thank you" inside.
And we recently discussed how long term therapy can be seen as like a river and a rock. The river runs over the rock over time, and smooths and shapes it. So I thought I'd give him a river rock.
My problem is this. Most river rocks I've found have been tumbled. So they're not really shaped only by the river. But there are some pretty ones, and they're the right size. Very small.
I also have a rock I've had forever, that really was shaped by a stream. Probably near my grandparent's home. Since those of you familiar with our area might know that there's not a natural rock here for miles and miles and miles. Shells maybe, but not rocks. But I'm a bit cautious to give that rock. It's a bit large, maybe four inches. And it's far from perfect. There is a definite irregularity at the bottom. It's not shiny or pretty at all. Just a whitish rock that's interesting because of the shapes the river carved into it. Moreover, because I've had it for so long, I might be more invested in it than I would be just giving any rock I purchased for the occasion.
And while I know he understands and appreciates the metaphor, I'm not sure he appreciates it enough to treasure this rather plainish river rock that may be interesting but not particularly attractive. (Boy, is that a loaded question or what?)
I'm inclined to use a smaller rock, even if it has been tumbled. Because a smaller rock will take up less space in his life, and thus be less of an intrusion. And because I won't be as invested in it or likely to be hurt.
Posted by Phillipa on March 21, 2008, at 21:35:02
In reply to Anniversary present question, posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 19:04:48
Dinah how bout one that can be used as a paperweight? Just a though. I like the card so cute and thoughtful. Love Phillipa
Posted by sunnydays on March 21, 2008, at 22:25:06
In reply to Anniversary present question, posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 19:04:48
I would go for the option where you are less likely to get hurt. Perhaps enclose a picture of the other rock - then you each have a rock and you can look at it and know he has his when it's harder for you to maintain the connection. I would give him a polished one, but also talk about the other one since it seems to have some symbolic significance to you.
As an aside, I was looking online for unpolished ones for you and all I came up with was a $60 handprinted retrosuede (whatever that is) pillow printed in a style vaguely resembling cobblestone.
Take care,
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 22:37:02
In reply to Re: Anniversary present question » Dinah, posted by sunnydays on March 21, 2008, at 22:25:06
Yes, I'm thinking that's best. I mainly only thought of anything else because it wasn't technically correct. But I probably get too caught up in technical correctness. Certainly my therapist thinks I do at times. :)
So the technically incorrect one it is.
It's not so much that the other rock has any special meaning to me. It's more that it's mine. It's not just a present. It is something that is mine.
I sometimes think I'm silly in that. Someday my son will be going through all my treasures and tossing them out. :) It's silly to care about things that are so ephemeral.
Posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 22:38:15
In reply to Re: Anniversary present question » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on March 21, 2008, at 21:35:02
Thanks, Phillipa.
I guess I'd better get organized on it. Time is running short. Where does it all go? Seems like it was just Christmas.
Posted by seldomseen on March 22, 2008, at 7:25:48
In reply to Re: Anniversary present question » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 22:37:02
I would definately hold on to your rock. It's yours.
Somethings I think we can offer as a gift, some we get to keep for ourself.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2008, at 9:15:09
In reply to Re: Anniversary present question » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on March 22, 2008, at 7:25:48
I shall keep it.
One good thing came of wondering. I took it off the shelf where it's been forever, and discovered how really nice it is to hold. As if rocks have some inner source of coolness, even when the air is warm. And it fits so perfectly in my hand.
:)
Posted by Poet on March 22, 2008, at 11:21:31
In reply to Anniversary present question, posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 19:04:48
Hi Dinah,
I would give him the polished one. I think the other rock is sentimental and you should keep it. Maybe think of it as a reminder of your relationship to your T.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2008, at 11:25:10
In reply to Re: Anniversary present question » Dinah, posted by Poet on March 22, 2008, at 11:21:31
I was thinking of that aspect, too.
The only real present I've ever given him was a small shona stone sculpture of mother and child. And I bought two of them, because I figured the symbolism was as important to me as it was to him. I think I'll keep the rock I have, and use it to remind me of the therapeutic process, and all we've accomplished. It's sitting on my desk now, and I think I'll leave it there.
Posted by LadyBug on March 22, 2008, at 14:38:26
In reply to Anniversary present question, posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 19:04:48
I love the river rock idea. Something I thought of is for you to take your special rock, show it to him and tell him why it's special to you, but that you want to keep it. You could give him a different rock that would have the same meaning without giving him your rock. At least he could see it and hold it while you tell him about it and what it means to you in your work with him.
Congratulations! I'm sure glad there is someone that has me beat by 20 months of seeing the same therapist!
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2008, at 21:08:41
In reply to Re: Anniversary present question » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on March 22, 2008, at 14:38:26
It's amazing, isn't it?
It's even more amazing in that it keeps changing over time. The therapy I'm having now is not the same therapy I was having three years ago much less eight years ago.
It's frustrating and rewarding in completely different ways. :)
Posted by raisinb on March 25, 2008, at 9:41:17
In reply to Anniversary present question, posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 18:04:48
Dinah, I think it's very courageous of you to offer your T a gift that contains so much vulnerability (whichever rock you use).
I can't imagine having enough balls to give mine *anything* (except maybe a copay, or a piece of my mind :))
Posted by Dinah on March 25, 2008, at 20:14:13
In reply to Re: Anniversary present question » Dinah, posted by raisinb on March 25, 2008, at 9:41:17
It is nice to be so comfy cozy with my therapist that I dont really need to worry about it. But there are a few down sides to that level of comfort, too, I think.
(Forgive my typing. Something is wrong with my apostrophe key.)
Posted by Dinah on March 25, 2008, at 20:25:24
In reply to Re: Anniversary present question » raisinb, posted by Dinah on March 25, 2008, at 20:14:13
fixed!!!!
'''''Now if I can only figure out how I broke it and how I fixed it.
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2008, at 11:04:48
In reply to Re: Anniversary present question, posted by Dinah on March 25, 2008, at 21:25:24
I found a great print of water flowing over river rocks, and hopefully it will be here by Friday so I can give it to him then. It's a smaller print of this one.
Along with the card.
I didn't have it framed or anything, since that seemed like too much presumption. This way it will be small enough that he can stick it in my file if he prefers.
This is the end of the thread.
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