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Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 22, 2007, at 18:40:04
In reply to Re: mumblings. little suicide trigger., posted by muffled on July 22, 2007, at 17:52:49
Thanks you all for your caring, concern and counsel
i feel a lot better since I picked up my violin and ground my way through some bach (dark stuff) and ended up killing Don Juan prematurely in the first 4 notes of the excerpt. It only went downhill from there. Oh crap, did I just take death lightly? DonJuan is a fancy piece for orchestra. I played it less than fancy. Don Juan is supposed to die [tragically] in the end, but I killed him before he even got a chance for a romance with one of his amours. laughing (yes, laughing!) I attempted to play a lavish love scene. It sounded more like a drunken attempt in the back of a very small convertible.
yeah, maybe I sound silly, but silly is good. H wants to eat calimari for dinner. I'm eating Nutrisystem pot roast. Still losing weight. Maybe it's all those neurons evaporating.
Muffled, and others- if I don't feel better tomorrow or my white haze turns a bitter black, I promise to call quieT.
call me crazy.
-Ll
Posted by Phillipa on July 22, 2007, at 19:51:29
In reply to le violon, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 22, 2007, at 18:40:04
Li to get your husband to be more supportive especially now you must tell him what your're feeling and thinking. Does that make sense? Love Phillipa
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 22, 2007, at 19:52:47
In reply to Re: mumblings. little suicide trigger., posted by muffled on July 22, 2007, at 17:52:49
Posted by OzLand on July 22, 2007, at 21:46:31
In reply to Re: le violon » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by Phillipa on July 22, 2007, at 19:51:29
Sometimes husbands just don't understand. Sometimes it is better to talk to one' T rather than share with one's husband. I don't know if that is true for others, but it sure is for me.
Tonight turned into a horrible fight over stuff again. I really can't take the conflict right now and so I don't know what to do. T is out of town. I tried to explain to my husband about how things were and that conflict was making me depressed, and so what does he do--let's have a fight; lets say OzLand doesn't let have his own spirituality.
What it really is is that he feels threatened when I develop female friendships. He feels much better if he is in a one up, and I am one down position. Does that sound like someone I should confide in. My T doesn't think so, and my T years ago didn't think so either.
Posted by Phillipa on July 22, 2007, at 22:01:12
In reply to Re: le violon » Phillipa, posted by OzLand on July 22, 2007, at 21:46:31
No and I do the same thing and have disasterous results. Problem is my T is always on vacation see her every three weeks so who do I talk to in the meantime? You guys. Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on July 22, 2007, at 23:42:12
In reply to le violon, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 22, 2007, at 18:40:04
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 10:09:56
In reply to Re: le violon » OzLand, posted by Phillipa on July 22, 2007, at 22:01:12
yeah, so I spent yesterday evening doing a mental catalogue of all of the injurious potential of my household belongings. did a few cuts too, shaped like a star and a moon. or a pentagram, depending on how many head shops you've been to. which I haven't done since? march? I dunno. bad. just wanted to feel something.
told my H i was having a really hard time, and he (just as predicted) got all defensive, like I was blaming HIM for my bad time. nope, not at all. just a few suggestions for him to hug me more. which he did oblige to.
And a first in our marriage. today I got breakfast in bed. Nutrisystem flakes, 2 soft boiled eggs, a pot of green tea. He gets 5 gold stars for that.
I don't think there's any coffee or sharp blade in this world that will get me out of the haze. just trying to put one foot in front of the other and not fall down these precarious capecod stairs. I'll try not to bother y'all anymore. not worth the bother.
-Ll
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 10:29:55
In reply to husbands... si trigger, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 10:09:56
>I don't think there's any coffee or sharp blade in this world that will get me out of the haze. just trying to put one foot in front of the other and not fall down these precarious capecod stairs. I'll try not to bother y'all anymore. not worth the bother.
**LL, you not all alone in your haze. its just so foggy you can't see, but you not alone.
I hope you keep posting. I like your writing.
Posting here is good, trying to connect is good.
Can you accept that the haze is there for a time, and serves a protective function. can you trust it WILL go away in its time and try not to fight it so?
You will come back. Just takes time, and mebbe some help. I know it seems so slow and impossible, but it will get better.
Can you please phone your T today and tell him of your SI?
