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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on February 5, 2008, at 17:03:54
So today we talked a little about my plans for the future. There was a silence for a few minutes and I felt this huge sadness welling up in me, and I started crying (well, trying to hold it in). My T said, "It's ok to cry in here, sunnydays, you don't have to hold it in. It's ok to cry.... Let yourself cry. We've got plenty of time and it's ok to cry in here, so let it out." So eventually I did. And we were talking about what did I gain from being there and what was I afraid of losing if/when I have to leave. And he reminded me how we can keep in phone contact if I do end up leaving (I might be staying when I graduate) and how I'll probably be within 4 hours anyway, so it's doable for me to still see him once in a while in person.
Then he started talking and talked for a while. He talked about how I have made the attachment between us happen because I have chosen to trust him and to tell him my story, and that I can make those attachments happen other places in my life too. And that there will be other people who are honored to hear my story as well. And that hopefully eventually things will go well enough in my life that this will just be a fond sort of memory. All of which I'm fine with. He reiterated that he wasn't saying this to prepare me to leave, that even if I stay our relationship will evolve and change anyway so that he'll become less central in my life.
And then somewhere he slipped in something about, "Other people have said, "Oh, but what about when sunnydays leaves"". And he was talking more and it was fine, but that nagged at me. So at the end of the session before I left I got up my courage and said, "Just, before I leave, so I don't freak out when I leave, do other people think I'm too attached to you." And he said, "Oh. No, I don't even know why I said that. There's one T here that said something like, "Oh, but what about when sunnydays leaves" and insinuated that, and there are probably hundreds of other therapists that would think we shouldn't be so attached, but I guess I said it to emphasize that I don't care what those people would think. My supervisor, who's opinion I respect a lot, would do a lot more than I would even, she'd probably have come to your room a few times by now. But our relationship is totally fine. It's a slow, slow process. And this is the only path we could have taken."
So it was good, but it was just such an intense session. There are a whole lot of left-over sad/overwhelmed feelings hanging around. And I desperately want to call him and at least leave a message, but I'm going to try really hard not to, even though he'd probably tell me it's ok to leave a message (it's ok to ask him to call too, but I'm just not in a mental space where I'm secure enough to do that right now).
God this attachment feeling is hard.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on February 5, 2008, at 20:42:35
In reply to T's, transference, supervision, etc., posted by sunnydays on February 5, 2008, at 17:03:54
Huge giant big feelings tonight. Feel like I'm fighting tears. Don't know why I'm fighting them, but I am.
sunnydays
Posted by Maxime on February 5, 2008, at 21:05:25
In reply to crying, posted by sunnydays on February 5, 2008, at 20:42:35
> Huge giant big feelings tonight. Feel like I'm fighting tears. Don't know why I'm fighting them, but I am.
>
> sunnydaysDon't hold it in: cry. You will feel better after.
Take care.
Maxime
Posted by rskontos on February 5, 2008, at 23:20:28
In reply to crying, posted by sunnydays on February 5, 2008, at 20:42:35
Sunnydays, just a thought I had. Do you think maybe you are already preparing yourself for the end?
When my daughter was a senior in high school, i started looking toward the day she graduated and went to college. I started crying and thinking about my little girl growing up. I was mentally preparing myself. And it hurt. But in the long run, it helped some, it still hurt alot when it finally happened but I know those early days of preparation did help me in the long run. So perhaps you are already looking ahead and see the sadness ahead?
rsk
Posted by sunnydays on February 5, 2008, at 23:50:16
In reply to Re: crying » sunnydays, posted by rskontos on February 5, 2008, at 23:20:28
No, the sadness is something that comes and goes and has for years. It's just an intense want for the perfect parent, to be comforted, to feel safe and ok and that I matter. And to know there is someone in the world that knows all about me and still likes me.
sunnydays
Posted by rskontos on February 6, 2008, at 9:49:00
In reply to Re: crying » rskontos, posted by sunnydays on February 5, 2008, at 23:50:16
Yes, I know that feeling all too well:) it is sad that parents do this to their children. Both of mine did this. And my father remains clueless to this day. He continues to say cruel things to me as if it doesnt matter. And if I called him on it, he would act surprised. And say, I was only kidding.
I don't care if they were perfect, how about just loving, consistent, kind and safe to be around. I would just settle for that...
I hope I did not upset you with my comment, just trying to see all sides. rsk
Posted by sunnydays on February 6, 2008, at 10:45:06
In reply to Re: crying » sunnydays, posted by rskontos on February 6, 2008, at 9:49:00
Oh no, you didn't upset me. Can't write more, I'm still pretty chill this morning from taking a Xanax last night.
sunnydays
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 6, 2008, at 12:39:36
In reply to Re: crying » rskontos, posted by sunnydays on February 6, 2008, at 10:45:06
The good thing is that he is still there if you need him; even if you do leave.
I know all about attachment (after being in love with my t for 5 years); I deliberately do not call or e-mail him.
Love n hugs, Francesca
Posted by sunnydays on February 6, 2008, at 18:16:27
In reply to Re: crying, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 6, 2008, at 12:39:36
I'm not in love with my T. I see him as a very parental figure, and it's that sort of attachment I am referring to. I email him ALL the time - he only responds when he has time, but he reads them all. I call him much more rarely - for some reason that seems more intrusive to me. Probably because I know he doesn't check his email when he's at home, only at work, but he does check his voicemail at home. I don't want to be a burden and intrude on his private life (although he would point out that he doesn't keep it really all that private from me anyway, he's very real and not that careful about what he says). Although it made me so happy when he happened to mention in our last session that, "It's not just that you feel attached, we are attached. Your number's in my wallet!" !!!!! :O :) :) :) ((((T))))
sunnydays
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 8, 2008, at 15:30:29
In reply to Re: crying » sassyfrancesca, posted by sunnydays on February 6, 2008, at 18:16:27
Oh, Sunny....That is just beautiful.....I love him already!
Hugs, Francesca
This is the end of the thread.
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