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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:53
After spending time in therapy, I find that I'm a lot more likely to imitate my therapist in some situations, both good and bad. I am silent now more often, instead of jumping in when someone baits me at work. I listen longer and I don't always offer the answer, even if I think I have it.
But I also heard myself saying the other day, "Is this really about what just happened or is this about X?" Blush. Who am I to draw connections for someone else?
Anyone else find themselves repeating a phrase or thinking it?
Posted by twinleaf on February 19, 2008, at 2:11:04
In reply to How does that make you feel?, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:53
I think it's nice that you are doing that! It shows that you've taken parts of him in. And because you will be a therapist, what better person to emulate than your therapist- the one who, from time to time, we would love our own therapists to be a little more like!
I can't say that I copy any traits of mine, perhaps because he is quite QUIET, I am quite talkative by nature, so it seems like a good fit. There is one way that I do copy him (I just realized). He sticks very firmly to holding me- and what I say and feel- firmly in mind every moment I am with him. If he can't do it quite so well because he has a cold, or something like that, he will always tell me at the beginning, because he thinks I will feel that, however unconsciously. I have noticed with family members and friends that I have begun to do that with them. People tend to really like it, I think.
I am up at this very late hour waiting for a telephone call from our son. We just got it! WE ARE THE GRANDPARENTS OF A BABY BOY!!!!!!!! HE WAS BORN NATURALLY AT HOME WITH TWO MIDWIVES AND A DOULA. HE WEIGHED 9 POUNDS! Our son just sent us the first photo- HE IS GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!
I'd better get some sleep, as we'll be driving up to see him tomorrow. WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by antigua3 on February 19, 2008, at 6:18:55
In reply to Re: How does that make you feel? » Daisym, posted by twinleaf on February 19, 2008, at 2:11:04
Posted by rskontos on February 19, 2008, at 7:31:58
In reply to How does that make you feel?, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:53
Dasiym,
I do find I do that. Maybe not imitate him so much as I have finally, and I mean FINALLY, yeah, learned to set boundaries for others not to cross. He has helped me do that. It feels so good to say hey don't do that. You are not treating me the way you need to. And I do it quietly, not yelling, like i would do. I do it sooner so all my parts inside don't get upset and feel the need to take over. I recently begun talks to my sister that I had not spoken to in over 12 or 14 years we can't remember when we spoke last, and it has been testy to say the least, she blames me, the oldest, for not protecting her from the same abuse I rec'd as a child, and only months ago I would have been as volatile as she is. I have been much more like my therapist. I have been quiet, supportive, listening yet I set my boundaries and when she overstepped them I set her back gently as i could. IT worked. Not at first. She hung up on me. But a day and half later she called back and apologized and we talked more. IT will take time but maybe we will get to a better place. And I know it is because in him modelling how to set those boundaries, me absorbing them, I have come to be calmer and not needed my protective parts to emerge and it feels so much better. All during her yelling etc. not once did I switch on her. My therapist almost cheered on that score. I guess I do see some progress. So yes, I am beginning to take the good of him and use it effectively. About time I say.
rsk
And twinleaf, YEAHHHHHH.. Congrats.
Posted by ClearSkies on February 19, 2008, at 8:05:25
In reply to How does that make you feel?, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:53
Oh, for sure! I find I say things back to people in order to try to get them to clarify what they are saying (or when I can't believe, literally, what I'm hearing).
Um, that's also something I've learned here at Babble.
CS
Posted by ClearSkies on February 19, 2008, at 8:21:35
In reply to Re: How does that make you feel? » Daisym, posted by twinleaf on February 19, 2008, at 2:11:04
Posted by LadyBug on February 19, 2008, at 9:43:14
In reply to How does that make you feel?, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:53
Funny you should mention this. I find myself talking to her like she talks to me sometimes. One of the words she uses once in a while is "lovely". Once in a great while I'll use that word and tell her that's her word, cause I'm not that elequent. I hear myself talking to other people saying the same things she will say to me when we talk. I guess that's what happens when we work so closely with someone, we take them in and tend to pick up some of their vocabulary.
Hopefully this is a good thing.
LadyBug
Posted by mair on February 19, 2008, at 11:38:08
In reply to How does that make you feel?, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:53
Until I started in therapy, I never used the word "validate" to mean anything other than a process I'd go through with a parking stub.
What you're doing is good, particularly if you can adopt some of that in the way you speak to yourself.
On the bad side, however, years and years ago I started stuttering in therapy. I had never stuttered before in any setting. One day I was in a meeting with some colleagues and I started noticeably stuttering. Boy was I horrified! Thankfully, it went away.
mair
Posted by mair on February 19, 2008, at 11:38:44
In reply to Re: How does that make you feel? » Daisym, posted by twinleaf on February 19, 2008, at 2:11:04
Posted by Phillipa on February 19, 2008, at 11:57:16
In reply to Re: How does that make you feel? » Daisym, posted by mair on February 19, 2008, at 11:38:08
Third that. Phillipa
Posted by DAisym on February 19, 2008, at 19:47:22
In reply to Re: How does that make you feel? » Daisym, posted by twinleaf on February 19, 2008, at 2:11:04
I hear being a grandparent is awesome. :) He is a lucky little guy to have so much love around him.
Daisy
Posted by Kath on February 19, 2008, at 20:01:59
In reply to How does that make you feel?, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:53
I don't see anything wrong with saying that, really! They can say, "nope, it's about such & such" OR they can think "jeez is this chick every smart!!!! how'd she know that; I didn't even realize it myself 'til now"
of course they also might get teed off!! :-)
I've found myself sorta mirroring my therapist in some ways, yes.
hugs, Kath
Posted by antigua3 on February 20, 2008, at 19:54:40
In reply to How does that make you feel?, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2008, at 0:19:53
All the time! I'm a mini-psycho analyst when it comes to the people around me. My DH says I'm always looking for the motivation behind the "thing." He's surprised when I'm right a lot!
I try to stay away from "How does that make you feel" because I'm afraid I'll get caught! but I do use a version of it when I'm talking to my kids. Actually, I use a lot of it with my kids. They haven't called me on it yet!
LOL,
antigua
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