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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 11:45:05
First I want to thank Witty and everyone who kept me grounded in my thoughts last night and kept me from doing something too rash about my new T situation.
I was so nervous confronting him today, I even almost started to cry before I could say anything. But I finally said I was still wondering if we were a good fit and I had to ask him some difficult questions about our therapy so far. Well he was more than willing to listen to me. He said something about each client is a learning experience for him, and teaches him how to better help others too.
Okay, so I took a deep breath and told him about the resistance I felt from him on discussing my old T and I was wondering why. Was he too uncomfortable with me disclosing about what happened to me or was he trying to protect his colleage. I did ask him this last week at the beginning of my session and he said that he knows all he needs to know to realize what happen. Well later in that session, when he got a more complete picture of what happened, and why I was taking it so rough, he realized that I probably did need to talk about this. So he admitted that yes intially when he thought this was just a sexual transference thing, he did feel a little reluctant to talk about it. I thanked him for being honest with me. Then he said, I am only a human to feel that way. LOL
Then I said it is humorous that he just said that, because that was my next point. I told him that being human is a given, I KNOW that. I asked him if he would say that to someone who was terrorized by Hitler, or a rape victim, that the perpetrater was only "human". I said you must not have had anything traumatic happen to you because I don't think you would say that.
Well he did say how he could see me applying that to everything and be worried about him saying that in response to the abused I received, since he did say it a lot. But he said not in those cases. He discribed on how he thinks some people are just *ssh*l*s. lol So now I understand him more what he means and I don't expect to hear it concerning my mom. So I am really relieved. He even said he doesn't treat perpetrators of those kind of crimes because he can't keep objective. lol
So then we moved on to more about me and my old T's relationship. He said it did, go outside the boundries of the office quite a bit. He said it happens maybe once or twice in therapy where they meet a client who they really connect with. I told him the about the all the times my T thought about me and stuff, and when he couldn't get me off his mind. He said maybe that shouldn't have been disclosed to me. I talked about how I feel like a widow after her husband has died.
Everything around me reminds me of him, and it is so hard. Our lives got meshed together in a way that is special and in any other circumstance it would have been fine. The only thing bad about it was that he was my therapist. He said when this does happen, when a client does become "special" to them, many times they feel really guilty about it because they are not suppose to let it happen. But sometimes it does and depending on the T, it can be a good learning experiece for them, and they can use that to help the client, but sometimes it scared the T. My T tried to tighten the already too loose boundries when he realized I really did need a T, but it was too late. You can't really go back because he isn't being totally objective and the client has trouble discloseing becauase they are worried about the T's reaction to hear such stuff. This is what happened to me. I felt like I couldn't tell him the bad stuff, I was worried about him having to deal with it.
He called a soulmate thing even though that terms has pretty much been overused and botched up so much lately. But he said it was like 2 people who come together and everything seems to click. It just happen to have happened in a theraputic relastionship.
So my old T had trouble with his feelings about that and my feelings too, and he got scared. He told me that T's get training on how to deal with sexual or maternal transference, but this was something different and much less common. He said he understands my sadness about losing such an important person to me. He said he will help me with this in different way then he would do a transference thing.
So I feel better now. My T asked at the end of the session was there anything else that I am wondering about "our relastionship". I said that I felt a lot better about this. I told him I wasn't challenging him to be a pain, I just really needed to know if I can trust you . He said that is good that I am being careful. He also welcomed me to challege what he does anytime I feel I need to have some clarification or if I feels he is being resistant.
I am so glad I didn't just fire him. Thanks so much for helping me in this everyone! Now I have to meet with my professor in a 1/2 hour! I am just glad I don't have to redo my makeup due to the crying I usually have been doing in therapy. ;-) I wonder if there really is a point to wearing makeup for our T's when if you are like me now, I just cry it all off anyways. I bet there is makeup stains all over his office! lol
Posted by pegasus on October 1, 2007, at 12:19:51
In reply to Good session today!, posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 11:45:05
That sounds like such a great session, HF. And your new T does sound like he's a good one. It must have been very validating to hear him talk about how Ts can have those "click" experiences with their clients. Not to mention his understanding of how that probably unsettled your ex-T and led to the problems that you experienced with him. It sounds like your new T really does get it, and believes you, and is willing to be self-reflective about his own reactions to that.
I love hearing about how your sessions go. Thanks for sharing them so freely with us.
peg
Posted by seldomseen on October 1, 2007, at 12:26:52
In reply to Good session today!, posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 11:45:05
this result makes me very happy for you HF. I'm glad you took the time and considerable emotional effort to bring this up in therapy.
i am especially glad that your T was able to address your concerns.
It's so easy to get all worked up and be tempted to just bolt from a situation. I think this temptation was especially acute here, where you had already been so hurt by one therapist.
You are brave to face this and continue to work to come to a resolution with your new T and your old T.
I'm thrilled for you. Good luck with your prof.
Seldom.