Tell him of your fog?
Tell him whatever else is bothering you?
Sigh its so hard I know.
I'm thinking of you and wishing you some good moments.
Take care please,
Muffled
Posted by Honore on July 23, 2007, at 10:51:32
In reply to husbands... si trigger, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 10:09:56
Llurpsie, do you think, seriously, that the combination of medications amount of medication that you're getting is helping-- or going to help when you get acclimated?
Because medications are supposed to help. If you're getting through a brief period of remembering trauma, maybe being so medicated helps-- but if it's going to be a long term thing of feeling so exhausted and out of touch with emotions and things ourside your mind-- maybe it is too much, or the wrong combo?
I know you weren't happy on the amount of geodon before. And if this pdoc is upping the amounts-- when you had started to go down--maybe you need a second opinion. Maybe they are a bit scared and therefore over-medicating you- it's worth checking into. Just because pdocs are scared doesn't mean they should be-- or that there's reason to give so much medication. (I'm not saying there's not, because I don't really know-- but I'm worrying, that's all.)
I mean-- these meds are supposed to help you feel better, not worse-- more able to function, not less. I'm sure there's a reason=-=-but it may not be the only or best course, for you to have so much, or have these.
I wish you'd see someone else, maybe someone who's got some creative ideas, or is more used to having Ps with a lot of anxieties, or well-- I don't know exactly why they're giving you these things.
But there are other pdocs around. Or you could come to NY and see my pdoc. He's really nice and caring, and smart-- very smart and insightful-- and he does try different things, if he knows of them. I can't imagine him going too far-- he knows the value of being able to work, and to be productive, no matter what.
It's easy to get to his office from Grand Central Station-- you don't even have to be in NY for more than five minutes each way. At least I trust his judgment, and I'm worried about you.
I know you didn't want the geodon-- and I know it might be hard to come off-- but if it's making you so foggy, you need something that won't do that. I really wonder if there's a better way--
why don't you consider a second opinion from someone who's deep and has nuanced judgment-- I'm not saying you current pdoc and T don't-- but maybe another voice. Think about it.
Honore
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 11:13:35
In reply to husbands... si trigger, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 10:09:56
I read your responses to me. will wait to discuss these responses when neural function returns to an IQ level of 85 or more.
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 15:28:46
In reply to (((((LL)))), posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 10:29:55
I feel a little better right now. I just drank a venti cappucino. awake.
>
> **LL, you not all alone in your haze. its just so foggy you can't see, but you not alone.
> I hope you keep posting. I like your writing.
> Posting here is good, trying to connect is good.
> Can you accept that the haze is there for a time, and serves a protective function. can you trust it WILL go away in its time and try not to fight it so?(((((protective haze)))))
llurpielist
1) haze is there to protect me from dark thoughts.
2) haze prevented me from cutting my vein last night
3) haze makes me sleepy - remember how I always want to sleep through my depression. here's my opportunity!
4) haze for hazy days
5) haze to make me not remember things
6) haze to banish the images of random violence. The little creechy sounds and creepies in my peripheral vision
7) haze to stop the hypervigilance that makes me think that they're talking about me. feeling conspicuously crazy. now I've taken a massive dose of Fukitol.> You will come back. Just takes time, and mebbe some help. I know it seems so slow and impossible, but it will get better.
> Can you please phone your T today and tell him of your SI?
> Tell him of your fog?don't have the guts. have no idea how he'd react. he's new to me. scared of getting some reaction like "we'll have to talk about this on Friday. I have to go now" or "can you talk to pdoc (who I don't quite jive with right now) about this? I think it's a medical issue" or "Llurpsie, you are a very accomplished person, and you don't need to ______ to prove ______. I care about you [barf] etc"
> Tell him whatever else is bothering you?
> Sigh its so hard I know.
> I'm thinking of you and wishing you some good moments.thanks muff
> Take care please,
> Muffled
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 16:06:04
In reply to Re: Meds and how you feel, posted by Honore on July 23, 2007, at 10:51:32
> Llurpsie, do you think, seriously, that the combination of medications amount of medication that you're getting is helping-- or going to help when you get acclimated?
perhaps
>
> Because medications are supposed to help. If you're getting through a brief period of remembering trauma, maybe being so medicated helps-- but if it's going to be a long term thing of feeling so exhausted and out of touch with emotions and things ourside your mind-- maybe it is too much, or the wrong combo?
