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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 21, 2007, at 23:15:59
He said that I and my Babble friends have been really helpful in showing him how deeply a therapist's actions can affect a client. I'm not saying that quite right. But he said that he appreciated how I was able to explain things to him that he hadn't really thought about, even with his training, and having been on both sides of the therapeutic relationship.
The really great thing was that he *got* what I was trying to say. I didn't really think he would, or if he did I didn't think he'd be very sympathetic. But he did understand. Even though I had my head turned I saw the "ah-hah" moment clearly.
He didn't dismiss it either. He thought about it a while before responding. He knows that I know that he really isn't doing anything wrong. In fact he's really doing everything right. But the fact is that boundaries were by necessity a bit bent during Katrina, and now they're back in place, it can hurt a bit. Because he was so much more real then. And even if he's perfect and understanding and attentive and empathetic, he's the same way with the clients who come before me and the ones that he sees after me that day. And altogether I'd rather he yell at me than be so darned perfectly professional.
And he understood. While he knows that some of it is inevitable, he did understand. He framed it as my wanting to see XXX the therapist, and not Therapist XXX.
And today he was XXX the therapist. It was so much nicer than last session even though in both sessions he was attentive, warm, and empathetic. I guess the important part was that he said he didn't need to be Therapist XXXX, and that if I felt in any session that he was, I shouldn't think that that was the way it was supposed to be or the natural conclusion of things getting back to normal. In fact he said that ideally therapy really should be with XXX the therapist rather than Therapist XXX.
So I don't have to run away from therapy because I want more than I really am entitled to have. Because I want what I shouldn't want. He said that even if what I wanted was more than I could have, it wouldn't be wrong to want it. But that it wasn't more than I could have, and wasn't more than I should want.
And he also said that he didn't literally mean that he was surprised I stayed during that year. He said he wasn't actually surprised, and he knew why I stayed. He did too.
Now I'm not so angry, and I feel like I can really feel at peace this Christmas, so I'm very glad I went.
Posted by rskontos on December 21, 2007, at 23:22:38
In reply to My therapist thanked me and Babblers, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2007, at 23:15:59
That is nice Dinah. Sounds like you got validated and he got some learning from you too. Nice when that happens and even nicer when they tell you :) rsk
Posted by muffled on December 21, 2007, at 23:58:00
In reply to My therapist thanked me and Babblers, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2007, at 23:15:59
Posted by I need a hug on December 22, 2007, at 3:43:51
In reply to :-) YAYYY!!!! :-) :-) :-) (nm) » Dinah, posted by muffled on December 21, 2007, at 23:58:00
Dinah,
I'm glad things went well for you and you feel at peace for the holiday season. Best wishes for the new year. HUGS
Posted by seldomseen on December 22, 2007, at 3:53:36
In reply to My therapist thanked me and Babblers, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2007, at 23:15:59
I think it amazing how therapists can do what you describe.
Listen, understand and "get it".
I think it is amazing how good it really feels to get that from them.
I'm glad you can have some peace at christmas.
You've earned it I think.I guess we all have.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on December 22, 2007, at 11:42:49
In reply to Re: My therapist thanked me and Babblers » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on December 22, 2007, at 3:53:36
If he knows something is important to me, he really thinks about it and does his best to understand. I think this particular thing was easy for him to understand once he grasped what I was saying. We've talked in general before about how clients usually have to pay when boundaries bend for some reason then go back into place. So it wasn't a totally foreign concept to him.
I hope everyone at Babble feels the peace and joy I feel this Christmas, for the first time in a long time.
I always loved Christmas as a child. It was the one time of year that my father was reliably in a great mood so it was especially wonderful. My husband is the exact opposite, being in a reliably tense and unhappy mood at Christmas. This year I'm not letting it bother me. I'm looking forward to Roast Beast and Yorkshire Pudding and Lemon Syllabub. And the Grinch and Rudolph and Christmas songs and gold and silver wrapped presents under the tree for the very first time ever (since we have the tree somewhere where the dogs can't actually get to).
This is the end of the thread.
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