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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:54:27
Funny how as a kid it was the best thing in the world to get presents.. I find now that i don't like gifts.. I don't even like unwrapping them. My kids get me gifts because they love me and want me to be happy so of course, I go along with it.. And I am touched by their kindness.. I like buying thngs for other people but I don't like people buying things for me.. Sometimes I just feel totally unworthy, other times, it's like a waste cuz I dont' know how long I will be here and they will ahve to get rid of the stuff when i die. Other times I just plain don't like it.. nuts or what?? After my other posts I am pretty confident I am not alone in this one either.. Quirky people we are..sorry if I am posting too much today.. just need to vent before I explode.
Posted by Racer on December 11, 2007, at 16:19:06
In reply to Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:54:27
Nope, still not alone...
For me, I know my feelings get hurt by how little care people take in choosing gifts for me. Then I feel selfish for that, too!
One year, after Christmas, my mother sat and cried, because her sister gave her a gift that showed she cared enough to know something would appeal to her. I would like, just once, to open a package and feel that. Instead, I get emails asking for a Christmas gift list, and send it out with specifics -- even brand names and model numbers, if applicable -- and it never feels special. Sure, it's convenient that I finally have enough bobbins for my spinning wheel, but I could have bought them myself. I don't know if that makes sense or not.
And of course, I feel ungrateful and selfish for not feeling loved when I open those gifts...
But let's not talk about the person who gave my husband and me a joint gift of a $25 gift card to Target! We don't shop at Target... Talk about thoughtless... Let's see, the 5000 books in this place didn't suggest maybe a gift card to a bookstore, if that's the best you could come up with???
Sorry, it's that time of year, isn't it...
Posted by Bodhisattva on December 11, 2007, at 16:20:47
In reply to Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:54:27
Gift giving is completely out of control. I think that's why I don't like it anymore. People feel they have to get something for someone for every occasion.
If you want to get someone something, It should be something they really need or really want. I suppose I'm utilitarian when it comes to this topic. I only buy something for myself if I am going to get a lot of use out of it. I kind of expect people to do the same. If it's not something I'll use extensively, then don't get me the gift. Instead, spend some time with me. Go with me to a movie or dinner. Spend some idle time joking with me.
It seems that we've decided we can trade "stuff" for "time". It's not a substitution to give me a combination pogo-stick-clock-radio-wine-opener-toilet-plunger rather than just hang out with me.
....man...When is the last time I had a good snow ball fight? This ability to spend my time well seems to have been lost with younger days....
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 16:29:12
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by Racer on December 11, 2007, at 16:19:06
yepp.. that time of year.. I don't like the feeling ungrateful either but did you ever spend alot of ime to find the right gift only to find the person you gave it to picked out some dollar store sh...t for you?? I don't want to be ungrateful either but someone did that to me last year and I threw the crap in the trash. Like a candle with a missing wick, some body spray that they must have refilled with water and a candy bar.. sh...t I can understand if someone doesn't have any money but they usally make more than I do. ungrateful slob am i
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 16:33:31
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts » star008, posted by Bodhisattva on December 11, 2007, at 16:20:47
I agree with you.. It is out of control and doesn't make sense to me.. A gift should be something given whenever.. Not because it is some specail holiday.. but then, I don't like the holidays either.. I don't want anyone to buy me something because it is xmas and theya re supposed too.. and I really hate it when they complain about not having any money,,, Please then, don't buy me anythng if it is a hardship..
Posted by Sigismund on December 11, 2007, at 17:34:36
In reply to Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:54:27
The gift I want is one of those Oxfam donkeys.
The sort you don't get.
Posted by seldomseen on December 11, 2007, at 17:51:53
In reply to Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:54:27
Well, I love gifts.
But I gotta go along with Racer a bit. How hard is it for people to just sit for a minute or two and THINK about me and what I might like.
Me, being the martyr that I am, do that for other people and get them wonderful gifts that they treasure - really I do.
last christmas - from a person that will remain nameless but is my dad - i received a supersized jug of dishwasher detergent. 75 premade tablets. I'm still using them. I hear this year it's a trunkload of cat litter.
Also, if I get one more bath and bodyworks prefab gift basket I might just lose it. I don't smell, really I don't, but the mango/cherry/honeysuckle/lime/verbena/coconut stuff really does.
Okay, while I'm just free venting I don't want any more pre-made hot chocolate powder, socks, underwear, ugly purses, cookbooks, self-help books, datebooks (okay just no more books), tool sets, jumper cables, picture frames, coffetable books about cats (although I guess that falls under books), braided area rugs, christmas sweatshirts, free dinners for two at the Olive Garden (i'm single people, do you have to rub it in?), pepper spray, indoor outdoor thermometers, pajamas, or novelty pillows that say anything about cats, dogs, god, christmas, or bless this mess in any way.
happy holidays everyone!
