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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on January 28, 2008, at 23:22:58
I've had almost the same dream almost 4 times in the past 10 days. I'm about 10 years old and I wake up in the middle of the night. I hear someone on the stairs and then coming down the hall. I *know* it is my dad and he is coming for me. I slip out of bed - reach underneath it -- and pull out a gun. I wait by my door and when it opens, I shoot into the dark.
The first time, the person who fell down shot - was me. I jerked awake - the surprise was jarring.
The next three times I had the dream - the person who fell down was my mom. The third time I had a knife, instead of gun but same thing happened.
I had nothing to talk about today in therapy - I was really stuck and closed off. (My therapist said "I feel pretty alone here today - you seem very far away.") He asked me to just say what was coming to mind and the dreams were suddenly there. I said they weren't important - I think they are pretty self explanatory. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt my mom (kill her) if she ever finds out what happened or that I've been talking about all of this.
He said, "I think this is the first dream I've heard about where you tried to protect yourself."
me: "I guess. It was just a dream."
Him: "How did you feel when you found out it was your mother?"
me: "I jerked awake."
him: "No - your dreamself. What did she feel?"
me: (foot bouncing) "Nothing. Scared. I don't really know."
him: "Was she angry?"
me: "I never thought of it as an angry dream." (leg and foot bouncing. Hands wringing.)
him: "Why was your mom coming into your room? She didn't usually do that, did she?"
me: "I don't know. It was just a dream." (Now wiggling, really bouncing and looking out the window.)
him: "You seem anxious. What is it about this discussion that is upsetting?"
me: "nothing. Just dreams. I woke up and went, wow -that was weird. No big deal."
him: "you don't want to discussion this?"
me: "nothing to discuss." (consciously NOT bouncing. looking at the clock.)We sat in silence for a good 5 minutes. At the very end of the session he said, "Something about this has you freaked out. I think we should try to figure it out but I feel like you've pushed me away and I'm exploring corners by myself. Will you have a big reaction to this after you leave?" I said yes. I could feel the ball of anxiety and I could feel all this anger about to explode. He said, "at me?" I said no. I wanted to say yes. He said, "can you tell me about it?" I said no - it was time to go. He said, "tomorrow?" I said I'd try.
I drove home but don't remember the drive. I know I went to the bank because I have the deposit slip. I watched that new HBO show In Treatment and broke into a cold sweat. Something is happening but I don't know what. This is a vaguely familiar, terrifying feeling.
So - this is a long (long) way of asking for dream help. What is it about these dreams that seems to be leading to a major league freak out?
Posted by Phillipa on January 29, 2008, at 0:29:08
In reply to Anxiety over dreams (long), posted by Daisym on January 28, 2008, at 23:22:58
Fear and sounds like maybe old things may be surfacing work with your therapist and try to remember the feeling with the dreams. Good luck and keep writing. The little you is trying to protect herself it sounds like. But I'm not a therapist Phillipa
Posted by Fallsfall on January 29, 2008, at 6:18:57
In reply to Anxiety over dreams (long), posted by Daisym on January 28, 2008, at 23:22:58
Maybe you are starting to realize that what happened was not your fault - that it would have been OK to defend yourself - that what happened was not OK.
But you still can't shoot your father - he is somehow still obsolved.
It sounds like progress, but I understand why it is terrifying to you. Try to address it, try to talk about it, but be gentle with yourself.
Love,
FallsP.S. I'm eating COW for breakfast as I write this, and thinking of you.
Posted by JoniS on January 29, 2008, at 7:37:42
In reply to Anxiety over dreams (long), posted by Daisym on January 28, 2008, at 23:22:58
Daisy
That sounds like a very emotional, stirring dream. I do ee the positive side that you were protecting yourself. I imagine that the intensity of all that fear, needing to protect yourself - is surfacing and your subconcious wants to deal with it. Isn't it great that you have a wonderful T to work with you on it? I'm sorry, I don't know anything really about dream interpretations. Last night I had one that went way back to my childhood to, about trying to catch the school bus and the stress I had with that. Peculiar. I dream a lot. I wonder if there are any good books out there about dream interpretation? I bet if there are, you've already read them (he he - you're always so on the ball!)Good Luck with this
Joni
Posted by seldomseen on January 29, 2008, at 8:31:21
In reply to Anxiety over dreams (long), posted by Daisym on January 28, 2008, at 23:22:58
To be completely blunt - I dream a lot about shooting people. Guns and knives were a huge part of my childhood and they surface in my dreams as symbols for a lot of things.
