![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 12:44:20
I'm on break, and T and I were supposed to do weekly phone sessions. Today was going to be the first one, and he was supposed to call 45 minutes ago, but I guess he forgot. It's strange how I was doing ok but now I feel sad and kind of hurt that he forgot. It just emphasizes how he has his own life that I'm really not a part of. I mean, it's happened before, so I'm not terribly surprised. But I was hoping he wouldn't forget. Please no criticisms either - he's a fabulous T and I love him, he just has a bad memory for these sorts of things.
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on December 27, 2007, at 13:38:48
In reply to he forgot, posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 12:44:20
Been there. :( It does hurt. And makes me angry.
My therapist and I worked out an agreement where if he forgets, I can call him (his cell is his work phone), say "Dinah. Call." and hang up (or do it more graciously if I am so inclined.) Is that a possibility? My therapist says the fact is that he is forgetful, and he'd rather I remind him than that I stew and let it fester.
Posted by anneke06 on December 27, 2007, at 13:44:21
In reply to he forgot, posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 12:44:20
I'm so sorry....I had a similar thing happen. My T said she would call me on Sunday to "see how I was doing" with the holidays and all, since we wouldn't be meeting this week. She didn't. And, I know what you mean....I was handling things really well and feeling really positive about how things were going, but somehow her not calling...well, you captured it exactly. It highlights that darn piece of the relationship that hurts the most.
And, like you, I think the world of my therapist and wouldn't trade her for the world....she just kind of sucks at remembering this kind of thing. It doesn't help that I am obsessive about following up on phone calls and e-mails....
Here's hoping we both hear from our therapists.
Posted by rskontos on December 27, 2007, at 17:43:17
In reply to he forgot, posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 12:44:20
I am sorry Sunnydays. It really sucks when a person doesn't remember something that is so important to you. I too have a bad memory and would do that too and not mean too. And it isn't cause you dont mean well ( I mean you collectively) it just mean that the ole memory cells are firing like they used to.
I am glad though you are trying to remain positive. That says alot about you!!!!
rsk
Posted by ladybugsmom on December 27, 2007, at 18:01:28
In reply to he forgot, posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 12:44:20
My T forgets sometimes too and it is hurtful. I think that for me it is the fear of being abandonded or forgotten which is a huge issue for me. But it might would be better if you did call him and remind him so that those feelings of hurt did not stew and become anger like I know mine sometimes do. I do hope that he remembers next time though!
Posted by Daisym on December 27, 2007, at 19:54:02
In reply to Re: he forgot, posted by ladybugsmom on December 27, 2007, at 18:01:28
Ouch, Sunny. I'm sorry. I actually told my therapist that while I would like to hear from him during the break, just to know he is out there, I was terrified he'd forget and then I'd imagine all kinds of things. So I truly get how much this must stink. But you said it yourself, he is forgetful, and it has nothing to do with you personally. But I bet you miss him, huh?
I hope the break goes quickly. Hang in there,
Daisy
Posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 23:24:27
In reply to he forgot, posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 12:44:20
I guess I forgot to put in my first post that I did call and leave him a voicemail and say I thought we were supposed to talk, but maybe I was wrong or maybe you forgot. He called back when I was napping so I didn't hear my phone and said, "I'm so sorry, sunnydays. I'm so so sorry. No, you weren't wrong, I was supposed to call." And told me to call and tell him times this evening I was available, so I did, and he called me back.
We talked for a half hour or so. A lot about family stuff and he thinks it is the little girl part of me that is having a lot of trouble standing up for myself. And that I'm trying to put my mom into the category of all good or all bad and that's why I feel so confused, and that she's both. Which I do think, I think she is both, but at the same time I think it would be easier if she were one or the other. He said that's how a little kid would think - that their parents are the best people in the whole wide world, that I don't like Jimmy because he ate the last brownie so he's bad, etc. And I see that. I just don't know how to change it. And he said that I don't have to make any major breakthroughs, I just have to get through this time. But I really don't want him to be disappointed. And logically I know he wouldn't be. But the little girl is afraid he'll get disappointed and abandon me, I think.
He said that it's a learned behavior, this not standing up for myself. And that I wasn't doing anything wrong. And said it might happen again that he forgets, and it's not because he doesn't want to call me or it's a bother or anything, that he's really glad we're doing it. It's just hard when he's home to remember that he has to be somewhere else. So I could call him the day before and leave a message to remind him next week if I wanted to and he wouldn't mind. But that it was his responsibility.
The little girl part of me really wanted a whole lot more reassurance that I was doing ok and that he still liked me, I think. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I'm so so sad and so worried.
I miss him so much.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on December 29, 2007, at 18:19:38
In reply to follow-up, posted by sunnydays on December 27, 2007, at 23:24:27
sigh...
Ya even when my T does call...well...I dunno, it almost makes it worse somehow....
I told my T to call if she wanted but I not holding my breath....
I DID send her a short email to tell her about a happy event in my family.
She emailed back a short note to say thats nice and thanks for telling me(she always says that...).
So I know she out there OK.
I also have a rather old but pleasantly inane voicemail that I have saved and listen to. Its old, but not too old.
I waffle btwn missing T, and wondering why the heck I miss my T cuz she annoys me somehow.
Arrrggghhh.
So SD, our T's are out there, they seem to not chnage too fast or anything. So I reckon you'll go back and your T will be there and all will be well.
You gonna have to remind yourself(or the inside kid), of this Ovwer and over and over. Just the way it is I guess.
Damned annoying.
Stupid ((( T's )))
Sigh.
M
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.