>
> I know you weren't happy on the amount of geodon before. And if this pdoc is upping the amounts-- when you had started to go down--maybe you need a second opinion. Maybe they are a bit scared and therefore over-medicating you- it's worth checking into. Just because pdocs are scared doesn't mean they should be-- or that there's reason to give so much medication. (I'm not saying there's not, because I don't really know-- but I'm worrying, that's all.)
>
> I mean-- these meds are supposed to help you feel better, not worse-- more able to function, not less. I'm sure there's a reason=-=-but it may not be the only or best course, for you to have so much, or have these.
>
> I wish you'd see someone else, maybe someone who's got some creative ideas, or is more used to having Ps with a lot of anxieties, or well-- I don't know exactly why they're giving you these things.
>
> But there are other pdocs around. Or you could come to NY and see my pdoc. He's really nice and caring, and smart-- very smart and insightful-- and he does try different things, if he knows of them. I can't imagine him going too far-- he knows the value of being able to work, and to be productive, no matter what.
>
> It's easy to get to his office from Grand Central Station-- you don't even have to be in NY for more than five minutes each way. At least I trust his judgment, and I'm worried about you.
>
> I know you didn't want the geodon-- and I know it might be hard to come off-- but if it's making you so foggy, you need something that won't do that. I really wonder if there's a better way--
>
> why don't you consider a second opinion from someone who's deep and has nuanced judgment-- I'm not saying you current pdoc and T don't-- but maybe another voice. Think about it.
>
> Honore
>Thanks honore,
I'm going to try to get used to the meds. If I don't feel better soon, I'll ask my T for another referral.I already knew from the first appt. that this current pdoc is strongly progeodon. And when I present with more psychotic symptoms the 2nd appt. I knew what to expect.
oh well.
husband suggested that I go sleep in a hotel. I told him that if I don't feel better by this time tomorrow I should go (will be cheaper than the hospital anyways. peaceful)
-Ll
>
Posted by Phillipa on July 23, 2007, at 20:19:04
In reply to Re: Meds and how you feel » Honore, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 16:06:04
Lurpsie listen to Honore she is a smart woman and the hospital can see how the meds are affecting you. I agree with Honore and the high dose of geodon it's very high. Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 20:36:27
In reply to Re: Meds and how you feel » Honore, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 16:06:04
>husband suggested that I go sleep in a hotel. I told him that if I don't feel better by this time tomorrow I should go (will be cheaper than the hospital anyways. peaceful)
**Hmmm, just wanted to dash this off. Everybodys different, but I wonder if staying alone in a hotel is the answer??????? It strikes me as isolating, and I am not convinced that its the best idea at this point....IMHO.
I've run away to hotels B4 too....with not the best results. Me being alone in a room with only my own thots...not good :-(
Just wanted to mention that.
((LL))
Posted by muffled on July 23, 2007, at 20:54:09
In reply to Re: (((((LL)))) suicide triggers. good news » muffled, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 23, 2007, at 15:28:46
I'm glad you did a Llurpylist :-)
You good at those.
I hope you can be OK with haze some now.
Just be careful a bit, cuz when you in the haze, if its like mine anyways, well, your judgement and physical sensations may be at bit off at times. There is a small part of me that would know what was going on, but it wasn't able to do much. So anytime you even think you going down a bad road, please stop, and get some help from hubby or T or emerg or whatever.
The haze can be sneaky.
Thats if its like mine.>don't have the guts. have no idea how he'd react. he's new to me. scared of getting some reaction like "we'll have to talk about this on Friday. I have to go now" or "can you talk to pdoc (who I don't quite jive with right now) about this? I think it's a medical issue" or "Llurpsie, you are a very accomplished person, and you don't need to ______ to prove ______. I care about you [barf] etc"
**Sigh. Its HARD. You got SO much change :-( going on.
I think you will just have to try it out and find out what he says. You are in a hard place right now, and T knows its not forever, so I'm sure he is just fine with giving you extra support as needed at this time.
Guess the fallback is, is if for some reason he just is useless this quieT, then if you desprate you could proly call your old T for guidance in the moment.