My therapist has offered the explanation that guns represent control. Whoever held the gun in my family had control of the situation and that is translated into my dreams as I wrestled for that control in my life.
Perhaps your dream indicates that you are wrestling for control over your past with your mom in your mind. She was in control then, now you are. It may sound like a really good thing, but, for me, it was actually a terrifying transition - a good one, but such a fundamental paradigm shift that it freaked me out for sometime.
A knife usually represents a much sexualized version of control - according to my T. He just LOVES to talk about my dreams.
Alternatively, you may just be mad as hell, and you're finished being angry with yourself (hence the shift from shooting yourself to your mom).
I don't know, but I would try as hard as I could to hang in there and explore these dreams. They may represent a sea change in your thinking.
Seldom.
Posted by Bodhisattva on January 29, 2008, at 9:04:16
In reply to Anxiety over dreams (long), posted by Daisym on January 28, 2008, at 23:22:58
If it were my dream. I would say these things about it.
Anticipation of a certain individuals arrival would mean that I've identified the target. I've decided who to blame and I'm sure enough to grab a gun for retribution against that person.
Shooting into the dark and having myself fall from a gunshot would represent my knowledge of the fact that if I had lashed out, against that person. It probably in the end would hurt me more regardless of what transpired.
Having my mother drop from the gunshot would clearly represent collateral damage. Those involved with any event that can be classified as horrific or traumatic are ALL victims. Even the person that may be entirely at fault is a victim, because even if they don't realize it a part of their humanity dies with the choice that caused that event.
I would say that your sub-conscious is bringing forth the battlefield in which you'll confront your past. Do not fear this, in fact, agitate your subconscious with the help of your therapist. Continually delve into it and you'll find the understanding you long for. It'll be hell at times, but even the smallest moment of peace will be worth your effort.
Eventually, you'll be able to look back on it. And it will seem so very far away.
Take care Daisym
Posted by rskontos on January 29, 2008, at 11:41:24
In reply to Anxiety over dreams (long), posted by Daisym on January 28, 2008, at 23:22:58
DAisym, I have written two posts and deleted them both. I justed wanted you know, i understand your anxiety...rsk
Posted by DAisym on January 29, 2008, at 12:22:15
In reply to Re: Anxiety over dreams (long), posted by rskontos on January 29, 2008, at 11:41:24
Thank you all for your insights and supports. I agree with the interpretations - I'll have to think more about the knife as sexual but it isn't so far off, given I thought it was my dad and revenge fantasies float in from time to time. The anxiety of it all is so huge.
But...
The feeling is a cold, sick feeling that I get before a flashback or new memory. It is like my body knows before my mind does. I don't want it so I'm resisting leaving any space for it to come up, knowing full well it would be better to do it early in the week than later. Still - I resist. The one concession I'm making is that I'm not medicating everything away. So, of course, I didn't sleep.
I don't want to guess at what the dreams woke up. I think I'll take Falls' suggestion and go have some COW. I wish I could just stay in bed today - go to my session in my pjs-and then go back to bed. *sigh* Instead I have grown up meetings all afternoon. Perhaps that will help drive out whatever this is.
Posted by Poet on January 29, 2008, at 12:48:54
In reply to Re: Anxiety over dreams, posted by DAisym on January 29, 2008, at 12:22:15
Hi Daisy,
Go to your meetings and then go home and have COW and get into warm pjs and crawl in bed. I hope your recurring dream leaves you alone.
I have a recurring dream, too, and even when I take Seroquel to sleep it still pops into my head. So I don't know if medicating yourself to sleep would stop the dream. I haven't had mine recently, but it comes and goes. Why can't we dream of good things over and over? Like the beach? Big sigh for both of us.
Sweet dreams and cream of wheat.
Poet
Posted by raisinb on January 29, 2008, at 13:22:44
In reply to Re: Anxiety over dreams, posted by DAisym on January 29, 2008, at 12:22:15
Daisy, I don't know what the dream means to you, but I do know that often my dreams signal possibilities and realities that I'm not ready to recognize consciously, that I find too scary or strange to confront. Later when I look back at them if I've written them down, I see what they were pointing to.
Usually, the dreams point to positive changes that are just scary for me, not things that ultimately turn out to be bad.
This is the end of the thread.
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