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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maxime on February 2, 2008, at 18:59:27
Okay, I have started a new form of SI - head banging. Does anyone else do this and how can I stop.
Why do I self-destruct? I hate myself so much.
Maxime
Posted by Daisym on February 2, 2008, at 19:06:26
In reply to head banging, posted by Maxime on February 2, 2008, at 18:59:27
have you changed medications lately? Sometimes there can be a physical response to anxiety, almost like scratching an itch but you are head banging instead. The reverberations in your brain make it impossible to think or remember - you are drowning out your thoughts. It is often a strike back against the futility of a situation.
There are better, less self-destructive ways to do this. Really loud music with a deep beat can provide the same sensation. Running, dancing or anything that you can do to pound your feet and swing your arms will help.
Often SI things do not have long term consequences. This can and will. So please try to help yourself stop and tell your doctor. Our brains are not made to bounce off our skulls over and over again.
Posted by Maxime on February 2, 2008, at 22:45:37
In reply to Re: head banging, posted by Daisym on February 2, 2008, at 19:06:26
Thanks for the insights. It's a reaction to anxiety. I started in the hospital last week. I also cut. Sigh. I am really messed up.
Maxime
> have you changed medications lately? Sometimes there can be a physical response to anxiety, almost like scratching an itch but you are head banging instead. The reverberations in your brain make it impossible to think or remember - you are drowning out your thoughts. It is often a strike back against the futility of a situation.
>
> There are better, less self-destructive ways to do this. Really loud music with a deep beat can provide the same sensation. Running, dancing or anything that you can do to pound your feet and swing your arms will help.
>
> Often SI things do not have long term consequences. This can and will. So please try to help yourself stop and tell your doctor. Our brains are not made to bounce off our skulls over and over again.
Posted by Racer on February 3, 2008, at 2:19:23
In reply to Re: head banging » Daisym, posted by Maxime on February 2, 2008, at 22:45:37
> Sigh. I am really messed up.
>
> Maxime
>
One part of CBT -- which really isn't my favorite modality of therapy -- is learning to reframe thoughts in a more positive way. Maybe instead of saying you're "messed up," you could try to find a more generous way of expressing it? "I'm in so much pain," or "I have some habits I wish I could stop," or something else that's more neutral towards yourself? It could be like homework for therapy?I know the feeling of being messed up, but when I read your posts, all I get is a sense of deep pain. I don't get the sense of "messed up," so much as a dark pain that comes through.
I hope you'll take Daisy's advice -- she's a very smart cookie, that one. You deserve to be taken care of well, and that includes taking care of yourself -- even if that means deciding to cut rather than bang your head. (Unless the head banging involves Captain Sensible, but that's a whole 'nother topic.)
I wish you peace, and warmth.
Posted by Maxime on February 3, 2008, at 8:27:50
In reply to Re: head banging » Maxime, posted by Racer on February 3, 2008, at 2:19:23
Thank you Racer. I am harsh on myself. I have a lot to learn. And you are right - I am in deep dark pain. That is a good way to describe it.
xo
Maxime
> One part of CBT -- which really isn't my favorite modality of therapy -- is learning to reframe thoughts in a more positive way. Maybe instead of saying you're "messed up," you could try to find a more generous way of expressing it? "I'm in so much pain," or "I have some habits I wish I could stop," or something else that's more neutral towards yourself? It could be like homework for therapy?
>
> I know the feeling of being messed up, but when I read your posts, all I get is a sense of deep pain. I don't get the sense of "messed up," so much as a dark pain that comes through.
>
> I hope you'll take Daisy's advice -- she's a very smart cookie, that one. You deserve to be taken care of well, and that includes taking care of yourself -- even if that means deciding to cut rather than bang your head. (Unless the head banging involves Captain Sensible, but that's a whole 'nother topic.)
>
> I wish you peace, and warmth.