And remember babble is here too for you.
It turns out we can't go until Thursday at the earliest now.
So I am around for a bit more.
Please try and find even a moment or two of quietness in a peaceful way.
Thinking of you,
M
Posted by OzLand on July 23, 2007, at 22:47:53
In reply to Re: Meds and how you feel, posted by Honore on July 23, 2007, at 10:51:32
Is it possible that the amount of med's, the increase is contributing to you feeling worse? That has happened to me before; too much sedation, and I started down the haze road as you call it, and soon I was not sure what was reality and what was not. I felt much better on less sedating meds. Is this a possibility?? Would it hurt to get a second opinion??
Posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 14:29:42
In reply to Re: Meds and how you feel, posted by OzLand on July 23, 2007, at 22:47:53
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 24, 2007, at 14:47:45
In reply to Re: Meds and how you feel, posted by OzLand on July 23, 2007, at 22:47:53
> Is it possible that the amount of med's, the increase is contributing to you feeling worse? That has happened to me before; too much sedation, and I started down the haze road as you call it, and soon I was not sure what was reality and what was not. I felt much better on less sedating meds. Is this a possibility?? Would it hurt to get a second opinion??
I don't think I can afford to get a 2nd opinion. my insurance is all screwed up and I haven't paid my T since february. :(
I'm gonna give myself a week and then see if I feel better. if not, I'm gonna give pdoc a call and be a little pushy. I have a pushy side. believe it or not.
in the meanwhile. coffee. lots of it.
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 24, 2007, at 14:56:42
In reply to LLurpy, how ya doin today? (nm), posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 14:29:42
Hi muff, thank you for checking up on me ((((muffled)))
1) I took all my meds as prescribed. Even the klonopin. Which I am noncompliant
2) I drank a big cup of coffee.
3) I called the movers to file a claim for scratches and dents
4) I walked to the pond. past the stinking pondweed section. sat on the granite boulder. just for a minute. held hands with H
6) Went to our favorite lunch restaurant. I had grilled shrimp and salad. diet coke.
5) Went shopping at grocery store. decided I needed a treat. sent H ahead, and I bought 5 white carnations, a calla lily and 4 siberian iris at the florist. I came home and arranged them while H put away groceries.That's what I've been doing
Here's what I've been feeling
1) blah. blah. do I really have to get up. guilty. have to get up. heavy heavy head and limbs. must. get out of bed
2) maybe today won't be so bad
3) uh oh. people's worried about me in babbleland. how do I manage to keep them concerned at arm's length distance?
4) optimism- today won't be so bad after all. is that "Energy" I feel?
5) slump. utter complete slump and haze returning.
6) maybe I can go out of town this weekend. maybe I'll feel well enough by then to make it to the anniversary of G&G. Gmom called and told me that whatever I decide is okay, and that even if I come at the last minute someone can pick me up at the airport. I only need to be awake for a little while. It's not like my graduation and the wedding when I had to pretend to be bubbly and happy. Here I can be pensive and not raise too many eyebrows. Keep to myself.change of scene might be good. lemme price the airplane tix.
-Ll
Posted by Phillipa on July 24, 2007, at 21:05:41
In reply to Re: LLurpy, how ya doin today? » muffled, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 24, 2007, at 14:56:42
Li that's a lot doesn't seem like it to you. But it's tremendous progress I think your adjusting to your enviornment and thinking ahead to the weekend and traveling. Lurps you sure travel a lot. Maybe you should be an airline stewardess. Just kidding. Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 22:59:02
In reply to Re: LLurpy, how ya doin today? » muffled, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 24, 2007, at 14:56:42
> Hi muff, thank you for checking up on me ((((muffled)))
**(((LL)))
> 1) I took all my meds as prescribed. Even the klonopin. Which I am noncompliant
> 2) I drank a big cup of coffee.
> 3) I called the movers to file a claim for scratches and dents
> 4) I walked to the pond. past the stinking pondweed section. sat on the granite boulder. just for a minute. held hands with H
> 6) Went to our favorite lunch restaurant. I had grilled shrimp and salad. diet coke.
> 5) Went shopping at grocery store. decided I needed a treat. sent H ahead, and I bought 5 white carnations, a calla lily and 4 siberian iris at the florist. I came home and arranged them while H put away groceries.