Seldom.
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 18:02:43
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by Sigismund on December 11, 2007, at 17:34:36
whaat is an oxfarm donkey??
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 18:05:10
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts » star008, posted by seldomseen on December 11, 2007, at 17:51:53
YOU and me both Seldom.. Please don;'t buy me any garbage I am not going to use or a gift that you took a whoile 2 seconds to pick out..lol And.. don't bother asking me what I want cuz chances are I wont get it anyway..why is it that they ask and then just pick something out instead.. uggghhh no more gifts.. enjoy your kitty litter.. we can always put it outside and make litter castles
Posted by seldomseen on December 11, 2007, at 18:23:14
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by Sigismund on December 11, 2007, at 17:34:36
Donkeys make kick *ss gifts!
Posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 20:06:31
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts » star008, posted by seldomseen on December 11, 2007, at 17:51:53
I hear you, my father gave my H and me sweatpants for 10 years in a row until I said Dad no more sweats please. I mean really can't you remember what you give. Now he sends $$$. At least we don't have to worry about returning it if it doesn't fit.....lol....
I am with all of you on this....rkBut I mean really a supersized jug of diswasher detergent I would have hit him with it!!!!
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2007, at 22:37:02
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 18:05:10
Posted by Sigismund on December 12, 2007, at 2:24:54
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts » Sigismund, posted by seldomseen on December 11, 2007, at 18:23:14
I think it's Oxfam.
You give Oxfam some money and somehow you get a card to give to someone saying that their present is a donkey/goose/goat and has been sent on to someone poor who needs it.
When we had 'open the presents in turn around the table', I'd need a good 4oz of spirits beforehand (and other things besides) to help me present a benign face toward everyone.
To mask the disappointment.
To make it look like everything was OK.
Posted by seldomseen on December 12, 2007, at 5:29:36
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by Sigismund on December 12, 2007, at 2:24:54
I'm sorry if that happened to you. But you gotta admit, their website is pretty funny.
However, I could see how it would be a real bummer to open a card and see that an *ss had been donated to someone in your honor.
Only to be followed up by the person potentially saying "somehow it reminded me of you". Now that I think about it, for some people (who shall remain nameless, but are in my family) it might make the PERFECT gift.
I will further add that I am giving to charity in lieu of gifts for some spoiled kids in my family this year. You literally can not get in their house for all of their toys, and there they are screaming for more this christmas.
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2007, at 9:29:43
In reply to Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:54:27
I don't particularly care for them either. Over the years we've drifted out of the habit of giving them, except with my husband and son and I. We take my mother out for her birthday and host the Christmas dinner, and that's about it.
I can't say I've ever been upset at what I got, except for my mother. And with her it's more a question of her thinking I'm part of her than it is with the actual gift. She'll give me something I've expressly said I don't like and say "I know you say you don't like xxxx, but this one was so cute I thought you'd change your mind." This is her way of saying, "I know you don't like it, but I do.". Or the first time she bought be clothes from the plus size shop catering to women of a certain age, the one she frequents, I cried. After that, I seemed to get something from there every year. I like to think it's because the sales ladies there make a fuss over her so she likes to shop there, rather than that she likes to make me cry. But I'm not sure...
Other than that, I just feel a bit embarassed about opening gifts that do not delight me.
To me, the best sort of gifts are the ones that aren't necessarily expensive, but that may be a bit difficult to obtain. My husband ordered me a pastry from England that I'd been remembering fondly for years. Or an autographed copy of a book. Or an agreement to hang all the pictures that are currently sitting in my closet. That sort of thing.
And of course, the very best presents are the ones my son makes for me. Especially if he writes me a short story.
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 12, 2007, at 11:29:54
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2007, at 9:29:43
Dinah,
If it is the shop I am thinking of they DO have nice panty hose! And once in a while I find a nice basic pair of pants there. :-)
MB
Posted by star008 on December 12, 2007, at 12:13:08
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by Sigismund on December 12, 2007, at 2:24:54
That is a good idea.. I wonder if they really come through with the donkeys, etc?? I would rather give jaun valtez a new donkey than get something else that I don't want.
