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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maria01 on December 6, 2007, at 23:12:00
I don't post here often; school and work have the better of me lately. I also feel I don't have a lot to say/offer, as a lot of people here are dealing with things that are of more gravity than I deal with. Onward:
Anyway, I have been working with a great T for a few months now, and I knew she has a daughter. When I first started working with this T, I told her where I went to grammar school, Jr. High, and high school. She told me her daughter went to the same grammar school that I did. I really didn't think anything of it, as it was a year-round school, and I was on a different track. I don't have my yearbook any longer(my mom has it), so I never really gave it a second thought. I was like "Oh, cool. small world. Did she think it sucked as much as I did?" I had no clue if the girl was older, younger than me, or if she was the same age.
Anyway, a friend of mine set up her book list on a bookseller site, and I wanted to hit up her gift list and send her a book from it for the holidays. I went to the website, typed in her last name, which is the same surname as my T; there aren't a lot of folks here in the U.S. with that surname. Not only did my T's profile come up, but her daughter's did as well. Turns out that her daughter is my age!
I'm a live-and-let-live kind of person. Therapists are human: they have lives outside the office, they have hobbies, friends, kids, partners/mates, pets, and bills just like the rest of us joes. I wouldn't freak out if I bumped into my T outside the office...she lives one town over from me, so the probability is there. My workplace is in the same office district as her office. Like I said, "big whoop" if I bump into her outside the office.
All that being said, for some reason, the fact that her daughter is my age unsettles me. It really does; I'm surprised at myself. Not sure how I feel about this yet, but I do know that whatever I'm feeling is tempered with the knowledge that the internet is essentially a public space, so I did nothing wrong. Not my fault they share the same surname as one of my friends.
But for some reason, I'm really weirded out by the fact that her daughter is my age. I could really drive myself crazy and wonder if she compares us, etc., but I really want to spare myself that head-trip. Life is hard enough without self-inflicted drama. Still I can't help but wonder.....
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 13:02:12
In reply to Interesting discovery...(kinda long), posted by Maria01 on December 6, 2007, at 23:12:00
LOL the joys of the net!
Sounds like it might start a great discussion and could be quite fruitful if you mention it to T.
This sort of thing seems to happen OFTEN. Either accidentally or via GOOGLE! LOL, but anyways, ask T bout how you feel and let us know how it goes!
M
Posted by star008 on December 7, 2007, at 13:02:51
In reply to Interesting discovery...(kinda long), posted by Maria01 on December 6, 2007, at 23:12:00
HI Maria,,
I understand what you are saying. Seems kind of like a violation to find out info but you didn't mean to do that at all.. Not your fault that it came up. I have felt kind of weird when i found out in the newspaper that my T was getting married and also when he bought a house..I didn't look for the info.. It was just there.. I didn't want to know who he was marrying or where he lives.
About the daughter thing.. I am trying to imagine how I would feel.,, Yeah, would feel kind of strange about it.. Not sure exactly why.. Alot of us gt jealous of our T's.. Are you jealous of her daughter at all?? Like she has such a cool great mom and you wish she was your mom?? LIke she gets alot of attention being the T's daughter? Is that totally off base?? I am just thnking. Does it make school feel different?? Like before it was just your space but part of her is there now?
I doubt that she compares you.. I have three sons and see alot of guys their age where I work and I don't compare them..
Hope I was able to help you at least a little.. I am here to listen to you if you need to post
Posted by Maria01 on December 7, 2007, at 20:02:55
In reply to Re: Interesting discovery...(kinda long) » Maria01, posted by star008 on December 7, 2007, at 13:02:51
Hi Star008-
The school thing really weirds me out the most. My school years were horrible, and the fact that she can pick up her daughter's yearbook and see my pic makes my skin crawl. I was ugly as hell, and had zero friends..I mean zero....really pathetic. Let's put it this way: Had a been a school kid in the age of cyberbullying, I would have been bullied right into suicide.