>
> That's what I've been doing
>
> Here's what I've been feeling
>
> 1) blah. blah. do I really have to get up. guilty. have to get up. heavy heavy head and limbs. must. get out of bed
> 2) maybe today won't be so bad
> 3) uh oh. people's worried about me in babbleland. how do I manage to keep them concerned at arm's length distance?
> 4) optimism- today won't be so bad after all. is that "Energy" I feel?
> 5) slump. utter complete slump and haze returning.
> 6) maybe I can go out of town this weekend. maybe I'll feel well enough by then to make it to the anniversary of G&G. Gmom called and told me that whatever I decide is okay, and that even if I come at the last minute someone can pick me up at the airport. I only need to be awake for a little while. It's not like my graduation and the wedding when I had to pretend to be bubbly and happy. Here I can be pensive and not raise too many eyebrows. Keep to myself.
>
> change of scene might be good. lemme price the airplane tix.**Now thats a seriously cool post. The content was a good update thank you, but the WAY its written is SO cool. The first part is like the outside stuff, and how we SEEM ok, but the second part was the reality of it...the transition, eberything...well written. You musta just slugged back a coke!
Anyhow, you are getting some stuff done and thats great. Give yourself some credit.
You gonna come out of this eventually.
Be patient.
Take good care,
Muffled
Posted by OzLand on July 24, 2007, at 23:34:03
In reply to Re: Meds and how you feel » OzLand, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 24, 2007, at 14:47:45
I'm wondering if you can contact your old pdoc, or would this person not want to say anything given you are with someone else? If you described the amount of all your med's, I wonder if he or she would say anything. Perhaps not as it could be perceived as you playing one doctor against the other. Oh well; a thought, but if you are drinking lots of coffee, then it obvioulsy is too much, and you are doing things to negate the effectiveness of the medication. That only seems like it is too much. That's my thought anyway. Maybe I am not so compliant, but I know what I would be doing.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 25, 2007, at 7:57:33
In reply to Re: Meds and how you feel » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by OzLand on July 24, 2007, at 23:34:03
> I'm wondering if you can contact your old pdoc, or would this person not want to say anything given you are with someone else? If you described the amount of all your med's, I wonder if he or she would say anything. Perhaps not as it could be perceived as you playing one doctor against the other. Oh well; a thought, but if you are drinking lots of coffee, then it obvioulsy is too much, and you are doing things to negate the effectiveness of the medication. That only seems like it is too much. That's my thought anyway. Maybe I am not so compliant, but I know what I would be doing.
*****there are some serious self-injury suicide triggers below*****beware all ye who enter here****
Old pdoc told me to send him an email every now and then, just to check in and make sure that my life is ticking along. I doubt this is the kind of consultation he had in mind. I have boundaries in my head. high walls, see?I have a little plan. I will ask pdoc if I can either 1) decrease geodon (NOT likely) 2) increase provigil (reasoning: I'm already taking in about 500mg of caffeine a day and still in quasi-zombie state) 3) decrease geodon while increasing klonopin (concern being that simply increasing klonopin would make me comatose. I actually DO have some things to do, related to writing some manuscript for publication and ongoing experiments, believe it or not.)
And my compliance comes from my (often blind) faith that pdockery will make me better. It has so often in the past. I don't want to burn that bridge of optimism. I schluck my pills everymorning with the glimmer of hope... today will be better. today will be better.
And it's not. I just lay in bed for an hour with active plots in my head and sudden realization of a sharp instrument overlooked. And THAT was reassuring. Yesterday was the first day that I actually self-injured with the intention of drawing serious amounts of blood. went near my big elbow vein. I got a giant vein there. but my instrument was too dull. But I don't want to go to the hospital. I can't bring myself to call T or pdoc. I just want to bleed and then slap a bandaid on it and call it a day of accomplishment. Sick.