I am sorry you have to mask the dissapointment..The way you stated it seemed so sad..I guess we should just figure this year won't be any diferent and just get through it..hugs
Posted by star008 on December 12, 2007, at 12:15:48
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2007, at 9:29:43
Dianh
I am sure she doesn't buy you the clothes to make you cry..She goes there and probably thinks it would be nice to get you something from there too...My mother actually tries to be thoughtful but all she does is talk about themoney and how little she has.. It makes me feel bad and I really would rather not have anything at all than to feel it is a hardship
Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2007, at 12:41:34
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2007, at 9:29:43
Dinah, this may be mean but what if you just re-gifted them to her saying I know that you really it more than I do so it would really please me for you to have it.
My mother-in-law used to re-gift things to us all the time because she can't throw anything away. I remember this particularly ugly thing. It was some sort of statue thing. It was so ugly my H and I couldn't decide what it was suppose to be. Her best friend gave it to us. She in fact told us and it was suppose to be a gift to us. I was appalled but we were just married and i didnt know what to saw. My H said just hide in the attic and bring it out when she comes to visit. I saw no. I will not. Why should I take the gifts she doesn't want. I took the ugly thing to Goodwin. I bet they couldn't give it away either. Anyway I did this every year until she took the hint when she never saw the re-gifted items in our home. Then she started the thing were she would ask me what size I was and buy me two sizes bigger than I or argue with me or demand I try it on to show her I was the size I said. I said no. Besides I never liked what she bought. Then my father-in-law would demand to know if I and my daughter liked what she gave us. I would hem haw around the issue and my daughter god bless the innocent would say no or yes depending on how she felt. My FIL would get mad if she say no and if she say yes he didn't believe her. Finally they started sending money. Now they send everyone gifts but me. But I really don't care anymore. Now I don't have to pretend or thank them for anything. You should see the god awful coat they sent my 19 year old daughter. It looks like something a 12 year old would wear. Oh well not my problem cause she is strong enough to deal with them. My H would wear a potato sack coat if his mother bought for him and claimed it looked good and he loved it. LOL.....
So I give to my children and my sister's and no one else. My other sister has vanished from the scene and I don't know where she lives. And my H's sister says don't buy me anything and I won't buy you and don't send me a xmas card either. So I don't.? Works for me. The rest of my family and his we ignore as they ignore us. Works I guess. My friends locally send cards. Easy enough.
I hate to shop. You have to go into the mall and there are crowds there so...
Dinah I am sorry your mom treats like that. That hurts.
In fact I am sorry that everyone gets yucky presents. You want to borrow my mother in law I now have her trained. She sends me no presents. Works for me.rk
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2007, at 12:56:00
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts » Dinah, posted by star008 on December 12, 2007, at 12:15:48
Well, what finally happened is that she really doesn't have money for gifts, so we agreed not to exchange them. I give her a little something from time to time, but not regularly so that she feels she needs to give me anything.
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2007, at 12:57:56
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts » Dinah, posted by MidnightBlue on December 12, 2007, at 11:29:54
:-)
Actually, I did find some things to exchange for when she gave me stuff that didn't fit. But it's a real shock to open up a birthday present and see that box for the first time.
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2007, at 13:00:01
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2007, at 12:41:34
Once she got me something from there that was in petite size. Now she may be petite but I most definitely am not. So I gave it back to her as my present to her. She was sure I could wear it anyway, just a bit shorter in the skirt. Apparently she didn't think about sleeves. :)
I think she ended up liking that outfit a lot, so it all worked out.
Posted by star008 on December 12, 2007, at 13:04:18
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2007, at 12:41:34
rk..
why do they have to re-gift?? do they think we are not smart enough to figure it out??? My mother in law would buy a bucnch of flea market sh..t.. clothes way to small or way too strange.. I think she didn't care.. just wanted to get evryone a gift.. a gift is a gift.. doesn't matter if it is sh...t..lol.. I sound so ungrateful but really I care deeply about the thought tht goes into it..I don't care how much somethng costs.. it is the thoughfullness that touches me. I am divorced.. no need to throw out stupid things now..
Posted by Sigismund on December 12, 2007, at 22:35:33
In reply to Re: Another quirky thing..I don't like gifts » Sigismund, posted by star008 on December 12, 2007, at 12:13:08
Just to be clear.....
I wasn't upset for being given a donkey I didn't receive.
No one has ever given me one of those wonderful donkeys.
I just found the whole open-the-presents-and-thank-everyone a pain.
Which might lead someone to wonder: "Isn't there *anything* he enjoyed at Christmas?"
And once there was....
I don't come from a background where people said grace before meals. We were Anglicans. But one Christmas my wife said grace before the Christmas lunch, and in the course of it she mentioned everyone who had died in our families in the last 10 or so years, saying she wished they could be with us. And that made me proud to be part of a group who thought it was important to remember.
This is the end of the thread.
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