Posted by rskontos on February 3, 2008, at 11:41:27
In reply to head banging, posted by Maxime on February 2, 2008, at 18:59:27
Maxine,
I am not sure if this advice will help and I am no expert on depression or SI. But my previous therapist did give me some advice in terms of depression that I thought helped. I think and I could be wrong, be I think the SI is to re-affirm you are feeling as the depression probably makes you feel flat or numb or not all together here. And from what I understand SI makes you feel again. Again, I might have it wrong. If you could replace the SI with some other form, not head banging, but find a tv show, which is what I did.. I watch this one show for hours a day every day. And I felt really bad about it too. Now obviously this is not good to watch tv for 4 hours up to 9 or 10 hours a day but I did. I did not get dress, do anything around the house etc. I watch this one show. And I found I could watch it on the internet, I did. But it is I think better than SI. Maybe like Racer says replace SI with something less harmful but that might help what your mind is trying to do to help you feel less depressed. Anyway, what the therapist said about the tv show is there will come a day when you won't need it. And she is right. I don't watch is any more. And it took a while. Whatever I needed out that show I finally got. I watched that series entirely thur its reruns twice. But I am done. I still like the show. I will re-watch the episodes I like. Some I don't particularly care for. My therapist said there is something about it you need, it is ok. Her ok was what I needed for some reason.
Now we can't give you the ok for SI. It does give you something. A feeling of being on earth, or something. But you need to get something else to give that to you. Please. I don't post much to you but that isn't because I don't read your threads or posts. i do. I just dont often feel I can tell you much more than the others have. And maybe today I can't either. Today maybe all I can do is tell you you are valued. You matter. And you need to matter to you....rsk
dont harm that beautiful head any longer...
Posted by Phillipa on February 3, 2008, at 12:46:15
In reply to Re: head banging, posted by rskontos on February 3, 2008, at 11:41:27
Well seems like I hit things like my hands til they swell as physical pain to me is easier to take than the emotional pain that a med can't fix for me. This started about a month ago when my family member wrote a horrible e-mail to bob while under the influence and haven't talked to any of them as they feel tough love is best. Well you have to have been there to know. I know. Phillipa last night a lot of bruising and swelling my hand so I'll do with it as I want. So there. My personal rant. But Maxie can you stop as I do care about you. Phillipa
Posted by Justherself54 on February 3, 2008, at 14:13:26
In reply to Re: head banging » Daisym, posted by Maxime on February 2, 2008, at 22:45:37
I suffer from extreme racing thoughts that exhaust me at times..what I've done, similar to the tv watching in one of the prior posts, is play an intricate game on the computer..it takes all my concentration to play and gives me relief from my super sped up thoughts..sounds silly I know, but gives me a much needed break a few times a day, and makes me feel calmer for some reason..
Posted by Maxime on February 3, 2008, at 19:14:35
In reply to Re: head banging, posted by rskontos on February 3, 2008, at 11:41:27
Thank you. I bang my head because I can't stand to listen to my own thoughts. I want to silence myself.
Thanks for caring.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on February 3, 2008, at 19:16:21
In reply to Re: head banging, posted by Justherself54 on February 3, 2008, at 14:13:26
I play Scrabble on the computer. Not complicated, but enough to distract me.
Thank you. :)
Maxime
Posted by rskontos on February 4, 2008, at 8:25:28
In reply to Re: head banging » rskontos, posted by Maxime on February 3, 2008, at 19:14:35
Could you handle reading a book...I am reading one right now about this.....it might be a stretch but I am getting more out this book than I thought possible?
rsk
PS. and I have many voices in my head and they get so tiring so I can relate....if I thought head banging would help I might consider it but I know I will only end up with a headache. and those I have enough of. Maxi my head is never quiet. as i type this the level is around a 4 now tomorrow it will be louder and each day til therapy it will get louder until wed. when therapy day is. But head banging, cutting, none of that will help. I have had voices for some time... my tv shows help the most. Right now i am onto Angel....I watch them when I need a break. And the only other time they are silent is when I am vamped up MAD. Then they are silent. I don't know if you remember I am DID. So they are my inner family, alters, identities whatever you want to call them. I don't call them right now, it makes me uncomfortable still. I kinda like inner family, someone else called them that and I kinda like it for now, they are all part of me, just a part I can't control. and they constantly chatter. So believe I relate. let me know if you think you might like to read the book I am reading. They are silent while I read.....
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