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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by red house on June 17, 2007, at 17:47:59
hi... i am new to this site... just found it in doing a google search. have been in therapy off and on for the past seven years, about three and a half years all together. have seen three therapists in that time. have been with the most recent for more than six months and broke down in a session last week and cried for the first time ever. i have been very freaked out since. and reacted very strongly to my own vulnerability but also my T's warmth in the situation. was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and has any insight on why after feeling comfortable enough to be so vulnerable one might then want to head for the hills... ? or, more generally, any knowledge about what crying (for someone who is not a cryer and has not done so before) might mean... ?
thanks,
red house
Posted by sunnydays on June 17, 2007, at 20:01:58
In reply to crying in session, posted by red house on June 17, 2007, at 17:47:59
Hi, and welcome to Babble. I first cried about a year and a half into therapy. I was very afraid to cry. Once I actually did start, it was a little bit gradual for me. Some sessions I was about to cry, but never actually did. Then finally one day I just broke down and cried. After I cried, I started panicking and hyperventilating. My T said, "Try to slow down your breathing," gently at first, then "Sunnydays, slow down your breathing." I was so scared. He was really nice, and he spoke to me in a really soothing voice. He asked me if I was ok, and I said no. He kind of smiled and said in a really warm voice, "I think you're okay, sunnydays. You just cried. It's ok to cry."
I think crying just means you feel safe now with your T. It's natural to feel scared afterwards, especially if crying hasn't been met favorably in your past. But you are safe with your T and you're safe to go back.
sunnydays
Posted by sleepygirl on June 17, 2007, at 23:24:33
In reply to crying in session, posted by red house on June 17, 2007, at 17:47:59
> hi... i am new to this site... just found it in doing a google search. have been in therapy off and on for the past seven years, about three and a half years all together. have seen three therapists in that time. have been with the most recent for more than six months and broke down in a session last week and cried for the first time ever. i have been very freaked out since. and reacted very strongly to my own vulnerability but also my T's warmth in the situation. was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and has any insight on why after feeling comfortable enough to be so vulnerable one might then want to head for the hills... ? or, more generally, any knowledge about what crying (for someone who is not a cryer and has not done so before) might mean... ?
>
> thanks,
> red housefirst of all...congratulations
crying is inevitable (hopefully at least)
I imagine, since it was so hard to do, that it might elicit a lot of anxiety in you- perhaps
questions about safety, vulnerability, fears of how T might think/feel, and maybe just not wanting to feel in pain again
to me crying means a lot of things, and it's a way I know that I am connected to something and something that is significant for me
-sg
Posted by Phillipa on June 18, 2007, at 12:14:07
In reply to Re: crying in session » red house, posted by sleepygirl on June 17, 2007, at 23:24:33
Sunnydays do you take an SSRI as I can't cry on them and want to what to do? Thanks love Phillipa
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 18, 2007, at 13:10:39
In reply to crying in session, posted by red house on June 17, 2007, at 17:47:59
> hi... i am new to this site... just found it in doing a google search. have been in therapy off and on for the past seven years, about three and a half years all together. have seen three therapists in that time. have been with the most recent for more than six months and broke down in a session last week and cried for the first time ever. i have been very freaked out since. and reacted very strongly to my own vulnerability but also my T's warmth in the situation. was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and has any insight on why after feeling comfortable enough to be so vulnerable one might then want to head for the hills... ? or, more generally, any knowledge about what crying (for someone who is not a cryer and has not done so before) might mean... ?
>
> thanks,
> red houseHi redhouse,
nice to meet you :)Stick around, and you'll notice that a LOT of folks talk about crying in therapy. I think it's really important for a couple of reasons (possibly, or I could be completely off base- feel free to correct me, as needed!)
- you might have "hit the nail on the head" and gotten to the root of some deep seated anxiety, and there was no option but to grieve for yourself and what a particular experience means to you today, - and its historical relationship to your past and future. Would you put this experience in the category of an "insight"?
-the therapy session has moved into a zone where feelings are honest. This suggests that part of you (perhaps an unconcious part?) feels safe that the therapist will do more good than harm.
As far as your reaction to it- I've been there. You see, crying in front of someone reveals some vulnerability, and I wanted to be invincible and independent for a long time. Even seeking help was an incredible conflict. BUT, after a session, I'd have this very critical voice that was saying stuff like "imbecile, can't control my emotions, what a stupid wretch I am, etc." And that's when I'd feel the shame of the crying most intensely.
One thing to try? maybe when you start to feel ashamed and freaked out, you can think with an open heart about how much you are cared for? How you were given the warmth that you (and every person) deserve.
dunno if any of this helps,
-Ll
Posted by sunnydays on June 18, 2007, at 14:25:33
In reply to Re: crying in session » sleepygirl, posted by Phillipa on June 18, 2007, at 12:14:07
Yes, Phillipa, I take 20mg Lexapro, which I believe is an SSRI, and have been taking it for two and a half years. I also just started a few months ago 50mg Lamictal, which is an epilepsy med that also has antidepressant properties (although I guess that's been debated). I've never heard not being able to cry as a side effect of SSRIs. Could it be that you are anxious or nervous or something when you take them and that's why you feel unable to cry? Or maybe you aren't dealing with the same issues, so they aren't provoking you as badly? I don't know, just thinking out loud here.
sunnydays
Posted by Sigismund on June 18, 2007, at 15:44:55
In reply to Re: crying in session » red house, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 18, 2007, at 13:10:39
There are different types of crying.
There is weeping, as it used to be called, a sort of gentle overflowing of grief.And at the other extreme there is crying that is like a kind of emotional vomiting.
Tears of rage, tears of grief.
So anyway, if I cried in therapy, my problem would be that I would feel any presumed consequent intimacy as highly intrusive.
In my experience of therapy we just cut to the chase and said 'there must be no contact' (we could agree on that, more or less), but both of us cried too.
Posted by Phillipa on June 18, 2007, at 20:11:59
In reply to Re: crying in session » Phillipa, posted by sunnydays on June 18, 2007, at 14:25:33
Sunnydays well that's interesting as I always the the blunting of emotions stopped you from being able to cry. Maybe start a thread by me on the meds board? Love Phillipa
Posted by fiji on June 18, 2007, at 20:12:50
In reply to Re: crying in session » Phillipa, posted by sunnydays on June 18, 2007, at 14:25:33
I used to cry at the drop of the hat, but with antidepressants, I can't cry anymore. It's rare when I do. It has made a big difference in my life because I don't have that outlet anymore.
antigua
Posted by red house on June 19, 2007, at 9:03:28
In reply to Re: crying in session » sunnydays, posted by fiji on June 18, 2007, at 20:12:50
thanks, all, for your insight and thoughts. i think it really comes down to how scared i am to feel safe because as soon as i give in to comfort and safety i feel it will be taken away... and i have a very good, very accessible T and my rational mind knows that but i can't get comfortable with the intimacy of the relationship. and so i think the crying, which was a very intimate act for me, really surprised me and freaked me out because i am normally in such control.
i appreciate all of your posts and i am glad i found this site!
redhouse
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