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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on January 19, 2008, at 16:35:44
Or rather the way I used to feel about him I guess.
What I felt for him was so real to me, and so powerful and so amazing.
I remember one time he went to Europe and brought me a gift back from the Freud museum.
I remember him thanking me for letting him be there while I re-experienced all the stuff from my childhood. All that trauma. All the badness in that room that somehow he made safe.
I remember seeing him in public and hiding!!!
I remember how even when it was 102 degrees outside, he still wore long-sleeved starched shirts.
I remember how long he waited for me to be honest with him and how took all my abuse.
I remember him saying one day very very sternly "all that shame you feel is not yours to carry, it does not belong to you."
I remember how his love helped me to love.
I miss him and I miss needing him.
Just rambling.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2008, at 17:47:43
In reply to Nostalgia about my T., posted by seldomseen on January 19, 2008, at 16:35:44
> I miss him and I miss needing him.
Me too. :(
People totally underestimate the importance of needing someone.
Posted by muffled on January 19, 2008, at 19:36:14
In reply to Nostalgia about my T., posted by seldomseen on January 19, 2008, at 16:35:44
Posted by JoniS on January 19, 2008, at 21:26:07
In reply to Nostalgia about my T., posted by seldomseen on January 19, 2008, at 16:35:44
Your post made me sad, but I guess the sadness was already there, the post just brougt it back to the surface.
Therapy relationships are so incredible. We all get helped in different ways, experience different things. Isn't it facinating?
I've read a lot of books on the therapy relationships. One I am really enjoying right now is "The intimate hour" by Susan Baur. One person she interviewed said this "...The heart can only be harnessed in the service of love. We manage love with greater love..."
I thought that was cool.
I've been trying to learn what it is I need to learn about these feelings (love) I have for T....dont think I've learned yet, but i'm trying.
take care seldom
Joni
Posted by Daisym on January 20, 2008, at 0:15:00
In reply to Nostalgia about my T., posted by seldomseen on January 19, 2008, at 16:35:44
Your post is touching, sweet and sad at the same time. I bet your therapist would be touched by what you wrote. It is very much like a love affair - nothing matches the intensity of the beginning but if you are lucky, you evolve into a relationship based on shared experiences and respect for each other. And I'm not just talking about a romantic love affair. Most moms will tell you about their intense attachment and need to be near their newborns. But this changes, eases, deepens.
But I understand the missing part. I've said it at times - I miss needing to need my therapist. And poof! here it is again, that intense need. (which of course, I then wish was gone.)
There is just nothing like the therapy relationship when it goes that deep. I think this feelings is the true definition of bittersweet.
Is something triggering these feelings more right now?
Posted by seldomseen on January 20, 2008, at 9:09:19
In reply to Nostalgia about my T., posted by seldomseen on January 19, 2008, at 16:35:44
Posted by seldomseen on January 20, 2008, at 9:12:55
In reply to Re: Nostalgia about my T., posted by Dinah on January 19, 2008, at 17:47:43
I'm glad you understand.
I've actually tried to summon the feeing I once had for my T and they are just completely resolved.
I wouldn't go back to where I was when I was experiencing them, but there is a sadness now that they are gone.
It's a complicated thing.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on January 20, 2008, at 9:30:07
In reply to Makes me sad Seldom... » seldomseen, posted by JoniS on January 19, 2008, at 21:26:07
They can be very confusing, and they don't develop for everyone in therapy. Different people need different things out of therapy.
All I know is that for me, they did happen and they helped a lot.
I talked and talked and talked about them with my T and I think that was the key to their resolution.
I didn't try to keep them bottled up or hide them. Just went headlong and worked with him to try to understand them and learn from them.
To my T's credit, he was a master at dealing with them. He never got defensive, he was open to anything I said.
But I think most importantly, he didn't try to deflect them either. He never once said "the way you feel about me is actually the way you want to feel about your father/mother/etc..." He kept it in the room and didn't write it off - at least to me - as transference.