That being said, the whole thing just seems strange. Our school years are "ours" for the most part, and then we leave them behind and move on. The fact that her daughter was in my grade...well. Was she one of the kids that had ganged up on me and made my life miserable? Did I make her life miserable in any way? Was she the one who borrowed my math notes and them put them down the toilet, or was she the one who fished them out and gave me hers to copy from? Did we have some of the same friends and just not know it? I had told my T a lot about my school years, and felt safe knowing that they were mine and mine alone. This changes that perception entirely. Like I said there is nothing stopping her from picking up one of her daughter's old yearbooks and finding my picture, etc. Adults remember two kinds of school mates: the kids that were mercilessly bullied, and the stand-out kids. Heck, I remember the names of both types of kids from my school, as do most people I know.
I'm not sure I'm jealous of her daughter...T's are completely different with their friends and families, and who knows? She might have been one of the bazillions of middle-aged women who become therapists to "right" their parenting "wrongs", or she may have been as incredible parent from the start. Hard to tell. I would like to think that her daughter does get the most attention, etc. It would really suck if her clients got all the goodies, and her daughter was left wanting..not fair at all.
Soo...yeah. Very complex feelings about this. I'm really surprised because I'm pretty laid back about the whole therapy thing. I have a relative who is a retired T, so I got a lot of the "inside scoop" over the years. Hence my feelings of surprise over the way I'm feeling.
Rambly...sorry! =)
Posted by Maria01 on December 7, 2007, at 20:05:58
In reply to Re: Interesting discovery...(kinda long) » Maria01, posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 13:02:12
HI Muffled-
Life in the Information Age..it's a good thing, and not so good, all at the same time.
Trying to think of a way to bring it up. I'm pretty forthright with my T, so I'm thinking of saying something along the lines of "Y'know..I've been thinking...I'm feeling pretty skeeved by the fact that your daughter and I went to the same school and here's why.." or something like that. she's a psychodynamic T, so she doesn't analyse things to death, thankfully. We shall see how it goes. As of right now, I want to crawl under a rock. My school years were a horror.
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 23:12:12
In reply to Re: Interesting discovery...(kinda long) » muffled, posted by Maria01 on December 7, 2007, at 20:05:58
OH CRAP! She went to the SAME shool, shoot I missed THAT. UGH! Anyhow, there's no reason the daughter would know, but ya....weird.
My HS years were pretty much a washout too.
But my T knows much of my sorry history anyways.
My T is more my age.
Phew!
You'll get thru this, and I DO hope you bring it up, and also tell us how it went !
Take care ,
M
Posted by star008 on December 7, 2007, at 23:42:37
In reply to Re: Interesting discovery...(kinda long), posted by Maria01 on December 7, 2007, at 20:02:55
yeah.. my high school days were pretty awful too.. I not so great looking either. If her dqughter picked on you wouldn't you remember the name?? If you were in contact with her you probably would remember. I think muffled is right.. just talk to her and tell her it kind of creeps you out.. You will feel better if it is out in the open.. YOu are right about the T and the mother thing. I met a couple of kids whose parents were T's and they were just as f'ed up as the ret of us. Parents are parent i guess.. You really sound as though you know alot and have thought things over in a logical manner. YOu can handle this one. I know you can.. Let us know how it goes.. hugs
Posted by Maria01 on December 7, 2007, at 23:47:05
In reply to Re: Interesting discovery...(kinda long) » Maria01, posted by star008 on December 7, 2007, at 23:42:37
thank you for the words of encouragement. I had just gotten through emailing a friend of mine about the situation..I told her in my email that the "innocence" of working with this T is now gone...I feel so much more guarded now. Shoot.
I will let everyone know how things go. =)
Posted by Maria01 on December 7, 2007, at 23:48:40
In reply to Re: Interesting discovery.. » Maria01, posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 23:12:12
Pretty trippy, huh?
Thank you for your encouragement with this; I will let you know how it goes. Therapy seems no longer "innocent" for me. Much more guarded now.
This is the end of the thread.
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