Posted by rskontos on October 1, 2007, at 13:14:53
In reply to Re: Good session today!, posted by seldomseen on October 1, 2007, at 12:26:52
Happyflower, I am so thrilled for you and you were brave to stick it out. It is tough to put yourself out there like that emotional, I would have probably bolted. You should be proud of yourself today and treat yourself to something, ice cream or special coffee or something!!! Hope your meeting with the professor goes as well but it should you are on a roll!!!! RK
Posted by caraher on October 1, 2007, at 13:37:23
In reply to Re: Good session today!, posted by rskontos on October 1, 2007, at 13:14:53
I'm glad it went well... you said what you needed to, and he listened well and responded helpfully. Hopefully that will give you confidence in continuing to work with him... :)
Posted by LadyBug on October 1, 2007, at 14:15:50
In reply to Good session today!, posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 11:45:05
This proves to me that when we feel like bolting, we should stay and work it out. Often we can find a way to work through the issue. Not always, but you did it!
I'm glad you're feeling better about your work. Let us know how things go with your professor.
I can tell your T is a good one. He know's his stuff.
LadyBug
Posted by Wittgenstein on October 1, 2007, at 17:58:38
In reply to Re: Good session today!, posted by LadyBug on October 1, 2007, at 14:15:50
HF, I'm so pleased for you - and proud of you too. I imagine it took great courage to come out and tell him these things, but you did it. I hope this ends up bringing you both closer.
:) Witti
Posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 21:06:53
In reply to Re: Good session today! » happyflower, posted by pegasus on October 1, 2007, at 12:19:51
> It must have been very validating to hear him talk about how Ts can have those "click" experiences with their clients. Not to mention his understanding of how that probably unsettled your ex-T and led to the problems that you experienced with him.
Yes, it was so wonderful to even be able to freely talk about it. My old T was reisistant to it, and my new T told me probably why. I was able to tell him how I feel about my old T and why he is still special to me.
One funny things though, he said my therapy with my old T sounded like fun. I said yeah, it was. Then he said, well therapy isn't suppose to be THAT MUCH fun. ;-) lol
It sounds like your new T really does get it, and believes you, and is willing to be self-reflective about his own reactions to that.
Yes! I really like that about him. We can talk about feelings and it is okay. I feel like my feelings are okay.
I think I know why my old T didn't like to see me getting upset and he always would change the subject or make me laugh instead, instead of feeling what I was feeling. I think he had a hard time seeing me so sad.
> I love hearing about how your sessions go. Thanks for sharing them so freely with us.
>
Well Peggy, I am glad someone is reading my posts! It does help me to write it all out and get responses and all. I have learned a lot from Babble along the way. Thanks for your support!
Posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 21:18:08
In reply to Re: Good session today!, posted by seldomseen on October 1, 2007, at 12:26:52
> this result makes me very happy for you HF. I'm glad you took the time and considerable emotional effort to bring this up in therapy.
I am too, I was really nervous but it was so worth it. I feel so relieved about it.
> i am especially glad that your T was able to address your concerns.
Yes, he responded better than I thought he would. I am learning a lot from him.
> It's so easy to get all worked up and be tempted to just bolt from a situation. I think this temptation was especially acute here, where you had already been so hurt by one therapist.I do that a lot even on Babble, I get upset and want to bolt like heck. I have done that a lot in my life when I felt threatened or upset. I guess I didn't feel safe. I as so worried about getting hurt again with my new T, I wanted to make sure I knew what he was feeling.
> You are brave to face this and continue to work to come to a resolution with your new T and your old T.
Thank you so much for saying that, I do feel so relieved about it.
> I'm thrilled for you. Good luck with your prof.
Oh, my professor thing went awesome! He asked me to be part of his future research team! I guess it is lot of grunt work, but in the end I will get to present at the APA conventions and get published too!He said that will help me to get into grad school. He thinks with my grades and personality I shouldn't have too much of a problem picking what school I want to go to. I was really flattered about that. He was interested in what I had to say about EMDR too.
Then the dept chair told me that I can go on a tangent from his stuff and possiblly do my own study! Get funding and everything. I am excited about that. Then there is this other professor that wants to use me too, once I take statistics. I am so happy about this, things are looking up for me. For once I feel I have something to look forward to in my future. Thanks seldom for being here for me, it means a lot.
Posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 21:18:54
In reply to Re: Good session today!, posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 21:18:08
Posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 21:20:40
In reply to Re: Good session today!, posted by rskontos on October 1, 2007, at 13:14:53
Hey thanks RK,
I guess I was on a roll today! I even played a solo tonight and it sounded good. I understand what you mean about bolting, I am really good at that. But this time I didn't and that feels really good. Thanks again for your support@
Posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 21:22:13
In reply to Re: Good session today!, posted by caraher on October 1, 2007, at 13:37:23
Well I should thank YOU! You were the first to come to my rescue last night and it helped me so much. I think my new T will work out. :-)
Posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 21:24:58
In reply to Re: Good session today!, posted by LadyBug on October 1, 2007, at 14:15:50
Thanks Ladybug,
I think my T is a good one too, he has been doing it for over 40 years and I asked him when he was going to retire, and he said well not soon, not while he is at the top of his game! lol He is already past retirement age. I talked about my professor above, but it went very well. So I am feeling good tonight thanks again LB
Posted by happyflower on October 1, 2007, at 21:26:34
In reply to Re: Good session today!, posted by Wittgenstein on October 1, 2007, at 17:58:38
Well Witty,
You are the one who kept me grounded last night and that prevented me from just calling him up and firing him. lol So I do owe a big thanks to you! I am also going to look at the book you talked about. Thanks again@
This is the end of the thread.
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