There are two people in that room, and a relationship will develop between them.
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad. I do want to point out that I have had a lot of time to process my experience with my T. Years in fact, and that has helped me to understand what happened and why it worked for me.
Seldom
Posted by seldomseen on January 20, 2008, at 9:40:55
In reply to Re: Nostalgia about my T. » seldomseen, posted by Daisym on January 20, 2008, at 0:15:00
Frankly yes, something has been triggering these feelings.
I'm in the process of termination and I'm processing all those feelings.
plus
Recent events have made me reflect on my experience with my T and I'm truly surprised at how much I value(d) that relationship.
As I've indicated before, it was punctuated with a lot of hurt and uncertainty, but the ramifications of it have been soooo powerful and have impacted my life in a profoundly positive manner.
I would like for that not to be diminished for me, or for others that experience the same thing.
Seldom.
Posted by Phillipa on January 20, 2008, at 12:22:14
In reply to Re: Nostalgia about my T. » Daisym, posted by seldomseen on January 20, 2008, at 9:40:55
Seldomseen I tuly hope mine evolves the same way as I do need someone and now I wish she was here to just listen. Phillipa
Posted by seldomseen on January 20, 2008, at 12:22:50
In reply to Re: Nostalgia about my T. » Daisym, posted by seldomseen on January 20, 2008, at 9:40:55
I'm sometimes hit the "submit" button too quickly, and fail to finish my thought.
As I'm going through the process of termination, I find myself devaluing what went on during therapy. I think it is a defensive mechanism. Over the past couple of days I realized that I really had been diminishing the work that was done, and what a sad thing that was for me to do.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2008, at 13:22:59
In reply to Re: Nostalgia about my T. » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on January 20, 2008, at 9:12:55
I kind of wish I didn't understand.
As much as some of the phases of therapy hurt, this one feels the loneliest.
Posted by MissK on January 20, 2008, at 17:32:46
In reply to Re: Nostalgia about my T., posted by Dinah on January 19, 2008, at 17:47:43
>People totally underestimate the importance of needing someone.
I would add or the pain of needing someone, and maybe the appreciation of having or arriving at a relationship that is free from that. But as seldom said, different people need different things from therapy.
Posted by frida on January 20, 2008, at 21:04:58
In reply to Follow-up » seldomseen, posted by seldomseen on January 20, 2008, at 12:22:50
The T relationship is a precious, unique one...
i'm sure your T will be part of you forever.Frida
Posted by frida on January 20, 2008, at 21:09:59
In reply to Re: Nostalgia about my T. - » Dinah, posted by MissK on January 20, 2008, at 17:32:46
I don't think needing someone is always painful...
Needing someone makes us human...being able to feel and express that need is powerful and sometimes healing...Frida
Posted by MissK on January 21, 2008, at 6:46:24
In reply to needing someone, posted by frida on January 20, 2008, at 21:09:59
No person is an island, I agree frida.
Well, in regards to needing Ts, I think antigua said it best in her reply to my Agonizing over T post, she said: Her T is in her life as much as she needs. And, I think I am seeing that that is true for everyone doing therapy including me. How much they are in our lives both inside their office when we see them and outside their office when we don't. The difference is in how much and in what way.
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2008, at 9:13:54
In reply to Re: needing someone » frida, posted by MissK on January 21, 2008, at 6:46:24
I think that's quite true. We're all different so our needs differ.
For me, there are a lot of golden chains (not prison, more like jewelry) that bind me to others. There's love, and want, and caring, and need. Need is the one that harnesses me closest to someone else. My issues in general are not in overattaching, they're more in attachments drifting away. With a few very important exceptions of course. Since I like feeling attached, and closely attached, I like to need someone. When the need eases, there is still caring, but it doesn't keep me as close.
This is all on my side of course. My need doesn't keep him closer. It keeps me closer. And as I need less I drift away. Maybe my caring isn't quite strong enough. I don't know.
This is the end of the thread.
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