And the only thing keeping me through the day is the intellectual and social stimulation of pbabble. and perhaps a walk to the pond later on. No appetite. I bet I flunk the CES-D in the 50's again. that might kill some time. Why not try THAT.
oh well. (eyeore shrug)
0Ll
Posted by muffled on July 25, 2007, at 9:07:58
In reply to triggers galore » OzLand, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 25, 2007, at 7:57:33
> *****there are some serious self-injury suicide triggers below*****beware all ye who enter here****
>
>
> Old pdoc told me to send him an email every now and then, just to check in and make sure that my life is ticking along. I doubt this is the kind of consultation he had in mind. I have boundaries in my head. high walls, see?**I understand the walls :-(
I also understand that old p-doc likely DOES care about your progress. He worked hard with you and no doubt would like to see you succeed.
He may also just have a scientific interest as well.
Maybe more so than some emotional plea thing, you would allow yourself to send him a true update just on scientific principles? so that he might learn more about the effects of eg. geodon, and also apply that knowledge to others...?
> I have a little plan. I will ask pdoc if I can either 1) decrease geodon (NOT likely) 2) increase provigil (reasoning: I'm already taking in about 500mg of caffeine a day and still in quasi-zombie state) 3) decrease geodon while increasing klonopin (concern being that simply increasing klonopin would make me comatose. I actually DO have some things to do, related to writing some manuscript for publication and ongoing experiments, believe it or not.)**Ummmm, mebbe this isn't the thing to do, but maybe you can somehow SLOWLY tweak them yoursef? or is it capsules and hard to split? I actually find it a bit odd that a doc would not listen to what you have to say about your meds. You are knowledgeable now by direct experience...
> And my compliance comes from my (often blind) faith that pdockery will make me better. It has so often in the past. I don't want to burn that bridge of optimism. I schluck my pills everymorning with the glimmer of hope... today will be better. today will be better.
**keep those eyes open LL. Seems these psychtropic meds take time to have effect, BUT, also its like crazymaking finding the right drug for the right person, and I think p-docs need to listen carefully to what their clients have to say...
And IMHO today may not be better. But you may have a nice moment or two. Tomorrow may be horrible, but the next day may have some good points...and so on. For me, life is rather up and down....
Hope you can scramble outta the pit some soon.> And it's not. I just lay in bed for an hour with active plots in my head and sudden realization of a sharp instrument overlooked. And THAT was reassuring. Yesterday was the first day that I actually self-injured with the intention of drawing serious amounts of blood. went near my big elbow vein. I got a giant vein there. but my instrument was too dull. But I don't want to go to the hospital. I can't bring myself to call T or pdoc. I just want to bleed and then slap a bandaid on it and call it a day of accomplishment. Sick.
**well, the SI is a physical show of mental sh*t going on...
and...well...please be careful, if you DO cut a vein, its astonishing how the blood will flow...a steristrip is NOT enuf, it DOES need a stitches (internal) and external stitches to shut the wound.Vein walls are rubbery and tough, and a clean cut does not clot well :-( PLEASE be safe. You know I am a veteran SI'er so please heed me on this.
Can you say to yourself that if you feel bad enuf to go after veins, that then you are bad off enuf that you need to call SOMEone and let them know whats going on?
And if your sick, then we sick together. I don't think its so much sick as sad, cuz its a sign of pain, and I wish you weren't feeling that way :-(
(OMG I just re read this and I sound JUST like my T...weird, I NEVER understood B4 what she was meaning, whoah, I feel a little dizzy...)> And the only thing keeping me through the day is the intellectual and social stimulation of pbabble. and perhaps a walk to the pond later on. No appetite. I bet I flunk the CES-D in the 50's again. that might kill some time. Why not try THAT.
**I hate those stupid depression tests. I have never been NOT depressed according to the beck depression inventory. I think if a person was to score not depressed they'd have to be nuts!(pardon my pun...)
Just keep on trucking LL.
You will come out of this.
You a special one LL. Doubt you'll hear that, but i gotta try.
And don't worry, I'm not freaked out. I just care bout you is all. Another thing my T has taught me is about comming alongside a person, and not getting swallowed up in their pain.
(((LL)))
Muffled
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 25, 2007, at 9:29:48
In reply to Re: triggers galore » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by muffled on July 25, 2007, at 9:07:58
aww crap.
I'll avoid the veins then. take some aspirin so that the superficial sh*t will bleed more.
seemed like the big vein was awfully resistant to all my prods and scrapes anyways. not worth the effort.
I don't wanna go to the hospital. that means injections and questions and never had stitches in my life. that would be scary.
_|l (see? that's a backwards Ll)
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